Louis couldn't really comprehend all that had happened in the last week alone. First, he's had Harry back in his life due to a messed up cake order only for him to slip through his fingers again because of his lack of dick. Just for him to literally show up the day after, swearing that he didn't mean it and begging for a second chance, which he has given him without much of a second thought because he was so gone for this man. Deep down, he had known that it might've been a really bad idea but Harry had sounded so genuine and Louis had really wanted to give this a chance. He should've known better.

But it's been great, so he hadn't seen their downfall coming. The official first date they had shared had been wonderful and he had felt on top of the world, leading to his first sexual experience with a man, that he still couldn't wrap his head around. What followed had been another great evening with Harry and more new and exciting experiences, that he had thought had meant something to the man he liked but he had been wrong about that.

Because despite all the great things happening to him, destiny or the universe decided to laugh in his face yet again. Right after giving his first-ever blowjob and feeling good about himself and where they were heading, Harry's ex-husband showed back up in his life to beg him for a second chance. Realistically, Louis knew he stood no chance against Phil. He had seen Harry's face and all the answers had been right there.

Besides, that was his ex-husband they were talking about here. Harry has already been hesitant and reluctant to give them a real try from the very beginning without Phil being actively in the picture. But now he was actively back, saying he had changed his mind and realised his wrong thinking and who was Louis to try and sabotage that? It was still Phil they were talking about. Phil, who was Harry's first love, his first relationship. The person he had married once, the person he couldn't stop thinking about even after years apart, the person he'd had for almost a decade.

Of course, Harry would take him back and Louis understood that. It hurt but he couldn't be mad. Harry would always love Phil. Louis had just been some fun on the side anyway.

With Phil always in the back of his mind, they never would've had a chance to be anything real anyway. And still, here he was, still wrapping Harry's birthday present in hopes he'd find a way to deliver it to him because he wanted him to have it, no matter what they were. He wanted him to have this without actually knowing about any of this. He would let him in on another part of his life without Harry even wanting it anymore and he wasn't even thinking about not doing it. He wanted him to have this book before it got released. He wanted him to know and he wished him all the luck in the world. He truly did.

It has been nice to have dated someone for at least almost a week. It was more than he's ever had and longer than he had thought he'd ever date anyone. But now Phil was back and they should definitely get back together, so Harry could have his happily ever after, like he's always wanted it. The life they've had wanted to together. The life they've had planned together. Their family and kids. Harry deserved it and Louis wouldn't ruin it.

Instead, he was taping up Harry's present, staring at it when it was fully wrapped and ready to be given to him. Knowing that he loved his stories without him ever telling Louis about it, he had thought it would be a nice surprise to gift him his newest book before it officially dropped on Valentine's Day, revealing himself and his new profession like this. They had never talked about it and Louis had wondered why.

By now, he knew. Harry had never really cared. It hasn't been important to him because they've never been serious. Not for him. He had still only wanted to go back to Phil, which made sense to him. So, it really shouldn't hurt this much to be pushed aside in an instant, to get ghosted. But for him, it has been more than some casual fun and Harry should have known that.

Pushing the gift away from him, Louis grabbed his notebook again and tried to focus on what he was actually supposed to be doing, which was figure out his next story. He's had many ideas but not one was sticking out to him at the moment. Nothing was worth diving into and that sucked. His lack of inspiration gave him too much time to wallow in self-pity and he didn't want to do that. Not when he had expected Harry to drop him anyway. He had been prepared in the back of his mind but his heart hadn't been and that was showing now. He couldn't focus on what he loved, his mind only going back to Harry and their moments.

"God, damn it" Louis cursed frustratedly, taking out his phone and calling Sabrina, who did the promotion work for his books and kept track of how well they were doing. He needed something else to think about, even if it was only numbers.

"Louis, hey" Sabrina picked up the phone, sounding surprised that he was calling on his own without an obvious reason. "How can I help you? Everything alright?".

