11: Pain of the Past

I'm sure Wolff is grinning right now, knowing he made me question my sanity again. I don't know if it's his fetish to watch me struggle discerning truths from illusions. I have no idea what level of satisfaction he gets every time he confuses me like this.

Without thinking much, I lunged at Odin Gozon. He was taken by surprise kaya hindi siya naging handa sa atake kong iyon. I grabbed his arm, almost positive I'd find the stab mark I left last night.

"What are you doing?" gulat na tanong niya.

Ni hindi ko alam na ganoon pala ako kalakas. I almost tore up the sleeve of his shirt in hopes of finding a wound but none.

None? Paano nangyari...

Is it on the other side?

It's easier to grab his other hand, rolling his sleeve with shaky hands, ngunit gaya ng kabila, walang kahit anong marka ng sugat doon. There wasn't even a scratch or anything on the skin.

Paano?

Napaatras ako at nanginginig. "H-how is that possible?"

He sighed, avoiding my gaze. "I have no idea what you were talking about."

Nanginginig ang mga tuhod na napaupo ako. "Was it fun, huh?"

He fixed his glasses at kumunot ang noo. "Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sinasabi mo. I didn't think Bane Lab would send a weird secretary."

"Quit playing it Seven! Or what should I call you, Seven? Wolff? Or Odin?" I won't forgive someone who makes fun of my mental state. Kung anuman ang rason kung bakit niya ito ginagawa sa akin, there would be no excuse. Pinahid ko ang mga luhang naglalaglagan. "How did you do it? How come you got rid of the wound you had last night? Ah, Science. You love it that much, right? It must be fun getting rid of the wounds and scars, as if you're a new person, and making other people question their sanity, huh?"

He tossed me a box of napkins. "If I remember your name right, you must be Dana Nina Lopez. You sure made quite an entrance, Miss Lopez."

How dare he play dumb like this?

"Hindi iyan ang gusto kong marinig mula sa'yo. Tell me, was it fun?" I asked insistently.

He stood up and opened a tabletop fridge at naglabas ng tubig. He stopped halfway, at nilingon ako. "Which do you prefer, sparkling or regular?"

I know I am hyperventilating right now. "I prefer it if you answer my questions truthfully."

He resumed getting a bottle. "I'll take that as regular. Here."

Hindi ko tinanggap ang inabot niyang tubig; sa halip ay tinapunan ko lamang siya ng masasamang tingin. Inayos niya ang suot na salamin at napabuntong-hininga. He made the effort to open the sealed water bottle at kinuha ang kamay ko at inilagay roon ang tubig. "We can talk after you calm down, Miss Lopez. I suppose this is a case of mistaken identity since you called me Seven. And Wolff."

I was really shaking, basing on how I spilled some of the water. Paniguradong mawawalan ako ng lakas kapag nakahuma ako sa panginginig ko. I slowly brought the bottle to my lips, making extra efforts not to spill some on my shirt.

Namayani ang katahimikan sa loob ng kanyang opisina. I know he's silently watching me as I tried to calm myself down. Kahit gustuhin kong umalis sa lugar na iyon, alam kong hindi ko iyon magagawa. I would literally crawl, knowing my legs have no strength after this encounter.

"You're Seven, right?" tanong ko sa kanya nang bahagya na akong makahuma sa panginginig.

Inayos niya ang suot na necktie. "I am Odin Gozon."

Napasabunot ako sa sariling buhok. "Stop it, will you?"

Although this man is giving off different vibes from the cocky Seven and rude Wolff, it's no doubt they have one thing in common. They're smart—insanely genius or otherwise. How could such a young guy secure such a position in Sanip?

Dalawang paraan lamang para maging isa sa lawmakers ng bansa.

One, you come from an influential family. An elite who spent your years gaining degrees and education from other countries;

Or two, you are a genius yet in obedience with the twisted rules of this world.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa bote ng tubig. He sat close to me, genuine worry flooding all over his face. Hindi ko rin napigilan ang sarili ko. I was consumed by my anger over this. If this is Wolff Bane making fun of me, I would have lost my mind. Anong mapapala niya kung sakaling ginagawa niya nga ito para paglaruan lang ako?

