18th October, 2022

I know things looked great on the outside for us, but deep down, our relationship was already struggling. No, it wasn't like we weren't trying to make things work. On the contrary, we had been putting in double the effort. Due to our tight schedules, we could barely meet. To compensate, we would talk the whole night, sleep less, do our work on video calls, and even have our meals together virtually. In some ways, we were preparing for a post-Covid work environment well before it even raised its ugly head to terrorize the world.

But still, we could feel the stress of long-distance building up. We were quite liberal partners as such, but then insecurities crept in. I wished she would be selected for our university, but then fate had other plans. She wasn't selected there but into another college in the remote corners of our state.

I am an overly protective person, and it's my worst and best trait. I still believe that before my closest people settle in a new place, I should be there by them to ensure no one exploits them or hurts them. So, I am sure you could imagine my frustration when she had to go to this college in a remote place, with new people, and I was stuck in my damned university, appearing for examinations. I mean, there is a silent rivalry between the Medical and Engineering colleges in India which sours the educational ecosystem of the nation and creates rifts between doctor-engineer couples

Anyways, so in this commotion, change of places, and new environment, our relationship was duly pushed to the back of our minds. We did talk, as we had a schedule, but then those calls were more of a formality and much less of an interaction. While this change was undergoing, our insecurities reappeared.

I know Evelyn might also be reading this book, and she could be surfing through Wattpad, struggling with the advert breaks in between to read a dissection of the relationship we shared. Who knows? Well, if you are reading this Evelyn, do you remember the day when I shouted at you when that creep touched the buttons of your college uniform? I wasn't pissed at you. I wasn't. This is on a book Evelyn, and I ain't lying. I was shouting at myself. I regretted not being there, and not protecting your self-esteem. Yes, I know you are an independent woman, and you still are happy. But that day, I know what I did hurt you, and I wish we could bury that hatchet long before it beheaded our relationship. I guess just like I used to be late at picking up your calls, I am late, very late at clarifying. But I wish I could tell you that I wasn't wrong, neither were you.
___

As time moved on, a year turned into two,
With time and distance our misunderstandings just grew;
I knew as much as we were in love, the distance was causing us pain,
This complication meant our perfect relationship was getting harder to maintain.

I remember our first major argument, it was for a trivial matter,
I was just trying to tell the truth, but it made me look like a hater;
"But Evelyn, don't make me look like I am the wrong one."
"Shekhar, do you think fighting with you is fun?"

"Eve, I know I should have let you in the matter",
"But in the urgency, I felt not letting others in was so much better";
"So I am now in the others category", she said with frustration,
I realized my vocabulary had only worsened the situation.

"You know what," she said, "I was wrong in thinking you would care",
"Why do you need my views when your capable friends are there";
"I have been waiting for months to see you in person",
"But now I feel the Shekhar I loved was a different version".

"Evelyn, what was that? You know I care for your views",
"But in such a tight schedule, I had no time to think and choose";
"But I promise I shall inform you; I will take your views, I swear",
"Forget it man", she said in disgust, "You think I still care?"

Before I could say another word, she dropped the call and went cold,
It was then I realized without her around, I was a mess uncontrolled;
I later found out she had blocked me on calls, and she went silent on chats too,
That night was a living nightmare I had to go through.

What she did, she did in care, I knew she wasn't mistaken,
But deep in me, the hope of the future I had dreamt of was truly shaken,
A night's sleep did heal the wounds, but the scars were gaping through,
But I hope you realize now that I wasn't wrong, and neither were you!
___