"Just wanted to check in and see how everything is going. It's close to release day and I'm curious" Louis forced his voice to sound as neutral and nonchalant as possible, not needing any question from her about his mental state again.

"Things are looking good. We're expecting loads of pre-orders when the announcement drops tomorrow. People are dying to read the new book and I must say they're in for a wild ride" she presented the overall situation to him, knowing too many in-depth details would only confuse him. "It's gonna be a hit, Louis".

"Good. That's good to hear" Louis wanted to be excited but he wasn't writing to be overly successful, at the end of the day. He knew it was a privileged way of thinking and not everyone could afford that mindset but he was lucky enough that he could. His books were about his newfound passion and not some market success and fame. It was selfishly about himself.

Picking up on the lack of enthusiasm in his voice, Sabrina's own voice sounded a lot more hesitant now. "Any new ideas yet?".

"Tons of ideas" Louis wasn't technically lying. His notebook was full of vague or even more detailed plot ideas but nothing to turn into a whole story with his mind not in the right state. "Loads".

"Take your time, okay? No one's rushing you to write anything new already, yeah? You have eight books out. I think people can wait for another one. They have enough to go back to" Sabrina definitely knew him a bit too well after all these years.

"I'm lacking real inspiration anyway. Not gonna write anything any time soon" Louis told her against his better judgement.

"Caprice loved the last one" Sabrina chose to leave his avowal uncommented, knowing better. "I know you've been worried about the plot being too toxic but she enjoyed it anyway. Hated Hayden though. She repeatedly mentioned that Lucas deserved better than being the last choice of his first choice".

"I was thinking the same" Louis admitted quietly.

"No one should sell themselves below their worth" Sabrina noted softly, too softly for his liking. "Maybe your book will help some people see their own worth and stick up for themselves".

"Or they're gonna think it's okay to settle for last choice because Lucas is doing that in the end, isn't he?" Louis felt his insecurities and worries coming back, no matter how much his editor loved his story despite the toxicity.

"I'm not sure he is" Sabrina answered simply. "Let's see what your readers will think, mh? Let them decide".

"Fine" Louis gave in for now, knowing thinking too much about this would only drive him crazy. The story was finished like this.

"Now get out of the house, get some air and enjoy the weather, okay? It helps with the inspiration" Sabrina advised him friendly.

"I take your word for this" Louis felt himself smiling slightly.

"Get out".

The beeping in his ear signalled that she had hung up on him and Louis could only smile to himself at that. Deciding to follow her instructions because he had nothing better to do, Louis closed his notebook and called for Alexa, who peeked up from the couch at the sound of his voice. Signalling her to stand up, Louis took his phone and got ready to go outside, leashing up his dog. As a last-minute impulsive decision, he grabbed the wrapped gift and put it in a tiny bag, debating if he should just drop it off at Harry's place. Maybe in the letter box unnoticed, without being seen.

Together with Alexa, he left the house and headed for the park instead of the forest, his feet wanting to carry him all the way to the bakery but he hesitated, not keen on seeing Harry with Phil, which was a possibility now. Sitting down on a bench, he let Alexa off her leash and watched her run across the doggy meadow. It was perfect to stop himself from getting his heart broken again.

"Louis?" someone called his name somewhere close to him and he recognised that voice but couldn't place it.

Scanning the area, Louis spotted Àmbar walking over to him with a black dog by her side. That must be Lucky. "Oh, hey, Àmbar".

"Didn't expect to see you here. How are you?" Àmbar stopped right in front of him, unleashing Lucky to run freely.

His first instinct was to lie because she was still Harry's friend but somehow he couldn't. He liked her too much already. "Could be better but I'm getting by. You?".

"Can I?" Àmbar pointed at the bench, asking if she could sit down next to him.

"Of course" Louis scooted a little to the side to give her more space. "It's cold though. Your bum might freeze off".

"I can handle it" Àmbar sat down with a laugh, watching their dogs sniff each other. "They seem to get on".

