Taeyang shivered as the two walked side by side down her footpath. They took a momentary pause in front of her open front door. She looked up at Namjoon with bafflement. “You forgot to lock the door?” She gaped at him.

“I’m sorry.” Namjoon sent her a sheepish smile, brandishing his dimples on either cheek. Taeyang let out a heavy sigh and walked in with Namjoon following her from behind, after securing the front door. “But in my defence, it really wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t think straight.”

Bloody footprints trailed from the doorstep all the way to the kitchen. They were Namjoon’s footprints. Taeyang found herself subconsciously following it until the sight she came across in the kitchen made her stand rooted to the floor.

“All this is my blood?” she said wearily. The shock made her words come out more as a question than a statement.

“I…I’ll clean it up. You go get some rest.” Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck.

Taeyang stared at him. She was tempted to ask him why he was caring for her so much, but the words didn’t come out. Besides, she already knew the answer. Just like she loved him, he still loved her. But, it would be better if she didn’t have to hear the words.

“I’ll go change,” she said, gesturing towards his coat that hung loosely over her shoulders. “Then I’ll come help you with cleaning up.” Taeyang made her way up the stairs before Namjoon could protest against her suggestion.

Once she returned, she met Namjoon wiping a mop against the floor to make it spotless. “And… done!” he beamed.

“Well, that was quick. It’s just like you, wanting to do all the work by yourself,” Taeyang snickered at him.

“Hey, it’s only because you spent forever getting dressed,” he teased back. With his hands still holding on to the tip of the mop’s handle, Namjoon pointed a finger at Taeyang’s red and green stripped sweater. “Nice sweater.”

“Thanks. Uh…Yumi got it for me this year for Christmas,” Taeyang said, nostalgia tainting her voice as she looked down at the sweater. Merely talking about Yumi – Taeyang's now deceased best friend, who was also Taehyung's now deceased girlfriend – shattered her already fragile heart.

“Okay, I think I should make something for you to eat,” Namjoon chirped in attempts to brighten her mood. At loss for words, Taeyang simply blinked her eyes at him. “You can watch some TV in the meantime.”

Namjoon grabbed the TV remote from the couch, switched the TV on and began flipping through channels until he settled on something he believed she’d find interesting. “I’ll be back with your food as soon as possible.” 

Taeyang highly doubted that he’d ever neared a cooker before in his life, yet he was so adamant about preparing food for her in the middle of the night. She didn’t have it in her to object to his demands though. So, all she could do was watch as he disappeared into her kitchen.

Taking a deep breath, Namjoon pondered on where to begin when he sighted a picture placed on the kitchen table amidst the clutter of fruits, vegetables and kitchen utensils.

Namjoon strode towards it and carefully picked it up as though it were some fragile artefact. All four of them were in it; him, Taeyang, Taehyung and Yumi. Taeyang had one hand over Taehyung’s shoulder, and the other pinching his cheek. Namjoon, himself, looked like he was about to topple over and fall flat on the floor. Yumi was the only one that attempted to catch him, and that showed in the picture. With her hand stretched in his direction, her doe eyes were widened and her lips were moulded into an “o” out of shock.

He remembered the hassle they went through just to get that one picture taken because there was no fifth person to handle the camera. Now, it was his turn to have nostalgia slap right in the face. Namjoon didn’t want to show it in front of Taeyang, but Yumi’s passing completely broke him too, almost as much as it broke her.

He sat down on a stool and traced a finger over the picture; warm tears rolled down his cheek. Namjoon knew he couldn’t let Taeyang see him in that state. She was already suffering enough. He knew her mind was clouded by negative thoughts. All he had to do was be her sun in the winter, shine on her and make her bloom, despite their relationship’s tumultuous not-so-distant past. Though, he wasn't sure how he was going to do that since she was barely giving him the chance to.

Quickly, he wiped the tears away from his face, drew himself out of his thoughts and scurried to the cooker. His brother, Jin, had already taught him how to work a cooker. Preparing something for Taeyang to eat couldn’t be so hard, right?

Well, after dozens of spilt pans of sauce, burnt vegetables and one cut on his finger, Namjoon realised that cooking wasn’t for him since his destructiveness just won’t permit it. Taeyang stood by the door, feebly smiling at her ex-boyfriend and resisting the urge to face palm. She slowly walked over to him and took his hand in hers. 

“I know you really wanted to make something for me, Joon, but how about we just order some food,” she said tenderly. The warmth he heard whenever she said his name aloud had suddenly returned. It made Namjoon smile and she smiled back at him, not entirely sure why.

“Okay,” he succumbed.

