Chapter 25: Nightmares

If not because of the digital display clock na nasa gitna ng Prism, we would have no sense of time. Prism was designed to be like an actual ecosystem, na tila totoong araw ang mga solar simulators. There were also times when the ceiling panels would trigger a rain. It was complicated, pero unti-unti ko nang naiintindihan kung paano gumagalaw ang lugar.

For the past few days, nothing was suspicious—except for the calmness that makes me think of the calm before the storm.

Hindi pa rin kami nakakapagplano tungkol sa pagtakas, pero madalas kong napapansin si Kruger na nasa malalim na pag-iisip. Maybe he's devising an initial plan in his head.

Gaya ko, ay abala si Bean sa ginagawa. He had that contented look on his face sa tuwing abala siya, and it makes me think that being here makes him somewhat happier dahil mas nagagawa niya ang bagay na gusto niya kaysa noong sa minahan siya naka-assign.

Lumapit ako kay Bean na abala sa kung anu-anong sinusulat habang nakatingin sa isang halaman.

"You're glowing," sabi ko at naupo.

He looked at me with a confused expression. "Glowing?"

I nodded with a smile. "Masaya ka rito."

He forced a smile at inilapag ang hawak na tablet. "Well..." Inayos niya ang suot na beanie hat. "It's not freedom, but it wasn't that bad."

Napayuko ako. "Did I make everything worse?"

Tiningnan niya ako at umiling. "Coming back for me is stupid, but I appreciate it. That's brave. Thank you."

"Sa tingin mo makakaalis pa tayo rito sa Zone Z?" tanong ko.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at malayo ang tingin. "They say habang may buhay, may pag-asa." It was a vague answer, pero tama siya. "How were you coping these days?"

I was getting used to it, pero ayaw kong masanay. This is not the life that I wanted. I wanted freedom; I wanted to teach the kids.

"I'm adapting," mahinang sagot ko at napahawak sa batok. "Pero ayaw ko rito sa Zone Z, Bean."

He forced a smile but made no remarks about it. Alam kong hindi si Bean ang tipong mahilig magbigay ng magagandang salita, just to give me a false hope. He cannot lie and tell me that everything will be okay dahil hindi namin iyon tiyak. In fact, like what he did with Old Steve, malamang ipaparealize lamang niya sa akin kung gaano kalaki ang problema namin rito sa loob ng Zone Z.

I was expecting him to tell me, ngunit tinapik lamang niya ang balikat ko. It was more than what I needed. He roamed his eyes around and picked a flower mula sa hindi kalayuan at iniabot iyon sa akin.

I looked at him with confusion, at tinanggap ang bulaklak.

"That's a lily of hope," sabi niya. "Kahit parang imposible, kahit tila walang pag-asa, it's good to be reminded of a little hope. It's stupid, pero salamat dahil naisip mo pa ako when you had your freedom the first time you left this place. Pero Hope, let's do our best to leave this place together."

Mabilis na natapos ang araw. It was like I was getting used to the routine of being here at Prism. Pumasok ako sa pod at nagpahinga, thinking this isn't as bad as I initially thought. Pero alam kong hindi kami habang buhay rito. Sooner or later, we will be returned back to the quarters and exploited with heavy labor.

Pinagpag ko ang matigas na unan at nahiga. I turned to the side, at ang unang nahagip ng mata ko ay ang bulaklak na bigay ni Bean.

The Lily of Hope.

But is there really hope left?

Ang hirap isipin. Every day, I'm reminded of how gullible I am to trust a stranger.

I am a nobody. I don't have the money or the brains to run the world. I am nothing special to change the world. Is there really hope for me?

Binalingan ko ulit ang bulaklak. It looked fragile and so delicate na parang kaya nitong masira anumang sandali. It made me think that maybe that's what hope is—something na madaling maglaho kahit pa alagaan.

Or maybe it's a false comfort, something you cling to when you don't have anything else left.

The lily of hope was the last thing I've seen bago ako tuluyang nilamon ng antok, as if reminding me that hope was not about believing everything will be okay.

Maybe it was about fighting to survive.

Nang muli kong binuksan ang mga mata, ay kumikirot ang ulo ko. The big bold letters  in front of me, flickered as I blink.

