That scumbag left me hanging. Again.

It was embarrassing enough to expect, let alone stand dreamily with my eyes shut, arms at the side with closed fists, mouth slightly opened, waiting for my lips to be treated the way they deserved.

Denied with bittersweet anticipation, I stomped my way back to the kitchen. Nathan was sitting on one of the stools, tapping his fingers on the edge of the table like a drum, playing into tunes inside his head.

Seeing my oats got cold and untouched on the table, I groaned in frustration as I threw the entire bowl in the sink. It went straight down the drain. "Hey, don't take it out on the oats," Nathan said from the table.

"Shut up." I turned on the faucet. The running water washed the bowl clean. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make it to your party." He felt bad, I heard it in his voice as he walked towards me.

"It's not about the stupid party," I said lowly. The water pressure was strong. I barely heard my own voice. I turned it off.

"Nate..." I turned around with my head down. "What do you want?" I scoffed, then looked up. "Seriously, what do you want with me?"

Leaning on the sink, I waited for him to answer. He was hesitant. My eyes never took off his. For once he was off his cocky expression. "What kind of question is that?" was his take on the subject.

"What do you want? What are you doing here? What —" I moved to the side then to the table. "Seriously, I could go all night."

"You. I want you," he answered.

"Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it?" False hope reflected in my voice, aside from the anger slowly rising. "Are you just gonna tell me you want me, then that's it?" I stared at his eyes intently, wishing I could answer for him. I didn't think his response would be any good. 

"It's not like I can do anything about it," he said.

I scoffed, hoping for something more to come out of his mouth. "You're pathetic." I walked out of the kitchen more disappointed than ever.

I wished there was something he could do. I've always looked at him as my hero, my king. There was nothing he couldn't do, especially when I was the one asking.

"What did that mean — the one you wrote on the first page of your journal?" He added before I managed to leave.

I paused, thinking about that entry. "I— I don't know," I said, my head facing backward. "Tell me." He came closer and I turned my head to face him.

"I don't see why there needs to be some sort of explanation for my own writing."

"I want to know," was all he said.

"Okay. Uh, I can't remember exactly what I wrote but I'm guessing it was about exaggeration or something — or was it —"

"I love exaggeration, and seemingly, so do a lot of people. Humans, as we are," Nathan uttered what I believed was my very first entry. Word per word. Surprised, I tried to praise him for his keen memory but I fell on a stutter. "Simply admire the thought to be always in the superlative state of mind. I guess it's a way of eluding the crushing truth of not being enough." He continued.

"Okay. Okay. I remember now." Sighing, I leaned by the wall. "I guess while I was writing that, I was thinking about living another life, somewhere very different from this one."

"What's wrong with this life?" he prompted.

"I don't know," I said sarcastically. "Why don't you figure it out yourself?"

"You don't like a life with me in it?" His brows moved closer to each other, leaving a crease in the middle. He pouted his mouth and acted cutely. "Well, aside from being your soulmate, your lover, your friend, I think your life would've been just as wonderful as this life. Or maybe even more wonderful," he added. 

I rolled my eyes at another of his incredibly cheesy lines. I couldn't stand listening to them without even flinching. They were awful. "Well, I'm not gonna stand here and pretend you didn't just leave me hanging a while ago. I'm going to bed."

"Hold on. Wait." He got a hold of my arm. "Technically, it's still your birthday. Only a few minutes before it passes. Let me make it up to you," he said, still hold of my arm.

"Huh... Okay, make it up to me," I mocked, gesturing double quotation marks in the air.

Immediately a smile appeared on his face. Nathan never had dimples. But he still looked adorable even without them. He was way too happy looking at me, and I felt the same way when I looked at him back.

"Avery Bridgette van Carter, would you like to dance?" He let out an open palm with that signature smirk on his face. I simply couldn't resist.

Trying my best not to give in, even a smile, I bit the tip of my tongue. "Really? That's all you got? Dancing in my pajamas?"

"You hated wearing over-the-top gowns anyway," Nathan smiled, slowly pulling me closer to him. As his lips praised me, he let my hands rest on his shoulders, interlocking fingers around his neck. His arms were placed on my waist. "I still love you on them, or even with pajamas, regardless of anything you wear, actually, even with nothing on."

Our lips were too close. My eyes were conflicted — everything they saw was too beautiful not to drown myself into. I began feeling nervous. Why do I always feel like this when I'm with him?

"I— I can't do this. I have to go." I wanted to leave. I wasn't gonna let him get away that easily. Nathan broke his promise. And it's because of him I didn't get to enjoy my birthday as much.

Now standing behind me, Nathan whispered to my ears as he wrapped me around his arms in a slow dance. "Consider this my late birthday present." I resisted. I moved. I shrugged. But it was of no use: my heart was too demanding. And it had been compromising for a long time now.

