enjoy this short and sweet one!

"So uh, ha ha right? I'm okay, but I'm stuck for a while. I just want you to know-"

There was a crackle as his voice broke. He wasn't stuck, he was at the end of his rope but he couldn't let his last words be so depressingly heartbreaking.

"That you are amazing. There's so much life around you that I need you to appreciate. The beauty in the world is for you. I hope you can sit back and find your happiness, find something to love and never let it go."

Clint was trying not to let it show that he wasn't coming back but what kind of self-confident person leaves a message like that.

"I love you, Buck. Don't wait up."

The comm recording clicked off for the millionth time as Bucky's left thumb rested over the play button. His hair was yanked back into a messy half bun half what the fuck is that. He sat stock still on his trashed bed as he gently pressed the button again.

Clint's voice surrounded him, comforting him more than any blanket ever could. Silent tears ran down his cheeks and he sniffled hard, trying not to let snot join the dripping pool around his chin. Bucky took a deep breath and shuddered, forcing a sob down.

"I love you, Buck. Don't wait up."

Those words stung so harshly at his heart. Bucky had been waiting for Clint. He was going to tell him everything when he got back. Clint got to tell him he loved him, but Bucky never got the chance to say it back.

The fact that they never found his body made it worse. He didn't even have a real headstone he could go to. Bucky had nothing besides a box of some of Clint's things he'd rifled through and the recorder.

He hastily wiped his nose before pressing play again. Then he reeled forward and pressed his knees to his eyes, a broken cry coming from his lips. He had found his happiness, someone he loved. But he let it go and Clint could never come back. Bucky'd mindlessly taken his advice while he threw it back at him.

Metaphorically.

Bucky's head screamed out at him, mixing curses and pleads together. A slur of jumbled whimpers dropped from his mouth as he rocked back and forth. He was sure the whole compound could hear him. He'd lost his light. His love. His pilot and driving force. He'd lost the only reason he had to stay in the game anymore. He didn't care who heard him.

Bucky spent the rest of the night listening to his last message. He had no more tears by morning. No more broken hearted bargains to God. He had no more.

He caught Shuri in her visiting lab, which was just down from Stark's, eyes swollen and raw. His demeanor was relaxed, but not the good kind. The kind of a man who just couldn't be bothered anymore.

"I need to go back."

"What?"

"Send me back on the ice." Bucky's point was very clear and the young princess knew the reasoning behind it.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes." Bucky gave a short nod. He knew Steve would be mad, livid maybe, but it wasn't the Captain's choice to be making.

"Find your happiness. Find something to love and never let it go."

"And don't wake me up."