i scooted closer to joshua while he wasn't looking. 

for whatever reason joshua was reading a book of some sort. my eyes drifted on past and over the rustic cover.

the flimsy beat-up spine had withered cracks and crumbly decaying tears. it was a considerably large book as books went filled with at least three hundred old weather-beaten pages. 

the book was open showing off equally spaced sentences lined in neat penmanship- handwritten.

from what i could see there was a colorful depiction of a winged beast with minuscule horns protruding from its forehead drenched in blood. Duma was one sick bastard. 

according to lore duma was the anti-sandman in that he jumped into dreams while children slept soundly and tormented them with their fears all because he reveled in making humans cry.  

It was said lucifer himself hated doing business with the dream hopper. 

"hey. whats that?" i asked pointing over to a particular picture of Duma manipulating a woman's dreams. Though it didn't say how exactly.

"the angel prince of dreams." joshua spits.

"so he's like you?" 

joshua barks. his laugh was high in pitch making the chandeliers shake but full hearty as it rang in my ears. "hardly. you want to know what the pansy did? impression jumping. pfft. big deal. i was on the front lines when the war began you want to know what this weakling did?"

joshua didn't wait for me to ask. "he stayed behind and showed his ugly mug once it was over." 

"impression jumping." i mumbled vaguely calling to mind something from the dark crevices of my consciousnesses, something vital that i knew i should remember but couldn't.  

"think of dreams as the gateway to the minds subconscious." joshua said unaware that I was trying hard to concentrate on something from my past. "theoretically, if i wanted to i could enter your dreams." 

"you can hijack peoples dreams? is nothing sacred and off-limits."

"no, not really." joshua hums. A gleam filters past his onyx eyes making them shine bright like marbles. Joshua gave me a look and grinned. "Why I could make your back touch the ceiling however i haven't witnessed any human actually make the fall. Wanna try?" Joshua asked me seriously.

there were miniature chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. 

i shivered at the painted picture. "Why do you say theoretically impression jumping could be done?" during one particular dream of mine i wore a dress. in it i'd danced with both toby and wesley at the same time. 

i wondered if there was any relation. 

but deep down i didn't want to know. 

"well, yeah. duma was the only angel ever recorded who could willingly enter the subconscious mind. in the original text its rumored that angels with a special connection travel using their own unique blend of energy frequency. but, as i said earlier, that's just hearsay. soul mates aren't a real thing. there's no fundamental evidence to prove any of it is true." Joshua said looking bored again.

maybe it couldn't happen but i knew someone who could put my suspicions to rest.

after telling joshua that i needed to use the restroom he shrugged his wide shoulders and turned off the cuffs around my ankles. once i was free i get up and walk across the room. it felt good to move my limbs again. 

I looked back to see if Joshua was keeping his eyes on me. Instead of watching my every move he took out his black berry and started texting. there was a flurry of fingers moving. it was as if he were playing the piano. 

When I crossed the room toby was standing next to a book shelf yet he didn't bother to look for a book.

my mind went blank. he was here what should i do now? 

i grimaced. and i thought escaping joshua was the hard part. 

somehow my feet made their way in front of toby until i was standing next to him. 

even better, he was alone. that meant he couldn't shut me down just because he didn't like what i was about to say.

i smile feeling more confidant than I ought to. when toby didn't head off in the other direction i took that as a good sign. 

My smile faltered and fell flat. i couldn't say he looked happy to see me. 

although with toby you could never tell exactly what he was thinking. his facial features at all times remained stoic no matter who it was he was speaking to. 

Wait a minute...was it possible that he was smiling? Yes yes I think he was. the corners of his lips disappeared into his dimples. it was a barely there smile. but one nonetheless. 

Toby's stance never changed even after I walked up to him. He leaned against the book shelf with one arm propped up and resting on top of a hard slab of dark rich in color wood.

I was unsteady. a cacophony of butterflies bellowed up my throat. 

Was it him that made me this way or was I nervous because I was about to accuse the angel right in front of everybody. Then a questionable doubt filled my conscious. 

