TW: implied mentions of abuse & SA

Firewood cracks around her ears and the smell of a campfire drifts around her nose as she stares at the orange flames dancing. It has been two days since she has returned to Grimmauld place, two days since Theo had left him with his father. Her heart hasn't felt the same, and she has been trapped in a continuous cycle. Sleeping, eating toast and sitting blankly at whatever sits in front of her.

Sirius and Remus have left her alone for the most part, only bothering her with tea and questions about the school which she replies with relatively blank answers,

Winnie is terrified, and every minute she is away from Theo, she feels a deeper fear wrap around her throat, choking her slowly and painfully. Winnie has never asked for love, not from anyone besides her parents. She never wished to have it; now, it is all she can think about. It plagues her mind like a disease, finding the happiest parts of her and controlling them with the fear of death.

She had awoken several hours ago with her hair plastered to her face, slick with sweat and tears numbly running down her cheeks. Her hands were grasping at her chest as she dried heaved, body recoiling in on itself. Winnie isn't exactly sure when Sirius joined her after that, but when her breathing finally calmed, and her tears finally halted, she became aware of the raven-haired man soothing her—rubbing her back and slowly laying her back down. He had tried to leave at one point, only for her to reach out and clutch the velvet fabric of his night cloak, asking him weakly to stay.

So he did.

Though he was gone when she awoke again, there was a new blanket draped around her. Winnie's cheek had been hardened with dry tears, her wolf in her head whimpering, causing a headache against her temples.

She sat with a blanket draped around her legs and a cup of untouched tea in her hand. Steam no longer coiled in the air, the teabag tainting the drink to be an incredible strength by now. The blonde didn't hear Remus join the room with her; she didn't hear the concerned conversation coming from the front of the room nor see the worried glances coming her way.

So when Remus waved his wand to make her tea hot again, she startled slightly. Fingers clenching the ivory mug tighter as she looked over at the auburn-haired male. He looked as tired as she did, more worry lines running along his face, eyebags dancing under his eyes, his hair a mess on top of his head. While Remus never looked all put together, there was no denying the change in his appearance.

Through the numbness of her heart, worry grew a hole, and Winnie grasped onto it like a lifesaver. She wished to feel anything but this undeniable pain.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, voice croaking as she cleared her throat. Remus chuckled at her question, shaking his head as he sat next to her, patting her legs as he sighed.

"That's a question I should be asking you," Remus spoke quietly, glancing over at her as Winnie frowned, tearing her eyes away. They were quiet for a few moments, her brown eyes returning their stare towards the fire; she distinctly heard him breathing in profoundly beside her before he spoke soft words. "I was deeply in love once," Winnie's eyebrows deepened against her forehead as she turned her attention towards Remus, watching as he stared into the flames. "Truly devoted to them, everything I did was for them, and everything she did was for me. She was beautiful, really, and smart; she would sit and room and know everything about everyone in under two minutes; you would've liked her," Remus chuckled, his voice brimming with pain as he swallowed. Winnie, who has never heard much about Remus' past, took his words like they were freshwater—paying attention to everything.

The male leaned forward on his knees, placing his elbows on his knees as he sighed. "It started in the fifth year; we were paired for a project; I thought she would hate me. Most did, especially her kind," he paused, a small smile lacing his features as Winnie's mouth twisted to a frown.

"Her kind? What does that mean?" Winnie asked softly; Remus inclined his head to look at her, brown eyes dancing with emotions. A bitterness trailed from him, hitting her square in the chest with a sharp twist. Though it was mixed with pure love and happiness, making her head dizzy with all the emotions, her hands placed her mug to her lips to wash away the feelings.

"She was a Slytherin, a pureblood witch. One of the best I know," he admitted, causing Winnie's eyes to widen.

"A Slytherin?" She questioned, shock evident in her features as Remus chuckled, leaning back against the couch.

"She was the kindest Slytherin I ever met; I had found her feeding the Octopus at the Great lake for the first time. She was smiling, speaking kindly with enchanted tulips dancing around the picnic blanket she had set up. Before this, I admittedly didn't even know she existed besides for whispers of her being the notorious daughter. Yet, when I saw her that day, she was all I could see," Remus' words poured out of him in waves of pure adoration, a lazy smile across his face that almost Winnie smiled for a second. But then she realized that this girl was no longer with him, and suddenly the ache of Theo burned fresh all over again. She swallowed new bitter emotions, looking back at the fire.

"What happened?" She whispered, her voice frail as she blinked away the tears that always seemed to reappear as of late.

"She tried to be a hero," Remus replied instantly, causing her to look over at him, finding his eyes already trained on her. "She had a special gift, you see, she could see into the future, and one day, after we had graduated, she saw what would happen to the fate of the Potters, and she wanted to stop it." Winnie blinked, momentarily stunned.

