25th of December, 1991
Brooklyn and Janet are 25, Michael is 33

Brooklyn: "Come back here, Jason! Chris, your son took my shoes!" Janet shouted.

I laughed as Jason ran with his little feet across the living room floor, with a pair of heels in his hands.

It was Christmas morning, and dad, Chris, Cynthia, Jason, Janet and Elizabeth with her husband, Larry, stayed here at the ranch the past week.

Michael said it would be for the best. He said we needed people around us after everything, and after being together, alone, for so long.

He was right. This past month was spent on us being together, we never left each other's side.

There was a lot of crying involved, too. I still felt too guilty about this whole thing, and I could swear he was hiding some feelings from me.

He always said he told me everything he felt, everything he thought, that night at the giving tree, but I still had doubts.

Deep down there was something he wasn't telling me.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I head Jason squealing as Janet hoisted him up in the air.

"Shouldn't we wake Michael?" Larry asked.

"No, he needs to sleep." I smiled.

"But auntie Bwooke, grandpa said that once everyone is awake we can open pwesents! If uncwe Mike won't wake up, we can't open pwesents!" my nephew pouted.

"Jason, let your uncle sleep." Cynthia told him.

"You know what, Jason? What if we wake him up together?" Janet offered.

"Jan!" I said, putting both of my hands on my hips.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Then you wake him up. I'm sure he got enough sleep."

"Okay, okay." I gave up.

I left the living room, making my way to our room.

I opened the door, and saw my husband gulping down water with a couple of painkillers.

He always took painkillers, ever since the Pepsi incident in 1984, it became a daily routine. Still, he would usually take a couple mid-day, never in the morning.

"Hey, babe." he grinned.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

I pointed at the bottle of pills on his bedside table, "Since when do you take these in the morning?"

"Oh, I started not long ago. Don't worry about it." Michael said.

~

"Supersoaker number ten!" Michael smirked.

"You know what that means, right?" Janet said.

"A lot of Supersoakers around the house." I mumbled.

"You better watch out." my husband wiggled his eyebrows at me.

Jason climbed on the couch next to me, putting his mouth to my ear.

"Auntie Bwooke, let's get uncwe Mike." he whispered.

"Okay." I said.

While Michael was busy with the presents along with Elizabeth and my brother, Jason and I snuck out.

"Okay, we have four Supersoakers in our room. Let's go."

"Can I help?" Janet suddenly appeared.

"Of course."

~

"Are you ready, Jase?" I asked, loading my water gun.

He nodded excitedly.

"Get ready, get set, charge!" Janet whispered-yelled.

The three of us ran into the living room and targeted the Supersoakers at Michael.

He screamed and started running away.

"Ahh, no! Stop!"

We chased after him. My husband ran to the direction of the doors that led to the pool. He opened them and disappeared outside.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are, Mike!" my best friend called out.

Everything stayed quiet.

Then, strong arms were wrapped around my waist, and Michael ran towards the pool.

I screamed when he jumped with me in his arms.

When I swam up to the surface everyone were surrounding the pool, laughing at us.

"Babe, you should know that I never lose these kind of wars. But good try." Michael said and swam closer to me.

"It wasn't even my idea." I mumbled.

He raised his eyebrows, "Then whose?"

"Jason's."

"I'm gonna get you, Jase!"

~

I dried my hair with a towel as I stepped out of the bathroom.

"Finally, I thought you drowned in there." Michael said.

"Hey, we have enough showers in this house." I smiled.

He kissed my cheek and walked into the bathroom, closing the door after him.

I got dressed, then sat down on the bed and brushed my hair.

Suddenly I noticed a piece of paper peeking out from under my husband's pillow. My curiosity got the best of me and I pulled it out.

My heart sank when I saw the printed out ultrasound picture.

I ran my fingers over the little baby, staring at her.

Just then I noticed a teardrop on Destiny's little nose. I wiped it off quickly so it wouldn't ruin the paper.

I tuned the picture over, seeing Michael's scrambled handwriting.

10/23/1991. 14 weeks.

I sat there, staring at the beautiful baby I had lost.

I heard a door open and looked up; Michael walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped tightly around his waist, and his damp curls fell onto his forehead.

He looked so happy and joyful until he looked at me.

"Where did you find that, Brooklyn?" he asked softly.

"Under your pillow." I sniffled.

"I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to see it." Michael said.

I shook my head, "This is exactly the thing I need to see. We've been trying to get through the pain without even talking about it, Michael. I don't think one night is enough."

"I don't want to talk about it because it'll make you cry. You're already crying. I can't see you cry anymore, it's killing me." he sat next to me and wiped my tears.