Could I do it? Could I stand up to him with my shoulders down and chin out and acuse archangel Michael of impression jumping? 

"you're awfully silent for someone who never shuts up. whats going on in that head?" Rich black hair tumbled down and past his ears as he tilted his head. 

strong big blue eyes gazed directly into my eyes as if he were trying to peer directly into my thoughts. 

No no I couldn't practically accuse Toby of being a pervert. 

i frowned. this was exhausting. I really hated talking to myself as if there were two of me.

i was more mad and frustrated at myself because i couldn't stop picturing how my hand felt in his. that weird dream with toby felt off pudding. 

though it was amazing how my body took direction from his guidance. so effortless, almost exotic. 

i don't know maybe i was over analyzing on account of wishful thinking. i wasn't ready to admit why 

maybe i was finally truly losing my marbles. maybe dipping into the spirit world propelled me off-balance and so that's why i was imagining things. yeah that sounded about right. 

i didn't know if any of it was real; the dream, the butterflies, the heat that had crept over my body. and for a second i thought about making a run for it. 

was i loosing my mind? 

i shook my head. Too bad all of this thinking didn't help me translate what my heart was saying. 

but by then it was too late because toby was looking at me like i had a speech impairment. i finally did it. great not for the first time today he thought i was ordinary and slow. 

"Finally you know your place, human. I wonder what else we can make your feeble childlike mind do." his icy blue eyes filtered past my face and lingered on my neck. grinning, he looked up and over at the others in the room until his gaze landed on one individual in particular.  

"Joshua what do you say. I know you adore collecting measly humans. I especially marvel at how quickly you tire of them." toby said. his facial features darkened. 

my feet inched ever so slightly backwards when tobys vivid blue eyes lit up. the situation got real fast. i didn't want the angel to know i was freaking because i was. and i didn't want to be around Toby when he was close to loosing control. 

there was no doubt about it. Toby was quite possibly the strongest of them all and i didn't know if the twins had enough energy source to keep his 'dark side' as i called it, under control. 

As if sensing movement Toby calculated me. when he made eye contact with me i stood very still as i tried to control my breathing. 

in the blink of an eye Toby lowered his arm as his hand extended around the nape of my neck. gently his thumb traced the outline of my neck while his other four fingers clinged onto me. his eyes grazed the outline of my neck almost hungrily. 

"The bones snap like twigs." he breathed in smelling me. i could feel a fingernail bite into my skin. 

i clenched my teeth together when i felt the sting of flesh ripping in half. a drop of blood trickled. 

"Did you know with the right amount of pressure, not too much, but just enough you can make it seem accidental."

i couldn't see straight. my vision darkened, the image of Toby blurred until everything became....fuzzy. was that me shaking? i had no clue. 

"not that i don't enjoy the festivities but we need her alive." i could here Joshuas voice behind me.  

in an instant Toby let me go. i backed away from him and touched the mark on my neck where it was sore. i should have stayed next to Joshua where it was safe. 

i thought joshua was bad but i could clearly see how the curse affected toby. 

tobys eyes were no longer glowing and his mask was back on again. 

i could finally breath normal but i couldn't think rationally. Heat boiled in my head until I couldn't stand staying quiet and "feeble" as he put it. 

"you." i finally had the courage to spit out the word utilizing all my anger. The word rolled past my tongue surprisingly straightforward as spit reached what I'm sure was his spectacular satin shirt. 

I was too short for my loogie to land on his face but I took pleasure knowing that him going to the cleaners would be a nuisance. 

I wasn't that kind of girl. A nerd because I liked to read instead of throw myself to any willing guy which was all of them, sure. But I'd never done that before. I wasn't a fighter. In fact not once had I been suspended for laying a hand on another person it's just he made me so angry. so helpless.

toby backs up when i punch him again in the chest. I couldn't hurt him and that just made me reel. 

My chest rose erratically but I didn't try to calm myself down. I was hugging and puffing hysterically as I yelled at Toby. 