"Thank God for that" Louis chuckled light-heartedly. "Would have been a bit awkward otherwise".

"True" Àmbar settled against the cold backrest of the bench. "To answer your question, I've been better too but mostly, I'm fine".

"Twinsies" Louis tried to be funny because he had no idea how to act around her now that Harry was out of his life.

"Again, yeah" Àmbar humoured him luckily. "Struggling with your next book as well?".

"Are we actually twins? Because yes" Louis gaped at her now, too stunned to care about sounding stupid. "Majorly struggling".

"We're very alike, it seems" Àmbar glanced at him, an interesting edge to her voice but it didn't sound negative. "Now that my big series is over, it's so hard to find something else to write. I'm not entirely done with my characters but their story is over".

"That's why I came up with that multiple stories and universes but the same characters concept, almost like fan fiction. I've thought about changing their names for each story but it felt wrong, so I didn't and somehow people like it" Louis shared some of his early thought processes with her. Why, he didn't know.

"Of course, they like it. They get attached to the characters and don't really have to say goodbye to them. They get them in so many different stories and scenarios and still never know what to expect because they could be lovely in one story but a total prick in the next. It keeps them hooked and I get why" Àmbar showed him her view on the situation. "I've read your stories by now, all of them, which was a lot more than I normally read because funnily enough I write but don't read much. Never did".

"I can relate to that. Was never much of a reader but writing came naturally to me" Louis just accepted that they were so bloody similar in every way. "But you didn't have to read all ...".

"I wanted to ever since I finished 'Tied to my destiny' and it was so worth it. I loved every single one of them, especially 'Renting a place in your heart'. That one was amazing" Àmbar cut him off.

"It was actually one of the harder ones to write, not entirely sure why" Louis thought back to writing that particular story. It had been challenging because it had been his first real dive into the topic of the show business in some way. Different from his story because his character had a past as a singer but it had still been close to home and difficult to write at points. "Their dynamic has been something I've struggled with because normally my characters don't have a past with each other. Hayden and Lucas always meet for the reader to see. Not in this one and not in my latest story".

"Doing something different is scary, isn't it?" Àmbar understood him well but he also had the feeling her words meant so much more than just a different approach to a book. "Terrifying".

"It is" Louis agreed with her, definitely not thinking about a certain curly-headed friend of hers. "In books but also in real life".

"Real life is much scarier than books. You can't redo anything or rewrite a moment that didn't go as planned" Àmbar sounded far away all of the sudden. "And you can't skip to the end to see if things work out or not. You need to have faith, which is hard".

"Don't I understand that" Louis said more to himself but knew that she had heard him. "The pain is also different in real life. You can't just close the book and forget about it. It sticks with you".

"It really does" Àmbar studied his side profile for a moment before her voice dropped to a literal whisper. "I'm sorry".

"Not your fault really" Louis knew what she meant and didn't know how to react. She had nothing to do with this. "And I'm fine, most of the time. Wasn't completely unexpected and he has every right to ... But it sucks, I won't lie".

"Everything else would be weird. Of course, it sucks and I'm sorry that you're going through this. Heartbreak is never easy" she looked painfully conflicted, which made him feel bad.

"It hasn't even been a full week. I'll be fine" Louis forced a smile onto his face, wanting to believe himself.

"We both know it hasn't only been a week" Àmbar was definitely referring to everything that had gone down in the last few months, which ... she had a point but Louis tried not to think about it too much. "And even if, it doesn't make it any better or worse".

"I get it" Louis looked for Alexa again, who was still playing with Lucky totally unbothered. "And I'm grateful for your understanding but you're his friend. You don't need to do this right now".

"But I think I do" Àmbar sounded so serious. "And I might be his friend but I'm not obliged to agree with everything he does. Also, I'm really not that close to him. We're not like you and Aria".

"What do you mean?" Louis frowned at her words, detecting the sadness in her voice.

