Seven

"They're getting worse?" Becca asked as we walked around the edge of the track, our feet stepping through the long strands of grass.

"Yeah," I answered. "I still don't know who is sending the messages or creating the group pages, or why, honestly."

"Sorry this is happening to you," Becca said. "Surely, the messages will stop soon. People can't still talk about this video forever."

"Maybe," I tried to agree. "But, it feels like every message is just fueling a fire. There's a whole group of pages all about me and they've been viewed hundreds of times. People keep checking back for updates and more new posts. It's obvious people are enjoying it."

"Not everyone agrees," Becca told me. "You said so yourself that some of your friends think it's wrong."

"Some," I said. "Not all. There are still a few who ditched me."

Becca stopped and bent down to tie her shoe laces. She looked up at me, her eyes squinting from the sun that glared into them.

"Do you think we'll ever know who's sending the messages and making the pages?" she asked.

"Honestly? I don't know," I sighed. "I couldn't even take a guess. It's such a hateful thing to do, something that I don't even know the motive for. It's not something I can just blatantly accuse someone of."

Becca nodded. "Well I hope one day you do find out."

Becca stood back up and tilted her neck from side to side, rubbing at the tension in her shoulders.

"It's my fault, anyway," I mumbled.

"How?" Becca asked, surprised.

"I shouldn't have kissed Drew," I said. "If I didn't kiss her then the video would have never been made, it would have never got out, and someone wouldn't be using it to get to me. If I'd just thought things through then this wouldn't be happening."

"You couldn't have known."

"But I should have," I said sadly. "I should have been more aware, I shouldn't have thought that for even a few seconds I could do something that made me happy."

"Winona..." Becca trailed off.

"Kissing Drew is my biggest regret," I said. "It was such a stupid, stupid thing to do."

I continued to walk around the track even as Becca slowed down and looked at me with concern. I didn't need concern. I didn't need anything. I just needed to leave. I just needed to be alone. I just needed to shut everything and everyone out and pretend like none of this was happening.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I slid it out, opening the app and looking at the page. Becca looked confused as she glanced over my shoulder at my screen.

"You still let notifications go through for the messages?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I want to know what they're saying."

"That's not healthy," Becca said.

"None of this is healthy," I replied.

I put my phone back in my pocket and we began to walk again. I slid my arm through Becca's and we slouched against each other.

"I'm sad we stopped hanging out at the beginning of high school," I said.

Becca nodded. "Me too. Things just got a bit busy, I suppose."

"Yeah, life tends to do that."

"But it's fine now," Becca smiled. "If this problem did anything then at least it brought us closer together."

I smiled back. "That it definitely did."

***

The front door creaked open as I walked in and I winced, slowly shutting it behind me. I expected my dad to be where he usually was; either at the dining table or lounging on the couch, but he wasn't there. I stepped around the corner and walked into the kitchen, stopping quickly when I took sight of my dad leaning against the fridge with the house phone in his hand.

I leaned against the wall parallel to him and stared at the phone in his hand.

"Apparently, you've been skipping class," he said.

My eyes snapped up to his face but he didn't appear angry. Instead he looked tired – so, so tried.

"Sorry-"

"What's up, Winona?" my dad said, cutting me off. "I know something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," I laughed, almost bitterly. "I'm fine, I swear."

"I might not be the most observant person in the world but I know when something's up with you, Winona. You've been off for days. Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened," I said automatically.

But it did. A lot happened the night of the football game. And the day after that and the day after that and the day after that. I sighed, exhaustion raking through me and ran a hand down my face.

"Look, kid, if something happened then I can help," my dad said, taking a step forward. "You know I'll always help you, right?"

"This is different," I whispered.

"Hey." My dad took a few steps forward and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I'll always help you, no matter what the problem is. It kills me to see you like this." Dad said, "You can trust me. You don't have to go through things alone, remember?"

I thought about lying. I had the words on the tip of my tongue, ready to slip out and make this confrontation go away so I could go back to my room and stress over new notifications. I was so close to saying them. They were right there with my vocals bubbling up my throat. But instead, another word came out.

"No."

"What?" my dad frowned.

"No," I whispered, my eyes watering and then I spoke firmly. "No."

"Winona?"

"They're winning. This, this mess I'm in, is them winning. And I won't let them win, I won't. They can say what they want but they don't get to win."

"Winona, what are you talking about?"

I took my phone out of my pocket and stared at the vacant screen. So much pain and anxiety from one little device. And I kept it there, sitting in my pocket so I could read every new message that they flew at me. I was ready to wait this out. It wouldn't take long, I would keep telling myself. No one else needed to be involved – just myself. I could get through this alone. It was my problem after all and who better to deal with it than me.

But the thing was, I couldn't deal with it.

The thought of going through any of this again made me panic. I couldn't stop looking at the messages yet I wanted them to disappear as quickly as they came.

You don't have to go through things alone.

I unlocked my phone and looked up at my dad. I didn't know how to start. The start felt like it was miles away. The right words weren't coming to mind to try and ease my dad into this, but somehow the words found their way across to him.

"I'm gay," I said.

The words echoed around in the silence of the house – always silent. I gripped my phone tightly as my dad's mouth opened in surprise slightly before he nodded and rubbed his chin.

"Okay," he said slowly. "Okay."

"Okay?" I raised my eyebrows.

He shrugged his shoulders, eyes still a little wide. "Did you expect me to yell at you?"

"I honestly didn't know what to expect," I admitted.

Dad sighed and pulled a chair around from the dining table so he could sit down and pointed to the one next to him. We both sat and my dad leaned forward, putting his forearms on his thighs.

"So, you're still Winona. You're still my kid. Nothing will change that. I'll always have your back."

I smiled softly. "Thank you," I whispered hoarsely.

"So, this is why you've been skipping classes and acting weird?"

I brought up my phone and opened the screenshots, passing my dad the phone.

"There's more," I said. "Much more."

_________________

Hope you enjoyed!

- Tahlie x