After Taeyang had successfully cleaned up his wounded thumb, the doorbell rang. Their pizza had arrived. They both sat down, legs crossed, on Taeyang’s cosy living room rug. She stared at the slice of pizza on her plate, and the pizza stared back – untouched, for thirty minutes straight.

“Keep this up and I’m gonna have to feed you myself,” Namjoon teased.

“Namjoon, don’t,” Taeyang said wearily and kept her head ducked. Without any permission from Taeyang whatsoever, Namjoon grabbed the slice of pizza and began shoving it in her face. She resisted as much as she could. “Stop it.” She swatted his hands away from her face as if he was a pestilent fly.

“Come on. Say ‘ah’,” Namjoon said as he placed his hand on her jaw, helping her widen her mouth, also against her will.

“I’m really not in the mood to eat.” She gazed at him pleadingly, hoping he’d get the message and leave her be. Namjoon dropped the slice of pizza back unto the plate and let his eyes meet Taeyang’s tender gaze. She was always more aggressive than tender, and under normal circumstances, she won’t have had Namjoon trying to feed her favourite food to her to begin with. But, these weren’t normal circumstances. Actually, things had been far from normal for the past couple of days, with the constant arguments between her and Namjoon, and that one argument that led to Yumi falling to her bereaving death.

“You’re the one who suggested we order pizza. And it’s peperoni, your favourite.” Namjoon shot Taeyang with his bear smile.

“But I don’t have the right to eat when Yumi’s dead.” Taeyang’s voice became shaky. She sniffled, attempting to keep her internal dam from bursting. “I don’t even have the right to live when Yumi’s dead.”

The dam within her broke and the tears came flowing like a river. “She was my best friend, a sister to me and now she’s gone and it’s all my fault,” Taeyang cried.

Impulsively, Namjoon pulled Taeyang in and tightly wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his neck and clung to his shirt as she continued sobbing. “It’s not your fault, it’s not your fault,” he comfortingly whispered into her ear. “It’s me. You two would have never fought if it weren’t for me and my stupid inferiority complex.”

Taeyang’s lips quivered until she eventually gathered the strength to speak. “N… no, I’m the one who pushed her,” she huffed out.  

“You didn’t push her. She slipped, okay? You didn’t push her,” Namjoon tried convincing her as he gently stroked her smooth dark brown hair. “It’s not your fault at all,” Namjoon said bitterly as he felt the pang of guilt gnaw at his chest. Yumi was just trying to defend him, to justify his inexcusable jealousy and things blew into a large fight between her and Taeyang, and of course, nothing good ever comes out of anger.

“I…I’m sorry, Yang,” he managed to choke out through his shaky voice. Taeyang couldn’t respond to his apology, nor to the fact that he’d shortened her name to “Yang” like he did the first time they met. All that came out of her mouth were wails.

The two stayed in that position until the sound of Taeyang’s sniffles and sobs died out after a long while. Namjoon loosened his grip on her. He tilted her face upwards to meet her eyes shut, pale cheeks and pink plump lips agape. She was asleep.

He settled her on the couch whilst he remained seated on the rug right beside her, watching over her like an angel.

Morning came and the sun shone its rays through the window, causing Namjoon’s eyes to flutter open. He’d spent the whole night with his head resting against the couch.

“Good morning,” Taeyang greeted, poorly attempting to hide her sadness. She’d been sitting quietly on the couch right next to him, waiting for him to wake up. She held two mugs of a warm dark liquid in her hands and held one out to him. “Here, coffee.”

Namjoon took it from her and thanked her with a smile. “The sun’s unusually bright today. I was scared I’d turn blind,” he joked and took a sip.

“Yeah, even though it’s so far away, it can still shine so brightly. It’s so cold outside, but it’s there to radiate it’s warmth.”

Hit by sudden sadness, Namjoon lowered his gaze before replying. “I’m so sorry for everything, Taeyang. I know we can’t just forget everything that happened and start over, b… but can we… I don’t know…”

“I love you, Namjoon,” Taeyang said dryly. Namjoon’s face began to beam. “But I don’t think I’ve forgiven you just yet.”

“I know.” Namjoon sighed. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back his fear of saying the words in his heart. “But, I won’t stop being like the winter sun for you.

Being the warmth,

Even in the freezing cold.”

◈ ━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━ ◈

Well, this chapter is kinda long, but hey! I didn't know how to split it any further. It's so weird how I mentioned Tae so much in this book but he didn't even show up once. After writing all this, I think I'm tempted to write both a prequel and a sequel. I've grown a little bit attached to these characters. Plus, I'm not entirely satisfied with the ending, but I hope you've enjoyed the journey! A special shout out to heajoon for being the first person to pick this book up. I love her and I love you all ♥️
Til next time, Au revoirrrrrrrr 😘