"We're friends but I'm not his best friend like Aria is yours. He might even refer to me as his best friend but in truth, I'm not. I ... I don't think I'm anyone's best friend around here" Àmbar stared into the distance. "Niall is his best friend and Sarah definitely comes in second. I'm third and I'm happy with it because I love all of them but I'm not ... My best friend lives in Germany and no one will ever replace her and I hope to God that nothing will ever replace me in her life. Not sure I could handle that".

Feeling so much sympathy for her, Louis scooted a bit closer to nudge her arm, getting her full attention. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. She won't replace you".

"I hope so" Àmbar shuddered out. "I'm sorry for unloading this on you. I didn't mean to. I only wanted to clarify that I might be friends with him but that doesn't mean I can't see your side or even be more on yours than his because I don't agree with him".

"Thanks" Louis felt genuinely touched by her words. "We might have to actually become friends. Our dogs love each other and I don't wanna break Alexa's heart. What do you think?".

"I thought we already were" Àmbar winked a thim but she looked so overly emotional that it fell a little flat. "I'd love that. You have my number, after all".

"Yeah. Sorry for not using it until now. I wasn't sure if I ...".

"I get it" Àmbar nudged his knee. "It's a messed up situation and you never know how to act around anyone really. It shouldn't have come down to this. I'm sure you feel way worse than you're letting anyone see and I understand. Appearance is everything".

"That's stuck in my brain and I'm not sure it will ever leave" Louis let her know easily, knowing she would get it.

"It's okay if it doesn't" Àmbar smiled at him in understanding. "I think we're way more alike than you know. I just get you".

"I've noticed and I can say I get you as well," Louis thought back to everything they had in common, which was quite literally almost everything. "So, I'm gonna ask how things are with Aria, from your point of view. You can tell me".

"I know" Àmbar looked down at her lap for a moment before seeking out her dog. "I'd say things are good but I'm not sure where we stand and please, don't tell me. We need to figure this out on our own and I know we will. It's just ... I really like her".

"I can see that" Louis could see it clearly on her face.

"I'm just worried about so many things. Things I know you can relate to because you also never ... had a relationship or ...".

"Oh," Louis caught on to what she was hinting at, realising he must have told his friends about this. Fair enough. "So, you also never ... just like me".

"Just like you" Àmbar nodded in confirmation, looking slightly guilty for knowing this already but she didn't have to. "And Aria knows this. I was honest about it as soon as I had the chance to tell her and I know she doesn't care about this but I'm still worried that it might affect the way things might turn out between us".

"In which way?" Louis hooked gently.

"I'm not just inexperienced, I'm also demisexual. So, I don't really feel the need to change it all the time. I'm not desperately wanting to finally do it and never stop again. I'm ... not dreading it but I am scared that I won't like it enough to do it often enough for her and that scares me. I know I'm overthinking this big time but the mere thought of people touching me gives me the ick and I can't seem to stop freaking out over it although I like it on my own but ...".

"I totally get what you mean. It's okay" Louis had to stop her from getting lost in her own head. "But I can tell you that you have nothing to worry about. She's not overly sex-crazy anyway. Don't tell her I told you this but she's been labelled as boring by other people for years and that's for literally anything. For stupid things like being shy and quiet or into books and nature. Or for not being overly sexual and horny 24/7 like everyone else nowadays".

"No one should judge her for that" Àmbar frowned deeply in seconds. "She's perfect the way she is and if that's boring, then I am boring as well and we can be boring together".

"I love to hear it" Louis felt over the moon for both of them. They really were perfect for each other. It warmed his heart.

"Just the truth" she shrugged but then she faced him with even more seriousness on her face than before. "And nothing of what has happened has anything to do with you, okay? Please, don't think there's anything wrong with you for being the way you are".

Emotionally overwhelmed, Louis had to actually hold back some traitorous tears wanting to betray him. "Thanks, I ... I'm trying to see it like that but it's difficult at times. Knowing that it's highly unlikely for anyone to really want me for longer than ... for more than ... Knowing that sucks but well. I'll survive".

