Dedicated to weyhey_harry because I really enjoyed Psychotic and your writing is great! x

Unedited.

I'D NOT KEPT A DIARY for years. When I was nine I first began to write one and it was mostly full of misspelled sentences about what I'd done throughout the day. As I got older, they became a little more interesting - boys, school studies and what music I had become interested in. It was basically the usual diary a teenage girl jotted down in every once in a while.

I ended up writing in it every night during my last year of secondary school but I soon lost interest once I'd moved to the city. My time was taken up with my art and work, and my little diaries were shoved somewhere in the bottom of a cardboard box.

Until I managed to pull out a blank one from under my bed.

I considered writing about work and how my art was going - it'd be nice to see how much my childhood dreams were so close to become reality. Then again, Harry was the only thing truly consuming my thoughts at that moment.

I opened up the plain red notebook and scribbled in the date before tapping my pen against the paper.

"What to write, what to write," I muttered under my breath as I observed the blank page.

I lowered the pen and began to write what came to mind. Perhaps I could write my life story and turn it into a teen novel if my art career didn't get better?

Dear Diary,

Long time no write, huh? I suppose that's because nothing much has been happening in my life right now. I'm still into art, and I pursued my dream to move to London and try to get my work showcased. The last part about having my art noticed is unfortunately still a dream. But the first part came true, right? I'm still hoping.

I'm not entirely sure what to say. It's been so long since I thought on keeping a diary.

Just like old times.

I paused and took a sip of my coffee, looking up at the TV to listen to the local news. Nothing much was going on, at least nothing that really caught my attention.

I suppose the main reason I thought of writing again was because of a boy. Yes, a boy. A real one, I may add. I only met him three, maybe four months ago and already I've fallen completely in love with him.

His name is Harry. He works in the finance department at the ERHA - that's the English Rural Housing Association, (where I work in repairs) - and he's just wonderful. Such a gentleman and he always speaks to people as if they are the most important person in the world.

He just smiles so widely when he speaks to everyone. Even to me, but only in a friendly way.

Oh, I so wish it could be more...

In fact, speaking of wishes, I just happened to make one a little while back.

It was a silly spur of the moment thing - I don't even believe in wishes coming true. And still, me being me - an idiot - I wished for someone like Harry to love me. And then I ended up making the entire wish about Harry. Which was a dumb move because he was in a relationship at the time and then the next day it all crashed and burned around him...

The bitch cheated on him. I've now started to call her Slutty Sally.

I can't help but feel like I'm to blame though. How could I not feel that way? I pretty much begged for a taken man to be mine. And the first step of the wish has kind of come true - he's single again. And I feel like shit.

It's my fault. No matter what I say or do, I can't make myself think otherwise; I ruined him.

I am the reason the man I love is carrying a broken heart within his chest.

I still see the sorrow in his eyes. Even the littlest of things triggers a memory of her and it's almost like I'm watching him crumble more and more every time. It breaks my heart to know that I am the reason why.

It's all happened too quickly, too unexpectedly. The idea of a coincidence is always possible, but it all just seems too strange for a shooting star to fly past on the night that was supposed to be the best night of his life - he was going to propose to her.

I hate myself for being so selfish.

No matter what I tell myself, I know I'm still to blame.

If I could un-wish my wish, I would.

For him. For Harry.

IT HAD BEEN SEVERAL WEEKS since the trip to the theatre and several days after I'd written my first diary entry in years. It felt good to be able to write down my feelings after everything that had occurred between Harry and I. But somehow I couldn't force myself to read it over again. With each word I had written down, the weight of guilt upon my shoulders seemed to get heavier as the days passed. It was torture.

I'd told myself that wishing on stars was silly. And yet, every thing had happened at such an unfortunate but incredible time. What or who else could be blamed? It wasn't as if Harry had wished for his relationship to be destroyed.

I pulled out a packet of biscuits and dumped them into the shopping basket. I proceeded to complete my Saturday shop, dropping in multiple items of food that would last me the following week. God knows I needed something other than cheese to be sitting in my fridge.

The boy behind the counter always smiled warmly at me whenever I came into the shop. It was just around the corner from my home and had all the essentials. Thankfully, I was able to live off of essentials, and I was a regular customer at the convenience store.

"Do you have any more large Nescafé jars?" I asked the guy - Niall, I'd found on his name-tag - as I hauled the basket up onto the counter.

"Just in, actually," he told me as he disappeared momentarily into the back room. He brought the coffee through for me and scanned it, a smile on his face. "You sure love your coffee."

"Yep," I answered. "I've been going through it like mad."

"How come?" he asked.

I paused. There were two reasons; one was Harry. He'd pop round every so often for a coffee which always managed to get my heart racing. Whenever he arrived at my door, it was like a blessing. The other reason for my high demand of coffee was the mere fact that I tried to keep myself awake for as long as possible to complete paintings as possible.

I'd returned to drawing Harry. Ever since the night he'd seen the drawing of him and Sally, I'd refrained from sketching any more of him. However, that phase didn't last long. I'd painted multiple different scenarios with Harry as the main focus. My personal favourite was of him sitting in the Underground, waiting for his train while reading a book. The idea hit me so unexpectedly and suddenly that I just had to draw it.

Hopefully Harry would never see it.

"I just really love a coffee," I told him.

"Fair enough," he chuckled as he scanned all of the items and dropped them into a bag for me. "I'll probably see you again next week," he said with a smile.

"Yes, you will," I laughed as I thanked him and opened the shop door. "Bye, Niall."

