𝕬nswers grew to be things she got used to not receiving, at least, not answers to something she wanted. However, she discovered many things while staying at 12 Grimmulad Place.

        One, she had arrived on the 21st and awoke on the 23rd. Her arm had been broken in two places, her bone unlogged and shattered; luckily, she had been passed out through the regrowth period of that. She suffered a concussion on her head, all things she suspected; you don't get thrown around by the Dark Lord and not suffer the consequences.

        It was her throat and forehead that killed her the most. It was as if she was personally branded by him herself, a long bony handprint embedded into her skin in violet and deep blue rays. They didn't have any bruise paste, and Winnie wasn't willing to go to St.Mungo's to get looked at. She wasn't ready to be found. So, she lived with the pain each time she swallowed and lived with the pain each time she breathed too harshly. She figured she deserved just as much.

        A piece of glass had lodged into her right eyebrow, digging into her skin and curling itself in under. She later realized it was part of a light that fell, but it left a big enough scar across her eyebrow to constantly remind her of her failure.

       Molly Weasley had taken it upon herself to make sure she was okay every five minutes, insisting she needed to eat more and that she needed to sleep and heal. She had spent the better part of her day placing smiles and talking to people she had never met, most of them being the Weasley family, for that matter. She felt that way now, with Christmas the next day and her head buried in her hands.

        Winnie Bulstrode didn't feel like healing too much.

        Anytime she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, images of red eyes and Marcus Flint dead at his feet haunted her dreams. She always awoke when Cordelia Flint would show up, crying and telling her how much she hated her. She wouldn't try to sleep after that, always too afraid that her dreams would become true.

       She had found herself swimming in a series of nightmares and the flaring emotions swirling around her; her fingers flickered, and heat radiated from the apples of her cheeks. Winnie had been in the shower the night before, her hands clamped around a washcloth so tightly as she shivered with the buzzing of unresolved emotions; by the time she managed to swallow the lump of her feelings, there was a charred hole in the cloth.

        Her body ached as she climbed the stairs; each step was another wish for bruise paste. She had been yelled at by Molly Weasley on how stupid she was and how dangerous it was for her to do such a thing, and Winnie only sat down and stared at the bedsheets. Then Molly kissed her forehead and told her she was glad she was okay. She really didn't know what to do with that.

       Her feet hit the landing just as a black dog walked past her, causing her to grip the railing tighter as she watched it walk toward the front door. Only to sit with its nose facing it, pawing at it as if it wished to leave. As if trapped in its own personal hell, Winnie watched the dog circling the floor before laying down next to the door, head resting against its giant paws.

       "He does that," Ron's voice beside her caused her to jump, hitting her elbow against the railing as the redhead grimaced. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he apologized briskly as the female shook her head.

        "It's fine," she waved him off, her eyes returning to the dog. "Who owns him? I didn't see it around here yesterday," she observed, frowning as she wondered if they picked him up off the street. Maybe they had a habit of picking up strays. She indeed suspected she was one now.

        Ron laughed slightly beside her, his red hair falling before his face as she turned to look at him. Wondering what could be so funny about a lost dog, "That's not a dog." He replied, his lips tilting into a wide smile as her eyebrow raised.

      "Are you alright, Weasley? Cause I'm pretty sure that's a dog," she spoke, waving her hands towards the black dog, who went about his way to completely ignore the pair.

     "No, that's Sirius," he explained, stepping down from the step and taking a seat on the stairs. Winnie followed his actions softly, resting her elbows on her knees as she turned her attention to the dog.

      "But how could that be— oh!" She paused, realizing the answer. He was an Animagus, her cheeks flushing as she looked down at her hands. "Makes sense now," she added softly, hearing the boy chuckle as they fell silent. The blonde's hazel eyes locked upon the dog again, feeling its emotions trickle inside her like a faucet. Blackberries and dark chocolate burst into her mouth, tainting her lungs and heart with grief and bitter sadness. Winnie sniffed, sucking in a deep breath as she twisted her silver ring, focusing back on Ron's shoulder beside hers. They sat, shoulder to shoulder, each of them lost in their own thoughts, at least, until Winnie suddenly remembered why the Weasley family left so early.