"The only reason I'm crying is because I'm always reminded somehow that I lost our baby," I said.
He opened his mouth to protest, but I raised my hand to silence him. "And don't say anything. You know it's my fault, that's what everybody thinks. But I need to hear it from you. The guilt is eating me alive. I know you don't to admit it, but you'll have to, eventually."

My husband looked so hurt from my words.

"You want me to say it's your fault? Do you really want that?" Michael questioned, raising his voice a bit.

"Yes, please do. Tell me what's in your heart, don't hold back. Tell me you're angry with me. You know you are, so stop lying to yourself." I told him.

"I'm not, Brooke. I'm angry at myself for not trying harder."

"You're unbelievable," I mumbled. "Just say it, Michael. I can take it, tell me how you really feel."

He rolled his eyes, "Fine, if that's what you want."

Michael took a deep breath before continuing.

"I'm slowly dying inside because the baby I tried so hard to give you is gone. You don't even know how much it hurts me to say this. There are times I want to rip my heart out so I wouldn't love as much as I do, because I want to hate you for losing the one thing I tried to give you so much.
But I can't. I never could and never will."

~

Janet: I looked up at the ceiling, the sound of arguing clear from Michael's and Brooke's room.

"Are they... Are they fighting?" Chris asked. "I don't think I've ever heard Michael raise his voice like that."

"We just sent them to take a shower so they won't get sick, what happened?" Elizabeth said.

"I'll go see what it is." I finally said, standing up.

I made my way to the stairs just before I heard a door open violently, and Michael appeared at the top.

He looked both pissed off and hurt.

"What happened, Mike?" I asked.

"Nothing, it's non of your business." he snapped. My brother put on his Fedora and passed me.

"I'm going out." he mumbled.

"Michael, it's Christmas, we're here alone."

"I don't care."

He rushed out through the front door.

What the hell came over him?

~

Brooklyn: Michael's words cut me like a knife. But that's what I wanted.

The tears threatened to fall from his eyes. He looked like a little child that his favorite toy was just taken away from him.

"This is exactly why I didn't want to say anything, Brooke. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna get dressed." he said, wiping his tears.

The ultrasound picture was still in my hand as he disappeared into his closet room.

I never wanted to see it again, really. Knowing it was Michael's I decided to put it in one of his bedside table drawers.

He always asked me to never open them, and I respected that because he had every right for his privacy. But now I knew why.

Two dozen painkiller bottles were stacked neatly in the first one.

I heard Michael's groan as he slammed the drawer shut, catching me off guard.

He was now fully dressed in a pair of black slacks and a green buttoned-up shirt.

"How much are you taking, Michael?" I asked with a serious tone.

"Depends on the day. I stopped counting a few years ago," he rubbed his face. "I don't want to talk about it."
With his Fedora in his hand he stormed out of our room.

How could I be so ignorant?

At that moment I truly hated myself more than ever.

"Brooke?" I heard Janet's voice from the door.

"I'm so stupid, Jan." I said.

"I knew that already," she chuckled. "Do you want to tell me why?"

"We, uh, we had a fight."

"Yeah, I got that."

I sighed, showing her the picture, "I found this under his pillow."

"And?" my best friend pushed me to continue.

"I forced him to tell me how he really felt about losing the baby. He said it hurt him to say it, but his anger was real. God, it was horrible."

She sat down next to me.

"This bed is so comfortable." she tried changing the subject.

I nodded.

"He'll come back, he just needs to cool down." Janet reassured.

"I know."

~

4th of January, 1992
Brooklyn is 26, Janet is 25, and Michael is 33

Michael: Knocks on the door made me jump as I was deep in thought.

I had another sleepless night without my wife by my side.

"Michael, Clare asked me to wake you." Mimi said with her thick accent.

I hummed in response and opened my eyes. "I'll be down in a few."

Sighing, I looked at my surroundings. Clare's house always seemed beautiful to me.

Brooklyn's grandmother was more than welcoming when I showed up at her front door ten days ago.

I had to get away from it all, and this was the first place that popped up, that no one would ever think of to look for me.

As I was brushing my teeth I remembered that it was my wife's birthday.
It made me think about going home; but I didn't think she wanted to see me.

I hurried down the stairs to find my grandmother-in-law watching TV, my face blaring out of the screen.

It was another reporter wondering where I've disappeared.

"Good morning, Michael," Clare smiled. "It looks like you've made the news, again."

"Yeah, unfortunately." I sat next to her.

It was silent.

"I don't want you to get me wrong, because I love having you here, but I think it's time you go home." she said.

"I know.. I just don't think Brooke will be pleased to see me." I sighed.

"Of course she will."

"Not after what I said to her."

She patted my knee, "You need to sort out things with her. Knowing my granddaughter, she'll just be glad to see you home. You didn't even tell her where you are. Go back to California and apologize, there's no doubt she'll forgive you."