<Initializing...>

<Establishing Connection>

<Please wait....>

Mabigat ang mga talukap ko na tila ba mayroong kung anong nagpupumilit sa akin na muling ipikit ang mga mata. Sinubukan kong igalaw ang mga kamay, ngunit tila wala akong lakas.

This dream again?

The place was white and cloudy, and the annoying beeping of a machine from nearby made me want to rip my ears off. The digital display in front of me pulsed as I blinked. Ilang beses akong kumurap, but the display was right in front of my eyes kahit na nakapikit ako.

<Initializing...>

<Connection Successful>

<Welcome to N.E.W.>

<Accessing... Please wait...>

<Neural connection failed.>

I let out a heavy sigh as I watched the letters formed in front of me. Why do I have this dream again?

<Restarting....>

<Establishing Connection...>

The words floated before my eyes, moving with the mechanical rhythm. I tried stretching my whole body, nagbabakasakaling magising ako sa panaginip.

Watching the letters float in front of my eyes reminded me of the times when I engrossed myself with books. Kapag nagbabasa ako, ay tila ganito, like the world was floating in front of my eyes, making me feel so many emotions.

At the same time, this feels so different, and gives me an ominous feeling. I blinked my eyes as I tried to grasp things. The letters in front of me were dancing, making me feel nauseous.

Ah, the books. It was like heaven in Sanip sa tuwing nagbabasa ako. It was a world so full of imaginations, malayong-malayo sa mga librong aprobadong ng gobyerno.

<Connection Successful...>

"Not again," I muttered, my voice barely a whisper, slightly feeling the rusty taste burning at the back of my throat.

<Accessing... Please wait...>

<Error...>

<Command failure...>

I felt a sense of achievement habang binabasa ang mga salita sa harap ko. It was like the feeling of rebellion I always feel sa tuwing sinasaway ko si Lola. Fulfilling, but at the same time, there was guilt and conscience.

<Attempting diagnostic scan>

Red lights flashed before my eyes, kasabay ng malalaking letra.

<SYSTEM ERROR>

<Subject 1101121 is resisting neural connection>

<Establishing alternative neural link>

<Please wait...>

<Error! Failed to establish alternative link>

<ERROR...>

"What do you mean error?!"

I flinched when I heard the loud voice. Hindi iyon ang AI na sumasabay sa mga salitang nakikita ko. It wasn't a machine with its annoying whirring; it was a person, angry for whatever reason. I blinked and turned my head to the side. All I could see were the white walls, as if the place was meant to make me lose my mind.

I heard a door open, at kasunod niyon ay ang mga yabag. My eyes were too heavy, so I kept them shut, ngunit tila aktibo ang pandinig ko. In fact, I could hear an angry outburst from whoever was beside me. The voices were muffled, but you could draw anger from them.

An AI voice echoed inside the room.

<Subject is resisting command. Access denied.>

Something hard was thrown against the wall. "Resisting? How the hell is that possible? Ilang tests pa ba ang kailangan natin? It's clear she has no augmentation or anything to cause error!"

<Scanning diagnostics...>

Whoever was speaking was sure sounded familiar.

<Subject 1101121's subconscious defenses are up. Try again later>

"Reboot everything!" Sigaw ng pamilyar na boses. Kahit hindi ko nakikita ang paligid, ramdam ko ang paggalaw ng mga naroon. And when did everyone get in?

Kung sino man ang sumisigaw ngayon, he sure is angry and has the authority to make them move fast at his command.

The red lights in my vision flared up into bright red, with the letters flickering as the screen glitched.

<Warning!>

<System Failure!>

<System Overheating...>

<Executing emergency cooling protocols...>

<Loading... 87%>

<WARNING!>

<CRITICAL THRESHOLD EXCEEDED...>

I heard another angry outburst, kasabay ng tila napakalakas na emergency alarm. Iginalaw ko ang ulo ko at maingat na binuksan ang mga mata.

With hazy vision, I saw a very familiar figure. He was wearing a white laboratory gown, pressing his fidget pen aggressively as the people around him panicked around the machines.