      "How is your father?" Winnie questioned quietly, twisting her silver ring as she looked up, watching as the dog sat up, his eyes flickering to the door and then at the pair. Winnie's eyes watched it for a moment longer before she tore her eyes away, head turning to look at Weasley, whose face fell.

        "He's alright," he shrugged, lips crestfallen as he started to pick on a thread in his sister. "We get to see him tomorrow," he added after a moment, the upturn of his lips meaning that it was at least a good fact.

       "Well, that's good; I'm glad he's okay," she smiled, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder before returning her hands to her lap. The black dog had disappeared from the door now, leaving nothing but an empty space in its spot.

      "Come on, I'm starving, and Mum's probably gonna make you eat if you don't do it now," Ron spoke cheerily, standing up and holding his hand out for her to take. She snorted, placing her hand in his and allowing him to help her.

      "You certainly can eat, can't you Weasley?" She teased, pushing his shoulder with her hand as they started to walk towards the kitchens.

      "Well, what else am I supposed to do?" He questioned, shrugging his shoulders with a grin across his freckled features. She rolled her eyes, following him into the kitchen as the noise surrounded her. She paused, standing in the doorway as she watched the Weasley family. Loud noises erupt with laughter, each existing in pure bliss with the other. She noticed Harry and Hermione mixed into it, a part of the family despite not having the red hair trait. Her heart clenched tightly at the sight; her family was never like this.

       There was happiness twisting in the tiny room, sun rays bursting from them, choking her dry. Even when things were okay, there was no loud laughter at the dinner table, no carefree smiles, and knowing that you were safe. Selfishly, she envied them; they had a family she always wanted.

        But in the same way, she's glad that nobody here has felt the coldness and loneliness she had felt. ( Maybe, besides Harry, who she heard awful things about his Uncle and Aunt. ) She felt, in a way, like an intruder, an outsider in a family that existed in happiness and love. It made her miss her own family, not her parents, not her sister, but Cordelia. That thought caused another surge of panic in her, and her eyes squeezed shut, willing the idea to go away.

        "Whatcha doin' Poppin?" Sirius' voice rang around her as he came to stand beside her, her eyes snapping open as she looked over at him. His hair was now pulled back in a bun, showing his gold earring lopped into his right ear. His body leaned against the door frame as he eyed her curiously; for a moment, she believed that he knew what she was thinking and how she must feel. She shook that thought off rather quickly, knowing she was alone; it was better this way.

         "Sleeping clearly," she replied, flicking a false smile as she turned to look at the family, who hadn't noticed their presence yet.

       "Overwhelming, isn't it?" Sirius questioned after he snorted, causing her eyes to narrow as she eyed him. His gaze trailed to her, all jokes leaving his face in a way that made her uncomfortable. Ever since she knew him ( one day), he had been nothing but jokes and laughter. She decided she may like that version better, "seeing a happy family when you believed one didn't exist for so long."

        "I don't know what you mean," she mumbled, looking away and back towards them. Her finger twisted her ring as she breathed in deeply, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

       "Harry told me some about your... situation," he paused as her eyes widened, turning to him before narrowing her eyes at Harry. Who must've felt eyes on him, for he looked up, his lips titling to a smile before falling, noticing her narrowed expression?"Don't go hexing him now, I asked, well demanded."

        "He shouldn't have said a thing," she grumbled, looking away from Harry and towards the floor.

        "He did the right thing; he was looking after a friend. Much like his father," Sirius replied, his words pausing slightly, causing her to look up as she watched him stare off. His eyes glossed as if he was lost in his own thoughts before he suddenly snapped out of it and looked at her. "I'm just saying, someone might know what you're going through if you asked the right questions," he smiled then, before moving further into the kitchen. Leaving her standing alone and watching him go, her expression drawn downwards as she felt her shoulders tense.

