Be aware it's been nearly five years since I last read Harry Potter so I don't remember a lot about it. Bare with me.

Remus POV,

It was seventh year and Remus had a problem.

A big problem.

Well two problems if you include the monthly transformations that ruin his life. Then again, Remus had been dealing with that since he was five years old, it almost didn't feel like a problem anymore, just another numbing thing that is eating away at him. This was not the problem he was referring to.

What was that problem you might ask. Well it was fairly simple yet also a complete and utter disaster. Besides being a werewolf and a closeted Bisexual in the late nineteen hundreds, Remus had more problems. Worrying about his transfiguration grades apparently wasn't enough stress for him so why not let the fates give him this new dilemma. Remus' problem would probably seem like nothing to most people but to him it was a big deal. You could say his problem was dramatic, both in the way he treated it and the problem itself tended to be a wee bit of an attention seeker.

His problem was Sirius Orion Black. 

Not that Remus had a problem with the boy. No, quite the opposite. He had a problem with how he got to be so damn beautiful. He had a problem with his smile that was a bright as the star he was named after. He had a problem with how cuddly Sirius was when they stayed up late into the night talking about the deepest topics or craziest ideas (Remus cannot say they were always 100% sober during those times). He had a problem with the fact he was so darn easy to like because maybe if that weren't the case, Remus wouldn't be sitting here staring up at the ceiling pondering over the fact that he, Remus Lupin, has a crush on Sirius Black.

Yes Lily, you called it.

Why is this such a problem for him? It really shouldn't be. However, he is his best friend and he's probably straight judging by that one time Remus caught him snogging that Hufflepuff girl in the corridor. Plus, who would ever date a werewolf?

All these thoughts ran through Lupins head as he stared up at the bunk above him. He couldn't sleep and who could blame him? It's not everyday you realize you have a crush on one of your best friends.

Speaking of which, Sirius Black or as Lily calls him 'Lupins problem', wasn't the only thing occupying Remus' mind as he failed to drift into sleep. The full moon was in two days and this time he wouldn't have the marauders to accompany him. Tomorrow morning, everyone would be leaving Hogwarts for the Christmas break. Remus would be staying. Alone.

James and Sirius were off to the Potters home to celebrate and apparently they were going to try snowboarding at one of the muggle places. Peter would be in France for the holiday with his family and Lily simply wanted a break from the marauders and quality time with her family.

Remus' Mum and Dad were busy. If he were to go home they wouldn't be around and insisted that it would be nicer to have Madame Pomfrey  for after his transformation. To be truthful, he was dreading the break. Hooray to a whole week and a half alone in his misery!

"Psst Moony." The voice hisses at Remus from the bunk next to his. "You alright mate?"

He rolled over on his side to meet the eyes of the one and only Padfoot. "Just a little trouble falling asleep, Sirius."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked.

Remus sighed and shook his head, hoping Sirius could see the movement in the dark. Sometimes he wondered when he would stop trying to help. When he would realize that Remus was a monster and monsters can't be tamed, your only chance is to run from them.

A thousand times he'd heard people tell him that he's not a monster. 'By Merlin Lupin, that was the wolf' or 'Remus, once a month you are a werewolf. You are not a monster.' he's heard them all. They don't understand. They don't get that the wolf never goes away. They don't feel like at any moment they'll snap and someone will get hurt. They don't see that he's broken.

Much too broken.

He was pulled out of my thoughts when he felt the mattress he was lying on sink down. He peered at the black haired boy now resting beside him. He leaned back so we were lying shoulder to shoulder. Sirius looked at peace with his eyes shut and mouth curled into a slight frown as if he'd let his features rest on their own.

"If you want to talk about it we can?"

Remus turned his head so he was admiring Sirius' side profile. How is it that a person could possibly make his heart ache with such intensity. "Talk about what?"

Sirius shrugged. "Whatever it is that is bothering you."

"And if nothing is bothering me?"

"But something is." Sirius rolled over and propped his head up on his elbow so he was facing Remus. "Spill. We have all night."

"No. You need sleep," he argued and shook my head.

"Sleep? Pish posh. Load of crap the stuff they say 'bout sleep. Good cuppa tea and I'll be right as rain."

"Doubtful," Remus mused. By a 'cuppa tea' Sirius really meant a smoke by the window ledge. He repositioned himself so his head was lying across Sirius' stomach. His fingers twirled in Remus' hair as he prompted the other boy to tell him what was wrong.

"I don't want to be alone," Remus muttered and was surprised that Sirius even heard him.

"What? Alone?" He whispered in a shocked tone. It was a miracle neither James nor Peter had awoken yet. "Your not alone, moons. You got us."

Remus shook his head slightly. "Not what I meant. I don't want to be alone over the Christmas break. Just the empty corridors and company of a few teachers. I'm dreading the transformation without you guys."

Sirius' hand froze in his hair and Remus knew he was thinking. He might not always seem like the brightest sort judging by the way he acts in class (poking fellow students, calling out jokes, just generally not paying attention and fooling around) but he is quite smart. He'll come to Remus for help and it usually just ends up with the both of them working trough the studies together. He adored the way Sirius looked when he was concentrating, the look he wore now.

During moments like these, Remus knew for sure he liked Sirius Black more than he should. He had since third year, just never fully realized it. It was just one of those things he knew.

"Then I'll stay."

