Namjoon knew what relationships were supposed to be like. Dates, kisses, warmth filled embraces. Understanding your partner's problems and knowing them for who they are and loving them regardless. All of that he knew from books and movies. Books and movies had romanticized love in such a way that Namjoon had looked forward to the day he found that someone that he wanted to shower in his affection. He had found that person in Baekhyun. 

He could remember the beginning of their relationship being sweet just like the books and movies had foretold. It had been like a dream that he prayed he'd never wake up from. However, reality struck and he was forced to open his eyes. His lover's embraces which were once warm and overflowing with admiration were now cold and obsolete. The looks he once got that were full of desire and longing now only displayed malice and greed. The kisses where sparks had ignited had simmered down to smoking coals with no hope of relighting. Baekhyun had simply shed that bright and vibrant, all accepting shell he had worn since he had met Namjoon and revealed the him that was not so attractive. 

Even though the older had lost all sense of acceptance, Namjoon's feet stayed firm where they were. He picked up all of what Baekhyun had dropped and spoiled him with it. He tried to understand that not everyone is as they say to be, that underneath that well polished armor that we build up, we are an entirely different person. He tried to understand that he had finally made his boyfriend comfortable enough around him to slip out of the armor and prance about with confidence. His efforts became enough for him to stick around without a second question. Namjoon was too blinded by the storybooks' idea of love and trying to make things work that he didn't notice how his efforts were only feeding an attention fueled monster. 

Baekhyun had begun using his boyfriend's traits against him, to get what he wanted and only what he wanted. Baekhyun had used Namjoon's innocence and naivety to his advantage. He'd go out and get drunk and flirt about, maybe even hook up with a person or two before returning home and explaining to Namjoon that it was all the younger's fault that he couldn't remain sober and sometimes even loyal if Namjoon noticed. He had Namjoon strung around his finger and he couldn't have enjoyed the forced attention more. He failed to notice the effect all of this was having on the younger, even if he did, would he have really cared? Namjoon had begun to doubt himself. He had begun to doubt that he was enough. Why else would Baekhyun go out and get drunk? Why else would he be in bed with another? He poured his all into their relationship only to get shreds back. It was part of Baekhyun's game, a game he was beginning to get bored with. He was tired of Namjoon not sticking up for himself. It wasn't fun when the target just took it all without even blinking. It wasn't fun when they forgave you without bite.

When Namjoon returned home after work to find any sign of his boyfriend ever being there removed, he fell apart. It had finally happened, he had become too little; not enough and his lover was gone. Namjoon sank down into the corner of his bedroom and brought his knees to his chest as tears cascaded down his cheeks and ugly sobs erupted from his mouth. If he had just done more, if he had just been more, this wouldn't be happening. If he had done everything and more that Baekhyun had wanted and expected of him, maybe he'd still be downstairs waiting for Namjoon to join him for dinner. Maybe if he had shown how much he loved and cherished the older more than he did, the empty space in the bed next to him would be warm and full. If he had just been more. 

Namjoon's heart had been torn from his body and tossed somewhere so far away that he doubted he'd ever retrieve it. It all hurt so much. As Namjoon's tears came so close to drowning him and his self hatred so close to making him fall into an endless slumber, he made up his mind. Love was meant for those who were enough. Who could be enough and show that they were to their lover. Love was meant for someone who was not him. So, he'd just have to change.

Word Count: 771

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Namjoon's character is really hard to write for because I keep reusing old thoughts and it's just endless repetition. I hope to get this sorted out soon :)
Thank you for reading WY,IFN and I'll see you next week!