Tinitigan ko sa malapitan si Odin. Unlike Seven, he doesn't give off a rude vibe. Unlike Wolff, he's not cocky. In fact, Odin Gozon seems nice.

Or so it seems.

You will never know what's behind his thoughts right now, right? Kahit mukha siyang nag-aalala dahil sa panic attack ko, I have no idea what he's really thinking. Damn it, geniuses are dangerous. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Nang napansin niyang bahagya na akong kumalma ay nagsalita siya.

"I suppose there's a reason why you reacted like that, Miss Lopez."

Tinitigan ko siya sa malapitan. He may not have the same pale yet porcelain skin as Wolff Bane, nor the same tan as Seven, but they all have the same facial structure. Wolff Bane has two tiny moles at the side of his right eye. Magkasunod ang dalawang maliliit na nunal, and if you don't take a closer look, you wouldn't notice them. Seven also has the same moles. Even if his skin is tan and I've taken a closer look at him under the moonlight, I saw those tiny moles.

And now, this guy is sitting close to me, and he has those tiny moles too. I can see them despite the thick glasses he's wearing.

I know it's possible to have someone who looks exactly like you with minimal differences, but having the same looks and unique features... is kind of impossible. Yes, they may look different considering how they really differ at a glance, but if you're observant enough, you would conclude they're the same person.

I first met Seven at Zone Z. Tall, brooding, tan with scars and marks of labor. He's so different from Wolff Bane. Wolff is tall, with a pale yet porcelain complexion. He has the skin most women would envy, but is still masculine in a way that I think only he can pull off. This man gives off a normal vibe. No striking tan, no insanely fair complexion, just right.

See? How could they be the same person and at the same time, how could they be different persons?

I think I'm losing my mind over this.

"S-sino ka ba talaga?" I managed to ask.

He sighed, fixing his eyeglasses with his index finger. "Ah, so it's about my identity. Since I got this position as a result of my hard work, alam kong marami pa ring hindi makapaniwala. How could a young guy who has nothing but the fruit of his labor be the youngest lawmaker of Sanip?" He sounded sad and sincere.

Tumayo siya at binuksan ang ilang steel cabinet. Naglabas siya roon ng mga folder at inilapag sa harap ko. With shaking hands, I made to see what's inside. Credential records from prestigious schools abroad under his name.

"It may sound like a plot of a soap opera, but I was one of those child mendicants on the streets before. Alam kong alam mo na hanggang ngayon ay problema pa rin ng gobyerno ang mga pulubi. No matter how they capture them, there are still mendicants on the streets. I was one of those before. So it happens, when I was six, it was also the year of the International Comity Meet was held in Sanip. Isa iyon sa pinakaimportanteng araw para sa Sanip. It's the yearly meeting with its neighboring nations to maintain peace and harmony." He smiled bitterly. "It was also a better opportunity for beggars like me to steal from foreigners."

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa mga papel. Sinong hindi nakakaalam sa tradisyong iyon? Of course, Sanip would gladly host such a prestigious event. Maliban sa makakakuha sila ng iba't-ibang trade and deals mula sa ibang bansa, hosting such an event is also the time to show off how successful a nation is. The government will make sure it will be sightly. They would make sure that Sanip will live up to its name as one of the most successful first-world countries.

But there's more to the name than that.

No matter how successful the name upon its surface, there are countless crimes and anomalies that are not made public through the power of money and influence.

Ah, I hate wicked people.

Nagpatuloy si Odin sa pagsasalita. "Kasama ng iba pang mga bata, pinlano naming i-ambush ang convoy ng mga dayuhan patungo sa kanilang mga hotel. Ang mga pulubi, kahit mukhang walang silbi, ay talagang matalino. Kung hindi, paano sila makakasurvive sa kalsada, di ba? Pinlano namin iyon nang maigi. Kapag lumabas sila sa Triangle Tunnel, isasara namin ang komunikasyon at iba pang mga bagay para maging matagumpay ang plano namin. Noon, wala kaming kaalaman sa mga radio frequency, real-time data processing, at advanced communication schemes na ginagawa ng mga eksperto. Ano ang alam ng mga pulubi? Ang alam lang namin ay kailangan naming mapatigil ang mga sasakyan sa pamamagitan ng pag-block sa gitna ng tunnel at pagpatay ng kuryente para dumilim ang paligid at maisakatuparan ang aming balak. Wala kaming laban sa mga smart brains at advanced technology na meron ang Sanip noon. Ang meron lamang kami ay ang kagustuhan na makuha ang mga bagay na meron ang mga bisita."

