Water runs into the surface of the wide bathtub, her clothes laid discarded to the stone floor behind her as she sits with her hair pulled on top of her head.

She had awoken earlier than others that morning, when the sky was just painted an early crisp pink, birds chirping in the trees and the grass still full of early morning dew. Winnie had spent the night fighting off nightmares for the better part of the night, she had to blame it upon the moon filling out each night.

Winnie had taken Hermione's password for the prefect's bathrooms that morning when she finally gave up on sleep, making her trudge quietly through the halls of Hogwarts until she stumbled upon the entranceway. The bathroom had taken her by surprise if she were to be quite frank, the bathtub taking up half the room with faucets that poured out different colour water.

The wide window of the moving mermaid moved above her now, as she sat with strawberry scented bubbles floating around her. Her chin resting against her wet knee, back squared against the stone as water lapped into the bathroom still. Steam coiled in the air from the temperature of the water, and while she was sure the water would've burned her last year, this year it brought her a sense of comfort from her chilled bones.

She had noticed signs of the new moon appearing over the next few weeks already, the way her bones would crack and ache at certain times. Her cheekbones had already started to poke out a little more fiercely from yesterday, she knew her skin would start to take on a translucent look, her veins blue from the body temperature she would take on.

Images of her nightmares still pulled at her mind, causing her face to come hard with dried on tears and her nose to sniffle every few seconds through the sound of running water. She turned, resting her cheek on the skin of her knee, as her finger nail traced the bite marks on her ankle.

Despite the warmth she had taken with her from her time with Theo, it was quickly covered by the whispers and the bitterness in her head, covering her in a bubble of darkness with no glimpses of lights flowing through.

'You and me until you die.'

She feels her teeth clank together in her mouth as the voice sends shivers down her spine, her fingers freezing against her skin as she pushes her body deeper into the bathtub. She just wants it all to stop, she wants to sleep through the night, to feel like she owns her head again and isn't afraid of when the whispers would return.

She doesn't want this.

Winnie pushes herself in under the water, her back hitting the stone of the bathtub as she closes her eyes. Lips pressing into a line with her lungs blocked of air, water swirling around her as she closes her eyes. Letting the air that was left in her lungs fizzle out and create a scorching burn in her chest as she stays glued to the bottom of the tub. She stays until the blacks of her eyes grow hazy with spots, until her lungs scream for release.

She resurfaces, gasping for air while strands of her hair stick to her skin. Her fingers push back wet strands as her messy bun lays a soaked mess on the side of her shoulder. Winnie lungs scream, expanding hard and ragged against her chest as she sits, legs folding up to press her knees into her bare chest. Her arms wrap around her legs, bubbles sliding down the curves of her skin as the hot water laps around her body.

And then she's shaking.

Shaking because there's a monster in her head telling her that they are one, and while they whisper their cruel words into her brain she weeps like fallen angels who have lost their wings.

She has been told to accept these things, to accept the way the world is, to accept the pain and inflict that is now upon her shoulders but accepting something that is now forever is harder than it looks.

Winnie can lie, she can smile and say that is perfectly okay with how things are now. That she is okay to change and to experience pain every month, she's okay with the raised marks on her skin and the whispers of her mind. She can pretend to be perfectly okay with everything, but she can never truly believe it.

The pads of her fingers are shrivelled like raisins when she pulls herself up out of the water, a white towel wrapped around her body as she approaches the mirror. Winnie had pulled her wet strands of hair out of the buckle, now the tiny buckle lay wrapped around her wrist while her hair laid a thick, tangled mop against her back and shoulders.

Her cheeks are hard and her bones are weary, while her fingers run down the length of her scars on her face. Feeling the rough ridges pull over her wrinkled fingertips as she stares at her reflection. For all the love in the world, she can not recognize her own shelf in the mirror. Not the sunken in the way of her eyes, not the hardness in her cheeks and jaw making her seem more like ice rather than warmth.

