sexist pigs and pickup lines
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"I can't tell you exactly how it will end. But I can say this: when it begins, it will feel like the rain and when it ends, it will feel like the fire. And the truth is we're all beautifully mad enough to believe that maybe love was meant to save us from ourselves."
- R. M. Drake
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"Wait, so you punched your principal just because he didn't allow you on the soccer team?" I asked, stunned.
"That and a few other reasons. Kentucky is one sexist pig. He believes the female population has only one job anywhere near a soccer field." Avril said, her lips along with the metal piercing pulled down in disgust.
"And what's that?"
"Cheering. When the bastard started eyeing me and suggested, and I quote, 'cheerleading should do your body more justice' I attacked him across the table itself." She lifted her fist, carelessly showing us her diced knuckles.
I whistled in admiration.
"If it weren't for my twin who dragged me away after throwing a punch himself, Kentucky would be in the hospital." Avril said without an ounce of regret.
"But you both got expelled! This will show in your records and-" Vanessa exclaimed.
"William De Barros, our father, uh, used his influence. He's kinda rich." Avril hesitated looking almost embarrassed and I notice how she doesn't say we. "Kentucky was shut up with an agreement. Our side consisted of a transfer to Silvana High and helping at the Apollo Charity House which is the reason I'm here."
"And your twin? Is he singing too?"
Vanessa asked.
Av laughed. "Johnson cannot sing. He's doing the chauffeur's job for us."
We were sitting in a cozy corner at McDonalds with our orders. I had long finished mine. Avril was explaining the reason behind her transfer. The three of us had gotten along like a house on fire fuelled with petrol. We had exchanged numbers and Van had already invited her and her twin to sit at our table in school during lunch.
"Uh, I need to pee. Be right back!" I said and scurried towards the washrooms. Just as I'd finished my business and was strolling towards our table my cellphone vibrated. I opened it to see a message from an unknown number.
Red looks really good on you. ;)
Without thinking, I replied to a potential anyone and instantly regretted it.
Are you color blind? I'm wearing orange.
It buzzed again:
Girl, is your name WiFi? Because I'm feeling a connection.
I raised my eyebrows, smiling. For some reason I wasn't suspicious of the sender. I guess its because the message sounded so innocent. Before I could reply, my phone buzzed again.
I'm no organ donor, but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
I rolled my eyes. Cheesy much?
You look familiar, didn't we take a class together? I'm pretty sure we had chemistry.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
I laughed aloud, causing a few heads to turn.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.
"Yuck!" By now I was clutching my stomach in the middle of the café, laughing my head off.
You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
I sobered up and typed a quick response.
Who are you? And are you stalking me?
I scanned my surroundings for anything strange. I couldn't spot anyone looking my way. Hmm. I looked down when my phone vibrated.
Can't find me? That's okay, we'll meet soon pumpkin 😘
I gagged. Pumpkin? I could feel the chicken burger and Coke rising.
What? You don't like pumpkin? You are wearing orange..
I hate pumpkins. Besides they're meant to be eaten. Not as a term of endearment.
So until I come up with something original let's make do with.. squirrel.
Squirrel? I rolled my eyes and typed:
Oh so there's going to be more of these?
You bet.
And although I had zero idea who mystery person was, I surprisingly found myself looking forward to more of this.
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