        She was so used to being alone she didn't know how to ask for help, even if she did want it. And deep down, she wanted it.

༺♥༻

         𝕴t had started when she had managed to find herself at peace for the first time in days, curled up on one of the dusty, beaten-down couches in the main sitting area. Her legs are drawn up under her, with her elbow on top of the couch, allowing her head to rest against the palm of her hand. The Weasley twins are asking Sirius a million questions about his own years at Hogwarts. She had discovered earlier that Sirius was part of the Marauders group.

         She was listening quite intently, laughing as her hand covered her mouth as Sirius retold how he and James stole all the girls' undergarments and flew over the Black Lake with them. Her mind dulled in peace, not worrying about her family, allowing herself to exist now. At least until the right pocket of her jeans started to heat up. Jumping, she pulled her legs out from under her, quickly pulling the small compact she had enchanted for her and Cordelia out of her pocket. It was the same compact she held in her hands for hours each day, wondering if she should call her cousin, but the truth was, she had no idea what she would even say.

       The violet compact lay in the palm of her hands, her eyes staring at it as it glowed, heat coming from it. She wondered what would happen if she didn't answer, but then she remembered the date. Her parent's Christmas Eve ball would be happening now, and Cordelia would surely know of her absence. Sucking in a deep breath, she flipped the compact opening, the mirror glistening as a frantic Cordelia Flint appeared on the other side.

       "Where are you? Your name has been blasted off the tree, and your room is in shambles—" Cordelia's panicked voice ran around the room, causing Winnie to flinch as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

       "Woah, woah, slow down," Winnie said, her voice slightly on edge, her eyes opening to look at her cousin, who she realized was dressed in a red gown. If they were in any other situation, she would've snorted at the fact her parents had picked red as their colour scheme. "What?"

          "Where are you? They've blasted your name off the tree!" She panicked; Winnie noticed tears prickling against her cousin's blue eyes, causing her heart to drop.

        "They've blasted my name off?" Winnie's eyes widened, and she sucked in a breath, shifting the position of the mirror. Her mind whirling as she blinked, she knew her parents would be angry, but enough to disown her? Her heart pounded in her ears as she clenched the mirror tighter. "Bloody hell—"

       "Winnie, I won't ask again," Cordelia said, her voice wavering slightly. "Where are you?"

        Winnie paused as she chewed on the bottom of her lip, her eyes flickering to where the twins were still talking. Sirius' eyes, however, were trained on her; she briefly wondered if he had developed his dog's hearing. "I can't tell you," she said finally, her voice so soft that she almost couldn't make out the words herself.

      "Who are you with? What happened to your eye?" Cordelia asked, her voice low with concern. "Winnie, don't lie to me."

      "It was a welcome home present," Winnie laughed, trying to lighten the mood, but when it became apparent that this was not the time for jokes, she frowned. "Look," she sighed. "It's complicated, okay?"

      "You know you can tell me anything," Cordelia told her, eyes narrowing slightly.

      "I know."

       "Then tell me."

         "I can't."

       "Winnie, please—"

       "Cor," Winnie's voice came out as a harsh whip, her heart breaking at the fact she couldn't tell her cousin. But it was too much of a risk, especially seeing that Cordelia was currently at her parent's Manor. She wouldn't take the risk. "Stop."

        "Winnie, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on right this moment—"

         She paused, for someone had just walked behind Winnie, bright red hair flashing in the mirror as Winnie's eyes widened briefly. She heard her cousin scream, Winnie's other hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she breathed heavily, for the love of Godric! Fred Weasley had decided to pick that time to see what she was doing, her heart surged, and before she could tell him to leave, Sirius Black also popped up behind her.

        "Did— what— why is Sirius Black with you? Are you with the Weasleys?" Cordelia whimpered, her face draining all the little colour that was left.

