When I woke up, the sun had already lightened the sky to a bright blue. My alarm hadn't gone off yet. I glanced at my phone. Almost 7AM. Practice would start in twenty minutes.

I had stopped training.

After our last match, after seeing Chloe there – I couldn't find the motivation to get out of bed. And so, I had stopped setting early alarms. I started sleeping in with the sun. I guess it was an excuse – a way to skip my solo practice without admitting the real reason.

At first, I said it was temporary. I would fall back into my routine. Eventually. I was catching up on sleep. I just needed a break. A week passed. And then two. And I kept sleeping in, until today.

I sighed, stretching my arms to the ceiling, feeling my muscles stiffen, listening to the quiet pop of my bones. There was no way I'd fall back asleep, so I figured that I might as well get to the field a little early and do some stretches.

Aspen's birthday had been a weeklong break from soccer. She was the same Aspen that she always was. I guess I expected it to be a little awkward. It had been weeks since I'd responded to a text, months since we'd seen each other, and all those months ago, I had liked her. Except she loved Isaac, and we both knew, there was nothing we could do about the people we loved.

But then she was there, hugging me, and Isaac was slapping me over the head, teasing me about my haircut the way he would have years ago. Everything was so normal, and yet different.

Aspen's birthday had been a welcome break. It was easy, falling back into old friendships, being teased about my shorter hair, feeling familiar arms hug me and familiar voices laugh with me.

But before long, the questions came.

How's college going? Are you enjoying classes? Have you made friends? Have you been going to any parties? How's soccer going?

And there was the paranoia. Had Chloe told them about the match? Had they figured it out? Were my answers too obvious? And despite their smiles, I felt nervous. Worried. They had to know. They knew. They knew.

And then they were talking about their college lives. Of course, Isaac was going to parties left and right. He'd done well in an assignment and had an opportunity to display his art in a gallery, depending on how his finals went. Even William, dorky, nerdy William from high school, had become popular to the point that his girlfriend was fending girls off left and right.

Then it fell it to me.

Have you made friends? How are your teammates? What are they like?

And unexpectedly, I'd started missing Flora, for her observational skills and the way she could easily catch the tension in the room and dispel it without a problem. For her light-hearted nature, the way she always saw the best in others, the way she eagerly started conversations, only to turn shy and shrink into herself.

And even more unexpectedly, I started missing Rowan. I missed his stupid glares and arrogant smirks. I missed how he teased me without a filter. I missed his fingers in my hair that night we'd gotten drunk. I missed his sleeping face, the way his hand curled under his head on the grass.

God. I took a cold shower and was on the field minutes later.

Despite being later than I usually got up, the air was still cold. I crossed my arms over my chest, holding my jumper close as I walked across the field. I was halfway across the grass before I paused.

He was there.

Of course, he was. Because, for some reason, he thought that the edge of a soccer field was the perfect place to read classic novels.

While I'd seen Flora in a few classes since coming back, I hadn't seen Rowan at all, other than the wordless glances from across the field.

Sometimes, we'd finish team training and he'd be there, at the edge of the field with his book tucked beneath his arm. I'd turn to him, notice the way he'd start towards me, but something always stopped me. A lurch in my stomach. My pulse quickening. And I'd turn, grabbing my bag and fleeing to my dorms.

After a week, he stopped trying.

I didn't look at him as I approached the bench, dumping my bag on the floor and pulling my sweatshirt over my head. It was starting to turn colder, and I shivered as I lowered myself to the ground, stretching the muscles in my legs out.

I pretended not to notice the feeling of Rowan's eyes on me as I stretched. Minutes later, when his shadow fell over me, I kept my eyes trained on my boots.

"Where the hell were you?"

I didn't look up. "Good morning to you too, Baines."

"Where the hell were you?" he repeated.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"You've missed training every day for the past two weeks!"

"That's not true," I said, finally meeting his eye. He glared down at me with arms crossed over his chest. "I've attended every team practice. Otherwise, I'd be kicked off the team and lose my scholarship."

"Yes. Sebastian. I could see that, while you were so clearly avoiding me, but that's not what I'm talking about. You've trained every morning before sunrise, and for what? Just to – to quit? Just like that?"

"I didn't quit," I murmured, turning back to my shoes. Stretching. Avoiding. "I'm here, aren't I?"

"Oh!" Rowan scoffed, releasing a bitter laugh. "The bare minimum. Right."

My blood boiled and I strained to keep my eyes down. "Why do you care so much?"

"Why do I care so much? Really, Seb? Why did you quit?" Rowan's voice matched my anger, but I didn't dare to look up at him. Instead, I twisted my body to stretch my left leg and shrugged nonchalantly.

"I gave up," I said. "Who cares?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"What?"

"So, that's it?" He moved closer, his shoes sinking into the grass. "What? Coach doesn't put you on the starting line-up. Some people make fun of your playing. You got embarrassed. Is that it?"

I stayed silent. I could feel his anger radiating off him, but I didn't have the patience for him today. Who was he to confront me about my decisions? He didn't understand. He didn't even know me.

We were barely even friends.

"Sebastian," he said. He kneeled beside me and I blinked, turning to face him. He stared at me with a wrinkled brow, his voice lowering as he spoke in a way that I'd never heard from him before. "Seb."

"What?" I repeated, though this time, the word came out weaker. Quieter. His jaw twitched, sensing my hesitations, and I tore my eyes away from his, swallowing hard. "You don't get it."

"What don't I get?"

"I just –" I sighed, turning back to face him. "It's just... I was the best player in my high school. In my town. That was who I was – Sebastian Georges, the soccer player. The one who was on the field constantly. The one who scored all the goals. And now..."

