Chapter 20: Unforeseen

Hanggang ngayon ay nanginginig pa rin ako.

Tila hindi gumagana ang pandinig ko sa mga sandaling ito. It happened so fast, but it's still slowly sinking in my mind. This system is so cruel, so unimaginable, but this is the reality. Life is not all rainbows and happy things. Ito ang tunay na nangyayari. We cannot do what we want to do. We cannot achieve what we want to achieve.

Iyon ang mga nasaksihan ko, pero hindi ako makapaniwala na iyon ang katotohanan. Reality slapped me hard at this very moment. The oppressed get little to no happiness in life. No justice, no equity, not much. It's so easy to talk about justice, to talk about everything, but in reality, everything is so far-flung. Ang katarungan ay tila abot-kamay lang ng bawat isa. Tila lamang...

Everything is so out of reach.

Right after Steve's death, tila wala lamang iyon sa mga sundalo at sa ibang nakasaksi sa nangyari. They let us resume working, with no words of comfort, no explanation, not even a tiny ray of regret or sympathy towards the victim. Kahit ang mga tao sa paligid na nakasaksi sa nangyari, even those who heard the gunshot, even gossiped as Steve's bloody body was carried out without care, paalis sa tunnel.

It seemed like no one cared. But I cannot judge what I see right now. There's so much more truth than what meets the eye. Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ng bawat isa. If I were to give them the benefit of the doubt, something like this isn't new to them, kaya't tila normal na lamang sa kanila ang pangyayaring iyon.

Kahit si Bean ay tila hindi rin apektado sa nangyari. He simply pulled me—something I was somewhat thankful for dahil sa mga sandaling ito ay tila wala pang lakas ang mga tuhod ko. Every step I took felt like tiny pieces of shattered glass on my foot. My world seemed to stop, contrary to everyone who continued as if nothing happened. Pinagpatuloy nila ang kanilang gawain, kahit mabigat sa loob, at wala silang ibang pagpipilian kundi ang sumunod na lamang.

I slowly stepped forward ngunit bawat hakbang ay bumabalik sa guniguni ko ang mapapait na ngiti ni Steve. I do not have a retentive memory, but the picture of Steve with all the grudge, hatred, and bitterness in life is clear as day in my mind.

His weeping, his blood that scattered on the rough ground... it was traumatizing and painful at the same time. Steve wanted death, that is for sure, ngunit maliban sa kamatayan, ang kalayaan ang kanyang mas higit na hinahangad. He wanted to live a free life. Due to his hopelessness, he wanted to die free, ngunit kahit iyon ay pinagkait sa kanya ng tadhana. He wanted the justice he deserved. He wanted so many things in life, ngunit lahat ng iyon ay hindi niya naranasan dahil sa pagkakulong sa Zone Z.

He was stripped of his human rights, his identity. He lived as the man who sinned and was now named by the numbers embroidered on his old, faded uniform.

"Sa tingin mo mababalik ng mga luha mo ang buhay niya?"

Bigla akong napalingon kay Bean nang marinig ang sinabi niya. He looked straight at me and spoke in a monotonous voice. Walang ni katiting ng emosyon sa boses niya dahil sa nangyari.

But he had a point. I didn't realize I was crying.

Was it pity?

I wasn't sure.

Was it pain?

Who knows.

Was it fear?

It could be.

I blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears. "Do we cry so people could come back to life?"

He opened his mouth, pero walang salitang lumabas sa bibig niya. Inilapag niya ang kanyang palakol at naupo sa lupa. Pumulot siya ng munting bato at nilaro-laro iyon sa kanyang palad, saka muling napatingin sa kawalan. It's hard to say whether he's lost in his thoughts, sad in his desperate situation, or if that's just how he normally is.

Hindi niya sinagot ang tanong ko, but he never gave me any rebuttal. I wondered if he was actually pondering my question. When we lose people to death, bakit nga ba tayo umiiyak?

Is it to bring them back to life?

Definitely not.

It is to express our pain, to relieve the sadness. Alam natin na hindi na mabubuhay ang patay kahit na halos mamatay na rin tayo sa kaiiyak, so we cry knowing that fact. We cry to release the pain and the heavy feeling in our hearts from losing people.

"Tama ka," mayamaya ay sabi niya. "We don't cry to bring back the dead; we cry because we know that they're not coming back."

There was something in his voice that I couldn't figure out. Tama. Umiiyak tayo, hindi upang maibalik ang namatay, umiiyak tayo dahil alam nating hindi na sila babalik. It was another deep blow to my chest, at muli kong naaalala si Lola.

Ilang sandali na ang lumipas ngunit wala sa amin ni Bean ang umimik. Bahagya na rin akong kumalma kumpara kanina, but the shock was still paralyzing. I hardly even moved my hands and could barely breathe. Ilang sandali lamang ay lumapit sa akin si Bean at napatingin sa paligid bago bahagyang bumulong.

