Minjeong was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder since she was fifteen from many painful events. But, thankfully, she got Jimin to pat her back.

***From true story (without a 'Jimin')***

//

Minjeong was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder when she was fifteen. She wasn't as messed up as this before, but if you could rewind time, it all started when she was still a kid.

Got bullied by the kids from her kindergarten, but at that time, she was stupid enough not to understand what she was actually going through.

Primary school seems fine to her. She once fought her best friend there, but they became bestie again the next day.

High school.

The worst events out of all, also where this disorder started. Minjeong knew herself enough that she wasn't so straight to begin with. In fact, she got small feelings for her own best friend, Ningning. Her best friend for three years.

Minjeong never confesses. She wouldn't dare to. Ningning was known as one of the straightest girls in school. She despise every lesbo, and she was a strong homophobic.

But indeed, actions speak louder than words. Ningning caught why Minjeong being so kind and sweet to her all these years. When she learnt the truth behind everything, Ningning started to despise her, horribly.

Imagine, your own best friend who was before by your side all the time, laughing with you and be there with you through thick and thin, now despising you like the dirtiest, filthiest, the most sinful, disgusting, human being she've ever met.

When Minjeong standing right next to the Chinese, Ningning would ran away and switch places with another students. When they walk into one another, Ningning would roll her eyes in disgust. Of course, Ningning would talk sick about her to everyone. Isn't that considered bullying?

It was her bestfriend.

Ningning was her bestfriend.

Do you know how Minjeong felt at that time, being treated like a non-existent, filthy human?

"Baby?"

Remembering those times, it was hard for Minjeong to breath. She remembered how she went in and out of counselling eight times in four months for that problems. She remembered every letters she sent Ningning saying how sorry she was would ended up in the trash.

"Baby?"

She remembered clearly when her mom knew about her fights with Ningning, her mom told her how childish she was for fighting with friends. Even her older sister agreed with her mom. No one supported her at that time.

"Minjeong?"

Then, college comes and it ain't got better. The way Ningning treated her like a non-existent stucked inside her minds forever. She got extremely anxious from any wrongs she ever did to her friends, afraid that they will treat her the same as Ningning did. But college treat her dirty too.

"Kim Minjeong?"

Her friends in college let out their anger on her for the mistake of someone else. Another friend used her for granted. Minjeong used to cut her arms (not enough to make it bleeding heavily), puching her fists on walls and stones just to make it swollen and blue. She ended up with no friends for one year and a half in college, not until she met—

"Kim Minjeong!" Jimin's words snapped Minjeong to reality before the younger girl turned her head towards her girlfriend in trembling eyes and ragged breath.

Until one day, she met Yu Jimin.

"J-Jimin..." Minjeong's voice came out weak.

Realizing how Minjeong's body started to shake lightly and her eyes started to become a bit teary, Jimin got even closer right away. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"C-can you say anything?" Minjeong head suddenly go low, hands clutching her chest as her breathing started to become a bit ragged. "I'm on... the verge of p-panic attack... right now. J-just... say anything, p-please. I'm trying... to fight them n-now."

Reading the message, Jimin grips Minjeong's hand tightly, trying to calm her down. "Hey, it's okay, baby. Breathe with me. Inhale... exhale. Just focus on your breathing and remember that I'm here for you."

Another flashback came into Minjeong's head like a truck. It was one of the most hurtful events. It is when her mother despised her just because Minjeong told her mom she shouldn't think negatively on her kids. Her mom took the advice bad that she accused Minjeong of not thinking about her feelings. Her mom broke their bonds that night. Minjeong couldn't blame her mom too much because she knew her mom had anger issues.

Despite now that she and her mom relationship is totally fine, all the traumas and painful memories were still there inside her heart and her head.

The memories of being despised.

The memories of being hated by the one you loved.

The anxiety of making mistakes.

The anxiety.

The PTSD.

The separation anxiety.

"Please..." Minjeong's beg with her low voice, clutching onto Jimin's hands so tightly. "Just... s-say anything. Anything random..."

Jimin tried so hard not to get panic, but she teied her best to be composed to help the younger girl. She rubs Minjeong's back gently, trying to soothe her. "You know, I was thinking about our next adventure together. How about we go on a road trip? We could explore new cities and try different foods. And of course, we'd have each other to share these experiences with."

Jimin watched Minjeong try to stabilize her breathing, fighting the devil inside her head. "Or maybe we could finally learn to dance together. You always said you wanted to learn, and I think it'd be so much fun to have a new hobby we can share."

But, the older girl got panicked even more when Minjeong's breathing started to hitch again. Her hands clutch her chest so badly, and tears freely roll down her cheeks.

Jimin slows down her words and leans in closer, "Do you want to talk about it? What's going on in your mind right now?" she trace her fingers along Minjeong's arm gently, offering comfort and support.

"N-No. Just keep talking..."

Jimin nods, understanding Minjeong's need for distraction. "Alright, how about this? I was thinking we could finally get that tattoo you've always wanted. You know, the one with the rose and the words 'Live Laugh Love' underneath. It would look amazing on your wrist," she gave Minjeong's hand a gentle squeeze, trying to keep her mind off the bad things.

As Minjeong leans into the older girl, Jimin can't help but feel Minjeong's heart beating a little faster than normal, caused by her disorder. So, she decided to change the topic again.

"Hey, have you seen that new movie that just came out? The one with the superheroes battling it out in space? We could go see it on a Friday night, dress up fancy, and maybe even sneak some snacks into the theater," Jimin smiled at the thought of spending time together doing something fun.

Minjeong let out a small laugh, and Jimin can tell the younger girl starting to feel more at ease. "Oh, and speaking of movies, remember that old romantic comedy we used to watch when we were first dating? We could have a movie marathon night, watching all our favourite films back-to-back while eating pizza and ice cream," Jimin looks into Minjeong's eyes, hoping to see a spark of excitement there.

Noticing that the girl started to smile, Jimin decided to share one last idea. "Oh! And remember that book we started reading together a while back? The one with the adventure and mystery? We could finish it and then have our own little discussion about what happened in the story. Maybe even draw some fan art or roleplay as our favourite characters."

Jimin watched as Minjeong's smile grows, feeling proud of herself for helping you through this difficult time. "Feeling better, baby?"

"You really talk a lot," Minjeong gently hit her girlfriend on her chest with a light scoff. "Thanks, baby. I think I'm fine now," a small smile assures Jimin even more.

Jimin smiled back as she pulled Minjeong into a hug, patting the back of the younger girl smoothly. "Memory flashbacks?" she asked, and Minjeong nodded her head. "Why all of sudden?"

"I don't know. It just... came."

Jimin pulled out from the hug gently, still smiling to assure everything. "I promise you I won't be the additional reason of you to have this anxiety," Jimin said as she kissed Minjeong on her lips shortly. "I love you so much, baby."

"I know. I love you too, and thank you."

_____________

[[ back-patter ]]
end