Chapter TWENTY-THREE

I THINK I MESSED UP WITH NATE.

  I sent a text to Mickey the next morning. I hadn't heard from Nate at all, since I got out of his car the previous evening. I didn't know if he was mad at me of I was mad at him. 

   I THOUGHT YOU WERE ENDING IT SOON?

   9 DAYS.

  SO WHAT HAPPENED?

  IT DOESN'T MATTER.

   OKAY.

  HANG OUT TODAY? I asked her.

   I CANT 'TIL LATER. DAD AND I ARE GOING TO PORT WALDEN TO TAKE SOME STUFF.

   My heart sank, fast. The fact that she was moving away kept slipping my mind, then reappearing with a sharp stab. I didn't want her to know how much this hurt me.

   OKAY, LATER, I finished.

   When later came, I was watching a movie with Talia, something that hadn't happened in forever. She and I had spent the afternoon on a walk to the coffee shop, as I promised her a donut. She was happy, finally. She laughed and told me things that I always wished she would. Now, finally, we were good again. She didn't resent me anymore. She had stopped blaming me for everything. She was finally forgiving me.

   Of course, today she was only hanging out with me because Tyce was visiting his grandparents for the day. But still. It was progress.

   Mickey walked right in that evening, her eyes red and puffy. I looked at her for exactly one second before I knew something bad had happened.

   "What?" I asked right away, standing up.

    She fell into me, crying again into my shoulder. Mickey cried at sad movies, lost dog posters, those commercials on TV with the sick kids in hospitals. But this was different. She looked broken.

   "I'm moving in two weeks," she said. I already knew this. We'd already cried about this. "And TJ just broke up with me."

   "Oh my God," I said under my breath. "What?"

   She was sobbing, hardly able to catch her breath. "He said it's better for us, to give each other space."

   "Space?" I repeated.

   "He's such an asshole. It's not like I want to move."

   I hugged her again. "He's just trying to cope with the fact that you're moving. Maybe -"

   "We were together for eight months. All of junior year. I wasted all that time, with him."

   "No, you didn't waste that time. Maybe this is just a bump in the road," I told her, hoping it was true, for her. "And if not... screw him. He should be able to adapt to this..."

   "Maybe," Mickey sighed, her cheeks still wet from tears.

   I took in a deep breath. "You want to watch the rest of this movie with us?"

   She nodded and we sat down together. Talia unpaused the movie. But now all I could think about was how Nate had opened up, told me his fears, and how I'd gotten defensive immediately, rather than supportive. We were supposed to have nine days left, and I'd ruined that, too.

   Sitting at Don's two hours later, Mickey and I each had a milkshake and we were sharing onion rings.

   "I'll miss hanging here, with you," she said, a sad look on her face.

   "I'll miss it more," I told her. "But we will be fine. We can get through anything."

   She smiled. "True. And I'm sure Port Walden has tons of hot guys."

   "I'm sure it does," I laughed. "I'll just be here, in a school full of guys I've already dated."

    She burst out laughing, smacking the table. "You should have dated less guys. Are there any guys worth dating who will be seniors?"

   I shook my head. "Seems unlikely. I'll just be a hermit."

   "You're too hot to be a hermit," she grinned.

   My phone buzzed.

   I'M SORRY I MADE YOU MAD LAST NIGHT. Nate.

   Mickey glanced down at my phone, which was on the table.

   "Ooh, you didn't ruin it with him," she commented.

   "Well, I'm not texting back," I said.

   "Why?"

   "I want to enjoy this time with you. He's a distraction."

   Mickey looked concerned. "Are you okay, Bea? Like, actually okay?"

   "I'm fine. Why?" I told her.

  "You're losing your best friend, your boyfriend... you legitimately lost your shit last time -"

   "Stop," I said loudly.

   "I'm just saying -"

  "No. I'm not having another meltdown. I'm not going to hurt myself. I was thirteen. I think I've grown up a bit since then."

   She smiled. "Maybe a bit."

   "Mick, I'm okay. I'm not losing you. You're just going to be somewhere else," I told her. "I would tell you if I wasn't okay."

   "Okay, good," she finished.

   We were quiet for a few minutes and I considered texting Nate back. We could still have nine days together. But I only had fourteen days with my best friend, and she was way more important than any guy.

   "Are you really not going to text him back?" Mickey asked me, sipping her milkshake.

   I shook my head. "I'd rather just be done with it."

   "What if he's your... one?" she asked, completely serious.

   "Seriously? You know I don't believe in that crap. No one is meant to be with anyone. Love is not real, not like that."

   Mickey stared at me, her mouth open. She did not know what to say. She was a hopeless romantic. She had only had one boyfriend before TJ and she was serious about him, too. She believed in true love, and in happily-ever-afters. Even now, after TJ had broken her heart, I was sure she still believed her true love was out there somewhere.

   "Sorry," I said quickly. "So, what if TJ is your one?"

   "Then we will find out way back together, somehow. Maybe he's right. Maybe space is good," she shrugged.

   "I'll let you know if he's hooking up with anyone else," I laughed.

   "Oh god, please don't."

   "I was kidding," I told her, squeezing her hand across the table.

   She glanced at her phone, then forced a big smile at me. "Don't hate me."

   "What do you mean?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

   "I told Davis you're here."

   "Mickey, seriously? What the hell?" I yelled.

   She was smiling, still. "He's crazy about you. Don't push him away because you're scared of that."

   "I'm not."

   "Really?"

   "I'm... leaving," I said, shuffling through my wallet for cash for the milkshakes. "You can hang out with him when he gets here."

   "Bea!" she called after me, but I was already out the door.

   But, of course, parked next to my car was his, and he was leaning against the trunk, his arms folded across his chest. I couldn't avoid this, not now. Slowly, I walked closer to him, stopping a few feet away.

   "I'm sorry," he started. His t-shirt made his eyes pop. His hair was brushed off his forehead. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

   "It's fine. Maybe I overreacted," I said, shoving my hands into my back pockets of my jeans.

   "No, you didn't. I know that ending this is what you want, so I'm trying to be okay with it," he told me.

   It's not what I want. I wanted to tell him. Instead, I said, "It's definitely best for both of us. You need to spread your wings, at college. I would be holding you back."

   He took a step closer to me. I knew he wanted to touch me. He wanted to argue, that he did not want to spread his wings. He wanted me. I knew he was biting his tongue. But he nodded, smiling at me. "Eight days?"

   I smiled back, grabbing for his hand. "Eight days."