"Cheerio," he called and waved to me as I left the building. I quickly turned the corner and made my way back home, wondering if I'd be lucky enough to find Harry pressing the intercom buzzer once again. However, that was on the case. No one was standing outside and I let out a sigh. Shame.

Oh, stop it. It's not as if he's going to be chasing after you like you've been chasing after him.

I instantly put on the kettle when I got home and unpacked my shopping, eyeing the chicken with hunger. It had been a long time since I'd cooked myself a proper roast dinner. I forced myself to wait for Sunday, that was the night for a roast meal my mother had always told me when she placed the food down on weekend nights.

Maybe I could invite Harry? It's not as if I had anyone else to invite or anyone else I wanted to invite.

Before I could even consider tinking about the pros and cons, I was dialling Harry's number.

"Jane?" he said after four rings.

"Harry, yes, hello," I said, a little hurriedly. "Um, what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Jane," he chuckled. It was a beautiful sound. "Calm down, you sound like you've just ran a marathon. Breathe and tell me what's going on."

I did as he said, breathed in and then spoke, slowly and steadily, "Are you busy tomorrow night say around five, sixish?"

He was silent for a moment. "No, I don't think so. Why?"

"Well, I have all of the ingredients for a Sunday roast and I ... um, I was wondering if you'd like to come over for the meal?"

"Oh," Harry said, sounding genuinely surprised at my offer. "That sounds great, Jane, thank you. Of course! Just give me a definite time, and I'll be there."

"Oh," I said, surprised. I hadn't expected him to be free or to accept if he had been. My monetary state of shock had rendered me speechless.

"Jane?" Harry asked.

"Um, yeah," I mumbled. "Sorry. Six! I'll start preparing at five so when you get here it's nearly ready," I said and I heard Harry chuckle on the other end.

"Sound great, thank you," he said once again.

"It's because I won't be able to eat it all by myself, you know?" I blurted. Instantly, I regretted it. What a way to be non-subtle, I realised and I groaned under my breath.

Nice one.

"Yeah, it's alright! I'd love to come over anyway, Jane," he said. "I get bored on Sundays anyway so it will be nice to spend it with someone."

"Spend it with someone?" I repeated.

"Yep," he said. "Usually I just watch the TV and dread the Monday morning start in finance."

"Ah, same here," I said, laughing again.

Maybe you could carry out the plan you've had for months - jump him and snog him until he's out f breath.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow at six," Harry said and I nodded slowly, still in disbelief.

"Yes! I'll see you then," I said and quickly hung up. "Jesus, calm down."

I was seriously starting to worry about myself. One reason for my worry being my creepy obsession with Harry - it seemed to be spinning out of control more and more as each day passed and truthfully, I wished for it to stop. The last thing I wanted was to freak him out or have myself being locked away in a mental home. Or possibly to obtain a criminal record for stalking. I wasn't stalking him though, so at least that wouldn't happen. The second reason that had me a little frightened was the fact that I didn't have many people to talk to about it.

Friends of mine remained back up in the country where my parents were. I didn't have a lot in the city and the one I did have were either work colleagues or friends which also happened to be friends with Harry.

I sighed. I knew talking to someone would probably help me out - I didn't want to suddenly spit it al out at Harry and have him running away in fear. However, knowing my luck that was bound to happen.

I drank my coffee all too quickly and before I knew it, I was making another.

"Damn it," I mumbled as I poured in the milk.

I thought for a moment about my friends back home. Heather was all for travelling places and I knew she was home, most likely planning her next big holiday with her irritating fiancée. Her and Thomas had been all over the world in such a short period of time - it was ridiculous. But Tom was so damn snooty at times that I wanted to hit him over the head with whatever fancy new phone he'd acquired in the last month.

I considered phoning Heather up and asking if she felt like coming down the following weekend. it would be nice to see a familiar face. And so, that's what I did.

"Heather, hi," I said into the phone.

"Jane!" she drawled out before laughing loudly. "Long time no see! Well, long time no see, speak, or ... anything. God, I'm so sorry! I've meant to come down and visit and even ring you up a few times but I've been so busy. Sorry."

"No, no, it's fine," I promised as I sat myself back on the couch. "I was actually calling to see if you wanted to come down for a visit. It's been way too long since we've hung out. I'd come home but I don't really have the time with work and such."

"Oh, yeah - how's the job going by the way?" she asked.

"Hm, it's alright," I said. Just met the most amazing guy there and I want to tell him I love him and please him and be with him and have him in my bed. "Nothing much going on with it Just the usual computer nonsense."

"Ah, that sucks," Heather laughed before she paused. Silence. Then she spoke again, most enthusiastically saying, "Of course I'll come down! When were you thinking?"

"Next weekend or the one after that? Only if you don't have other commitments though."

"Nah, I don't! Funnily enough, Tom and I were just about to start planning another little get-away and now we have it."

"Oh," I paused. "You're bringing Tom?"

"Only if it's alright with you," she said. "No, wait. In fact, he's busy. Him and the guys are going to a stag night so it looks like you're just stuck with me."

Thank God. "That's great, I'll speak to you closer to the day. Next week?"

"Next week!" she confirmed before hanging up.

I smiled, happy to be able to have something to look forward to. Plus, I'd be able to tell her all about Harry and the stupid wish I'd made so many weeks ago. Perhaps, with her vast knowledge of the world and specific legends and myths she knew, there would be some helpful advice she could give me about how to be not so obsessed over someone.

Part of me wanted it to stop, or at least calm down. Then there was the other half who welcomed more idiotic craziness and adoration to consume me and make me fall even more in love with Harry.

Damn.