"The right person will find you, Louis" Àmbar locked eyes with him to really get her point across. "You deserve it".

"Let's see what life has in store for me, mh?" Louis wasn't really convinced but he liked the thought of it, still too naïve. "I think we should get up before we freeze to death, slowly but surely".

"Good idea" Àmbar stood up in sync with him. "I'm headed that way and you?".

And he knew where she was heading without even having to look. Everything in him told him to turn the other way and just text her to talk some more but he ended up joining her anyway, going straight to the place he shouldn't go to. But on the way, they talked some more about their lives. Through this, he got to know how she had moved to England alone after publishing her first book of the series with the help of a friend from university, who was still editing her stories to this day. After leaving the country, she didn't finish uni and only focused on her writing and it paid off, if Louis might say so. She was very talented.

Arriving in front of the bakery, they both lingered. The present situation crept back into their consciousness and they both froze, not knowing what to do. Against his better judgment, Louis curtly looked into the bakery and was directly met with Harry looking at them standing outside. Their eyes met for a moment but then Louis looked away, not able to handle the reminder of what he had and lost in such a short amount of time.

Of course, Àmbar had seen it and looked at him with pity, which he normally hated but coming from her, it was alright. "I'm sorry. I should better go in and let you leave. I didn't...".

"It's alright. I chose to walk you here" Louis didn't let her blame herself for his self-made pain, which reminded him of something. "Oh, um ... could you give this to him? It's his birthday gift".

Taking the gift carefully, Àmbar eyed him closely, sadness so visible on her face. "Is this what I think it is?".

"It is" Louis confirmed tensely, only wanting to leave by now. "I want him to have it. You said he loves my books, so ...".

Understanding settled onto her face and she only nodded. "I'll give it to him. He will love it".

"Maybe" Louis stared down at the pavement. "He doesn't k ...".

"Hi, Louis" a voice he hadn't wanted to ever hear again made his head snap back up, looking straight at Phil. "Funny to meet you here. Are you feeling any better?".

Not sure what he meant by that, Louis assumed he couldn't know about him and Harry or he wouldn't sound so happy to see him. So, he did what he always did. Put on a smile and fake his feelings. "Much better, thanks for asking. You're heading in?".

"Yes, I wanted to check in on Harry and take him to dinner later. Have a lot to catch up on" Phil answered chipperly, each word feeling like a knife to Louis' heart but he kept smiling. "I'll see you around, yeah?".

Thankfully, he didn't have to actually answer him because Phil walked into the bakery without waiting for a reply. Through the window, Louis could watch how Phil walled up to the counter with pure confidence and pressed a kiss to Harry's cheek, making him blush prettily. For a moment, Harry looked past Phil's shoulder right at him still standing outside like a maniac and he saw that as his sign to finally leave and never come back.

"I'm off" Louis croaked out, the need to cry clogging up his throat.

"We'll talk some other time?" Àmbar asked hopefully.

"Definitely" Louis assured her truthfully.

"Great. Well, I'm gonna go in and meet Phil, I guess" Àmbar took a deep breath, bracing herself for this encounter quite visibly.

"Oh, you didn't know him b ...?".

"No, never met him until today" Àmbar smiled tight-lipped at him, radiating unease. "Only known H for five years, so ... yeah".

Nodding at her wordlessly, Louis watched her go and forced himself to leave, Alexa protesting at not getting her Monday treats. He needed to find an alternative for her. She didn't deserve to be affected by his personal life. She loved food way too much.

Mulling over Àmbar's last words, Louis decided to put an end to his thoughts, needing to put all of this behind him. Even if he had yet to be told that he was being cut off, Harry's actions spoke louder than words. Again. He should definitely get it this time. He was old news and needed to accept it, for good. Harry was out of his life. Only a memory, good and bad from different angles.