Chapter TWELVE

Things progressed fairly slowly, after that conversation in his car. We kissed, made out, even, but I think we were both afraid of taking it any further. We didn't know what would change, or how. Being with Nat was good, and it was just what I didn't know I needed.

   Instead of spending time in the music room at school, we started sitting outside together, at lunch. The weather was nicer now, as it had been a few weeks, and there was only three weeks until school was out for the summer. I still noticed things, like how Tucker was now dating Anna Beaks, a Sophomore, and how Carter was doing everything in his power to pretend I didn't exist. I missed him, but I was busy, and preoccupied. Life went on.

   Nate was graduating and was going to college three hours away, in the fall. We had not talked about it, besides that bit of information. I didn't even know how the summer was going to go. I usually liked to plan everything, knowing what to expect was a preference of mine. But with him, I didn't want to know.

   "Have you guys had sex?" Mickey asked me one evening, as we laid on her bed together. We were supposed to be studying for exams, but we hadn't opened any textbooks yet.

   "No," I said, but felt weird even telling her.

   "Why not?" she wanted to know.

   "I don't know," I shrugged.

   "Do you want to?"

   "Yeah, all the time."

    She laughed, nudging me. "Maybe he's freaked out a bit. It'll be like his first time all over again."

   I hadn't considered this, but she was right. Maybe he was avoiding going past third base for that very reason. I was nervous, too, as I'd only ever done it with Tucker. I knew it would be different. I wasn't in a rush because I didn't want things to change between us.

   That night, I got home late and walked quietly through the kitchen. The stairs creaked as I went up to my room, like always. Talia's door was open, a crack. This wasn't unusual, and I always walked right past, to get to my bedroom.

   "Bea?" she called out, making me jump.

   "Yeah?" I poked my head in, waiting.

   "Come in?"

   I pushed the door further open and stepped into her room, realizing fast that I hadn't been in there in a long time. It smelled like peach body spray. She was on her bed, but sat up as I walked in.

   "You've had sex, right?" she asked right away. She wasn't wasting any time.

   Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was wearing her glasses, which only happened just before she went to bed. She'd gotten glasses when she was only seven, as she was nearsighted. As soon as she was allowed to, at thirteen, she got contact lenses and ditched the glasses, except at home.

   "Uh, yeah. With Tucker," I said, trying not to look uncomfortable with this conversation. I hadn't planned to talk to her about sex any time soon.

   "Not Davis?" she wanted to know.

   I shook my head, "Not yet."

   "So, Tyce is going to basketball camp for three weeks in July, in Greenborough. I think I want to have sex with him before he leaves," she went on, looking away. She picked at her blanket for a second, while I tried to figure out what to say.

   "Why?" I asked finally.

   "So he knows I love him."

   "But you can tell him that, without having sex."

   "He wants to do it," she told me, lowering her voice.

   "All guys want to do it. But he should want to wait until you're ready. You're only fourteen." I shuttered, thinking of this. She was a kid.

   This actually made my heart hurt a bit. I had screwed up a lot, but even I was already sixteen before I lost my virginity to Tucker.

   "I'll be fifteen in two weeks," she reminded me.

   "Right. Did dad send the details for your trip?" I changed the subject for a minute.

   She shook her head. "Still waiting."

   "Ugh... he will."

   "So... what's it like? Does it hurt?" Back to talking about sex. With my fourteen-year-old sister.

   I took in a deep breath. "Has Tyce done it?"

   "No."

   "Okay. It will be... awkward, maybe, at first. And probably won't last long. It might hurt." She was just staring at me with her eyes wide open. "Use protection," I added.

   "Obviously." She rolled her eyes, like she already knew this.

   "Tal, Tyce knows you love him," I smiled at her.

   "I know." She nodded, but wasn't looking at me.

   "Sex won't make things perfect forever."

   "I know," she repeated.

   Talia was more grown up than I gave her credit for. The fact that she had even called me into her room to ask about sex proved that. She was forgiving me, slowly. She was almost ready to be real sisters again - I could feel it.

   "I think you and Tyce are going to be great. Even after your trip to Paris and his basketball camp," I finished.

   "Thanks, Bea." She was really smiling. At me.

   I nodded. "Night."

  Two weeks before Nate's graduation, we were hanging out at his house, which was rare. I had met his parents a few times, but his house was loud, busy and there were always people home. His mom insisted on the "open door" policy, when girls were over. Although she admitted it had been a long time since she had had to enforce it. She knew all about Nate's past and his current celibate state. But I was sure she also knew that could all change fast. We were teenagers, after all.