"What did you come here for?" he asked without hesitation.

For a moment, I almost forgot what I was tasked to do. Now the danger of how hard this task is killing me. Bakit ba kasi hindi ko muna ito pinag-isipan bago ako pumayag? Did Wolff really have that compelling power in his voice or was he successful enough to entice me into this? But at what cost? Ano nga ulit ang mapapala ko sa mga pinaggagawa niya?

It will shed light to me—or so he says.

But the game that Wolff Bane is playing is so dark and twisted that I don't know which game pieces he's trying to move. I don't even know what he's trying to achieve in the end.

"C'mon, Hope," pukaw sa akin ni Bean. "You didn't come back to this hellhole for nothing."

Inilibot ko muna ang paningin sa paligid bago sumagot ng pabulong. "I came to save you."

For a moment, there was disbelief in his face, ngunit agad din iyong napalis. He looked at me like I was the most stupid person he'd ever seen in his entire life.

"Have you gone mad?" tanong niya.

Exactly what I want to ask myself. Have I gone mad?

"I know mahirap paniwalaan ang sinasabi ko, pero please, just trust me on this and we'll leave this place together."

It's hard to convince him right at this moment, ngunit alam kong gustong-gusto niyang umalis sa lugar na ito. Alam kong gusto niyang maging malaya.

"Kung nagi-guilty ka sa nangyari dalawang buwan na ang nakalipas, forget about it, Hope. It was my choice to let you escape," sabi niya.

"That's not just it, Bean. I know you're..." Mas hininaan ko ang boses at muling napatingin sa paligid bago sumagot. "I know you're Mint Marave."

Walang gulat na rumihistro sa mukha niya. But the zero emotion on his face just made me wonder what was running through his mind right now.

He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders. "So what if I am? If you don't know, once you're locked in Zone Z, you're no longer who you are. I am no longer Mint Marave, Hope." Tinuro niya ang maruming numero na nakaborda sa kanyang damit. "I am 1101077. Or Bean. Either is good, but not Mint Marave dahil sa sandaling tinapon ako sa lugar na ito, I'm stripped of my identity as well as all my rights to live that name."

"I know!" kumbinsi ko sa kanya. "More reason for you to trust me on this, please? Makakalabas tayo rito."

Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang pwede kong sabihin para kumbinsihin siya. Even I cannot convince myself whether we can really make it out of here alive. Kailangan ko lamang tatagan ang loob ko at magtiwala sa planong inilatag ni Wolff. Even if I don't know what his real motive is, I have to trust him blindly.

Hindi siya nagsalita. He stayed still, staring at me as if he could see what I had in mind by simply staring.

"Alam kong mahirap paniwalaan ang motibo ng pagbalik ko, but there's no time to explain, okay? Just... just come with me."

"What do you have in mind?" tanong niya. "What are your plans for our escape? Alam mo ba ang lugar na'to? Do you have countermeasures when the worst comes?"

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Why didn't I think of those questions when Wolff gave me the plan? Maybe I was stupid enough to jump into this mess. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipaliliwanag sa kanya ang lahat. I'll just go with what I have in mind. Inilabas ko ang vial sa bulsa at palihim na ipinakita iyon sa kanya.

Natigilan siya at hindi makapaniwalang napatingin sa mukha ko. "That's evil."

I know! Pero wala akong maisip na ibang paraan! And I have to trust Wolff on this. He's way smarter than me, and if this is the best plan that he came up with, sino ako para kwestyunin iyon?

"I know, but what other options do I have?" tanong ko sa kanya. The vial felt so cold in my palm, and the thought that I'm gonna start an epidemic inside Zone Z is freezing my spine. But people like me would grip onto knives when pushed to. 

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang vial at tumingin sa kanya ng diretso. "Just trust me on this."

"Alam mong mahirap gawin ang sinasabi mo," wika niya.

I know, but we have to do this now. I don't want to prolong my agony in staying here. Paano kung higit pa sa nangyari kay Steve ang masaksihan ko? Will I be able to endure it? Definitely not. It could break me.

"But if you risked your life and freedom just to come here and do what you plan to do, I'll take your courage for that," sabi niya. Bahagya siyang lumapit sa akin at mas hininaan ang kanyang boses. "Now what's your plan?"

Matapos kong sabihin kay Bean lahat ng balak ni Wolff, he had an unbelievable look on his face.

"I didn't know you were that smart to lay out an almost perfect plan, Hope," he said. There was amazement in his voice, ngunit may kung ano ring hindi ko mawari. Was it doubt? Was it hesitation?

He already said it. The plan was almost perfect.

Almost...

Kung sakaling titigil ang mundo habang tinatahak namin ang daan paalis dito, the plan would have been perfect. But no. There are so many risks to consider, and who knows if we'll be caught red-handed? Tiyak na sasapitin namin ang sinapit ni Steve. Are we ready to take the risks?

