CHAPTER THIRTY

Max's distance had me in a sword-against-the-wall situation. I was in mixed feelings territory with him and I didn't know what to do. Our mothers have always been supportive of our relationship but this didn't feel like I situation I wanted to discuss with Grace even though it was about her son. However, my mother's and Grace's response would be biased. I felt like their help wouldn't be enough. I needed to ring Livie or Bliss. Both of them considered Ms. Know It Alls in my eyes.

I rang Livie first but her phone went to voicemail after a couple of rings. I hung up and called Bliss next. Her phone rang three times before she answered.

"Hey stranger," She chirped

"Hey," My voice wasn't as peppy as hers for more than obvious reasons.

"Oh no. What's wrong?" Bliss questioned in a worried voice.

I exhaled and proceeded to explain to her what has been going on with my relationship with Max.

Sometimes, I'd find myself getting jealous, envious of my sister's relationship. Of course, Reeve and her had a few bumps along the way but they got each other so well. Whenever they fought, they'd solve things out right then and there. If something was wrong, they would talk it out. In Max and I's case, it took us a few hours even a day. And instead of talking it out, we pushed each other further away. Which clearly wasn't a healthy thing to do. Not every relationship was the same, I was aware of that but I just wished we handled things the way Reeve and Bliss did.

Since I no longer bothered visiting Max while he was in his office, Bliss advised me to visit him and try to at least create a conversation. If it didn't work out then I should confront him in the bad way. Hopefully, he wouldn't speak to me the way he did the last time. Maybe he'd be more appreciative. I mean, I do miss the time he dedicated to us and I need it back, not only me but Mia also and maybe even the baby. Especially now.

***

I took a few breaths and exhaled as I lightly knocked on his office door. A faint "Come in" was spoken from the other side. I turned the knob and peeked in before entering. He turned around at the sound of the door opening. His features looked tired. His brown hair was all disheveled, the ends sticking to different directions. His hair was slightly longer than usual, needing a cut.

"Everything okay?" Max asked as he looked at me from over his shoulder.

I nodded before saying, "I made you dinner" and bringing the plate of food to his view.

He turned his chair around, facing me as he rubbed his face with his hands and asked for it.

I walked to him and handed him the plate. I stand by the edge of his desk as he murmured, "Thank you". I nodded in response. I knew Bliss had told me to try and converse but right now I just felt fleeing. I felt uncomfortable and insecure but I wanted to know what the deal was and what was going on.

"Max...." I started "I'm not going to force you but..." I exhaled to be able to continue, "What's going on?" My voice cracked as I forced the words out "You've been pushing me away and I just... I don't know. I really wish you didn't but... I miss the time you dedicated to me, us. I miss feeling you next to me during the night. I miss you. I've tried to give you time to open up. I really have but the more time I give you the more away you get for every passing second. I just want you to know, I'm doing this before it's too late. Before we lose each other because we are on that track and we might be close." His face looked panicked as I said those words. I was to the point where holding tears or biting my cheek to prevent them from falling was useless. "This time I'm begging you. Please. Please, tell me. What's going on?"

He stood up and took me into his arms, setting his chin on the top of my head as he allowed me to feel him since a while ago. He suddenly pulled away and turned his back to me, running his fingers through his hair and tugging it.

"Max? Tell me." I approached him and reached for his hand, intwining his fingers with mine. My other hand caressed his cheek as I waited for him to speak. "We are not only together because we love each other but also to support and protect one another. You're doing both, let me do my part. Let me be there for you the same way you're here for me. You're not being fair to me nor to you."

Max pulled me up to kiss me, locking our lips together. His hand went to my waist pulling me closer. His kiss seemed urgent and desperate. I pulled away when his hands started to go under my shirt. He sighed, putting his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed as if he was blocking everything that was happening.

"I've been seeing Ava," He murmured through his teeth.

I felt my heart stop and drop to my stomach at his words. I instantly pulled away from him, feeling disgusted and unworthy. My first thought was She got what she wanted. Ava had wanted him for a long time and she got to the finish line first. She seduced him and probably had him wrapped around her finger. I felt like going to the bathroom and washing my mouth with every toiletry in my cabinet. His kiss felt dirty. I wanted to believe this wasn't real, so badly.

I turned around and started to leave his office. He grabbed my wrist, impeding any further movement. I tried to pull my wrist out of his hold but his grip just tightened.

"It's not what it sounds like, Ella" Max tried to explain but I was far gone.

This time I pulled more harder my wrist from his grip and freed myself, leaving the room completely and utterly heartbroken. I felt like disappearing. The void in my heart growing as his words replayed over an over again in my head, I've been seeing Ava.

