AN: Was my last upload really January 2021? Well, I made a promise to finish this and I will.

Eric has his arms folded like a disappointed teacher but he can't hide the smirk on his face.

"That only works on the weaker wolves, true Alphas don't yield." There's a slight bite to his voice, reminding me of the Eric in the trial.

Was that real? Is what he said true?

Only one of them would've left that trial alive. Apparently they agreed and even Eric knew that a death was the only outcome of that challenge. There would've been no way for me to know this since I was so young, volatile, and had just started my Alpha training.

Did my mother know? Does Michael learn this truth when he- himself became an Alpha?

For a dark second I think about challenging Eric, but there would be no purpose in us fighting in such a way. My wolf balks at the already fleeting urge and refuses, I don't blame her.

In her response, I now know that Dominic will never die by my hands. Fury and helplessness clash as killing him has been my sole motivation some days and now that it's gone.....

Even if I did ignore Eric's words, I can't ignore the truth of what my own wolf would do in that situation or the respect she'll have for the eventual winner.

Hell, we almost killed a pup without the need for a trial only minutes ago.

Any one being who actually challenges us will have to be mature enough to say their goodbyes to the outside world before stepping into our striking distance.

I'm already possessive of my siblings, I can't imagine having to leave them just because my wolf and I lost the rights to some territory. I can't imagine not being able to see them whenever just because I'd no longer be the leader of some dirt.

We'd rather die first.

Eric must've seen the dark look cross my eyes because he shifts his weight and clears his throat to break me out of my thoughts.

In response to his sudden movement, our teeth flash but my wolf makes sure to wag our tail a little so that he knows that they're no hard feelings.

But there are.

I want the punches and kicks I've perfected over the years to land somewhere. The need for vengeance is too much for me and my wolf eases the feelings with a low growl.

Our tail becomes still.

"You don't want this Bex. Especially not since this is your first change." His voice holds no boasting yet our blood boils as if it does.

We growl again low and angry, now he's insulted us.

Eric shrugs his shoulders in indifference.

"We start in wolf form and end in skin. I'll give you time to change because the first time back is disconcerting."

My wolf makes sure I take note of his words and the slight concern laced in them. I'm made to understand that some wolves wouldn't- and rightfully aren't as considerate to their opponents.

She even throws in all the times Eric could've put me down when I've screamed in his face but didn't because he knew I wasn't strong enough to take his full volume.

All the times I was too broken to move, he knew and wanted to help- if only I'd asked.

Regret slowly laces itself through my lonely memories. Times I forced strength when I really needed a cushion.

I concede to my wolfs point and she validates the immense hurt coursing through us by just being near him.

How can I accept the friend when his presence reminds me of everything I've lost? Regret or not, Eric has his parents.

She has nothing to counter me.

While we pace and mull over it, Eric leisurely takes off his clothes. I decide go over the many fighting techniques of wolves while my wolf absorbs it all, adding in slight changes where we'll be better. I even add the couple of times Eric and I have faced off which doesn't tell us much but at least it's something.

A brightly clothed figure catches our attention and we flick our eyes to Verena as she walks up. She says nothing but gives us a wink of encouragement, not surprised in the least of my wolf form.

Everyone really knew about her but me.

I was too blind to notice. Too engrossed in my self imposed fog.

Eric catches our attention as he stretches his skin fully before flawlessly changing into his wolf form. The transition is so perfect my wolf growls in jealousy.

She doesn't care to hide our emotions, even the petty ones.

Her vanity doesn't bother me because I feel the same thing,  I know our change had to have been unsightly. It felt like hell so I won't be at all surprised if it looked just as grisly.

We should honestly be dead right now.

The world stops for a second as I absorb the sudden thought.

We should be dead right now.

The student counsel looking on pauses when I do, even Eric who was making his way to me.

"Bex?" Will sounds concerned and it's almost like he can hear my thought.

I should be dead right now.

Wolves are only supposed to transition when they're young, it should be impossible for an older wolf like me to survive. Our memories of the countless hours spent working out and running come to mind.

But was that really enough?

Will walks to us and while I tense, my wolf relaxes the closer he gets. She's unhappy with me for pulling away but won't concede like she did when I didn't want to kill the girl from earlier.

She will fight me for our mate. Even if it does split us.

"You have to tell me what's happened Bex. I can feel shock from your wolf but that doesn't tell me anything." His words are in earnest, his voice is soft but not unbearably so.

He doesn't speak as though he ever considered that death was almost a definite end for me.

Will also doesn't touch us like he did when we were lying in the clearing. This irks my wolf and she moves us the few steps closer to him and looks up his tall frame to demand his touch. Thumping our butt down into sitting position in case it wasn't clear that she was displeased.

