We've developed a pattern. Once every two weeks we get together and exchange information. We haven't exchanged much information, just agreed to since our last discussion. I don't know why I'm being so open with her. Why do I care about putting her at ease? Or about giving her time to process?

I shouldn't even be talking to her. I shouldn't be telling her such information. I shouldn't be nice to her. What I should be doing is finding her weaknesses. I should be keeping my distance but planning how I'm going to take her out or chase her away. This whole, I don't know, confusing pattern of intersection between us is so different from what we have been raised.

I don't know what to make of it. Should I leave it alone and see what it develops into? Because there's not possible way for a stuck up Righteous and a demon like me to possibly look past our differences and thousands of years of our people's history to get along, right? There's no way in all the realms for us to be friends, right? This is all so confusing. I've never had to deal with this before.

I've never even had these feeling before. I've never been confused before in all my inverted a hundred and fifty years. We are raised, if you can call it that, to feel only hate and anger and pain. But I've spent enough time in the human realm to know what all the other emotions are.

But I shouldn't be feeling these emotions. I shouldn't be feeling emotions at all. Every child of Hell is only capable of feeling the disgusting emotions of sin and hate. The Creator made sure of that when he "confirmed" all celestials in their forsaken or Righteous forms. Also any Fallen who shows signs or defection from the forsaken life we live are punished severely. If any of my kind find any evidence of these sentiments in me I would be punished, even me. Lucifer's right hand man himself. My kind has been killed for less. If anyone knows that it's me, my own father was punished for his betrayal that led to my birth.

Forever cursed to walk the Earth, free game for both Fallen and Righteous. Without allies, without a home, without a purpose. I myself wouldn't mind such a punishment. I do get ever so bored of Hell. And I'd rather be banished to this wasteland than be an ally of some Righteous.

Though, with current evidence it seems both those may be coming to pass. Well isn't this just waterfall of lava. If I'm not careful that's exactly what I'm going to get pushed into. I need to stop this, stop these emotions. Whatever is wrong with me it can be fixed, it has to be. I can't let her get to me, I have to be strong.

Why am I even worried? Nothing she could possibly do could affect me. And yet I'm starting to feel emotions, real emotions. If it's my mother's fault then I know a cozy place for her in my realm. I'm sure Lucifer would like that. Not sure how I feel about it. Oh there I go again with these feelings. It's disgusting. I miss being a hate filled forsaken creature of the realms. Everything was so much simpler then.

(A/N: ok I'm sorry it's taking so long and this chapter is short but thanks for your patience! Feel free to complain as long as you have no problem with me putting my two cents in on the subject. Seriously comment all u want but I'm just warning u that I might not be 100% polite in my response depending on the comment. I'll probably be sarcastic in some way. Thanks for your patience!)