"I- I don't understand," she muttered, listening to Remus laugh as he shook his head.

"Neither did I, granted I wasn't speaking to her around this time at first," he admitted, an unhappy frown on his lips.

"Why?" She questioned, curious as Remus placed a bittersweet smile across his features.

"She was married to another, though she didn't want to be. She had been forced, you see, by the person who forced everything back then, because she was special, and he wanted that power all to himself. At first, I was. too stubborn and hurt to see them; you can't imagine how much I didn't." Remus's words filled with self-hatred as Winnie's mind swirled, her eyes trailing to the floor as she furrowed.

"She..." Winnie paused, licking her lips. "She was married to Voldermort?" Winnie questioned, aligning the facts up with the time frame back then. He would still be in power, appearing human and charming to many. With everything she knew about him, any drop of energy he could get, he would get his hands on. Forceful or not.

"No," Remus shook her head, making her frown in confusion. "Tom Riddle didn't want a wife, but she might've been. He would appear randomly and do whatever he wished with her. She would take it because, apart from her delirious plan was to get close to him and end him. She had been married to Regulus Black when she was seventeen, and it kills me to say that she never made it past twenty." Winnie's stomach turned with the sickening implication, her eyes glistening as she moved forward, resting her head on Remus' shoulder. She felt his pain radiate through her, setting her emotions more severely. Though this time, she let them crack through her.

"He's sick," she whispered, feeling Remus wrap an arm around her protectively. Winnie has perhaps never hated Voldermort more than that moment; for a while, she knew he was capable of murder and torture, and some of her believed he had some morals. She was deeply disappointed in herself for ever thinking such a thing.

"I worked with her to help, I helped her get with the Potters, and it felt like we may win for a while. She was with me when she wasn't with Tom or Regulus to keep appearances until she slipped. She had made a mistake one day while he visited her, and he ended her without a thought. Regulus disappeared not long after, and then the Potters died quickly; there was nothing I could do," Remus's voice croaked as he sniffed, Winnie's cheeks filled with tears, and she squeezed his arm.

"There was nothing you could do, Remus, nothing," she whispered, heart aching for the man who looked after her like his own. She had begun to depend on him so deeply that when she thought of family, she thought of him. It burned her inside to know all of the pain he went through; Remus Lupin, without a doubt in her mind, deserves all the love in the world. He was quiet for a few moments, perhaps trying to get his own emotions under control before he cleared his throat and turned to face her. Her head came off his shoulder in the process.

"That boy you left at Kings Cross, do you love him?" Remus questioned softly, causing Winnie's heart to hammer as she frowned.

"I-I don't understand-"

"Do you love him?" Remus asked more urgently, eyes searching her face as Winnie swallowed, wiping away tears from her face. There was no denying the question, and there was no other answer besides one. Yes. She loved him like the air she breathed; he was the sun that shined on her, the warmth that chilled her bones and the reason she tried so hard to be strong. Theo was the reason behind every tear and fear trickling inside her the last two days. The idea of something happening to him terrified her more than anything, she wanted him safe and happy, and she would do anything for him.

She didn't answer, but Remus must have seen it across her face, for he smiled sadly at her, his hand tucking hair behind her ear.

"You should know that the boy is her nephew; her name was-"

"Charlotte Nott," Winnie uttered, shock dancing through her features as Remus frowned, eyebrows pinched.

"How'd you know?" The male questioned, staring at her as she blinked, feeling her word swirl. Theo's aunt that he knew little to nothing about the aunt who owned the journals he gave her. Winnie realized with a pang that she now knew more about Theo's aunt than him. She was a hero, a hero with many talents, a hero who tried to save the world. He had guessed her curse had killed her, but Charlotte had suffered a much worse faith.

"Did she ever mention any other uhm... special talents?" Winnie questioned slowly, watching as Remus frowned, shaking her head. Her heart broke slightly, but she could guess why. It was not usually something you would tell someone, especially not if you could see future events. She supposed it would be almost less critical. "Theo gave me one of his journals early last year; when it started to realize I could feel other people's emotions, I guess she could too." She admitted after a moment, watching Remus stare at her in silence, Winnie almost felt bad exposing a secret of his late loves, but she knew her, and Winnie couldn't lie, not to Remus.

"You can feel other people's emotions?" Remus asked as Winnie sighed, nodding her head and glancing back at the fire.

"Not always; some people have their emotions turned off, and well... I can't feel Theo at all for some reason. He's turned off to me. Everything is just silent and warm with him; it's nice, different," she smiled softly, looking down at the orange cable knit blanket across her legs.

