Alternative title: oh no no! I'M not having gay thoughts!

A/N: Yes I'm adding a bit if my headcanoned backstory for Matt. If I haven't mentioned I feel like he's bi-curious at least. And Matt completely fucks up towards the end.

--Gay slurs warning---
------

Its 3AM and Matt is still awake with Peter laying against him in his arms, staring up at the ceiling. It's almost quiet since Lucas is gently snoring into his pillow, while half hanging off his bed. He had come out of the bathroom, his eye liner smudged in a half assed attempt to wash it off, and stared at Matt for a few seconds with his arms crossed.

"Are you high?" Matt sighed. Lucas shrugged, and glanced down at Peter in response. Heat rose into Matt's face and he answered immediately "I'm not gay"

Lucas smirked gently, raising his eyebrows "never said you were Matthew"

"But I'm not. That's what you were suggesting!" He snapped blushing harder angrily. Lucas just laughed at his reply, walked over to his bed and flopped onto it, passing out as soon as he made contact.

It had upset Matt at the time that Lucas would even suggest he liked guys, but now he realises that he was paranoid and Lucas was probably just wondering why he hadn't moved him.

He sighs, trying to get rid of the thoughts that keep invading his mind. It probably looked suspicious how he reacted. Matt knows he likes girls, he loved Ivy and he's been into others, but there's the part of him that makes him doubt if he really is the 100% straight guy he's been playing all these years. The first time he learned the word faggot is when his dad called him it anyway.

Peter shifts and sighs in his sleep, which causes Matt to snap out of the dark 3AM thoughts he's having. He looks at the other boy, noticing how he looks content and peaceful as he's cuddled up beside him. How could Jason break up with him? Other than the extreme homophobia that would hurt or even kill him, Peter seems like the perfect guy to be with. He's nice, sweet, kind. He's also really-

Stop it Matt. What the fuck are you doing?

He looks back at the ceiling squeezing his eyes shut. He's been sure for so many years but now he's doubting it all over again. His dad's words ring in his ears, and he bites his lip hard enough for it to bleed.

I didn't raise you to be a faggot Matthew!

Matt sits up and moves away from Peter, trying to control his breathing as his lungs begin to constrict again. This time it's out of panic, not the parasite that's invaded his lungs. He opens the window and leans out, hoping the cold air will help as he grabs the chair from his desk and moves it to sit next to it. Lucas snorts in response to the cold but stays asleep. He shuts his eyes again, focusing on his breathing.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9...10

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8....9...10

He soon begins to calm down as the panic slowly evaporates, and he leans back against the chair exhausted. A mix of staying up this late and having a panic attack really doesn't work well. Yawning, Matt puts the chair away and looks at his bed. Peter's still there...

I can't sleep there...not right now...

He looks around, but just decides to sleep on the floor. Matt prays silently, as if it would help, before curling up on the floor and trying to sleep.
---
Getting to lessons is almost easy.

Walk down the corridor to your class, don't make eye contact with your ex boyfriend, don't die when you pass him, make it to lesson without coughing up your insides. Fairly simple.

Peter manages to avoid Jason most of the day, but he can't help but stare when they're in the same class. He still loves Jason, no doubt about it, but it hurts too much to see him after what he said. Or when Ivy starts to flirt with him. He knows she doesn't know he was already in a relationship, so he can't blame her for flirting with him. Peter knows she likes him, and he knew one day Jasom would find that girl who makes him happy. Ivy seems to be that very girl.

He should be happy for him, but the happiness never comes. It makes him feel selfish to be so jealous and upset. This is what Jason wanted. He should he happy for him. But he can't.

He has to leave Maths after watching them together to go to the toilet, where more petals are dispersed into the sink and tears are spilt. Maybe he'd be happy if his love hadn't manifested into a disease that would surely kill him soon. It hurts enough to see him happy with someone else, but the physical pain of vines in his lungs and petals shredding his throat just add onto his suffering. If only they knew.

The day drags on way too slowly, and Peter is hardly relieved to go to rehearsal. Usually he'd enjoy it, but today he just wants to go back to bed and never come back out. Its not a great day.

He walks into the auditorium, no longer surprised to find his peers causing chaos on the stage, and goes over to Matt who's staring at his script unimpressed. "Hey"

"Hey" Matt replies sighing and shuts his script "I just realised that Tybalt shows up to get murdered and that's it"

"You have more scenes than that"

Matt shrugs crossing his arms "Doesn't feel like a lot"

"Matt, you get to play the angry cousin. Who's name means prince of cats. I know he's no Romeo but you get to fight Jason without anyone telling you not to" Peter jokes and smiles when Matt actually smiles at what he said.

"How do you...never mind. Um...do you want to stay over mine tonight if you're not going back to your own room? We could steal some of Lucas' alcohol"

"Sounds great"

"This is a drama room but that don't mean you have to cause drama in here!" Sister Chantelle walks onto the stage holding a script and staring right at Zack. "Everyone on the stage. Places for Pilgrims hands"

Everyone goes on stage and gets into their position. Peter glances at Jason frowning, then looks at his partner getting into the position for their routine.

"If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine the gentle fine is this"

Peter had helped him with his lines. He remembers doing the routine with him.

"My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand. To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss"

He swallows hard, fighting the cough that tickles his throat.

"Good pilgrim you do wrong your hand too much. Which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands, that pilgrims hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmer's kiss..."

He can see her smiling, and his stomach twists.

"Have not saints lips, and holy Palmer's too?"

"Aye pilgrims lips that they must use in prayer"

"Well then dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They prey, grant thou lest faith turn to dispear"
---

They probably shouldn't have stolen whatever beer was hiding on Lucas' side of the room, or even drunk as many as they did. Last time they got drunk together it was because of their exes, this time isn't much different.