She thinks of the young child she used to be, the one with a full face and chubby cheeks. The one who smiled like the sun because the world was awful and horrible to her but she would take that wickedness and make art out of it. The one who had dreams and plans for her future, the same dreams she had crushed her own self as she grew older. Grew colder and more cruel to the world, and Winnie finds herself wondering when she took those dreams and laughter and made them into sparks of ice and failure instead.

Her hands wipe across the mirror, creating a smeared mess of steam that destroys the vision staring back at her. She no longer wishes to watch her eyes stare back lifelessly at her no more, instead she swipes at her face. She paddles over to her new change of clothes for the day, pulling them on her still slightly damp body as she leaves her hair slightly wet against her skin.

She doesn't care, she has known half of these people for years, she no longer cares for their watchful eyes. Her body is too exhausted to put on a show and her mind is too full of whispers to wonder for herself. So she pulls her comb through her hair, tearing out the tangles and hissing when she tugs particularly hard on a patch.

She pushes the rest of her clothes and belongings into her bag, before she passes at the door to leave. Her hand wrapped around the cool brass and her forehead against the wooden door as she closed her eyes. Eyelashes stroking her cheeks, sucking in three deep breaths.

"It's okay," she whispers in the silence, and whether or not she believes it or not. She pushes open the door. stepping out into the early morning halls of the castle, people already awake and strolling down to the Great Hall for breakfast. While she closes the door behind her, leaving her demons and truths in the pool of water while she pulls a smile on her face and pretends for everything in her, that she is perfectly okay.

༺♥༻

"Saturday is Theo's birthday," Cordelia informs as the two cousins sit together in their little corner of the library. Winnie's feet resting up on the chair beside her as she reads silently, book propped up against the table while Cordelia leans back in her chair across from her.

"Oh," Winnie glances up at her, watching as the redhead rolls her eyes at her cousin's nonchalant answer.

"There's a party, you're coming," Cordelia adds, narrowing her eyes as Winnie grimaces. It wasn't that she hated parties, she actually loved them. It was the fact where parties took place, there was usually loud music and drunk people trying to swallow each other. And while Winnie would usually just deal with that, with the new moon drawing closer, her attitudes switched so fiercely.

But yet this was Theo, and as soon as Cordelia said the words 'you're coming,' she couldn't even argue that she wouldn't come. It would only cut into her brewing time for Wolfsbane but she would make it work, even if it meant only showing up for a few minutes to see Theo and then leave again.

"Where is it?" She questioned, flipping a page in her book despite not reading it at all. Her finger tapped against the top of the pages.

"Slytherin Common Room," Cordelia replied quickly as Winnie glanced up at her, a frown lacing her lips at the words. Last time she tried to sneak into there it didn't turn out well for either of them, besides, that would mean her sister would be there for sure.

"Why there? It could be literally anywhere else in the castle," Winnie groans, pressing her lips into a line as Cordelia sighs, running her hands through her short hair.

"Because it's the easiest location for everyone, so suck it up and just come," Winnie rolled her eyes, closing her book sharply as she laid it on the table next to her.

"Fine, but if I run into my sister and I'm not responsible for her death," Winnie warns, half joking, and half being completely honest. She hadn't yet spoken to Millie since that day at the train station. Though Millie has tried to reach her several times since the beginning of the school year, all of which ended with Winnie running away as quickly as she could from the blonde.

"I've spoken to her," Cordelia spoke quietly, tapping her fingers on the table as Winnie blinks, slightly surprised before she takes she simply glances away.

"Oh, that's cool," Winnie mummers, not really caring much to hear what her sister had to say. It wasn't her business, and quite frankly, anything she had to say, Winnie wasn't interested in hearing anymore. She lost that chance during the summer.

"She said she's sorry," Cordelia starts as Winnie scuffs bitterly, a twisted, bitter smile making its way across her face as she shakes her head.