She doesn't feel intimidated by his height as we look up and wait.

"I can't beautiful. She doesn't want me to."

The adoration is so thick in his tone that I know I would've flushed in our skin, instead we flick our tail and lower our ears.

My wolf huffs but accepts that I'm not comfortable with Will touching us. This makes me feel bad so I slide back a bit but then Will is right in our face.

"Stop Bex!"

He's gripping our head and searching our eyes for...me? I feel my wolf snap at me too and I can't help my bewilderment at his reaction.

I am not one used to constantly facing so many emotions.

Why can't I pull away for a second?

Will relaxes his grip but doesn't seem to notice that he's now stroking our fur. But I do, the movement is all my senses can focus on.

"I know this is a lot at once but please stop doing that. It makes me uneasy." His voice reminds me of the.. memory.

The memory of he and I in the forest next to my pack. We had a small spat then and I pushed him away. He wasn't happy with that but the look on his face was almost pained.

Like it physically hurt him.

'I'm sorry' The mental connection between he and I is murky but there.

It's always been there. Why haven't I noticed this?

He leans in close and nuzzles our face. My wolf eats up the affection with a soft purr.

'Puppy Eyes', is his soft sighed response.

One deep inhale later, Will lets us go and takes a step back. I've never noticed the chill he exudes, but I now notice the dip in temperature due to his absence and I don't like it.

Before my wolf can pout and embarrass me, Will speaks.

"Now, tell me what's wrong."

That brief contact was enough that I and my wolf completely forgot the miracle that was our transition. It was also enough for me to think rationally with a clear head and not a panicked one.

Two things saved us. 1) The fact that I kept myself in the best shape possible for someone who couldn't shift and 2) the lifeblood of the Alphas before me pushed for my body to endure the change when I should've died.

That's all I can think of and I honestly deserved the beating I got since my every bone needed to break in order to reform themselves properly. My wolf also deserved to be exempted from it because she didn't deserve what I put her through.

I feel even worse for my wild and assure her that we'll practice until our transition looks even better than Eric's. This won't be the last change for as long as there is blood flowing in these veins.

Our body gets warmer as she accepts my promise. Will doesn't seem angry that I didn't say a word to him, he seems satisfied with the mere fact that I'm no longer distressed.

I think the rest of the counsel feel the same way because Eric struts to us again until we're a few meters away.

He's still ready to fight if I am.

Eric's wolf is massive. Going through our memories, I don't think I've seen him and I'm pretty sure that was on purpose.

Will doesn't move closer or farther from us, he stays right where he is. I remember this solidity of his from the barbeque, all I had to say was that I wanted to stay with my dad and that was it.

My dad.

Pain ripples through us and we yelp in reaction.

Our stance is no longer solid as we collapse onto the ground. No one shouts as expected but I feel the tingles again as Will strokes my side.

Joints pop out of place and my eyes roll back in pain. My throat can't articulate my screams as it stretches yet contracts.

My ears are deaf to sound and they shift shape and slide down from the top of my skull.

The agony of my joints rotating my limbs has me wishing for the inky black of unconsciousness.

I feel Will's presence through it all. The tingles only briefly helping the hellfire raging through my skin tissue.

He rolls me onto my back and I feel like I can breathe again. I take a deep breath in and groan with my exhale instead of scream like I expected.

I feel my spine snap in place and it jolts my nerves to follow suit. Nerves that are none to happy about shifting places after being in a set place after so many years.

I curl into a ball on instinct against the pain which only makes things worse as my limbs haven't solidified in their places.

My tail shrinks back into my spine making me expand again by arching my back. This also brings more air into my lungs and I heave a sob.

I didn't even realize I was crying.

The last of the pain fades as my teeth blunt themselves and my claws shrink back into my nailbeds.

Grief gives me no respite. It is the only pain that increased through the transition.

Will pulls me in and hugs me. I can't even open my eyes because tears won't stop clouding my vision. I sob into his neck and feel nothing but relieved to finally have a place to rest my head. His arms tighten and if he's saying anything, I'll never know them as I'm beyond comprehending the words.

I feel a foreign hand on my shoulder and feel my wolf again for a second as she rises to protect us.

She hasn't left me.

Her transition to skin was a lot smoother than mine to wild was, she expands easily to our original form.

Eric speaks low and slow as to not startle me again. I also feel as if we're being surrounded but the feeling doesn't make us anxious.

"Take your time Bex. We're here for you." I feel the warmth of love and cry harder.

I've never felt this solidity. My wolf expects this but doesn't rush me to accept.

I'm allowed to cry and break in peace.

~~~

It's shorter than I wanted but Wattpad is being weird on my end and hopefully it doesn't mess this up.