August 21st, 2016

Last evening I had an idea and I made my first ever YouTube video which is going to be an animated series meant for Muslimahs like you and I. I'd love it if you could check it out and subscribe for more in sha Allah. It's nothing too great but I'd love to hear your opinions on it :)

(Check out the external link.)

And for people who still don't get the reason for me writing Winged Dreams, here's a glimpse:

Vote and comment because this chapter has a surprise! AHHHHHHHHH! :)

"Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere ."

Surah Baqarah

Chapter 41:

Allah's Ways are Beautiful

Shabana strained the tea and placing the cup on a saucer, walked out of the kitchen. Her face was grim, and it almost seemed like she had forgotten how to smile. Every night, repeatedly, she'd wake up for Tahajjud, begging Allah to ease her pain. She'd pray for her son, and sometimes when she couldn't go on and it was too difficult to even form coherent sentences, she'd let her heart do the talking.

And then there were times when she'd cry all the more thinking of Dina. She had many thoughts in her mind, but it was too soon to raise them.

Dina was currently in her iddah, the period of mourning after the death of her husband which lasted for four months and ten days. This was the time a woman was instructed to stay indoors unless there was a dire need that required her to step out, and this was the period where, until its termination, she was forbidden to marry someone else.

Dina was young and had her rest of her life ahead, and Anam deserved a father. What would Shabana do if one day Dina decided to remarry? What would she do if she took away Bilal's last reminder with her?

Shabana wouldn't refuse, Dina had a right to choose and she'd support the poor girl, but she didn't how she'd console her heart.

Her worries were eating her up from within and Shabana desperately prayed that she could have her daughter, Naila beside her this instant. But as things would have it, Naila was in her ninth month of pregnancy and after her miscarriage the first time and certain complications, there was no way she could come here for the next few months.

Blinking back the tears that her thoughts brought, Shabana walked to Jawed, handing him his cup of tea.

It was their everyday routine after Fajr.

"Why is Anam crying so much?" Jawed questioned, motioning towards Bilal's room.

"Has she been crying from a very long time?" Shabana questioned and he shook his head.

"No, but I think you must go check."

"What happened to Dina," she wondered out loud as Anam's cries grew louder and Shabana rushed in.

"Dina?" She called looking around as she grabbed Anam who by now had reached the edge of the bed and God forbid if she hadn't rushed in this instant, she may have fallen on the floor.

"Na?" Anam called her grandmom and buried her face in her chest as Shabana looked around for Dina, rocking the baby in her arms.

When she found the washroom empty, she panicked and hurried to her husband.

"Dina isn't in her room," she said in a rush.

"Where did she go?" Jawed asked, surprised as he reached for the phone.

"Her mobile is lying in the room, no point calling her," Shabana stated and as she began to fill Anam's milk bottle, she glanced at Jawed whose forehead was marred with lines of worry.

"Jawed, she hasn't been in the right state of mind from the past two months and now she has just disappeared. What do we do? What if..." Shabana trailed off and Jawed shot up from his chair.

"I think she went to the apartment," he suggested and by now he was already making a move towards the door as Shabana gave him the baby and hurried to grab her Abaya and the spare key of Bilal's apartment.

When they reached the apartment and entered, it was silent and cold, no signs of any visitors except that one chair by the dining table which was pushed out.

It was Bilal's chair, the one Dina had been sitting on and silently weeping.

Shabana wasted no time in rushing to her son's room and gasped when she saw the image in front of her.

With Bilal's tie around her neck and his sweater clutched close to her chest, Dina lay on the bed, unconscious.

"Dina?" Shabana yelled, and clapped her cheek as Jawed sprinkled water on her face but when she neither stirred nor moved, he rushed to get his car.

They held their breaths as they drove to the hospital and as the doctor clamped the IV and drew blood for tests, even Anam who had been wailing earlier had calmed down, her mother's weak image surprising her.

Finally, and thank God finally, Dina gained consciousness, mustering a weak smile to her in laws.

"I'm alright," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears when she thought back to the time she was reliving the precious moments she spent with her precious husband.

"You scared us," Shabana said, kissing her forehead while Jawed nodded his head.

As she sat up, leaning behind, she took Anam in her arms, kissing her head.

"Mama?" She called timidly and for the first time in forever, Dina found her heart soar in happiness. At eight months, Anam said a few four letter words and babbled a lot, and while she called Jawed Dada and Shabana Na, she never called Dina Mama.

"Bilal, she-" Dina stopped mid sentence when she realized her husband wasn't here with her to share this joy.

She looked up to the sky, biting her lip to stop from crying and whispered, "I hope you heard that, Bilal."

Understanding her thoughts, Shabana took her daughter's hand and squeezed it, empathizing her for every ounce of torture she was going through.

Dina kissed Anam's head once again, and said, "You finally said it, baby."

As the doctor walked in, the glucose bottle only half way empty, she looked at Dina in disappointment.

"When was the last time you had a complete meal?" She asked.

"I don't remember," Dina answered. She hardly ate these days, to be honest.

"Your blood glucose levels are so low that if they wouldn't bring you in time, you could go into coma," the doctor stated and was mildly surprised when she saw her patient hardly react.

She turned to Shabana and said, "Please see to it that she has proper meals and while I will discharge her by evening, her meals and medications need to be taken seriously."

"I understand," Shabana nodded and the doctor turned to look at Dina after she had gone through the reports that had just arrived.

She shook her head as she looked at Anam and asked, "She's your daughter?"

"Yes."