Did he just indirectly tell me that he cannot believe I'm smart? Hindi naman sa inaangkin ko ang ideya ni Wolff, but at this moment, I have to take full responsibility for this plan. Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin kay Bean ang tungkol kay Wolff. I cannot just tell him that the almost perfect plan we're about to execute was actually from a Glass, a sworn enemy of the Marave family. Hindi ko basta-basta pwedeng sabihin sa kanya na parte ito ng anumang larong gustong gawin ni Wolff. Like he said, it's a game where he needs a Glass, a Marave, and me. I don't even know if such a game exists and what's the motive behind it all.

The day passed so fast, and even if I didn't hear him concede to the plan, Bean didn't say no either. I'll just assume he will try it, and he's willing to take the risks. Ngunit habang lumilipas ang oras, ay tila mas lalo akong natatakot sa mangyayari.

Kung pagbabasehan ang mapa ng Zone Z na galing kay Wolff, I'm sure as hell this place is so complicated. Hindi iyon ganoon kadali. Who knows if there are traps around? Paano kung hindi ganoon kadali ang paglabas namin rito gaya ng pagpasok ko?

Zone Z is a supermax facility, ngunit hindi ko yata iyon pinag-isipan nang maigi nang pumayag ako sa plano ni Wolff. This place is more controlled than any correctional facilities around Sanip.

Nang pumila na ang mga tao upang lumabas sa tunnel, halos sumabog sa kaba ang dibdib ko. Sooner or later, we have to commence our escape. Tila gusto kong hilahin pabalik ang oras upang bigyan ako ng panahong kumalma. Nang pumila si Bean, sumunod ako sa kanya. Maingay pa rin ang mga makina sa paligid ngunit mas malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko.

"You're scared," sabi ni Bean.

Thanks for stating the obvious.

"I am," pag-amin ko. But what's even scarier than staying locked up in this place?

"Don't you trust your plan?" tanong niya at humakbang upang sumunod sa pila.

That and myself. I neither trust the plan nor myself, ngunit kung anuman ang nagtulak sa akin para gawin 'to, I'm sure it's more than trust.

Nang makalabas kami sa tunnel, nakapila pa rin kami nang bumalik kami sa open quarter. Now that I noticed, the place really looked like it's not easy to escape. The walls of the facility that were above ground were high and thick. There was little to no available information about the subterranean part of the prison, dahil ayon sa sabi-sabi at paniniwala ng lahat, the most notorious criminals were incarcerated there.

The place was gloomy and dark, as if it joined the heart of everyone inside the prison. Bigla na lamang yumanig ang lupa, sanhi upang mapaupo ako at muntik nang mag-panic. Most people handled the little shake well, na para bang normal lamang iyon sa kanila, but there were others who became hysterical.

Nilingon ko si Bean at gaya ng iba, tila wala lamang iyon sa kanya. He waited for a while bago inilahad ang palad sa harapan ko nang masiguradong tumigil na ang pagyanig. The place was filled with cries and other murmurs from all the inmates around.

Tinanggap ko ang palad ni Bean. "What was that? Lindol?"

Which I doubt, dahil ang mga sundalong nasa paligid ay hindi man lamang natinag sa pagyanig. Although it wasn't strong enough to cause major panic, hindi rin naman pwedeng ipagsawalang-bahala lamang iyon, especially if there are dangers that can be brought by the aftershocks.

He guided me towards the side kung saan kaunti lamang ang nagkakagulong tao. "Normally, we think it is, but if the staff of this penitentiary facility treat it like it's nothing, that raises suspicions. Isa pa, sa pagkakatanda ko, this is the third time that it happened this week."

Napakunot ang noo ko. "Third?"

Bean nodded. "There were hearsays that the east wall was scheduled for repair due to rusting."

Same info that Wolff fed me. It was a relief that his data is reliable kaya ngayon, kahit kaunti, ay bahagyang naging kampante ako na kahit paano ay mapanghahawakan ko ang planong iyon ni Wolff.

Moving closer to Bean, I spoke in a low voice. "Exactly. That will be our exit way. We can obtain chemicals such as hydrochloric acid so we can speed up the corrosion of the rusty gate."

There was a spark of hope in me and I wanted to channel that hope to him ngunit hindi man lamang nabago ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha.

"Brilliant, Hope. Your plan is scientifically correct if we use any oxidizing agent to speed up the rusting. I'm pretty sure the saltwater would also be of great help. Hindi rin mahirap humanap ng blowtorch, so we could use temperature to increase the rate of reaction. However, I think that little tremor we felt a while ago is a tiny scratch to your plan."

Hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang kanyang pinupunto ngunit sinalakay na ako ng kaba. "Anong ibig mong sabihin?"

"What I mean is that I think the tremors are the effect as the walls revolve on an unknown axis. So, the east gate which you plan to corrode is probably out of our sight now."

I think all my hopes were now shattered.

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