"Sorry doesn't cut anything, I could care less if she's sorry," Winnie drawls, chewing down on the inside of her cheek.

"I know, I'm not trying to defend her," Cordelia snaps, as Winnie glares over across the table at her. Before glancing back out the window, watching as leaves fall from trees outside. "I almost didn't mean to yell at first, but she just kept trying to talk and I kinda just—"

"Lost your marbles?" Winnie questions, earning a tiny snort from Cordelia. "Yeah she makes you do that," the blonde adds, sighing when she shifts her feet on top of the chair they rested upon. Something flashes in the corner of her eye next to the bookshelves, making her glance over towards it with narrowed eyes.

"Oh! I gotta go," Cordelia speaks suddenly, getting up rather quickly from her chair as Winnie shoots over to look at her. Watching as Cordelia pulls her bag over her shoulder quickly and shoving in her chair. "I'll see you later, bye!" And then she turns, quickly turning out of the library and through the aisles towards the front door. Winnie watches, her mouth opened, about to say goodbye but being caught up in watching her cousin leave quickly.

"Okay she's gone—"

A scream leaves her mouth as Harry suddenly appears in front of her, his hair mismatched all over his head with his invisibility cloak in his hands. She presses her hands against her chest, eyes wide as he pulls out the chair her feet rests in, causing her feet to fall down on the floor.

"What the bloody hell Harry?" Her voice comes out shrill and alarmed as he sits next to her, scooting his chair in and sending her a look at her loud voice. "You creep, why are you just standing around hidden?" She questions again as he glares, folding his cloak up and running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want Cordelia to see me, okay?" He replies quickly, causing Winnie to frown as her heart slowly stops hammering in her chest.

"Are you still not talking?" She had thought by now that they both would have gotten over their stubbornness, but clearly by the way Harry shot her another glare that they haven't gotten over anything. "Merlin, you're both stubborn," she mumbles as she turns to fix her seat. Sliding back closer to her chair, and crossing her legs under the table.

"Shut it, you have no room to talk," he chastised, leaning back slightly in his chair while pulling out the marauder's map from under his shirt. She had to assume it had been tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She questioned, eyebrows creasing on her forehead while Harry threw her a pointed look from behind his glasses. Okay, maybe she did know what it meant. Perhaps sometimes she was too stubborn to realise things in her life could be so much easier if she only dived for the chance, if she only just spoke instead of staying silent.

It's why she simply let the topic dry out rather than pick at it more, why she shifted in her seat, peering over Harry's shoulder at the map when he pointed out a spot on the yellowed parchment. There in the corner of the page stood two sets of footprints, ones more specifically belonging to Cordelia and Draco. Winnie watched, lips pulled into a thin line as they each disappeared suddenly from the page, as if some force of nature had reached down and picked them up from the ground.

"They've been disappearing from the map everyday now for the past week, in the same exact spot too," Harry mumbled, as Winnie leaned back in her own chair, her chin no longer resting against Harry's shoulder and instead falling onto the palm of her own hand.

"You've been watching them?" She questioned, a frown lacing her features as the boy's face flushed slightly. "They're not shagging, or seeing each other you know," the blonde informed as she watched the boy's face only flush a deeper shade. His hand pushing up his glasses against the crook of his nose.

"I know, you told me that already," Harry sniffed, clearing his throat as he closed the map, tapping it with his wand as all the ink layout of the castle disappeared. "Don't you think it's strange though? That they disappear together all the time?" He questioned, now peering at her intently as she shifted, running her tongue along the roof of her teeth while she turned her eyes to the table in front of her.

She did think it was weird for the record, she thought it was bloody fucking strange that Cordelia was doing anything with Draco Malfoy. Let alone disappearing from the castle with him. The whole situation left a sour taste in her mouth, and she couldn't help but feel as if they were keeping secrets from each other once again.

