Hi! I'm Janina! Janina Cruz is my complete name.

I can tell you that I am good as nothing. Got zeros in my quizzes and exams. Not that sexy and catchy chicks that boys can easily fall.  Can't buy anything I want like the other girls in my school.

Not just that, I don't have a loving parents or a caring guardians. I'm living in a small room where I can rent as cheap as I can pay through washing dishes, doing laundry and throwing garbages. That is all I can do to pay my so called home.

Why I still goes to school? Before my parents died in an accident, they already earned enough money to sustained my schooling up to college. My mom's friend which is the principal of the school where I enrolled took care about my schooling plan.

I am blessed because my parents did that for me. I was just 12 when they left me. Our old house? They got it. My dad's cars, they sold it. Our furnitures and appliances? They took it. Anything left for me? Nothing. Just my bag pack and some dresses inside.

I always go to school when I feel so, but if not, I didn't. If you asked where did I get my food? To that blue trash bin beside that red and yellow colored fast food chain. Do you pity me now? You shouldn't. Because I don't care anymore. Who would care about me? I'm worse than those wild rats in the streets.

How ironic is life can be? I would laugh if there is one who would care for me, but I don't mind if no one. I used to it. Really, I am used to it.

If you ask, did I cried so much because of my situation? Did I asked someone to help me? I actually did that. But look no one noticed me. No one helped me. No one hesitate to give food to my complaining tummy.

Because no one cares about me.

Not until he came. He is the first brave man who talked to me. When he asked my name. When he asked me to eat lunch with him. Should I cry because finally there is one? No I don't do that. That's not me anymore. I used to become invisible to people. I didn't let him. That's why I rejected all his offers.

I thought he will stop, but to my surprised he says "hi" everyday. At lunch he shared his food to me, he insist if I don't accept it. He even walked me home. Should I be fluttered because it's kinda romantic? No I don't do that. Like what I said before, that's not me anymore. I became vulnerable.

He gave me gifts and always ready to show me his widest smile whenever he sees me.. Do I love it? No Cause I'm not used to it.

He helps me in my studies, he's teaching me how to solve, compose an essay and how to analyze some logics that I don't really cared to understand.

Every weekend he always visited me at my so called house, while I am busy doing some stuff to pay the rent of my room. He even helped me because he said he wanted me to finished it fast so that he could bring me in a mall, in cinemas and in church.

He always do that. He even brings me to church every Sunday morning and introduced me to lot of people in the church. They smiled and greeted me which is kinda sweet. Should I do the same to them? No, I'm so shy to do it.

I am nothing and invisible but here he was, he is changing or making things different from what I used to be. He noticed me.

He continued doing those things for me like it was already his weekly routines.

Until....

Until...

I am already used to it. I already love what he is doing. I am already smiling and laughing with other people. I am already good at exchanging jokes with him. I got high grades, be one of the top ten in class. Gain lot of friends in school. Even though it doesn't change the fact that am still living in a small room, paying through washing dishes, throwing garbages and doing laundry. But at least I eat clean food now which he always brought.

But that was temporary, he then left me. He left without saying goodbye. I don't know where he was but I know he was far from where I am.

He left but all the things he'd done, I am still enjoying. Friends, good grades, nice food that I can now buy because I had already a part time job in a fast food chain near my house. I always go to church every Sunday and hear new messages fresh from heaven that always encouraging me and inspiring me to move forward.

It was funny, but look I have a dream now. I want to graduate college and have a satisfied life. I was so happy and blessed that he noticed me.

But it was already 7 years ago when I met him. I did not even thanked him. I did not even say that I am so happy that I met him. I am so joyful that he introduced me to Christ and have my salvation.

And here I am enjoying the life he has brought me. This is my dream, a satisfied life serving the Lord as an evangelist.

But where is he?

I want to thanked him because I have a lot of friends now who are always there in my ups and downs. I can buy anything I want with discipline, I ate foods that I never been encountered before. I am in a position where everybody noticed me and respected me.

I even serving the Lord zealously which I thought before who abandoned me. Thanks to God because He used him to helped me...

Seven years was a long time to realized what I truly felt for him.

Yes, I am loving him since the day he made me laughed, since the day he helped me, since the day he noticed me. Not because of what he'd done, but because of who he was. I love him and I regretted not telling that to him seven years ago.

But soon my regrets faded because he came back. He's grown enough that I couldn't recognized him except his unique smile. My heart jumped with joy and excitement. It's him, it was really him. I want to draw nearer to him, but everybody was blocking me, everybody was so excited to hug and welcome him.

Because I knew everybody loves him because of who he was. Like everybody, I love him for who he was also, I am so excited to hug and welcome him like everybody was doing..