"But-"

"No buts. I know women and more specifically I know Brooklyn."

I looked at her with pleading eyes.

"You're going home." Clare said again, and pulled me into a hug.

~

Brooklyn: Michael had disappeared for ten days. I couldn't reach him at all.

His family knew nothing, the press weren't really helpful, and I didn't even know if he was okay.

Of course he's not okay, Brooklyn. You've made him do the one thing he tried to avoid doing.

"Did he come back yet?" Janet asked on the other line.

"No, Jan. I'm worried sick, I don't even know how to reach him." I answered.

"I'm so sorry, Brooke. Hey, since it's your birthday, do you want to come over so I could celebrate with you?" she offered.

"Right, it's my birthday," I said when I remembered today's date. "Sure, I'll come over."

I could feel her smile, "Great! I'll see you soon."

My best friend hung up and I sighed when I got off my bed. It was so empty without him.

As I was walking down the stairs I heard Michael's soft voice.

He's here.

"She locked herself in your room for a few days. We tried to get her out, but she didn't respond. She finally came out two days ago, sir." Helen said.

"Oh, Jeez... I better go check on her." Michael told her.

His footsteps got closer and closer, until he reached the bottom of the stairs and saw me.

I looked into his eyes; they were blood-shot. He seemed so exhausted.

My husband was holding a big bouquet of Tulips, my favorite.

"Hey," he smiled. "Happy birthday."

Is he serious?

"You disappeared for ten whole days, Michael. Ten fucking days. Do you know how worried I was?" I said.

"I know, I'm sorry. I needed time alone." he apologized.

"Where were you?" I asked.
"I, uh, I went to your grandmother's house." he answered.

"You were in Chicago?"

He nodded.

I sighed, "I'm going over to Janet's. You can join me if you'd like."

I stood on my toes and gave him a little peck. It soon turned into a heated kiss, and I felt his hand travel to the back of my neck to avoid me from pulling away.

I wrapped my arms around his torso, the scent of his cologne hitting my nose.
Michael groaned and moved his lips to my neck, but I pulled away.

"I promised Janet," I told him. "Thank you for the flowers."

"I'm coming with you." he said, putting the flowers on the nearest table he found.

~

Michael: "I'm sorry for pushing you to tell me." Brooklyn said.

I took her left hand and played with her rings.

"You know I don't hate you, right?" I asked.

"Yes, I do. I also know that you're upset, and you should be." she answered.

I kissed her hand and looked out the car window.

"We gotta talk about the other thing, though." my wife whispered.

I sighed, not really wanting to talk about my addiction to painkillers. I couldn't believe she found out about it.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't hide it from her because I didn't want anyone to know, a few people did actually know about it.

I hid it because I didn't want her to know. I didn't want her to worry about me too much, she had enough on her shoulders already. I mean, she married me. I'm a heavy load.

"We'll talk about it when we get home, I promise." I told her.

"Janet's gonna be surprised to see you."

I nodded, "You don't even know how the press outside the gates went wild when they saw me in the car earlier today. They don't see me for a day and apparently I'm gone for good."

"I'm being serious now, Mike. Don't ever disappear like that again. And if you do, just tell me where you're going so I wouldn't worry too much." Brooke said, loud and clear.

"I'm not planning to do that again."

"Good."

~

"Mike!" Janet said. She ran to me, hugging me tightly.

After we broke apart she hit my shoulder.

I held the spot as it stung, "What was that for?!"

"For being a jerk that left my best friend." she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I know I'm a horrible person, Dunk. Don't need to hear it from you, too." I said, rubbing my still hurt shoulder.

"Hey, he's not that bad." Brooke said.

"Gee, thanks, babe." I mumbled.

Janet laughed at me, which made me roll my eyes.

"Okay, okay. Brooke, I got you a cake, let's go eat it." she said, pulling her best friend with her to the kitchen.

"Oh, Jan, you shouldn't have." my wife told her.

I followed them, and saw a big, round cake on the table in the middle of the room.

My sister brought out some candles and matches, and put them neatly on the cake.
"Now, make a wish."

I squeezed Brooklyn's shoulders as she blew out the little flames.

"Happy birthday, baby." I whispered, kissing her cheek.

Janet hugged her, wishing her the best. I watched them, happy to see them together.

"I can't believe you're twenty-six. Weren't you two just little ten-year-olds?" I asked the both of them.

"Shut up, old man. You have no right to talk, you're thirty-three." my sister rolled her eyes.

I scoffed. I really am old.

Janet's doorbell rang loudly in her house.

"That's probably Joshua." she said.

"You invited my dad?" Brooke asked.

"And your brother, and my parents, and my brothers and sisters."

