7th of July, 2009
Brooklyn and Janet are 43

Brooklyn: Tears streamed down my face as I looked at Michael's body inside the beautifully decorated casket.

I sat back in the hospital wheelchair and hoped to just go back already.

I've gotten really weak and fatigue during the four days I was at the hospital. My body was still not allowing anything in, so instead of gaining weight I was losing it. And fast.

The Forest Lawn Memorial Park was cleared out so we could have our private ceremony.

My doctor allowed me to go to the little ceremony, but then I had to go back to the hospital. I couldn't go to the memorial service, and honestly, I didn't really want to.

My family were going to say a few words for me, for the fans.

"Thank you, Mike," Jermaine sniffled. "For being such a supportive and loving brother."

He kissed Michael's forehead.

He then helped stand up and I looked at my husband's calm expression.

"I love you so much, Michael. I'm so sorry I left you alone." I whispered.

Jermaine shot me a look when he helped me back in my wheelchair.

The nurse that's been taking care of me, Tanya, pulled me back and adjusted the IV in my arm.

"I wish you could come with us, mommy." Paris said.

I reached a hand, caressing her hair. "I wish I could come, too, Princess. You're so beautiful, who picked that dress for you?"

"Auntie Rebbie did."

"Well, it fits you perfectly."

She smiled slightly and leaned down to hug me. But Tanya stopped her.

"You shouldn't do that, Paris. Your mother is very fragile right now."

"She can hug me." I rolled my eyes.

My daughter wrapped her arms around me ever so slightly.

"I want to hug mommy, too!" Blanket scoffed.

"Maybe next time, Blanket. We should take her back to the hospital." my dad said.

"Jason's gonna be with you the entire time, okay, babies?" I asked.

They kissed my cheeks, nodding.

"Brooklyn," Joseph walked over to us. "UCLA gave us Michael's belongings. I thought you probably wanted to keep this."

He searched in his jacket pocket, then took out Michael's silver wedding ring.

"Thank you, Joseph." I said.

"Of course. Get better soon, okay? And keep my grandson safe." I could tell he tried his best not to hug me too hard.

I sure hope I can.

Janet gave me a light squeeze as well before I was taken by Tanya and my dad to a car that waited to drive us back to Santa Ynez.

~

"It's starting, darling." Paul announced, turning on the TV.

Dad helped me sit up in bed and I glued my eyes to the screen.

My brothers-in-law carried Michael's casket to the center, in front of the audience.

There was a knock on the door, and Paul hurried to open it.

Dr. James walked in, a smile on her face.

"Hey, hun. They sent me to run some tests on you and the baby." she informed.

I nodded, and dad and Paul left.

My doctor put on some medical gloves, took off my blanket, and I lifted up the hospital robe I was wearing.

Her brown eyes darkened when she saw how much weight I lost.

"Has he been kicking?" she questioned, placing two hands on my bump.

I was surprised by the action, so I grabbed her wrist tightly.

"Relax, hun. I'm just checking his position."

She pressed around, careful when she reached the bandage that covered my entire breasts and the top part of my stomach.

"He's kicking alright." she chuckled as the baby started kicking again.

My doctor looked into my teary eyes, sighing deeply. "It's gonna be okay, hun. You're strong, you can do this."

I turned my face away from her, not wanting to talk about the situation.

"I need to check your cervix, hun. They're scared that you might have some dilation. We'll do an ultrasound right after."

I lay back and opened my legs. Dr. James took off my underwear.

"Take a deep breath. Ready?"

I closed my eyes shut, taking in a breath.

I held onto my knees, that uncomfortableness washing over me.

"You're doing great, just a few more moments, okay?" she encouraged.

Opening my eyes, I looked at the TV. Michael's tour band finished playing a gospel song and it seemed like the whole world fell quiet.

"No dilation whatsoever." my doctor announced.

I wiped the tears, thankful that my baby was still safe in there.

~

"There's Jason." dad turned up the volume.

I watched my nephew go up the stage and stand in front of the microphone.

"Um," he started, voice shaking. "How do I start explaining who my uncle was? I'm sure every Jackson kid sitting in front of me would agree that he was the best uncle ever."

He looked at my children who were sitting next to Katherine. "Prince, Paris, Kamron, and Blanket... I love you all. I couldn't ask for better cousins. When my own dad passed away back in 1995, uncle Mike told me that he will always be there for me. So I'm saying the same to you. I'm always here when you need me."

Jason glanced up before continuing.