"That explains why she knew everything about everyone," Remus mumbled as Winnie snorted, grinning.

"Well, at least their emotions anyway," she added, as Remus rolled his eyes slightly. He fell quiet again after that, staring at the flames as Winnie stared at him, her eyes dancing across his tired face. He was still young but looked worn down beyond his years, and it was no wonder why. Remus Lupin has lived a thousand heartbreaks in only a quarter of a lifetime; it has aged and broken him.

"You have to fight for him," he whispered, catching her off guard as he looked over at her. "If he is worth it, if you love him the way I believe you do, your best fight for him with everything you have. No matter the costs, you will not live the life I have, and Charlotte deserves to have her nephew be happy, and he will be with you." Winnie swallowed the lump that grew in her throat as her eyes began to stung; she smiled sadly as she lightly shook her head.

"He is to marry my sister, and I can't not-"

"Does he want to marry her?" Remus cut her off, questioning her as Winnie sighed, shaking her head.

"No, he wants to give away everything; I can't let him do that. He'd have nothing," Winnie admittedly heartbreakingly, her eyes glistening as she sniffed. "I can't let him do that; he deserves to be happy-"

"He does, and he will not be happy unless he is with you; sometimes love is worth making sacrifices for," Remus spoke softly, wiping a tear from her cheek as he frowned softly. "I saw how he looked at you and how you looked at him, and that is something worth fighting for."

༺♥༻

   The smell of cinnamon and pumpkin drifted around her as the blonde sat with a patched orange blanket thrown across her legs. It had been nearly five hours since her conversation with Remus, and Winnie regularly tried not to think about it. It made sense why Theo had been so terrified about helping her with her curse; he believed she would die just like his mum. There was a part of her who wished she could forget how his mum died; for now, she wouldn't be able to look at Theo without feeling guilty that she knew some private part of him that he didn't share.

( Winnie wondered if he also knew how much of a hero his Aunt had been, if he didn't, she ought to tell him. )

Guilt swam in her stomach, twisted with the hatred for the red-eyed demon that would plague her life last year. Voldermort was personally responsible for so much death, his hands should be stained with the blood of his victims. It was chilling to think of how brave the young Slytherin girl was; Winnie couldn't help but think maybe she was more Gryffindor than Slytherin.

But perhaps basing someone's bravery on a silly house was immature at best. Slytherins were more than capable of facing death, maybe not as irrationally as Gryffindors, but death awaited them all the same.

Winnie had not moved much during the day, besides basic bathroom tendencies and for food to cure the hunger striking her stomach, she had sat for the better part of the day in the living room. The fire crackled around her, and her head was fuzzy with details she wished she could forget. The more she thinks about Cassandra and Charlotte Nott, her mind twists back to her mum's last Yule break. When the brunette was stuck in her Grandfather's old room, his still life painting staring stoically at her, her mum hidden away in the back until she made herself known.

Winnie still remembers her words clearly, how her frail mum clung to her body like she was a child again.

"I hope one day you will understand everything, my daughter, and I hope this will not be the last time I hear of you."

If Winnie Bulstrode were, to be frank, there were many times in the past year she remembered those words and wondered what they meant. Though on the night she had been nearly killed not far from her home, she had cursed those words with tears and agony in her blood.

For Winnie believed there was nothing more to understand other than the hatred that runs in her family's bloodstream, that people who choose the side of the dark would always be just that; tainted with darkness so intense and brutal that nothing could cure it.

That truth could be said about Voldermort, perhaps. He was raised to believe he was a freak, with strange magic running through his veins that nobody could understand, and when someone did; it was too late for him. There was wickedness running through him since birth, an aftermath of being a product of a love spell drug. He had no love in his veins, already cursed as a baby to be hateful.

The same, however, cannot be said about others. For even she had darkness running through her veins, and though it would've been perhaps easier for her to give into it, to let her light shrink away by the coldness in her veins, she had chosen her path back when she became a lion with a heart of a snake.

But paths can change, and Winnie can't help but wonder if her parents had ever chosen the path of light. Because the way between good and evil is always a choice, and at one point, she had believed Draco Malfoy to be purely evil. Yet, her bone still rocks with the coldness inside of him, her heart still tainted with a glimpse of his dying self, and suddenly, she couldn't quite call him evil. Draco Malfoy was only a boy at heart, and she had tasted his fear. It ran the same way hers did, bitter and pushed down so far that one would wonder if it was even there.

There is a question left to be answered here, and while it might be on the tip of her tongue, she is left without a word to caress the air around her. Only contemplations whisper in the back of her mind, Winnie does not yet understand everything, but one day soon, she will. Unfortunately, leaving nothing the same again.