*** Max's POV ***

As soon as the door closed, the frustration I had been holding in for a while unleashed along with anger. The papers with notes, pens, glass cup, everything on my desk went flying across the room. I kicked and trashed the office not giving a single fucking damn about them. Her face. She officially hated me. No chances to explain myself.

Right now, she probably was packing up her and Mia's stuff, getting ready to leave me once again. I leaned against the wall next to our bedroom door, forearms supporting me as I leaned my forehead on it. I never do anything right. I didn't even know how I even had a family when I fucked up more than I fixed things. Goddamn it. I punched the wall, feeling pain engulf my hand. I was pretty sure I broke a few knuckles after splitting them and bleeding. I exhaled a couple of times, getting my anger under control before entering the room.

Thankfully, she wasn't packing (yet). Her back was to me as she faced the floor-to-ceiling windows in our room, staring at the night skyline. Her shoulders looked rigid, her whole posture looked stiff. It was as if she just froze herself there, not wanting to move.

In college, whenever we fought big, Ella never took it well. Of course nobody would take a fight with their partner well but she was worse than most people. It was like you had settled a bomb on her self-esteem and any time we fought, it exploded. She didn't explode with anger, fury. She mentally exploded and then became zombie. She would shut down every single emotion she could possibly feel, barely eating or making any communication through the day, only making sure she made it through her classes before leaving as soon as she was dismissed and locking herself in her dorm. It was her way of coping with things so out of her reach. I was pretty sure that's what she was doing right now, shutting herself down. Ella probably had done this the night we broke up. It had been a long time since she last did this. I thought she had gotten over it with time. I was wrong. Like always.

I walked to her and stood by her side. Her cheeks were damped with her tears that fell one after the other. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, serving almost as a protective barrier. I moved and stood in front of her, covering her view. She blinked, clearing her view as the amount of tears increased.

"Ella, listen to me. Let me explain, owe me at least that before you decide anything."

"What is there to explain, Max?!" Her voice was raw.

"I haven't touched her and she hasn't touched me!" Not that she hadn't tried but... I calmed my voice and started to talk before she could, "Ava called me a few days after I fired her, threatening me with harming you and Mia. She wanted me to take her on 'dates' as friends." Ella let out a humorless laugh at that, rolling her eyes. "The reason why I've been locked in my office every day is because on my next 'date' with her I'm taking an undercover security team." She frowned at what I had just told her, I continued explaining, "I'm breaking the chain of dates she has me in. I'm taking the team with me in case she lashes out and tries to go after you girls or tries to hurt me." My hands went to her face, afraid she would pull away. I flinched as a small shot of pain went through my hand. Ella removed my injured hand from her cheek to look at it, I took it out of her hand and started talking again, "I was planning to tell you the day before or even the same day of the date. I didn't want to worry or stress you."

Ella stayed silent, not voicing her thoughts. Her face wasn't giving anything. She got out of my reach and walked out of the room. Not a single word spoken. I had lost her even before explaining. I sat on the edge of the bed and buried my face in my hands. Well fucking done, Max. Not only were Mia and Ella out of my life but the baby. My chances of experiencing what I didn't experience with Mia with this pregnancy were out of the window. I wouldn't get to go with Ella to her appointments anymore. I wouldn't get to feel him/her kick Ella at night. I wouldn't be there when Ella needed to be taken to the hospital for labor. I was alone again and with no chances of a return ticket.

I felt someone pull my injured and now swollen hand from my face. Ella was kneeled in front of me with the small first aid kit we had in the guest bathroom. She cleaned my split knuckles before covering my hand with a bandage. Luckily, the wounds weren't deep enough to have to take a trip to the hospital for stitches. She stood up, closing the kit and heading to the door. I took her hand, causing her to turn around.

"You're leaving me?" I asked her in a small, shaken voice. The look I had in my eyes was probably pleading her not to leave, not that it would work.

She sighed and bit the inside of her cheek, looking away from me. "Let's not keep talking about this, okay?"

Her words didn't answer my question but before I could say something else, Ella was out of the room.

I headed to the bathroom and got ready for bed. When I entered the room again, Ella was on her side of the bed but with her back to my side. At least, it was better than sleeping alone. I came to my side and lied down on my back, starring at the ceiling. As my thoughts wandered and I craved for sleep to escape them, Ella turned around and came closer to me, laying her head on the crook of my arm and shoulder. I pulled her as close as possible to me and kissed her forehead.

Did this mean we were okay? I didn't know.