Remus' thoughts haunted to a stop. He sat straight up and turned his head to stare at Sirius in shock. "What?"

Sirius sighed. "I said I'll stay," he repeated. Remus gaped at his friend in awe. Sirius looked down and lightly nudged his friend with his shoulder. "Come one mate, it's not like I'd leave you here all alone."

"But... but what about staying with the Potters and going snowboarding?" Remus asked. How could Sirius simply drop all his plans and stay? Remus couldn't let him do all that just to keep him comfort.

"Doesn't matter." Sirius waved aside the question. "Of course, James will have to tell his parents about my sudden decision to stay and Minnie will have to know too. But, all those things can be arranged, though I'm sure the Potters will greatly miss my presence."

Remus snorted. "I'm sure they will."

"Was that sarcasm?"

"Goodnight, Pads," Remus said as he ignored Sirius' question and pull his bed covers higher up over the both of them.

"Answer me Moony," Sirius demanded. "Was that sarcasm? How dare you use sarcasm. You know I'm amazing."

Remus released an exaggerated sigh, though he secretly had to agree that Sirius was nothing short of perfect. "I'm sleeping. I can't hear you."

"Pfft. Whatever," Sirius huffed. The last thing Remus recalled before dosing off was Sirius transforming into Padfoot and snuggling in his lap. The werewolf fell asleep with a smile on his face. For this year, he would not have the be alone. He'd have Sirius and he could think of no one better.

-:-

Sirius had a problem.

His problem was not the same as Remus'. His problem wasn't that he had a crush on someone—well it was but since Sirius refuses to acknowledge his feelings that wasn't the problem. In fact, Sirius was so deep in denial he started a fling with a girl in a vacant corridor to prove to himself he wasn't into blokes, particularly the bloke that was one of his best mates. Judging from that one time scandalous make out he decided either he truly was gay or the books lied and snogging isn't as great as they depicted. Sirius chooses to believe it's the latter.

Sirius' problem wasn't Moony (though it secretly was, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself) but instead very close to the werewolfs problem.

Sirius had a problem with Sirius Orion Black.

Well, more a problem with the 'Black' part of that name. To narrow it down even further he had a problem with Orion Black in particular but mostly just the Black family on a whole, this including himself.

Some may believe his act that he's put together but truly, Sirius couldn't be more of a mess. He was scar ridden and failed at every task he tried. He was stuck in denial, plus his parents couldn't ask for a worse son. To cut it short, Sirius hated himself. He hated his family—with the exception of Regulus—and every other screwed part of his life.

Sirius, like any other scared boy, didn't gloat about the bruises that adorned his skin when he returned from summer break. The only ones that noticed them were Remus and James, the latter thinking it was simply from a failed attempt at doing something stupid like climbing a tree but Remus constantly pestered Sirius about them before finally (and much to Sirius' relief) deciding to drop it.

So yeah, not only is Sirius so deep in the closet he's practically a resident in Narnia and doesn't even know it but he has a family who believes he's a piece of trash. The kind of trash you play soccer with and tend to kick or hit.

If you haven't gotten the point yet, Sirius Black is abused.

Why? According to the low self esteem mind of one Sirius Black, it's because he deserves it, which isn't the truth at all. He felt like every hit, kick, insult, he deserved it all. He was a disappointment, he was the failure. He was the one who was always wrong. He was nothing but the Black family misfit.

"Sirius?"

The black haired boy looks up at his best friend standing before him. He was so caught up in his thoughts from that nights nightmare that he didn't notice the quidditch captain standing before him. "Yes?"

"We have to get going if we want to say goodbye to everyone," James said as he picked up his trunk. James Potter was known for his brilliant pranks (mostly devised by Moony and fulfilled by the other Marauders), outstanding quidditch skills and most importantly, his constant mooning over the one and only Lily Evans. He also happened to be Sirius' best mate.

"Right, on it." Sirius ceases out of the bed and quickly threw on his robes. He helped James with his other trunk and hauled it down the stairs and into the common room.

Sitting around the room were the other Marauders and Lily. Lily has her arms crossed and was sending a disapproving look to Peter who was failing to complete an enchanting spell. He ended up making the carpet around him turn purple. Marlene was blabbering her mouth off to Remus who seemed quite lost in a book but was likely still listening to his friends rambling. Upon looking at the young werewolf, Sirius recalled his promise from the night before. He had discussed this morning with James that he would be staying at Hogwarts.

"Oi, Wormtail!" James called out. "You need help with your bags?"

Sirius watched as his friend trotted over time where Peter was. The Black sighed and sat down on the couch. He waved goodbye to each of his friends as they left the dorm, not to come back till after the break. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. The common room was scarily quiet.

"I guess it's just you and me then?" Remus said and Sirius peeked open an eye just in time to see the other boy sit down next to him with a book in his lap.

"I guess so," Sirius said as he repositioned himself so Remus' legs were across his lap. He chuckled at how adorable the werewolf's long and lanky limbs were. He could remember coming back from the summer before fifth year to see Remus had grown to nearly 6'2 topping his own 5'6.

Remus looked up at him and smiled. "Thanks for staying here with me."

"No problema my friend," Sirius said. It really was no trouble for Sirius. In fact, he was glad to be there for his werewolf friend. Besides, he wouldn't want to leave Remus alone, that's all... right?

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Part 2 coming later. I think this will be 2-3 parts. I don't know.

Stay healthy!
Last update: 19/09/2020