Kung tama ang pagkakaalala ko, malaking balita iyon noon. Nasa parehong edad ako at ang balita tungkol sa ambush ay nasa mga headlines kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas.

"Mayroon din kaming layuning gawing katatawanan ang gobyerno," pagpapatuloy niya. "Gusto naming turuan sila ng leksyon. Paano nila ituturing ang mga dayuhan na parang VIP habang tinatrato ang sarili nilang mamamayan na parang basura? Alam namin na mayroon kaming 45 segundo para magnakaw at tumakas. 45 segundo lang ang meron kami dahil wala kaming laban sa teknolohiya. Ang maliit na manipulasyon namin ng signals, komunikasyon, at iba pang bagay ay magiging epektibo lamang sa loob ng panahong iyon pero kinuha pa rin namin ang panganib. Wala kaming ideya kung ano ang mangyayari pero naniwala kami na makakagawa kami ng pagkakaiba sa loob ng 45 segundo."

Naging mas kalmado ako kaysa noong una. Mukhang malungkot si Odin habang ikinukuwento ang nakaraan niya. Siyempre, naguguluhan pa rin ako kung totoo ang sinasabi niya o nag-iimbento lamang. Magdedesisyon ako kung ano ang paniniwalaan ko mamaya.

"Pero hindi namin inasahan na magiging madugo ang 45 segundo na iyon. May mga putok ng baril at iba pang pagsabog sa dilim. May mga sigaw ng sakit kasabay ng walang humpay na tunog ng mga bala."

Ngayon ko naaalala. Tinawag itong Mendicants Suicide Bombing Case. Mainit na paksa ito ilang taon na ang nakalipas at unti-unting nawala sa panahon... o sa ilang kapangyarihan.

"Nang bumalik ang mga ilaw sa ilalim ng tunnel, lahat ay patay maliban sa akin. Narinig ko ang isa sa mga elite guards na nagsabi sa isang tao na matagumpay ang operasyon. Ako ay walang sugat pero mas patay kaysa buhay, at naisip ko ang isang bagay. Ito ay isang maayos na plano ng gobyerno." Mapait na ngumiti siya. "Ito ang dahilan kung bakit ako ay nag-aalala habang pinaplano namin noon. Ang pagpasok sa tunnel ay walang kahirap-hirap kapag dapat. Ang pagmamanipula ng komunikasyon signals ay mas madali kaysa sa inaasahan namin at akala namin ay ganoon lang iyon kadali. Well, pinadali nila sa amin dahil sumabay sila sa plano namin. Gusto ng gobyerno na patayin ang mga bisita sa dahilan na sila lamang ang nakakaalam, samantalang kami ay gusto sanang turuan ng leksyon ang gobyerno pero naging scapegoat lang kami para kunin ang pagkakamali."

Ang Mendicants Suicide Bombing Case ilang taon na ang nakalipas. Ayon sa balita, ito ay kanilang pag-aaklas laban sa gobyerno kaya't plano nilang magpakamatay sa Triangle Tunnel kasama ang mga VIP guests. Ang balita ay nagdulot ng gulo sa buong Sanip, at sino ang nakakaalam, maging ang mga kalapit na bansa. Masyado pa akong bata para maintindihan ang mga iyon noon, ngunit ngayon na mas matanda ako, ang kaso ay nagpatunay na Sanip ay isang mapanganib na bansa, at mula noon, wala nang ibang bansa ang naglakas-loob na makialam dito. May sapat na lakas ang Sanip para pabagsakin ang ibang mga bansa, mayroong mga advanced nuclear power plants at patuloy na nagsasanay ng mga sundalo sa kaso ng digmaan.

