AN: I don't know when the next chapter will come out but know that I am pushing to finish.

The wolf pushes herself into my brain so thoroughly that I'm pushed away from my body to meet her. I'm only vaguely aware of more joints breaking and the pain they cause.

I think I scream but nothing is real anymore, I might just be screaming internally.

My mind is in chaos, there's nothing around but unhinged memories and emotions. I feel like I'm falling but I'm not even moving.

Well, I wasn't until a younger version of me walks up and punches me so hard that I go flying.

My jaw snaps.

"I NEVER abandoned you! I was always here!" Younger me is raging, her words almost the exact same as Eric's. There isn't even a seconds hesitation before she stomps on my knee.

I howl in pain and move to cover it but I can't. We seem to be in some black cave or something that's slowly caving in. The walls shake like there are explosions on the other side.

I don't feel any temperature but our breath fogs the air like it's cold.

"You didn't just get rid of your emotions, you got rid of ME." She has claws and slashes me across the chest, creating deep gashes.

"I had to.." I say weakly. My throat is so constricted, I can barely speak properly.

"No, you didn't! We could've handled anything but no, you had to be some hero!" She picks me up and slams me down on my belly. I can't even scream as she rakes her claws down my back.

I expect to be in a pool of my own blood but I guess there is none since this is happening in my mind?

My wrists are now broken because I was trying to break my fall with my hands. I can't push myself up the traditional way but using my elbows gets my face out of the ground.

"Who- are you?" I manage through the pain.

I've seen the younger me so many times and, yeah, she's been mad but not like this.

"Don't you get it, you fool?" She looks hurt and that fuels her anger more.

Her heel slams on my ankle and it crumples.

"Stop! Please." I beg.

"No, I've been here since the beginning and yet you pushed me aside. Its been so long since you felt something, anything! We never got closure yet I'm the one who's been stuck in this hell while you go on merrily!"

"I know I repressed a lot but I had to take care of- AHH!" I scream loud as she grips my head so hard that I can feel the bone breaking. Then she slams my face down strong enough that I feel my nose breaking. It's almost like a bomb but went off before my eyes because I see nothing but white hot pain.

"You had no right to throw me aside. None! I wanted to take care of them too, you took that from me."

I'm woozy from loosing nonexistent blood but experiencing all too real pain, her stomping on my hand makes me alert again.

"I was scared..." somehow my voice comes out now.

I want her to know.
She stops her rampage to listen.

"My dad had just died in front of me and my emotions were so strong.... I was drowning in them. Then Jenni popped into view and I realized I couldn't get overwhelmed."

She opens her mouth to scream more but I continue and she shuts her mouth.

"Later on when we were settled, I realized that I could let it all out but I didn't want to. I was complacent to being numb because I knew I'd be lost to grief and I didn't want that. I had a routine by then, so much time had passed. The window for grief seemed closed to me. This wasn't about skipping grief, it was because I knew I'd never get out of it."

I give her my most earnest eyes because I want her to know I'm being as honest as I can be.

"I could've shouldered some of it. Eric was a call away! Will-"

Will!

My eyes pop open and I look up at the trees in the clearing. It's disorienting because in my mind I was on my stomach and now I'm on my back. . .

I hear him scream and all of it flies out of my mind. I flip to my stomach and get on all fours before collapsing. None of my injuries were imaginary.

"Will.." I try to say but my throat still can't pronounce words.

He still knows I'm calling to him because our eyes connect. He clamps his mouth shut even as lemon juice is poured into a long gash on his thigh.

Will exhales heavily but no scream passes his lips.

His pain fuels a rage that I've never felt before. I'm useless as all get out but maybe he won't hurt so much if I'm beside him?

I don't even question my logic as I pull myself forward with broken fingers, push with crushed ankles.

All the while I watch as the robed ones continue to stab him, rip off his grey skin, pour more lemon juice, and yet Will doesn't scream.

I make my way slowly, blacking out a couple of times when the pain overwhelms me.

Once I get within a meter or so, the figures take notice of me and start kicking and stabbing at me. The kicking cracks ribs but my skin barely feels the knives because they're made of iron.

Will fights his restraints and yells for me to leave him, but I can't.

He's my mate.

Damn, Will is my mate.

I see the younger me behind his shoulder and I know I won't survive this, but she will.

By this point reality and my mind are a jumble, probably due to the numerous blows I've received to my head.

'Save him.' I beg her.

With the last of my strength I push myself forward to at least touch Will once last time. I'm able to feel the skin of his ankle but that's enough for me to feel the comfort of our bond (hopefully he does too), and I give in to my injuries.