"I owe everything to my uncle. I was so young when my dad died. Uncle Mike replaced the father figure I needed. He always made sure I was okay, he taught me everything I know. I love you, Uncle Mike."

"That was so beautiful." I whimpered.

Dad rubbed my boney shoulder, his touch soothing.

He pulled me into a hug, letting me cry into his chest.

I didn't think watching this memorial would be so hard, but I guess I was wrong.

~

"Slowly, sweetheart." my father helped me walk to the bathroom.

I never felt so powerless before. Everything hurt, and the weight of my baby wasn't so helpful.

Dad closed the door behind him, "Call me if you need me."

I clung onto the metal bar, taking a small step further into the bathroom.

Honestly, I just wanted to be alone. The memorial service ended, and after Paris's speech I couldn't handle it.

"I'm so sorry for doing this to you, baby boy. I'm the worst mother in the world." I cried, looking down at my bump.

"Sweetheart, Tanya is here to check on you." dad called from the room.

"I'll be right out." I told him.

I looked at myself in the mirror, horrified by how defined my face became.

With shaking hands, I washed my face, then turned back to the door.

As I reached for the handle, a very sharp pain pierced my left rib cage. I shrieked, the pain being unbearable.

~

"The baby's growing, and since your body is very weak, it's hard for it to contain such a big weight. But Tanya tells me you haven't thrown up since morning, so that's a good sign. Maybe you even gained some weight back." the doctor who's been taking care of me, Dr. Rose, said.

He showed me my new broken rib.

"I'll tell Tanya to get a scale." he smiled.

I started sitting up, but I didn't have enough strength to do that.

"Careful, love." Paul hurried to steady me.

"Here we are." Tanya entered the room with an electronic scale in her hand.

Both her and Dr. Rose slowly took me off the bed.

"I would appreciate it if you'd leave for a few minutes." Dr. Rose said to my dad and Paul.

"Of course. Let's go, Joshua." Paul pulled my father out of the room against his will.

Tanya helped me out of the hospital robe, and onto the scale.

My eyes were closed since I was scared of seeing the results.

"Open your eyes, Brooklyn." Dr. Rose told me.

I put on a small smile when I saw I was back to 110 pounds. Yesterday I was only 100, and this morning 105.

"Yeah, you gained 5 pounds, Brooke. That's progress." Tanya gave me a thumb's up.

She helped me back in bed, made sure that I was being fed my dinner through the tube, and her and the doctor left.

To know I was getting better made me a bit cheerful. I also realized Michael would be disappointed in me if he knew about any of this. I didn't want to feel like a disappointment again.

"You hear that, baby boy? I promise to only go up from now on." I ran a hand over my belly.

The baby kicked as a response.

I smiled, feeling exhausted from today.

I waited until my dinner finished coming inside my body.

What started out as a terrible day, ended okay.

Pulling the blanket over my body, I gently lay on my back, with both of my arms crossed over my bump, protecting it.

~

Janet: "Is she okay? What did we miss?" I ran down the hospital hall to meet Dr. Rose, Jermaine behind me.

"She broke another rib, but she's okay. She fell asleep not too long ago." he said.

"How did she break another rib?!"

"She tried going to the bathroom, but the baby got a little too big for her to carry now, so there was more pressure on her rib cage once she was on her feet." Tanya explained.

"I don't get it, I thought you said she would gain weight in less than three days. Did you know she only weighed 100 pounds yesterday, Jermaine?" I turned to my brother.

"And I'm happy to tell you that she hasn't been throwing up since this morning. She even gained weight, she's back to 110."

"Really?" Jermaine asked.

"Really." Dr. Rose answered.

I let out a huge sigh.

"Thank you. We'll go see her." Jermaine pulled me by my arm and into Brooke's hospital room.

Joshua and Paul were sleeping next to her bed.

I hugged Jermaine tightly, happy to finally have some good news.

She's going to be okay.

~

11th of July, 2009
Brooklyn and Janet are 43

Brooklyn: I was still too weak to do things on my own, due to the fact that my weight gain was very slow.

But I was feeling a bit better.

"You lost weight again." Tanya said, steadying me on the scale.

"How is that possible? I thought she was eating." Janet scoffed as I held onto her.

"I am." I reassured.

"Then why do you keep losing weight? It doesn't make sense."

Tanya explained to her that my body was getting used to food, and it can be very unpredictable, but Janet kept arguing with her.

