"Who the fuck are you?" Ryder asked Jack.

He was getting angrier by the second and I feared the repercussions I would have to face once Jack was gone.

"I'm here for Hadley."

"Who the fuck is Hadley?" Ryder shot the question at me but I kept refused to answer.

In this type of situation it was best not to talk back as it invariably escalated the situation into beatings where I was the receiver of his frustration.

Most people feared pain, but to me, the physical pain kept the emotional pain at bay.

I was high, I just wanted to be left alone to savor each peaceful second of it before reality began to seep back.

Jack would leave and go back to his world, while I suffered in mine. There would be no forgiveness, no moving forward.

I closed my eyes briefly trying to hold onto the buzz in my veins, not caring what happened around me. Curling up into the fetal position I ignored everything other than the fleeting time of being able to shut out my past and the trauma that had followed me from that day.

"I just want her," I heard Jack explain.

"And why would I let you take her?" Ryder asked, in his usual don't give a fuck attitude. He was spoiling for a fight.

"You see if I have to leave here without her, I'm not going to be happy man. And that might make me vindictive."

I opened an eye to watch Jack and Ryder.

"And I can be pretty vindictive." Jack's voice was relaxed but the tension was visible in his shoulders.

"Why do you want her? She is nothing."

His words should have hurt, but they didn't. He was right. Since that day my world had changed, my fate had been set. Pain lived in every moment and breath.

Jack's shoulders tensed. "Then let me take her."

They stared at each other for a few tense moments.

"Have her, I don't care," Ryder spat at him before turning and heading back to the bedroom.

Jack watched his departure before he turned to kneel beside me.

I stared at him as he lifted me. It brought so many memories back. I held onto his shirt.

"I got you," he murmured. I could feel the warmth of his breath against the top of my head.

I was back in the darkness, scared out of my mind. Holding onto him so tightly my hands ached.

"No," I whispered, not wanting relive those memories.

"Shhh...," He murmured, trying to soothe me. He hugged me tighter to his body and I lay my head against his shoulder.

I didn't have the energy to argue, instead I closed my eyes and let him take me. Resigned, I let the haze of drugs pull me deeper, further away from reality.

**********

I tried to swallow but my throat felt so dry. I blinked at the brightness and lifted a hand to shield my eyes as I took in the unfamiliar room.

Where the fuck was I? And where the fuck was Ryder?

I was still only dressed in my underwear. I felt so vulnerable. My hands trembled and I clasped them together to stop them from shaking.

The same fear that had awakened in me three years earlier kicked into gear and I was right back to the sixteen year old girl who was terrified she was going to die. My heart began to race as I slid slowly from the bed, trying to make as little noise.

It took all my willpower not to fly into a full blown panic attack. I had to stay calm to deal with the situation.

The room was bare of any personal affects. It was clean. I tried to remember what happened but it was too fuzzy for me to remember much. It was the drugs.

I shivered as I approached the door, afraid of what I would encounter. I had to stop myself from allowing my past to send me over the edge.

Slowly I turned the door handle, wincing when it made a bit of squeak that seemed to echo in the room. I took a slow breath as I eased the door opening a crack, trying to pear out but there was nothing.

My hand shook as I opened the door wide enough to walk through. My heart was beating so fast I took a steady breath trying to keep calm. Hesitantly I peered out but the hallway was empty.

The panic was so acute, I found it almost impossible to breath. If I allowed myself to panic I wouldn't be able to keep a clear head. It was a reminder of all the things I had learned from when I had been kidnapped.

I took a second to force those thoughts out of my mind, otherwise it was game over for me. I wouldn't be able to function if I was pulled back to the most traumatic event I had ever experienced.

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as I took a step. My heart was thumping so hard I feared it would break free from my chest, it pounded in my ears. It took everything in me to take another step instead of holing myself up in the room for fear of what lay beyond the door.

My breath was shaky as I moved down the hallway, taking one tentative step at a time. My eyes on the lookout for any kind of threat. Straining my ears for any sound but there was only silence, other than my breathing.

I trembled, feeling myself waver under the growing fear that something really bad was going to happen. I didn't know where I was, or even how I had gotten here. Fear clawed it's way from inside of me.

I shook my head momentarily, trying to concentrate on the present and not allow the fear to take me back to the dark memories from my past.

My survival depended on the course I took right now. Every decision between life and death. I knew the importance of making the right choice at the right time. My fate would have been very different if I hadn't escaped.

I exhaled as I took in the barely furnished living room. There was a TV and sofa but there were no pictures, no personal touch.

My eyes went straight to the front door, my only means of escape. I stopped myself from allowing the desperation to take over, instead I slowly made my way to the door hoping and praying I would get out of here.

The front door opened. I stopped, holding my breath.

In the doorway stood Jack. Jack. Alice's brother.

The breath I held expelled from my lungs in one swoop and I was right back in that dark forest, alone and shaking convinced I was going die.

"Had."

His voice stretched over the distance and time. I could hear him calling out for me desperately in the forest, waving a flashlight in any direction to catch sight of me.

"Jack," I breathed.

Emotions swirled and I felt like my chest was going to explode.

He entered the apartment and closed the door behind him. "You're finally awake."

"I..um..." I was speechless. It was like my heart had stopped and restarted but my ability to think was suspended.

My emotions seesawing between relief, fear and something else. Something I hadn't felt in last three years. I swallowed, my eyes glued to him.

Suddenly, I felt nearly naked dressed only in a white tank top and panties. Feeling self conscious I crossed my arms by my waist and very aware I was barefoot.

"I got you some stuff. I guessed your size." He took out some clothing then looked back over his shoulder at me. "You've lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you."

It had been years since I had seen him. He was always in the nightmares I suffered through when I wasn't drugged up.

He was acting so normal and this was anything but that. His dark hair was a little longer than I remembered, there was a confidence in him that hadn't been there before.

"What am I doing here Jack?"

He sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck before facing me.

"You don't remember?"

I swallowed nervously, hating that someone I had cared about was seeing me like this. I looked down at myself. The needle marks on my porcelain white skin were a testament to my downward spiral.

I shook my head slowly as I raised my eyes to meet his. The softness in his eyes nearly undid me on the spot. I braced myself against it.

He had been the one to leave, not me. He had left me lost in his wake.