I sigh out one last time so I have no breath to expand when my spine snaps.

"Bex. Bex, breathe. You need to breathe." His voice is soothing and for some reason I can feel his hands rubbing at the worst of my pains.

Isn't he tied to a chair though?

I open my eyes to glance at Will but my pupils are blown so nothing comes into focus and I get a headache.

"You passed puppy eyes. But now I need you to -breathe!" He commands it and air fills my lungs.

Passed? That was the test? It's over?

My shoulder pops and I grunt, no longer able to scream.

If the test is over, then why is this still happening? The Student Counsel room looks different to me, blown pupils noted, but then I notice that I'm on the coffee table looking up like Verena was.

This poor table, I know without feeling them  that it has new scars from my claws.

Younger me slides into my warped vision with a smirk on her face.

"Still don't know who I am?" She grabs my other shoulder and wrenches it out of place. Again, I grunt in pain.

"Now you're ready." She smiles softly, transforming right before my eyes until there's no longer a young girl standing there.

Instead, it's the wolf from earlier.

She charges me but I no too lost to pain to even flinch. But my body seems to snap in place, but this doesn't feel right.

I find myself being pushed back but i don't fight it, confused. I feel myself being lifted but that's not what has my focus.

'You're...' I'm baffled, awed, outraged.

'Hello Bex.' She sounds different now. I know her voice from before but now she drops all pretenses of being the younger version of me.

'You were always with me...' I repeat what she said to me earlier because she really was.

Her focus stays on me too, but we both can feel fur sprout from each hair follicle.

A tail pushes itself out from the base of my spine, my fingers withdraw completely and curl into paws.

My ears slide up to the top of my skull.

I no longer feel the need to fight for control because now, I realize what's happening.

'You're my wolf.' I state stupidly.

'I am angry with you Bex, I have never abandoned you.' She gets straight to the point.

If I could cry right now I would.

Something external catches our attention and I fully "step" back so she can see what it is.

"Bex, are you okay? Grunt, move, I just need to know-." The 'something' was Will's fingers as he combs them through our fur.

We're in the actual clearing this time, I'm not imagining it. He moved us while the last of our transformation was happening.

My wolf's first ever response to the outside world is her purring at the touch of our mate.

I am disappointment and disappointment is me.

Will's laugh booms loud with joy and relief. He doesn't stop his hand as he begins kissing my head, which then forces my tail to start swishing. The sensation is odd.

'This is utterly embarrassing.' I send the thought to my wolf but she ignores me, completely content to being loved on.

"They need to run now." I hear Eric say from somewhere.

Before I can even process where he is, my wolf is already bracing herself to attack him for being so close to our intimate moment. To our mate.

There is no unsteadiness in her limbs, no jelly for muscles. She eyesight is dead on target and unflinching.

Her warning growls are full of power and I'm immensely proud.

"Yeah, yeah. You and I are going to have it out all right, but after your run. Go." His command brushes through our fur but she doesn't feel the need to hop to.

She only agrees because she can feel me but we're not connected, and that unsettles my wolf. It feels like I'm now the one locked on the inside and she's not okay with it, even though that's how I've treated her.

What a forgiving creature.

My wolf turns us toward Will and I swear if she could faint, she would've.

His smile is our undoing.

Next thing I know, our teeth are buried into the crook of his neck.

'What are you doing!?' My shock is all my own because Will doesn't seem surprised at all by this.

He stays still and rubs our fur until she relaxes her jaw. Licking Will's blood should be gross but it takes like a sweet candy.

"Feel better?" He asks and I can feel a now solid connection to us but it's muddied.

My wolf barks once and bolts in a random direction.

I watch through my wolfs eyes as she hunts various animals. Not once did their blood taste disgusting. It was never as sweet as Will's but this new blood tastes like- let's say like gravy would to mashed potatoes. It pairs perfectly to the raw meat she was consuming.

It's not until she's running through an open field that it hits me.

I don't want to just watch her living in our body.

Without thought, I begin to extend myself outward to her limbs that feel the soil crunch beneath our paws. I stretch to touch our every skin cell as the wind sings into our fur that's so dense the cold has no chance.

I fall in sync to the rhythm of our heart and lungs. They are steady, unyielding in providing sustenance. Our heart beats strong, sending blood hard and fast to our every part. Our lungs breath deep, extracting precious oxygen. Our muscles don't strain because our blood gives in abundance.

I wiggle my nose down until it forms into our snout. The air around us dances with the scents of beings that are no where near us, but we can trace their paths easily.

Our ears twitch as I hear the world for the first time as a wolf.

