Five

I stood beside my friend, Jamie's locker with Maddie beside me who rattled on about something that happened to her during first period. Jamie was sorting out her binders as Riley walked over and stopped beside me, bumping my shoulder with a smile. I tried to give one back but it ended up shaky.

Riley frowned. "What's wrong?"

A few more of our friends showed up and I didn't want to bring up the messages with all of them there. Just Maddie, Riley and Jamie were sadly who I was comfortable with. If I brought it up around everyone else then the whole school would know about the messages by morning – just like how they knew about the video.

"Winona?" Maddie called out to me and I blinked, focusing back in.

"Well I..." I gulped.

Jamie's brows furrowed in concern. "What is it?"

I brought my phone out of my pocket and let it sit in my hand for a few moments. I looked around and all my friends' eyes were on me so I took a deep breath and clutched my phone to my chest.

"I've been getting messages," I said.

"Messages?" Riley repeated.

I nodded. "They've been about the video...more specifically about me."

Christie, who was behind Jamie, took a step forward. "Winona, are you getting bullied?"

"What? No!" I said quickly then frowned.

Was I? This couldn't be bullying. It was just a few messages – a lot of messages – but I wasn't being bullied, right?

"Let's see them," Jamie said, nodding towards my phone.

"What?" I asked.

"The messages. Let's see them. Then we can decide if you're actually being bullied or if it's just some idiot having a laugh."

My blood ran cold. My friends waited, surrounding me as I realized all I wanted to do was walk away and be alone. The phone in my hand felt heavy, not as though it would slip through my fingers, but as though it would drag me down with it.

"I don't have them," I spoke quietly.

"What do you mean?" Maddie asked.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and laced my fingers together, the pads of them pressing together tightly until the skin turned white from the force.

"I deleted them," I admitted.

"Why would you delete them?" Jamie questioned.

"I was scared," I said. "Last night I got nearly twenty messages, all at the same time. My phone wouldn't stop vibrating and I didn't know what to do-"

"Seems awfully convenient," Christie said and I snapped my eyes over to her.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What else?" she sighed. "Come on, a video goes around about you and suddenly everyone is talking about you. Then you start saying someone's targeting you and oh look, we're talking about you again."

"You think I'm doing this for attention?" I asked, shocked.

Christie threw her arms up. "I don't know, Winona. It just seems kind of convenient that the video comes out and all anyone can talk about is you. Just let it die out."

"I can't," I snapped, "because someone keeps messaging me!"

"Where's the proof?" Jamie cut in and I looked at her sharply.

"I shouldn't need proof to show you that something is wrong. You guys should trust me. I might be what everyone is talking about but did you even think about what they're saying? It's awful, actually."

"Were you even going to tell us you were gay?" Jamie asked.

"Jamie!" Maddie snapped.

"Well, were you?" Jamie ignored her.

"What does that even have to do with anything?" I sighed. "And I'm not gay."

"That video proves otherwise," Christie said from behind Jamie.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, exasperated.

"We were supposed to be your friends, Winona," Jamie said. "How do you think we're supposed to react when we find out you like girls through a video?"

I didn't say anything. Behind me, Maddie and Riley also kept silent. A million words went through my head with a million things I could have said back to her. A million different ways the conversation could have taken a turn for the better. But a million words never came out my mouth. Instead, they dissolved on the tip of my tongue, preceding the lump now in my throat.

"I don't know," I said hoarsely, pushing my bag strap further up my shoulder, and turning to leave. "I don't know."

I sped down the hallway and out of the back doors. The sky was filled with clouds that were moving rapidly and slowly darkening. I slowed my pace and headed towards the track and football field. Leaning against a wall, I looked out onto a gym class that was running laps around the field where some kids were messing around with a frisbee.

I wrapped my arms around myself, wanting nothing more than to be home.

I caught someone slowing down as they ran the track in my peripheral vision and glanced up, seeing Becca come to a stop in front of me.

"Hey," she said with surprise. "I thought you had a class right now."

I shook my head. "This is my lunch period."

"Oh. What are you doing out here, then?" She looked up at the sky. "When it seems like it's about to rain."

"Had a fight with my friends," I said then grimaced. "Actually, I don't really know if it was a fight. It was a something."

Becca laughed softly then must have seen the look on my face because she stopped quickly.

"Sorry," she said. "Was it anything bad? You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to."

I shrugged. "Doesn't really matter, I suppose. You remember I said someone had messaged me the other day?"

Becca nodded.

"Well I got more messages last night. There were tons of them, one right after the other, over and over again until I sort of freaked out."

"And did what?" Becca asked, putting her hands on her hips as she tried to catch her breath from the laps she'd previously run.

"I deleted them," I said. "All of the messages because I didn't know what else to do and blocked the account."

"Well good," Becca said. "So, what's the problem then?"

"I told my friends someone might be targeting me because of the video and it didn't go as planned," I laughed flatly. "They didn't believe me."

"Didn't believe you?" Becca questioned, her face contorting into disbelief.

"I'd deleted all the messages so there was no proof. They thought I was crying wolf, I suppose."

Becca looked at me with concern and walked closer, standing beside me and leaning her back against the wall. Suddenly, I remembered us in middle school, on the playground where sometimes we would just stand beside each other, against the wall and talk. I sighed, dropping my head down.

"This is a mess," I whispered.

"I mean," Becca said slowly, "I don't know if it helps at all, but I believe you."

I moved my face from my hands and turned my head to the side, catching her eyes. "Yeah?"

Becca shrugged. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't have proof," I muttered.

"But then why would you make something like that up?" Becca asked. "You're not that kind of person."

A weak smile fell across my face and rubbed the top of my shoulder. "Thank you."

Becca just shook her head softly. "You don't need to thank someone for believing you."

***

My body felt heavy and I pushed the front door open and walked into my home. My bag slid off my shoulder and fell to the floor as I kicked my shoes off. The conversation I had with my friends ran through my mind over and over again. Was I the one that was in the wrong? Were they the ones that were in the wrong. I clenched my eyes shut.

I should have never kissed Drew.

The door to the garage opened and my dad stepped out, wiping his hands on a cloth. He gave me a wave as he caught sight of me and I forced a smile back.

"The tire has a flat," dad said. "I'm gonna have to go take it in tomorrow to get it repaired. Make sure you've got your key when you go to school."

I nodded and leaned my weight against the wall.

"Hey dad?"

"Yeah," dad said as he took off his shoes and opened the bathroom, washing his hands.

I clenched my hands into fists. Just tell him. He's your dad, you can tell him. My mouth opened then closed and my eyes kept flickering down to my phone that peeked out from the confines of my bag.

I'm being bullied.

Just say it. Just admit it. He'll believe you. He's always believed you.

You thought your friends would always believe you too.

My dad dried his hands and poked his head out of the bathroom door. "Winona? You still wanted to tell me something?"

Just say it.

I swallowed thickly and gave my dad a tight smile. "Nothing," I said. "It's nothing."

"If you're sure," he said and walked away, passing by me.

I'm not sure.

Dad disappeared into the living room and I remained standing there for a few minutes, looking at the floor.

My phone vibrated.

My body tensed, the muscles in my shoulders coiling tightly, and the breath was knocked out of me. I reached down, picked up my phone and unlocked the screen. I didn't read the message. The urge was hitting me repeatedly from the back of my mind but I pushed it to the side and pressed down on the messaging app. I pressed the 'x' button and watched as it was slowly uninstalled from my phone.

The removal of the messaging app left a blank space in the middle of my phone and I rearranged everything, covering the space and pretending like it was never there in the first place.

Pretending like the messages never even existed.

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Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed <3

- Tahlie