"So...you left after I told you about Jason, and I was just sitting on the floor drinking when this black lady walks in looking like beyonce...or Diana Ross..." Peter says, shifting in the bed with a stupid grin on his face and takes another drink before continuing, "Anyway. She says she's the virgin Mary! And these two Angels walk in behind her and...dance? She told me it's okay to be gay and that I had to phone my mum to tell her. It was so weird Matt but I think it wasn't just me tripping badly. The best part? The next day I realised that Mary looked like sister Chantelle!"

Matt laughs "What? Peter I think you drunk way too much. Or maybe pot brownies and alcohol don't mix too well"

"Oh my God...what if it was just sister chantelle but I was imagining her as Mary?!" Peter asks and bursts out laughing. Matt ends up laughing too, finding it funny even though he probably wouldn't laugh this hard if he was sober. He watches Peter and something in him switches.

He suddenly notices how Peter's smile lights up his face, and all the tiny details of his face. His eyes are the most wonderful shade of blue. In fact, his eyes look almost identical to Ivy's.

Peter giggles and watches him examine his face, "Matt? Are you okay there?"

Matt doesn't reply. He doesn't push the feelings he's been holding down for so long. All he can see is how pretty the boy in front of him is. And his eyes. The eyes so identical to the one he loves.

So he can't stop himself when he leans forward and kisses him.

And Peter barely stops him.

He doesn't stop when his tie and shirt come off.

Or when he's deeping the kiss.

Or when Peter takes the lead, and they lay back still kissing as if their lives depend on it.

He knows he'll regret it in the morning, but something about this doesn't feel as wrong as it should.

-
A throbbing headache wakes Matt the next morning, and he immediately regrets drinking so much possibly outdated or possibly cocaine tainted beer. As he goes to reach for the day old water on the side, he realises both that there's someone clinging to his side and he's hardly wearing anything.

For a second he's confused. He can't exactly remember what happened before he fell asleep, but as soon as he looks down at Peter's sleeping face he knew.

Dread washes over him as he realises what he's done. You've really done it this time Matthew.

Unsure what to do, he just stares at Peter as if it would make him go away and solve this mess. This wasn't supposed to happen! How could he be so stupid to let it get this far? Matt isn't gay. He doesn't like boys. No he's straight. Last night meant nothing.

Who am I fucking kidding?

Peter starts to wake up. Yawning, he looks up at Matt and smiles "Hey..."

The something seems to snap inside him and he growls, "Get out"

Peetrs expression changes into confusion, "Matt-?"

"Get the fuck out of my room!" Matt yells at him shaking, holding back tears of anger and fear.

Peter crawls over his legs (Matt is slightly relieved that he's not entirely naked, which indicates it didn't go too far) and quickly gets dressed as Matt glares at his covers. The door opens and shuts a few seconds later, and silence fills the room once again.

He hits his legs yelling and let's the tears out, hugging his knees and pressing his face into them. He felt disgusting. Matt doesn't know if it went any further than he remembers. He just knows it was wrong. How could he face his parents in a few days knowing he made out with a guy? They'd kill him on the spot.

Someone sits on the edge of his bed. Lucas speaks gently "Just let it out...it's going to be okay" and pata his arm. Matt sniffs and slowly looks at him still crying. He doesn't look disgusted or horrified. He seems...sympathetic.

"I know you're confused about what you did with him, I was too when I came in late and I saw you two. But Matt...it's fine. I know you don't think so because you're having a break down over finding him in your bed, but it's okay if you like dudes. And I won't tell anyone because I'm not an asshole"

Matt laughs slightly at the last comment then sighs "Thanks...I guess...but I almost...we almost...did we...?"

"You didn't have sex if that's what you're asking. You both kinda passed out after stripping off and eating each others face. I feel sorry for your future partner"

He cringes and notices how Lucas used a gender neutral term instead of wife "You watched?"

"I'm not a creep Matthew, Jesus!" His roommate says laughing. "And I dont fetishise gay dudes, mostly because I'm a member of the LGBT community anyway. As you know"

"I'm not gay"

"Says the guy who made out with Peter Simmonds and couldn't even make it to third base"

Matt hits him with his pillow. "Fuck you"

"Mm maybe later" Lucas winks but smiles gently. Matt knows he's joking and he knows his roommate loves to wind him up sometimes. At least he doesn't feel as awful anymore. "So you're bi?"

"No...I...I don't think so. I know you don't believe me but...I don't think I'm Bi"

Lucas nods "Whatever floats your boat Lloyd. Now, I should be pissed you stole my alcohol but I'll let it slide because of what it made you do. Though I think you should apologise to Peter at some point. He's leaving tonight and I think you scared him"

Matt looks away. He knows he should, but the thought of seeing him right now doesn't bring a great feeling.

"When you're ready that is" Lucas gets off his bed and walks back to his side, picking up his tie and putting it on. "Get dressed! ...Wow I'm starting to sound like you" He sits down in his bed a little harder than he should and smirks "And I never thought Matthew Lloyd would be a bottom"

Matt rolls his eyes and starts to get dressed into his uniform, swallowing the vomit that starts to rise up his throat. He feels sick, knowing how much he messed everything up. Peter probably hates him, and all it takes is one slip up for everyone to know. He's in deep water now.

~~~
A/N: I wrote this between 1 AM and 2:30AM so theres probably a lot of spelling errors

What's this? Jason isn't the only one who messed up?

Yes I'm not keeping it completely accurate to the original storyline since it would actually be hard to. I've had this idea for a while and it was hard to slip in since Ever after is probably the same day as One and I didn't want to it stretch out.