I hear bugs from all over calling to each other.
I hear the deep bass of a party somewhere far off.
I hear other creatures moving in the forest way behind us, but none are close enough for us to care about.
I hear all these things simultaneously but my wolf knows which ones to focus on and which ones to ignore so that we ever get overwhelmed. She does this without thinking.

It's in her nature.

I flick our tongue to taste the leftover blood on our teeth. It brings the satisfaction over successfully catching prey, we won't ever go hungry.

It builds up slowly but once it spills over, my wolf has no problem stopping us to howl. She has no direction for it except that it needed to come out.

She will not tolerate keeping emotions buried inside. Never again.

With her howl, she grabs some of my emotions and lets them out for us. The pressure eases as she does this.

I scream.

Somewhere between, my pitch and hers merge into- us. We snap together and it's not as jarring as I thought it would be.

She still has control over our body but it's now ours. I'm no longer a passenger even though she's driving. There's no divide between her and I, we just know who's the better bet in controlling our state of being.

I feel her hurt, anger, love, and it makes me want to weep.

I could've had this all along, she adds a layer of comfort or warmth that organically builds my final base of being. It's unflappable, solid with deep roots.

I'm not alone.

Our howl is cut short as something barrels into us. We stopped at the top of a hill so now we're tumbling down with whatever knocked us over.

We were so busy combining that we stopped paying attention to everything around us.

A mistake we'll never make again.

Once we reach the bottom, we brush off the hit and tumble from our fur as they literally did nothing but piss us off.

We're ready to maul.

A young she wolf gets up slower than us and we circle her as she gets her bearings. Without breaking concentration, our ears flick around to hear two separate groups running up.

A quick sniff informs us that one group is the Student Counsel members but the other is full of young wolves.

We forgot that tonight is a full moon. Plenty of wolves are out enjoying a good run.

The young one shakes she head and stares at us, head straight in defiance. I only laugh at her ballsy attitude but this makes my wolf fume.

We attack in the blink of an eye, the young wolf has no chance to defend herself.

Instead of going straight for the throat, we tuck our head down and bullet straight for the young ones middle.

After effectively knocking her over, we roll her some more ready to deliver pain.

Without speaking, this young one was talking shit. It's only fair that we hit her hard so the lesson sticks.

A yelp is heard but we don't stop.

Our teeth tear through a shoulder muscle before she can get up. As she does, we slam into her again.

This is a lesson for everyone watching too.

Our growl is so vicious we see the young wolf pee a little before remembering that she's supposed to be our opponent.

She gets up again cradling her now useless front paw and we knock her down again, tired of playing.

This time we bite into her neck, not just the impression of teeth.

My wolf's anger envelops me and we expand it outward.

How dare she challenge us?

We should rip her throat out for even thinking she was at our level. We tighten our teeth to do just that but Will's voice breaks through the fog.

"She's just a child." His voice doesn't hold judgement, only fact.

My wolf doesn't care because we were challenged wolf to wolf, but I do.

We can't kill a child.

Jenni barreled us too when she just turned but I never once came close to ending her.

This is no different.

My wolf feels me withdrawing and unclasps the young ones throat, not finding her worth any potential tension between us.

Having the last word, she makes sure to lash out at all the wolves present, our dominance presses thickly into their beings until there is this feeling of popping that occurs.

I'm startled for a second before I realize that they've accepted us as their Alpha. With Jenni it was smoother, probably because she's family.

Their entire beings are ours to control and I'm horrified. My wolf feels my reaction and dulls the connections so that they don't overtake our senses. She sends reassurance to me but won't hide her pride in claiming what's rightfully hers.

The young she wolf whimpers and I can taste the pain shes in now that we're connected.

We send them all off and some wolves come to help the young one up. They don't move around us in fear and something within me relaxes.

They know we have power over them but trust us not to abuse that power.

My wolf sends me more reassurance because she knew this all along but wanted me to see for myself. I also realize that every time we were together before this, she only ever sent me feelings but since we weren't connected my brain translated them into words. She manifested in my mind to an image of younger me because I never thought I had a wolf.

She was always with me.

I can't process the amount of love I feel, so a lot of it bleeds into my wolf and she gobbles it up. I build up more and more so that she understands that the well of emotion is open to her and no longer just the negative ones.

Her love was never in question but she doesn't shy away from ingraining her love into my being as well.

I feel our bond solidify as our body settles into its nature. Our tail won't tuck, our neck will never bend.

We are the Alpha we were always meant to be.

We turn to the first group that arrived and notice that our dominance affects all wolves present, except one.

AN: This is making sense, right? These chapters have been long coming because they're so hard to word properly.