And if Winnie could muster up enough anger towards her cousin for it she would. But deep down inside of her she didn't have the fight in her, Cordelia was keeping a much darker secret for her, she went around knowing that she was a werewolf and never whispered a word to another person. For that, Winnie felt the sudden urge to protect her from everything, perhaps she always did, but it ran deeper now. More urgently, more fiercely, so she didn't dig, she didn't bug, she simply told herself to believe that Cordelia was a smart person, that she wouldn't get herself into any real trouble.

But it's Harry who she was really protecting at the end of the day, when it all came down to it, it was Harry who was bleeding fiercely for the redhead girl. It was Harry who followed, who watched her footprints on the map like it was an anchor. And though Winnie knew he could say he was angry at Cordelia, he could do so until he was bloody blue in fact. Winnie knew, deep down, it was all a mask, he watched her because that was the closest he could get to her without feeling the heartache.

Winnie could understand that, in some part anyway. It was the same reason she pretended to be with Theo, the same reason she smiled or allowed him to be near her so often. Because if she didn't, if she let it show how much she hated the idea of him marrying her sister, it could mean the end of them. And she'd much rather have him in her life under a fake smile than not have him at all.

"I don't know, maybe a little," she sighed, running her hands through her hair as she glanced up at Harry through her eyelashes. She watched as the muscles in his jaws tensed, the way his eyes filtered down to the white parchment, and she knew that he was worried all the time for Cordelia Flint. That was a type of pain that could become dangerous if not handled properly, if left too long to fester in your mind and heart.

So Winnie changes the subject, giving him something else to think about, even if it is just for a few hours.

"You're coming with me Saturday," Winnie declared, tapping her fingers against her book before she stood. The book fell into her hands before she slightly tugged the ebony haired boy up from his seat.

"Er...what?" Harry questioned, clearly dumbfounded as to what she was speaking about. Winnie snorted, letting go of his upper arm as they strolled out of the library next to each other.

"Theo's party is next saturday, and I don't think I could handle entering the snake's den alone, so you're coming with me," she explains as he lets out a grimace, the corner of his lips tilting upwards ever so slightly into a scowl. "You aren't saying no Harry Potter so don't even think about it, please come with me. I won't be staying for a long, but my sister will be there and I just," she pauses, biting on the inside of her cheek as she looks up at him, silently pleading with her eyes. "I don't know if I can be in the same room as her for that long without ripping her heart out, or worse, crying. So please, I need someone to rail me in," Harry snorts slightly at her words, before he sighs dramatically and slings his arm over her shoulder, directing them both down the hall again.

"Fine, but you owe me," Harry gives in, causing a wide smile to break across her face as they begin to walk up the stairs.

"What do you want?" She questions, as his arms come off from across her shoulders, falling down to his sides again.

"You have to make cupcakes for Yule, vanilla ones specifically," Winnie's nose screws up at the mention of vanilla, her eyes glancing over to his whole he grins.

"You're so disgusting, chocolate is obviously the better option," she teases, watching as he rolls his eyes with a wrinkle of his own nose.

"Vanilla cupcakes or no deal," he holds up his pink then, causing her to snort as she rolls her own eyes. Before sighing dramatically and raising her own pinky to loop into his own.

"Fine, I'll make your boring cupcakes," she gives in, causing his shoulder to bump into him for dissing his taste in sweets while she simply laughs. Unhooking their pinkies, they continue walking back towards the common room. And while he talks about quidditch and how their team is doing, she finds herself smiling, simply because he is smiling. She thinks it's something he doesn't do enough, certainly not since him and Cordelia had fallen out.

While she loves her cousin more than anything in the world, and while Harry is slowly starting to become one of her favourite people, she can't help but wonder how they are both managing without the other. And if perhaps, their absence from each other's lives is making them both fall down a rabbit hole, falling and thumping into a dark web built to trap them forever.

She can only hope Cordelia Flint hasn't gotten herself into something she can never climb out of.