The doorbell rings. It's late, almost midnight, and Sarah is lights out in my bed with her silk pajamas and matching eye mask.

At first, I ignore it. Sometimes people come home late and drunk and they annoy the wrong door. But then there's a softer knocking, which prompts me to get up and least check through the peep hole.

When I do, it's Sadie. Her hair is wet from the rain outside, and her teal hoodie and sweatpants are speckled like she didn't bring an umbrella. Just drove here and ran inside.

I crack the door. "Sadie?"

A smile blossoms on her face almost immediately. "I wanted to make sure everything was okay with you. I'm so sorry it's late. I just texted you and didn't hear anything back, so..."

"Texted me?"

I don't remember getting a message from her at any point. But when I pull out my phone and check, I see it came through during the whole family divorce announcement fiasco. No wonder I've missed it.

"Oh," I sigh, scratching my neck. "A lot has been going on."

Sadie's face twists from happy to concerned. "Yeah, that's why I'm here. Is everything okay?"

"Um," I stutter, checking over my shoulder. A reflex. I want to punch myself after I realize what I've done, giving away the fact that there is someone else in there I'm looking at.

"Someone in there?" Sadie asks, getting on her tip-toes to try and peek inside. I know you can't see my entire bed from the door, because the cut-out it's in next to the kitchen gives it some privacy. Some.

"No?" I mumble as a question, my gut wrenching at the fact I have to lie to Sadie for how many times now? What if she wants to come inside? I usually would have invited someone in at this point, instead of whispering between a cracked door. God, I hate this. I hate all of it.

"What? You seem anxious?" Sadie says flatly, crossing her arms against her chest as her eyes drift down towards the hallway carpet. She definitely can feel that something is up now.

"No, no..." I begin, slipping through the cracked door to meet Sadie outside in the hallway. I close the door behind me and press my back against it. My face softens at her expression, which is still a bit closed off and vulnerable. But at least it's the two of us, face to face, in a different space than Sarah.

"Everything is not okay," I tell her, my finger nails digging into the door my palms are pressed against. "A family emergency, I guess, came up."

This causes Sadie's face to perk up, her eyes widening in concern. "Emergency?"

"Everyone is okay," I assure her with a shake of my head. "Not that kind of emergency. Just... drama. Really bad family drama."

"Well, I'm sorry. I should get going then—"

"No," I demand, placing my hand firmly on her hip. Probably not the best place, but it's where it landed.

Our eyes trickle up and meet, the magnetic pull strengthening once again. Half of my brain says "kiss her!" but the other half tells me to wait. We left on shaky ground the last time we were together and I have no clue what has transpired between her and Jared, or her and anyone else, or us.

But as it turns out, I don't need to make any decisions, because Sadie pops up and kisses me, her arms looping around my neck. And we're both sober this time, so I know it's real. Even though last time was real, too, this feels like the first time you stand barefoot on the warm grass in summer. So many months with socks and shoes and you can finally be barefoot and feel that the ground beneath you is real.

When she pulls away, I breathe in deeply, trying to understand what just happened. She smiles, pressing her hands against my chest.

"There is something I should probably tell you," I whisper, my heart pounding when I see the smile fade and be replaced with concern again.

"Oh," Sadie mumbles, moving her hands away. Maybe she felt my heart rate spike.

"Can we go to a diner or something and talk? Are you hungry?"

Sadie's eyebrows raise, taking a step back from me. "Definitely not hungry any more."

"Sadie," I sigh, pleading with my eyes that she doesn't go or run away. That she meets me at the diner and I can at least explain my situation and maybe, just maybe, she'll be okay with it and we can work something out.

"Fine," she agrees, making eye contact with me for just a fleeting moment.

"Okay, great, let's go," I say, nodding towards the elevators. As we walk towards them, I make sure my key is still in my pocket. I don't even bother locking the door.

"I really wish you'd just tell me what's going on. I'm not really a fan of this," Sadie says as we step inside the elevator.

I gulp at the same time we begin descending. Quite frankly, I'm not a fan of this either, but I don't tell her that.

"Gabriel? Are you going to talk to me?" She asks now, and I realize I've spent the whole ride down to the lobby clenching my teeth.

"Sorry. Yeah. I am going to tell you everything. It's just been..."

"A family emergency. I heard you," Sadie reiterates with a tinge of annoyance in her voice. "Is it really necessary to go somewhere? Couldn't you have just talked to me in your apartment?"

She follows me out of the lobby and into the night, where the rain has stopped and turned into a foggy mist. Her words going in one ear and out the other. The closer I am to telling her the truth, the more I feel like I'm going to pass out. The more I can vividly see a flashback of Sarah for the first time in the airport, the more I can remember the ugly parts of our marriage, the more I can feel it in my chest the immense amount of disappointment I've placed upon my family and hers. The more I want to run away again, but this time to another country. Another planet. Much farther than this pathetic attempt I made.

"Where are you going?" She asks, her voice bellowing from behind me.

"I don't know!" I snap, turning around to look at her with both of my arms out.

"The diner is that way," she mumbles, pointing behind her. She comes to a halt.

I feel like crying. I feel like breaking down like a lump of clay on the sidewalk and bawling my eyes out until I form a river and it carries me away. Sarah ruined my life in California and now she's here to do it again in Illinois.

"Gabriel," she whispers, placing her hands on my shoulders. She must sense or feel or see whatever is happening inside of my head.

"I'm sorry," I whisper back, for many things at once. And I'm sorry for what I'm about to tell her.

"Can you just tell me? Just tell me. No diner or apartment. Let's just sit down and you can tell me," she says as she points over to the concrete siding of some row homes.

I follow her over this time and sit down next to her on the cold, damp sidewalk. Just like we did months ago.

"This would be a lot better over hot coffee and waffles," I say while rubbing my eyes. Stalling and gathering my thoughts. Mist floats across the street in front of us under the illumination of a street light.

"Tell me," she murmurs, leaning in closer.

In my head, I can picture my mouth moving and speaking the words to her. But I can't seem to get them to come out.

"I'm married," I say, but before I can continue and explain, Sadie is standing up and backing away.

Horror is painted all over her face.

"If that's true," she pauses, her mouth open like she doesn't know what to say. Her hand shakes as she points at me, either from the cold or something else, "then I wish we never started!"

It's over.