As my body swayed to and fro, with him as my guidance, I decided to give in and enjoy the way it felt. As my skin reunited with his, we both shared passionate breaths until it was as if one of us were breathing for the other.

I rested my head backward on his shoulders, compressed myself into his embrace. I loved the assurance it felt. There was no place I'd rather be at that moment. "It would've been better if you had attended the actual birthday party, you know," I said, letting out a chuckle.

"Shhh, quiet now. Don't ruin it." In my living room, with only a few but accomodating furniture to set the mood, Nathan took my heart away.

So many things happened tonight — things I won't be able to forget. Then one thing led to another, we made it to my room. He kissed me so vigorously, he could barely catch up with his breath. His hands were all over me — to my neck, breasts, hips, and everywhere he wandered. He unbuckled his belt while looking only at my breasts and only at my perky breasts. His jaw couldn't keep put and his mouth was open, salivating at the taste of my nipples. Everything happened way too fast.

In that pace, I knew we were about to have sex. Both of us were dove down into the splendid moments of glorious foreplay — touching and kissing and moaning and feeling. But it was unlike any other kind of foreplay we had. This time it felt forced — like it was bound to happen, planned, expected. And I usually never felt that way about us. It did not feel natural at all.

"Should we go through with this?" I asked him. With Nate on top of me, his sweet, lovely hands were on my face and it was a cold breath of relief.

"Do you want to?" he said, looking terrified.
And without a hint of hesitation, I nodded. "Yes," I replied firmly. "Make love to me."

Then Nathan pinned me down on the bed. I grunted. He licked and kissed my neck with much enthusiasm, and he was unstoppable. It was so good, I never wanted him to stop. And then his aim began to lower down, centered on the bottom half. As he descended, I moaned in anticipation as loud as I could. I already felt it, his tongue getting busy and deep, swirling around the sweet spots like a whirlwind, unable to stop. "Ah, do it again!" I screamed.

"Again, I beg you!" I crunched his hair and sticked his head onto my vagina. Breathing heavily, I held onto the pillows beside me for support. He did it again. It was exhilerating. It was getting harder to breathe. I could barely scream in the name of pleasure.

"Nate...don't stop." My voice started to faint. Nathan pulled my legs closer to him. Then he inserted his penis into my deep abyss — to which I immediately felt pain and full. He thrusted down, but he wasn't in a hurry. He was so hard, but he was gentle. He knew I loved the pain, but he didn't take advantage of it.

And after many, many wild ones, we stopped. The next few minutes were spent spooning and cuddling like the first time we made love at this very room.

Lying down half-naked on the bed, I felt his rather hairy chest. "I remembered our first night in this apartment," I said, looking up the ceiling. "Don't you?"

Nathan chuckled tenderly. "That night is played inside my head over and over again. From start to finish, it was a memory worth remembering." Then he kissed my forehead. It was the perfect way to end on that note.

Everything turned out well until Nathan went silent all of a sudden. "What's wrong?" I asked, listening to the sound of his heart beat as I laid soundly on his chest.

"I wished we had more time together," he said.

Instantly, every single fragrance of roses and garden parks vanished. They were gone. It was replaced with unknown feelings I couldn't comprehend. All that was left was fear and terror, right on my lips. "What are you talking about?" I moved away from his chest, looking at him sternly.

He didn't speak. I could tell he was too scared to look me in the eye and hurt me at the same time. I'd say go on with it. You'll hurt me either way.

"Nate...what do you mean you wished we had more time together? We have all the time in the world." I spoke to him with much enthusiasm. I spoke to him like I was ready to fulfill our promise to elope and set our lives to an eternity with each other, a life where I saw myself happy and warn in his arms near the fire place on a cold Christmas eve.

He moved away from me and uncovered himself of the blankets. He stood up from bed and pulled me with him. "You have to let go, Avery. You have to let go of me."

"L—let go of...you? B—but Nate... There's still something going on between us." I stuttered. "I can feel it. I — know it. I know you love me the same way I love you."

"Our love is over. It has been dead all this time. You were just keeping it alive to make you feel like you're alive," he clasped my hands, "Exaggeration, like in your journal."

"You hurt me, you hurt Eric, and most importantly, you hurt yourself. And I can't watch you hurt yourself anymore." Nathan breathed heavily before saying the words I wished he regretted. "So this time, I'm making the decision for you."

"W-wha...what...what the hell are you talking about?" My throat itched, triggering the fervent emotion in my eyes.

"I'm leaving your life for good. And don't you dare miss me," Nathan demanded. "Our love once existed, and it still does, but only in your mind."

"You don't love me anymore?" I asked.

His hands brought warmth to the dampness overflowing in my heart, causing my elbows to stiff. His touch was all I needed. "I will never not love you, Avery Bridgette. I will always love you."