"You're so amazing, Jan."

"I know, I know." Janet flipped her hair.

My wife laughed and followed her to the door.

~

Chris: Michael sat down across from me, sighing as he did.

"Can I have an explanation about what happened on Christmas? You wouldn't just disappear." I said.

He looked at me, his eyes showing a hint of guilt.

"Brooke and I were fighting and it turned ugly after a while. I just needed some time away."

"Did it involve the baby?" I asked.

My brother-in-law nodded slightly, "And she found out."

I froze. Brooke finding out about Michael's addiction was something unthinkable. It would crush her and she'd start being more stressed knowing her husband has a drug problem.

I was one of the few people who actually knew about it, Michael revealed it to me a little after Jason was born.

He rubbed his face as he waited for me to respond.

"I'm such a lousy husband. If there was an award for being the most horrible husband, I'd win it for sure." he mumbled into his hands.

"Yeah, and you would put it along with your other legendary music awards, right in the middle of all of them." I smirked.

He half smiled and grabbed a couch pillow that was next to him. I laughed as he threw it at me.

"I said some awful things back at Christmas." he told me.

"Like?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Like how much I want to stop loving her so I could hate her."

I sighed, "Maybe you should get that award."

Michael threw another pillow at me, then pinned me down to the couch on my stomach, just like I used to do to Brooklyn when we were kids.

~

Brooklyn: I laughed as I watched Michael torture my brother through Janet's big glass doors.

"When did he come back, sweetheart?" my dad asked.

"Three hours ago." I answered.

"And did you two sort everything out?"

"Kind of."

He patted my knee.

Chris and Michael came back outside, both of them laughing in sync.

I shook my head and smiled.

"Can you believe these two are twenty-six?" Jermaine said, pointing at Janet and I, making everybody shake their heads.

"Hey, I have more than four months." my best friend said.

"You're close to it." Randy added.

"Yeah, close. We're all getting older, people. It's horrifying."

Everyone laughed at Janet's comment.

I felt someone's eyes on me. Turning my head, I met Michael's brown ones and wondered what he was thinking.

"I want to go home." he mouthed.

I nodded, actually wanting the same.

"Oh, no, no, no," Janet looked at us. "I know those looks, you two aren't going anywhere."

"Dunk, I'm really tired. Please?" my husband said.

"But it's Brooke's birthday, what are we gonna do without her?"

"Find something, I'm sure you will. Please, please, please."

"Okay, fine, go home." my best friend gave in.

"Thank you, I love you." Michael hugged his little sister tightly.

"Yeah, yeah. You owe me one, Mike."

~

Michael: I caressed Brooke's cheeks with my thumbs as I savoured the taste of her lips.

I didn't realize how much I've missed her until that moment.

I moaned into her mouth and pulled her on top of me. I tugged at her shirt, but she stopped me.

"Mike, I can't," she mumbled, pulling away. "I haven't... I'm not ready yet."

Ever since we lost Destiny she didn't let me touch her. I'm considering myself lucky for this little make out session.
I understood and respected her, of course, but I needed her.

My wife rolled off of me and sighed.
"You promised we'd talk." she reminded me.

I turned to her and leaned on my elbow.

"Okay, let's talk." I said.

"Does anybody else know about this?" she asked.

"Yeah... Chris, Frank, and Quincy," I answered, looking away. "After what they did to my scalp in '84 the pain, it just didn't go away. I couldn't bear it, Brooke. The headaches were killing me.
Then tour came and I couldn't handle it all... The pressure, the time zones, the travels. I had to escape somehow. I think then I only took about five to ten pills a day.
And then, all those times we tried getting pregnant and failed, it hurt me to know I was letting you down. That's when I stopped counting.
When you told me you were pregnant, I swore I'd try to control it."

I paused to look at her reaction. Her eyes were focused on me.

"Continue." she said.

"Everything was looking great. Chris and Frank helped me reduce the need in the pills.
And then-" I was cut off by her.

"And then we lost Destiny."

"Right. I felt like I was drowning. I tried being strong for you, you were broken. And you shut me out, which made it worse."

Brooklyn looked at me, tears filling her eyes, "But why did you hide it from me?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry about me. I had every reason to do it, too."

"Did you ever think that maybe I could've helped you with it?" she questioned.

"Yes. But I didn't want you to know." I said.

"I'm your wife, Michael." she looked into my eyes.

"You're the best wife that could ever be, but this is something I'm struggling with. I don't want you to struggle with me."

She cupped my face in her small hands, "In sickness and in health, remember? You and I both said that before putting these rings on each other's finger. You took care of me every time something happened. It's my turn now."

I hugged her, burying my face in the crook of her neck, and the tears started falling from my eyes.

I'm such a mess.