"Kabaligtaran sa balita, hindi ito plano ng mga pulubi. Paano namin makakakuha ng mamahaling bomba kung wala kaming makain? Nakikita mo, ito ay plano ng gobyerno upang patumbahin ang dalawang ibon sa isang bato. Pagtanggal ng kanilang sariling mga problemang pang-ekonomiya at pagtanggal ng mga kahinaang relasyon sa mga mahihina na bansa. Ginawa nila kaming taksil. Ang Sanip ay walang oras para makipagmabutihan sa maliliit na bansa, kaya't ang pagsabog ay nagsilbing babala at tawag sa alyansa sa mga mayayaman at makapangyarihang bansa."

Right. Matapos ang nangyari, Sanip was no longer part of the league of friendly nations, but it has become an ally of the powerful ones.

"To make the long story short, I survived it and work hard and received help para marating kung ano ang meron ako ngayon."

Napatingin ako kay Odin. His experienced wasn't a joke. Kung ganoon ay anong uri ng buhay ang pinagdaanan niya? And here I thought I have the worst childhood ever. Just because my mom doesn't recognize me as her daughter, I thought I had the biggest problem in the world.

Hearing his story, I realized I was so close-minded as a child. Of course, I lived an average life without much physical difficulties. Walang araw na hindi ako nakakain. Walang araw na wala akong matinong higaan. I've never seen the world other than mine. The fairy tale and stories I've read weren't an exaggeration at all. Everyone has their cup of hardships. Mine happened to be in an elegant goblet, while others have it on their palms. I was so naive in thinking I have the worst experience in life.

Pero kapanipaniwala ba ang kwento niya? He sounded sincere but it didn't make me feel at ease. Yes, I'm moved by it. Kung kwento lamang ito, then he would be the protagonist and that's his backstory. But life doesn't go simply as that. It could be that he's the protagonist and that's his story, or it could be I am the protagonist and I have no similar backstory to begin with but I am confused all throughout my journey.

But still I won't do as much as neither rejecting such fateful experience nor letting the fact slide that he looked like Wolff Bane or Seven.

"Considering that's true, how could you easily tell me such story?" tanong ko sa kanya. It was the secret of long time ago. Paano kung ipapahamak ko pala siya? What if I sell the info to the government? He doesn't know me at all but he freely said t as if I can keep it to myself.

Sandali, paano kung... he's not planning on disposing me right here right now, right?

Damn it, I hate it when I inject fear to my thoughts like this.

"I think you're a good person."

I froze before slowly turning to look at him in the eyes. His eyes were not different from Wolff or Seven. Those eyes cannot let you see through what they're thinking. It is said that eyes were the window of the soul but looking at their eyes, I don't think I agree with it.

"Hindi mo ako kilala. You cannot just say I am a good person."

He fixed his tacky hair. "Right. But still, I believe you're a good person. My instincts tell me so."

I think I've got enough strength to support myself to stand. "Alam mo ba kung bakit tayo nakakaranas ng disappointments? It's because we convince ourselves that we believe about something because our instincts tell us so. But when it failed, it crushed and disappoints us, when in fact we're to blame for setting such expectations."

He sighed. "You're interesting, Miss Lopez. Pero sandali, sino 'tong tinawag mong Seven at Wolff?"

"Forget it--"

"Do you know someone who look like me? As younow, the bombing case was not a joke. Kung sino man ang nagligtas sa akin at nilagay ang mukhang ito, they could be that person tha you knew," he said.

"Y-you had surgery?" Pninigurado ko.

He nodded. "I would not look like this after a severe burn na halos ikamatay ko na. Ang nakakapagtaka lamang ay hindi ko kilala kung sino ang tumulong sa akin at nagbigay sa akin ng mukhang 'to. A year ago, I had trouble finding jobs dahil sa deformed na hitsura ko hanggang iusang araw ay may tulong na dumating, kalakip ng oportunidad na magtrabaho.

S-someone gave him Wolff's face and helped him? Mas lalo lamang akong naguluhan sa mga pangyayari kaya tumayo na ako at akmang aalis. I walked towards the door. "Thank you for the water and I won't apologize for the hassle."

He just nodded. "I hope to see you again Miss Lopez."

"I hope not," I replied before closing the door.

I don't want to totally lose my mind.

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