       Winnie grimaces, shutting her eyes right before turning around and yelling at the men to 'get the hell out of here!' and then turning back to the mirror with an apologetic look on her face. "I... I can't explain, but please know I tried to help, I tried—"

       "What the fuck do you mean by 'tried to help'? You failed, Winnie. What the hell is going on?" Winnie felt her lip tremble at her cousin's world; she failed. Again, she became a failure trying to do something right. She sucked in a deep breath, trying to remind herself that her cousin was simply upset.

       "Cordelia, calm down—"

        "Calm down? Calm down?" Cordelia scoffed, tears beginning to fall down her face. "Do you know what they'll do to you if they find out?"

         "Cordelia, stop." Winnie's lips thinned because she did know. She was very much aware, more aware than Cordelia knew.

         "No! You don't understand, I've witnessed it first hand, Winnie, what they do to someone if they don't follow the rules," Winnie watched as she ran a hand through her hair; all the while, Winnie's hand began to shake. Her lip slipped between her teeth as she tried to remain calm. "You're going to get hurt."

         Winnie paused and then said softly, "I'm already hurt. There's no going back now."

         "You can still fix things."

          "No, I can't. It's over; it's done," Winnie's eyes become glossy, the blonde sucking deep breaths through her nose as she feels her chest clench painfully. "I can't fix it."

         "You need to try."

         "Do you know what I just risked my life to do?" Winnie glowered, dragging a hand across her face.

        "Do you understand that you're risking your life every moment with the blood traitors?" Cordelia snapped, and her voice began to shake with fury.

       Winnie's face hardened, her brown eyes glistening as she narrowed her eyes at her cousin through the mirror. "They're not blood traitors."

        "Oh, and they'll do a fine job protecting you when they come after you, won't they?" She cried, clasping a hand over her mouth. Winnie's lips fell open, her eyes wide as they stared at each other for a moment before Cordelia finally spoke. "You know what? Fine if you don't trust me enough to tell me what happened. Then don't contact me again."

       "Cordelia, please—"

        But it was too late; Cordelia's face vanished from the compact, and Winnie's lips opened as words left unheard thumped out of it. Her lips trembled as she held the compact, now staring at her reflection. Brown eyes sunk in with eye bags from lack of sleep dancing around her, new tears kissing the apples of her cheeks. A red gash crossed her right eyebrow with a bruise taking up half her neck. She looked broken, but nothing broke her more than what happened next.

       With a yelp, the mirror exploded in a puff of pink cloud, swirling in the air and leaving nothing but a broken compact with a crack along her reflection.

      "She broke it," she whispered, lips trembling as tears started to fall more freely. Falling and crashing to the ground in tears and heartache. Realizing she had lost the one person she cared about most in the world, the lies and secrets they didn't share piled up on each other.

        Winnie's hands slacked against the compact, letting it drop to the ground as she bathed out of the room. She did not notice as her shoulder collided against Harry's, nor did she see that Sirius held him back from following her, shaking his head as she disappeared.

         Her hands blindly found a knob to a room, pushing herself into it as she shut the door behind her. Her body shuddered as she sobbed against her hand, her head leaning downwards as her back leaned against the door.

        She was so tired of crying and feeling like she had done things wrong. Like she was never complete, she tried and failed. Cordelia's words floated around her head like a crown, whispering in her ears as a constant reminder.

        Furiously, she blinked her eyes, wiping at her face with the sleeves of the plaid shirt she borrowed from Ginny, seeing as all of her belongings were still at her home.

        Home.

         Could she even call it that anymore? Her name had been blasted off the tree, signalling she was no longer welcome. It made her feel hollow; despite the fact she hated her parents, she still expected them to look at her one day and see their daughter again. She doubted that would ever happen now.

        Her vision cleared, forcing her tears away despite the lump that formed in her throat. She realized suddenly that the walls were filled like a tree, faces on each branch, names with birth rights and death dates in under each.

      The Black Family Tree.

       She sucked in a breath as she walked closer, eyes tracing the tree. This one was much larger than the one at the Manor and more complicated, with more trees and leaves branching off. If she looked far enough, she would notice her own family being intertwined somewhere along the lines.