I cleared my throat, stopping the two girls from bickering. "Can I put my robe back on and get back in bed? My back is killing me."

Janet dressed me, then helped me lay back down.

"Ow." I moaned.

Both her and Tanya hurried to ask if I was okay.

I mentally laughed, seeing how protective Tanya had grown of me.

I knew it wouldn't be long until Janet would lash out at her.

Tanya left, making me chuckle at my best friend who was giving her a death glare.

"She's so damn annoying." she groaned loudly.

"Jealousy isn't your beautiful side, Jan." I joked.

"Is your back really hurting?" she changed the subject.

"The most painful thing in my body right now."

The baby kept on growing, and my body was taking notice. It never hurt so bad in any of my pregnancies.

"Sit up." Janet ordered.

I obeyed, although it was hard to sit up on my own.

Janet climbed the bed and sat behind me, giving me a pillow to hold while she pressed my lower back.

"Ooh, right there. That's perfect." I sighed when she hit the most painful spot.

Her hands worked my back thoroughly.

"You're the best," I said. "So what's up with you and Tanya?"

"Who does she think she is, trying to take care of you like that? You know she kicked me out of your examinations a few days ago?"

"She's my nurse, Jan, she's supposed to take care of me."

"But why does she have to be so damn clingy? She's always there." she snorted.

"She's supposed to be there."

"Girl, why do you keep protecting her?"

She pressed hard into my skin as she kept on ranting, applying more and more pressure to the point it was hurting.

"Ow!" I screeched. "Jan, what the hell?"

"Oh, my God, I'm sorry-"

"Everything okay in here?" Tanya interrupted, opening the door.

"Everything is just peachy." Janet rolled her eyes.

"Tanya, do you think I can get something for my back pain?" I asked, hoping to keep her out of my room for a bit more.

"Sure."

"Thanks."

"Anything for you." she said.

Once she was out the door, Janet made a face. "Desperate little bitch. 'Anything for you'."

"Janet!" I scolded.

"What?"

"Control yourself. She's only helping me."

She gave me a taunting look, and got off the bed.

"Are we interrupting something?" I suddenly heard Jermaine's voice.

He stood there with Katherine and Joseph, a smile on all their faces.

"How are you, honey?" my mother-in-law smiled.

"She lost weight again." Janet sighed.

"I'm good, Katherine." I snickered.

"If you say so, I believe you." she hugged me carefully.

"How's my grandson?" Joseph questioned.

"Giving me a little bit of pain, but other than that, he's good," I said. "Would you like to feel him kick?"

"Oh, no, I don't think I should..."

"Well, I do! I didn't even get to feel him at all!" Katherine exclaimed.

Jermaine put a pillow behind my back and I leaned on it, exposing my stomach.

"You got lucky, he's kicking."

Katherine took a seat next to my bed, carefully putting her warm hands on my belly.

"Joseph, Janet, do you mind going outside for a few minutes? I want to have a talk with my daughter-in-law." she smiled warmly at her husband and daughter.

"I wanted to thank you," she said once they were gone. "For keeping this baby safe. It means the world to me that you're carrying another grandson for Joseph and I. You have no idea how excited Michael was for him... And thank you for trying to get better."

I nodded and looked down at her hands.

"But you actually do have to get better. This is the skinniest I've ever seen you, and I've known you since you were a little girl. Please, for yourself, for your kids, for the baby... For Michael, too. He'd be devastated if he knew what you did to yourself."

"I know, I feel so awful. I just felt like this baby didn't deserve to live without his father, but he is everything to me, along with the kids. I told that to Michael as well. I love this baby so much, but it's so hard to imagine myself raising him alone." I sighed.

"We'll help you, honey. You don't have to do this on your own."

I hugged my mother-in-law tightly, glad to have had this talk with her.

"And if you ever feel depressed again, or if you feel insecure about having this baby, you have to talk to us. No one will judge you for being scared, okay?" she whispered in my ear.

"I love you, Katherine." I told her.

"I love you, too, honey."

When we pulled away, she wiped my tears.

"I don't think I've ever seen you cry so much... It hurts to see you like this, it really does... You have to stop, I won't be able to handle it anymore."

I laughed, sniffling.

"Don't tell anyone I told you this, but," Katherine came closer to me. "You are my favorite daughter-in-law."

"Well, you're my favorite mother-in-law." I giggled.

"Thanks, honey- Hey, that's not fair!" she scoffed.

I laughed again, enjoying my time with her.