<Imminent failure detected...>

<System shutdown...>

<In 3, 2, 1...>

"...motherfucker!"

The figure groaned under his breath. Iyon ang huli kong narinig bago ako tuluyang nagising sa panaginip.

Napabalkwas ako ng bangon at napahawak sa dibdib. Iginala ko ang paningin sa paligid. I was still in the pod inside Prism. It was such a bad dream, but at least I was able to wake up from it.

I grabbed the glass of water from the side at agad na ininom iyon. Napatitig ako sa bulaklak na nasa tabi, the Lily of Hope, and it somewhat reminded me to remain hopeful.

One day, I will no longer have these nightmares. One day, I will be free from this place.

Inayos ko ang sarili at lumabas ng pod. Kruger and Bean were already starting their day, at nang marinig nila ang pagbukas ng pod ko, halos magkasabay silang napalingon sa akin.

"You're up late," sabi ni Kruger. "So we took the liberty to bring you milk and bread." Tinuro niya ang pagkain na nasa gilid.

I straightened my jail uniform at napayuko. "Salamat..."

Naglakad ako sa gilid kung nasaan ang pagkain at naupo. Bean noticed my gloominess kaya lumapit siya sa akin at napaupo sa tapat ko.

"You okay?" he asked.

I forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, thank you for asking."

"You don't look that good," sinserong sabi niya. "Hindi ka ba nakatulog?"

I shook my head and bit on my stale bread. Funny how we grow the fruit trees here, ngunit wala man lamang kahit prutas sa pagkain namin.

But prisoners can't be choosy.

"M-masama lamang ang panaginip ko," sagot ko.

Bean stayed silent for a while, na tila ba iniisip kung ano ang sasabihin. With a sigh, he smiled bitterly at me. "I used to have bad nightmares too noong bago pa ako rito."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya. "What did you do to make your nightmares disappear?"

"They didn't disappear. I just got used to them," sagot niya.

None of us spoke after that at dinama na lamang ang pananahimik ng isa't-isa. It scared me to know that I will be dealing with it for as long as who knows. Siguro ay darating din ang panahon na masasanay na ako roon.

But I don't want to get used to it. I want it gone. I want everything to be fine—but as simple as it sounded, alam kong hindi iyon ganoon.

Suddenly, a siren blared inside Prism. Red lights flared throughout the place, reflecting on the glass panels. Biglang bumukas ang pinto at napakaraming sundalo ang pumasok. They had their arms ready for whatever threat.

Mabilis na napamura si Kruger at dumapa. Sumenyas siya sa amin ni Bean kaya mabilis na hinila rin ako ni Bean upang dumapa sa sahig.

Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko habang halos palibutan na ng napakaraming sundalo ang loob ng Prism, vigilant to whatever harm na lalabas anumang oras.

The soldiers walked towards a glass panel on the side kung saan nagmumula ang malakas na sirena. In the glass wall, there was a red dot flickering and slowly moving.

One of the soldiers pressed something on the wall, revealing a set of keys to type in a 16-digit code. Mula sa pwesto kung saan kami nakadapa, hindi ko masyadong naaninag kung ano ang mga pinindot niya, ngunit nang unti-unting bumukas ang malaking salamin, itinutok ng lahat ng sundalo ang mga armas doon.

The glass wall opened completely, revealing a person inside almost crawling on the ground. May suot siyang hood sa kanyang ulo, kung saan natatakpan ang halos kabuoan ng kanyang mukha.

"Sino ka?!" sigaw ng isang sundalo.

The man lay with his back on the ground, at tila habol niya ang kanyang paghinga. Mabilis na napabangon siya at inilibot ang tingin sa paligid, ignoring the hundreds of weapons pointed at his face.

Nang dumako ang tingin niya sa akin, ay lumapad ang kanyang ngiti. He removed the hood that covered his face and slowly raised his hands, as if surrendering.

"I'm... Seven. Tumakas ako sa Infirmary to get back to my Quarter, only to find it in a total lockdown," he said with a grin, catching his breath. His voice was calm, almost too calm for someone with a hundred weapons pointed at him. "Kaya... napunta ako rito."

He sounded scared, but that smile hinted at something more than his words revealed.

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