He stared at me and I ran a hand over my face, suddenly feeling insecure.

"So, what? You're not Mr Popular now and that upsets you?" Rowan asked. I spun to him, eyes blazing, just to see him smiling at me, teasing. He rested a hand on my shoulder – large and firm. "Seb. You're here on a soccer scholarship. You're a college athlete. And at Pyrus. How many people from your school can say the same?"

I let out a breath, watching it condense in a cloud in front of my lips. He was right. I knew he was right, and yet – he squeezed my shoulder and I looked at him.

"I just – when I saw Chloe at that game, I was so humiliated. And then when I visited my friends that weekend, all their questions... I don't know. And now Thanksgiving break's coming up and I'm going to have to break the news to everyone that it turns out I'm barely a mediocre soccer player, much less a good one."

Suddenly, he was shoving my shoulders and I was falling back onto the grass. I lay there for a second, staring at the sky with unblinking eyes. Shock rippled through me. Then, I bolted upright, glaring at him.

"What the fuck?"

"You got a scholarship, didn't you?" he snapped. He shoved me again, but this time I was prepared and barely budged. "You're talented, Sebastian. You're fucking incredible! I just – you need to get it through your thick head. Who gives a shit about anyone else?"

"I do!" I shouted back. "I was that guy in high school. The one everyone fucking adored. And you know what? I never cared. And then I came here and everyone fucking hates me, and I don't know anyone here, and I don't know how to make friends and – just – I wanted to prove myself. And I couldn't. I can't."

"Listen to yourself," Rowan said. I met his brown eyes, and he shook his head, a sad look settling on his face. "Who are you proving yourself to?"

"I don't know." My voice wavered and I frowned deeply. "The team? The coach? Reed? I just – I want to prove them wrong."

He released a loud laugh. "Reed? That asshole? Seb, you're way better than that. And yeah, maybe the others have the benefit of connections and friends, but what does that have to do with soccer? Hard work? Goal... shooting... touch downs..."

"Touch downs?"

"I don't know," he sputtered, lifting his hands. "Offsides, and travelling, and double dribbles. Whatever."

"How do you manage to watch every one of our practices and not absorb a single piece of information?"

"First of all, I don't watch your practices, I read," he said, lifting a brow.

I snorted. "Right."

"Second of all," he continued, ignoring me, "You're missing the point. You earned your place here, just like the rest of them. If anything, you earned it more since you didn't go to St Mark's, or were a legacy kid like Reed and Alex. You deserve to be here, Seb. Give yourself a chance."

I stared at him.

I'd never thought of it like that. Earning that scholarship had been the best moment of my life – what everything had been leading up to. And then I got it.

It was amazing at first. My parents took me out for dinner, I threw a party, but then what?

It felt like my entire world had been ripped out from beneath me. I expected to be good. I wasn't. I expected to make friends. I didn't. When everything you built yourself up towards vanishes, what do you do then?

Who do you become?

"You deserve your spot, Seb," Rowan said after a pause. "But you're going to have to keep fighting for it. You'll get there, in time."

"You think?" I asked finally, my voice croaky.

He smiled, that usual arrogant, teasing smile, and he shrugged. "Who cares what I think? What do you think?"

"I think that I'm the worst player on the team," I said.

"Ah." He held up a finger. "But you're on the team."

I laughed, rolling my eyes, and he grinned at me. I turned to properly face him, giving up on my morning stretches.

"Hey," I said. "What are you doing on Thanksgiving break?"

"The break? Probably just staying here. Reading, or whatever." He tilted his head at me. "Why?"

I sent him a half-shrug, tugging at the grass beneath me. "You want to come to my hometown?"

"What?" he sputtered, eyes widening. "Like – where your family is?"

"Ugh, don't get me started on them," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm seriously not looking forward to all the questions I'll be hounded with. The disappointed looks. Maybe you'll make it at least a little more fun. They can't attack me when we have a guest, right?"

He shifted. "I don't know..."

"Oh, come on!" I said, pulling myself up to my feet. He stood with me, eyeing my cautiously. "Who the hell reads for the whole break?"

"I do, Seb."

"Well, don't! It'll be fun. I swear."

He frowned, his eyes flickering over my shoulder. I could hear my team approaching behind us but refused to break eye contact – willing him to say yes. Waiting.

"I'm just – I'm not great with meeting new people, and –"

"I have, like, a hundred siblings. No one will even notice you're there."

"– and I've got a few essays to write, and there's a really good new book that just came out –"

"Come on, man." I rested a hand on his shoulder and he finally paused, staring at me. I lifted a brow. "Just say yes, okay?"

He hesitated, his brow furrowing and lips twisting, until finally, he muttered, "Okay, I guess..."

"Great!" I exclaimed before he could take it back. My team was becoming louder now and I began walking backwards to join them, still refusing to lose eye contact with Rowan. "Just start packing, okay! Comfy clothes! My family's not formal or anything."

"I – wait! I –"

"And I'll see tomorrow, 8AM! I'm driving!" I called out, starting to jog now. "Be packed, I'll meet you at your dorm!"

"Seb!"

I grinned, throwing him a wink. "See you then!"

And before he could say anything else, I turned and went to training, my mind somewhere between soccer and the three-hour car drive I'd be stuck in tomorrow morning.

▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey! I hope you liked this chapter! Thank you so much for reading and as always let me know what you thought! I can't believe how quickly this story has gone by - there's only 5 chapters left 😭

Next time: a home visit hehe

ps Seb's visit to Aspen is based on the epilogue of Caffeine, if any of yall remember it!