Katherine always knew how to make anyone feel better, but with the people she really knew, she could make them forget all their troubles.

That's exactly what she did for me for the rest of the day. She gave Janet time to go home, and said she'd stay with me.

For the first time since Michael died, I felt a tiny bit of happiness, thanks to my mother-in-law.

~

1st of August, 2009
Brooklyn and Janet are 43

Janet: "Jan, look at this, I have a stretch mark." Brooklyn whined, showing me the tiny little mark on her rounded stomach.

I rolled my eyes, putting her last shirt in the bag.

She was being discharged from the hospital today, finally.

"Mommy!" the door flew open, revealing her four children.

"Can we go back home now? Please?" Kamron asked.

"Let me get dressed first." Brooke chuckled.

With a little struggle she hopped off the bed.

She was her normal self again; no more bones popping out of her skin, and she could walk again. She still wasn't the healthy weight she was supposed to be at this point of her pregnancy, but it was enough.

I wasn't scared she would lose any weight, because all she's done in the last few days was eat like a cow. She even asked me to sneak in some snacks for her to munch on because she was that hungry.

"Did you set everything up?" I asked Prince.

"Yup, it's all ready." he answered, looking proud.

"Good." I smiled.

Jermaine, me, and the children decided to organize a baby shower for Brooke, to cheer her up. She was still scared to have this baby, and a baby shower might be what she needs to let those fears go. And, it would be her first baby shower ever.

Her and Michael never really had a baby shower before because they always claimed having a baby was their own personal happiness, so sharing it with others wasn't even an option for them. That was one of the reasons why they hid their children's faces all these years.

"Let's get out of here." Brooklyn said as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Dr. Rose and Tanya walked in.

"We just came to say goodbye." Tanya hugged my best friend.

"Aww, thank you. And thanks for taking good care of me." she hugged her back.

The doctor grinned at Brooke,"I don't want to see you back here, unless you're giving birth. That's a whole different thing."

She laughed, thanking him, too.

"Mommy, can we go now? Please?" Blanket whined.

"Yes. Again thank you so, so much for everything." Brooke said before we left.

~

"Oh, wow... This is amazing..." Brooke gasped as we entered my house.

She spotted Lisa Marie Presley who was standing next to her daughter and Jason.

I couldn't believe I invited Lisa Marie fucking Presley into my home, but she was one of Brooke's closest friends.

"Lisa?! I haven't seen you in forever!" she squealed, hugging her.

"I know! I'm so glad to see you, we have so much to talk about... But first, let me take a look at that baby bump." Lisa said.

I cursed myself, and decided to go cool off with Wissam.

"It's a great thing what you did for her, baby. You're such good best friend." he kissed my temple.

"Do you think she'll do it to herself again?" I asked him quietly, looking at my best friend as she greeted more guests.

"No. She's over it. She loves the baby, she won't do anything to hurt him again." he answered.

"But she's still blaming herself for what happened to Michael."

"She's happy. Look at her, she's smiling and she's having fun..."

"That's her fake smile. She's definitely not happy." I sighed.

"What about you, Janet?" Wissam pulled me closer. "Are you happy?"

"Do you hear yourself? Of course not, I lost my brother."

"Then maybe it's time you let Joshua and Marie take care of Brooke, and you, me and the girls go somewhere for a couple of weeks?"

"I can't leave her now, Wissam, she just got out of the hospital... Not to mention the baby's gonna be here in a little over three months."

My boyfriend turned my head so I would face him. "Okay, what about a week, then? We could take the girls to Disneyland Japan, don't you think we'll have a great time together?"

"I don't know..." I shook my head.

"Yes, you do. We'll leave tomorrow." he kissed me deeply.

~

2nd of August, 2009
Brooklyn and Janet are 43

Janet: "Are you sure you'll be alright? I really don't want to go, but Wissam's making me." I said to Brooke who hugged me.

She snickered, "Jan, don't worry. Go have some fun with your family, you deserve it after all the hell I put you through."

I rolled my eyes, pulling away.

"Babe, we'll miss out flight!" Wissam called.

"Go." Brooklyn pushed me out the door.

I had a bad feeling about leaving her alone, although she has her parents, Jermaine, her kids, and Paul.

Something had to go wrong.

~

Hello, my beautiful readers!

First, I'm sorry for the update it showed earlier, I'm still getting used to the new editor, so I accidentally published instead of saving...

I hoped you liked this, it took me some time to write it, so I'm sorry it took so long!

Love you!

~ShoamEmily