   We were on his bed, half watching a TV show on his tablet and half making out. I kept telling him to stop, as I knew his mom was just downstairs. But he kept kissing my neck, rubbing his scruffy face against mine. He knew I liked that.

   Suddenly, his mom was in the doorway. Nate sat up, smiling at her.

   "Staying for dinner, Bea?" she asked, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder.

   "Uh, sure. Thanks," I replied, forcing a smile.

   "Of course. See you two downstairs in fifteen," she said.

   "Thanks, Mom!" Nate called out in a silly voice, then turned back to me to start kissing my neck again.

   "Do you think your mom likes me?" I asked him, my mind racing.

   "She just invited you to dinner," he answered, confused.

   "Yeah, but... I don't know. Maybe she doesn't actually like me."

   "She likes you," he said, grinning. "And I really like you."

   "Yeah?" I asked, smiling at him.

   "Yes."

   "Nate!" a voice called. A brother.

   He grumbled. "What?"

   A small boy, his youngest brother, was in the room a moment later. Not just in the doorway, but in the bedroom, walking closer to us. I'd only ever "met" his youngest brothers in passing, not fully been introduced. They were little and were usually too big having a Nerf gun fight or wrestling in the living room to pay attention to Nate and I.

   "Abbott, personal space," Nate said quickly.

   "Who's she?" the boy asked.

   "She's my girlfriend, Bea," he answered, not hesitating. "What do you want?"

   "Remember you said you'd play my game with me today? I can't beat the level -"

   "I will. Later."

   "Later?" the little boy asked.

   "Yes," Nate said, then added, "Promise."

   "Okay."

   I smiled at Nate as his brother left the room again. It was so sweet, how he acted around his brother. Now I noticed just how blue Nate's eyes were, and he looked like he should be in a GAP commercial, messy hair and all. It wasn't as if I was only realizing this now, but I had grown to like everything about him - his hair (which, at first, I thought was way too long), his laugh, the way he always wanted to be right. And I'd learned how to be around him without always wanting to rip off his clothes. Progress.

   "What?" he asked me now, as I was still just staring at him, smiling.

   "Girlfriend," I said.

   "Oh, right. Well, I thought we were at that point?" He looked a bit unsure.

   "Are we?" I asked.

   "Well, now I'm not so sure," he said, laughing. "You don't want me to call you my girlfriend?"

   "I do. But are you ready for that?" I asked back.

   "Are you?" he teased.

   I kissed him instead of answering, and then his mom was calling us down for dinner.

   "You two," she began, pointing at Nate and Thayne after we were all sitting around the table. "Can we trust you this weekend?"

   "What's this weekend?" Thayne asked, chewing his chicken burger.

   "Rogers has a soccer tournament in Greenborough. We are staying Friday night and will be back late Saturday," she explained.

   "Who's all going?" Thayne wanted to know, clearly interested.

   "Well, I was just going to take the boys, Dad was going to stay home. But we were thinking maybe we can trust you two here, for two days..."

   "Yes! Oh, yeah, you can," Thayne said quickly, practically yelling.

   "Nate?" their dad spoke up. He was tall and muscular and had a dark beard with some grey. "Thoughts?"

   "My thoughts? I can keep Thayne out of trouble for two days," Nate replied, glancing at me.

   "No parties, no drinking, no girls," their mom said. "No offense, Bea."

   "No problem," I smiled at her.

   "Okay, fine. This is your test," she finally said, but I noticed she was looking at Nate, not Thayne.

   In his car, in my driveway, awhile later, I asked him, "You're still gaining back your parents' trust, aren't you?"

   "You don't even understand the half of it," he said, half smiling. "I was the worst. One party, someone broke our front window of the house. Another one, the cops showed up and literally interrupted me having sex with... someone."

   "Shit. That is crazy," I told him.

   He nodded. "My mom is terrified I'm going to go back to being like that. It was really rough on her. She has a hard time trusting me now."

   "I don't blame her," I said, half joking.

   "Do you trust me?" he asked, turning serious.

   "Yes," I smiled.

   He kissed me, keeping me close for a long time.

   "We have all summer," he mumbled into my ear.

   "What?" I asked, unsure why he was bringing that up.

   "I know I'm leaving for college, but we still have all summer," he repeated.

   "I know."

   "Don't break up with me, okay? Until the end of summer."

   "Why am I the one breaking up with you?" I let out a laugh.

   "Because I don't think I'll be able to do it."

   I kissed him again. "We have, like, two months."

   "That's not long enough," he said.

   "I know," I agreed.