But....

But...

I was pushed far enough to not able to reach him. Everybody was there doing what I wanted to do.

There is no chance that he can noticed me. No chance to noticed me again.

I stand still where I am standing, I don't try anymore to get closer to him. I just reached him with my sight and smiled. He is so handsome, why I didn't noticed that earlier. He is so kind and he is a mature one.

I hope you'll gonna noticed me again. But there is more than I hope, that is our feeling is mutual. But I scolded myself. You have done enough for me to becoome the person I am now. I had already received enough, you could given me. I should be contented and not become selfish.

I want you to be happy and have the life you wanted. I only wish one thing now. It is to say 'thank you' personally. But could it be possible? Can you turn your head and look at me. Can you smile the widest as you always did just for me.

I thought all those things were only dreams. But you actually did, you turned you head and look at me. You showed me your widest smile just like it was really intended for me. You even waves your hands and move closer to reach me.

I was here, stunned. I can't move my body even if inside I almost jump for joy.

You did noticed me again. Was there any better gift than that?

You held your hands like you wanted to shake hands with me. But why I felt, I wanted more than that. I want to hug you really tight. But...my problem is, I can't move my body. I was really surprised. Of all the people here, here you are and noticed me.

I am glad, I am so glad that I couldn't even say a word. You said " hi Janina! How are you?"

I almost run and give you a really tight hug but I controlled myself and received your hand which is still there hanging in the air waiting for my hand. You squeezed it and I felt like it was a sign. I felt your warm and I was tease to think that we feel mutual.

It is so selfish of me of thinking that way. But I can't help it. I really love you. I really do.

You asked me if I'm okay, and there I realized, I still haven't say any word. I tried to compose myself and say "hi". You laughed and that was I really missed.

You asked if you had surprised me. And after that you smiled, the widest I always love. You're so cute I can't help myself to stare your handsome face.

What if you'll be mine? I will be the most blessed girl in the world. But I wish you could read my mind.

After that day you're doing again the things you've done seven years ago. You took care of me and now I can't deny that I was really fluttered. Aside from the fact that I love you, I also missed you.

We went to church and have some time together. You helped me in doing ministries and do not fails to make my day as joyful as ever.

I love you, I really want to tell you. But I'm not courageous enough to confess my feelings for you.

Again you left without goodbye. Here I am again regretting the days I wasted and haven't told you how thankful I am that you noticed me and what I felt towards you.

Though things becoome better 'cause you'd helped me again. How can I pay back when again you're gone. With no where to found. Is this really your habit not saying goodbye even in the second time around?

But it left me something to hold on... you'll be back again because you didn't said goodbye. I keep waiting until you come back, and if that time will come, I will surely grab the chance to confess to you.

I thought I will wait long but after two years you came back. I am so glad, and I thought I have already earned the courage to confess my feelings to you. But when I saw you with your widest smile, my tongue flip and again I cannot say a word.

You really affect my system that when I saw you I cannot move and couldn't compose a sentence. You have great impact to me.

You're every girls dream. You're smart that I can say, you really deserved to become our class valedictorian in high school.

You're matured and wise. Cheerful and kind. Caring and gentle. You really can't blame me falling in love with you. I wish our feelings are mutual but again I scolded myself. How can I not become contended of what we are now?

Silly me. I should learn where to stop taking from you. How can I give if you have everything. And I don't want this time, I who's just taking and taking from you. It's about time to pay back my debts to you.

So one afternoon when we went out, I asked him if how I can pay him for all the things he'd done for me. He laugh and pull me closer to him. It was so fast that I couldn't even realize that he was hugging me. This is a dream come true. I was in cloud nine, that feeling.

But what he said surprised me. As in it caught me off guard and made me speechless. He whispered in my left ear and I can feel his breathe in my skin. He said "this is over enough payment."

Am I dreaming? This is really true? That it is really happening?

I can hear my heart beating fast. I was occupied of what he had told me. We separated after about 15 minutes. He was looking straight to my eyes. I can't read his eyes but I am sure he was happy. Can he reads mine and see how I desired him to be my man?

Weeks had passed after that. The way he treats me never changed.

What should I do? I expected more. More that I even thought he will courted me. Or maybe it is only me who thinks our feelings is mutual.

I am so selfish to want that you could notice my feelings also. How I love you. How I want to be in your side forever.

Is my love really had hope? Or its really me making things complicated?

But then if it is just a dream to love you, I am still grateful to God that you'd noticed me nine years ago.

I love you Yohsef Lee.. Am still hoping in the end It's You and Me.

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Thanks for reading God bless!!!! Sorry for typos and grammatical errors.

"The Girl I stalked" was it's book 2. Read to find out what happened. Thank you :))