      But her eyes caught sight of something different, two burnt holes in the wall close together. Curiously, she walked towards it, her nose sniffing every few seconds and her eyes stinging. Her fingers traced the first burnt material, the name Andromeda Tonks flashing under it. She frowned, filling the tree branch where she landed on the next burnt name.

       Sirius Black.

        The material was charred, left burned and unkept, a sign of disappointment and disapproval. A sign that they no longer belonged here. She knew her face was burnt off miles away in the small Manor; she was left unwanted like them.

        "My mother did that after I ran away," Sirius' voice ran around the room, stealing her as she jumped, taking her hand away from the material as she turned and looked at him. Her face flushed as she wiped furiously at her face again, turning away as he walked closer.

      "You ran away?" She questioned, curiosity questioning, getting the better of her as she watched him eye the tree with distaste.

       "When I turned sixteen," he replied, looking at her as she looked away, her lips drawing to a line, staring at the wall with the burned marks.

       "Why?" She questioned quietly, the silence moving around them with the air. Her eyes widened slightly, realizing how personal her question was, "Sorry. You don't have to answer that."

       "My mother was a vile bitch," he explained carelessly, uttering a laugh as she looked at him, alarmed. "The Black family is a long line of Slytherins; did you know that?" He questioned idly, leaning against the wall as she eyed him out of the corner of her eye.

      "Yes, I did," she replied slowly; she believed everyone knew that the Black family was Slytherins; they were like many Pureblood families, for that matter.

      "Yes, well, I was Gryffindor; Mother dearest didn't like that too much," he joked, chuckling as her lips tilted to a small smile. She knew what that was like. "She wanted me to be better, wanted me to be—"

       "Someone you just aren't," she cut him off, eyes staring at the wall, already knowing this story as well as her own. Suddenly his words earlier made more sense to her; he knew what she was going through.

     "Exactly," he grinned, her eyes floating to him as she pressed her lips into a line. "She wanted me to do something when I turned sixteen, something that went against everything I believed in. I have a feeling you know what that is," he advised, watching as her face fell, visions of red floating past her eyes.

       "V—," she paused, squeezing her eyes shut and ignoring the shudder that fell through her. She faced him; she could very well say his name now. "Voldermort," she whispered, keeping her eyes shut, arms wrapping around herself just as she felt arms wrap around her shoulders. She tensed, feeling Sirius hug her as his chin rested against her head. His embrace reminded her of the ones her father would give her when she was younger, and he wasn't as cold towards her. Back when he saw her as his daughter and not a piece of garbage.

       "I heard that your name was blasted off the tree," Sirius spoke suddenly, her arms twisting around him as her throat burned. Her eyes stinging and squeezing close, her mind screaming not to cry again. "I know you don't know me very well, but if you need somewhere to stay ... If you need a home, you can stay here. You won't be judged here," he offered softly, his words cutting through her like a knife as she moved away, eyes wide and staring at him as she shook her head.

     "You can't, I'm not ... but you could get hurt. My parents their--," she paused as he started to laugh, her lip jutting out and eyes narrowing.

      "Poppins, I don't care about your parents. You're a child, and when I needed a home, James' parents were there for me, and now I'm offering a home to you," his voice lost its laughter as he spoke again, eyes observing her as she sucked in a breath, eyes watching him, waiting for the part where he laughed and said he was joking. For the part where he tells her she isn't enough and she could never find a home.

      But it never came.

      "I don't know what it's like to have a home anymore," she whispered truthfully, watching as his grey eyes flashed before his lips tilted into a sad smile.

       "Well, now you do," and she supposed that was enough; he considered that was enough. For suddenly, it was agreed upon by them both that she would stay there, that she would make a home in these walls. A small part of her felt calm at the thought, at the idea of a home where she wasn't surrounded by judgement and fear. But her home was only complete with Cordelia Flint.

         What would she do without Cordelia Flint?

        Her heart felt empty without her.

EDITED MAY 19TH