"whoa, calm down crazy woman." he says once his back hits the shelf.

i got mad all over again not caring that he didn't reciprocate my punches. or at the least protect himself. But of course he was an angel i sneered. 

"you are unbelievable! what makes you think i want you messing with my dreams, huh?! what gives you the right?!" i yell at him.

"whoa!" joshua says jumping to the balls of his feet excitedly as if he were claiming a primal discovery.

"shut up!" toby warns him. toby narrowed his blazing blue eyes at joshua and rumbled an animal-like sound. 

joshua puffed up his massive chest and grins oh-so triumphantly. was it just me or was joshua practically getting off at the fact that he was pissing on Tobys leg. boys will be boys i suppose. 

"sure thing Cinderella. let me find your trousers first." joshua winked walking away looking satisfied as sin. 

i hit toby this time on his side. "no more acting like im not here. we're talking about this. you and me." i tell him thumping my foot on the floor like a bratty child who wanted ice cream for dinner.

toby looked at me. again his face turned blank and his eyes went hard. it was strange that surprised me. "fine." his strong jaw hardened sharpening his facial features into that famous mask and his fists clenched tightly at his sides. 

he grabs me point blank by the elbow not in a vice hold grip more like lets-get-the-heck-out-of-here and somewhere private and pushes me forward not stopping until we were farther away from prying ears. 

"happy?" toby sneers. "now you have your audience. what is so important that can't wait? well, spit out once and for all. don't get cold feet on me now." he sneers taunting me. 

"tell me why." i beg him.

i thought maybe joshua and danika were somewhere nearby listening in but that didn't stop me. i needed him to be honest with me once and for all. 

i was tired of being in the dark, figuratively speaking of course. i was tired of being scared and tired of being tired all the time. wanting answers didn't seem like too much to ask for thank you very much.

"i was curious, okay? you're not exactly impressive. for starters you don't act like other humans. have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? there's nothing remarkable about you." toby began. 

feeling defensive i crossed my arms and snorted waiting for him to get to the point. 

"you don't relate to other people and so that's why you're so standoffish not to mention embarrassingly awkward especially around guys your age..."

heat creeped toward my ears. i tilted my chin at him and lifted a haughty eyebrow. "is there a goal to you humiliating me or are you just doing it to make me hate you?"

toby put a finger to my lips." im not finished. you hate vegetables, deep down inside a part of you feels responsible for all of humanity, and you hit it off with Kira." he said the last part with surprise and astonishment.  

i looked at the finger that was still touching my lips and back at toby. the guy was not astute. 

"i needed to find out for myself what Kira thought was so great about a clueless, inept, bull-headed girl with crazy hair. i came across a hypothetical situation and chose to act on it." he said simply.

i could feel my lips tingle when toby removed his finger. i licked them in hopes that it would go away but the memory remain ingrained.    

"i don't know why, but even in your dreams i couldn't gain full access to your subconscious. it was strange but i didn't pursue it any further. i want you to know that. i only did it once, i swear."

i take a deep breathe so that i wouldn't break down in front of him. "am i a freak?" i hug myself to ease the pain in my chest. 

toby's laugh rumbles deep in his throat. it was then i realized he didn't laugh much. "you just found out that i invaded your privacy in the most personal way possible and you want to know why you're different?" the way his eyes sparkled like rough diamonds had me wonder if toby always kept this side of him covered up and hidden.

har-har he thought it was sooooo funny. 

i certainly didn't see any humor in it.

once toby regained his composure it was like a switch flipped. he turned serious all of a sudden. instead of the easy going unrestrained toby there was business as usual. 

"we have two days off. one of which you already spent here. go do yourself a favor and mingle. do whatever humans do to distract yourself with while we talk about you. we'll be here when you get back."

i had to go mingle. oh sure it was easy for him to say. i knew for a fact if he saw what my version of socializing indicated he would have just suggested i go read a book or something. 

if i ever hated a word it certainly was mingle.