"Then you know how it works, I shouldn't be telling you the second time. You need to take care, my dear, it's a crucial period."

Dina looked confused as she tried to make sense of what the doctor just conveyed.

"I'm sorry?"

Taking in her expression, the doctor smiled and said, "I'm surprised you seem unaware. Congratulations, you're ten weeks pregnant."

Dina froze as she heard her, and her blood ran cold. The world around her spun and if she wasn't in a leaning position already, she would have collapsed.

As she saw Shabana go teary eyed while Jawed gave her a look of surprise, she felt like her heart had stopped beating.

"I'm expecting a second child?" She questioned, her hands traveling to her stomach while she tried to make sense of what was told to her.

She had a part of Bilal growing in her.

Her husband, the man she loved, had left behind not one but two beautiful gifts for her to live her life.

He made her every bit of happy when he was alive and even after his death, he continued to show signs of his everlasting love for her.

In that moment, she wanted nothing but to share this news with him. She would love to see his reaction, and he'd probably go down in Sujood just like he had when Dina told him she was pregnant the first time.

Back then, she was confused and surprised, but Bilal was ecstatic. She wondered what he'd say this time as she thought back to their previous conversation.

"Alhamdulilah, yes, we're having a baby, Dina. And it's only now do I realize that everytime I think I can't love you more than I already do, you prove me wrong. Thank you for being the reason for my every smile."

In that moment, she wanted nothing but to share this joy with him, and she felt so torn and helpless that she buried her face in her hands and cried tears of agony.

The doctor only smiled at Dina's response, thinking back to the several women who displayed similar emotions.

But unknown to her, in Dina's case, she couldn't be anymore wrong.

***

In the evening as Jawed dropped in to the hospital to take Shabana and Dina home, it didn't look like Dina was in this world.

She had a distant look in her eyes and ever so often, her hand kept traveling to her stomach.

When they reached home, she rushed to her room and bend down in Sujood, feeling nostalgic.
She didn't know whether to be sad or happy, smile or cry, but there's only one thing she knew.

She missed her husband.

She missed him so much that if her heart was shattered to a million pieces and you analyzed the millionth part of a single piece, you'd find every part of the cell craving for his presence.

With her heart weighing heavier than usual, she walked to the window and looked up at the clear sky, unable to spot any stars except for the faintly glowing crescent.

"Ya Allah," she whispered, "I don't understand anything. I feel so lost, as if my entire being has been wiped away. I want to question You, but I know the answer already. You took him away because you loved him, you honored him and gave him a better life. Just help me accept this." Her hand traveled to her belly once again and she whispered, "How will I raise my family without their loving father? How can I ever do anything without him? You gave me such a beautiful blessing, and you took it away. Please, help me survive till I meet him once again. Help me, ya Rabb, my bones are weak and I can't carry these burdens anymore. Keep me strong for my children, Ya Rabb, keep me strong until you reunite me with my love."

As she looked up at the moon once again, she closed her eyes and let the breeze kiss her face, reminding her of her husband.

I love you, Bilal. I love you so much.

***

Simran's hands shook as she kept the phone, and she almost couldn't believe what she had heard. Tabasum had been to Dina's house and Dina had looked slightly better than the last time she had visited her.

And the reason that Tabasum had stated, honestly left Simran speechless. Allah had such a beautiful way of helping the believers, reminding them that dunya was such a cruel place to live but also, it was only temporary and with His help, we'd be alright.

The news of her pregnancy wouldn't take away the pain of losing her husband but at least it would help her heal.

She didn't have her with him but his love and his reminders lingered all around and while that would make her crave his presence all the more, it will also serve as the hope to live the rest of the days.

It was a combination of conflicted emotions and unfulfilled desires, but in sha Allah, she could live through this.

Dina was strong, she had been broken far too many times and Bilal had only just filled all her missing pieces, but Simran knew that no matter how much this tragedy had shattered her, his love and the moments he had blessed her with would help her keep going.

She wouldn't move on but she'd keep going and continue to be the woman her husband had helped her become.

Simran dabbed at her eyes when a sudden thought filled them with tears. There were so many women who had bitter ends to their marriage, were divorced or abused and so many who were left with nothing but cold memories.

Alhamdulilah, Dina at least got to live a beautiful love story. It lasted for a very short time but in sha Allah, it would be enough for her to live the rest of her life.

As Simran smiled tersely at the thought, and walked out of her room, she laid eyes on her mum and tried to analyze the reason for her different behaviour. She was acting quite weirdly the past week.

"Simran," she called, as if answering her thoughts, and said, "Come here, I need to speak to you."

"What's it mom?"

"Read this," she said, handing over her phone.

"It's a mail," Simran noted.

"Yes, I'm aware. I want you to read it."

At first Simran was confused but as she read further, she was positive she was going to have a heart attack.

Let's just say, Bilal was hands down a wonderful man!

She needed to breathe, but she had forgotten how to.

It almost felt like she didn't even need oxygen, for finally, finally it looked like she was going to get what she thought did not belong to her in the first place.

She looked up at her mother, the phone falling in her lap with a soft thud.

She understood the reason she caught her mum praying istikhaara last night.

The mystery to her suspicious phone calls were now solved.

She finally knew why her mother was acting differently.

Something had changed.

Fareeda smiled, and said, "Sumaiya has called us for dinner tonight."

Without uttering a word, Simran buried her face in her mother's lap and cried a million tears.

Her heart was bursting in happiness, and she didn't mind it.

Finally. Good Lord, finally!

While Simran was a bundle of nerves as she prepared for the evening, the scene in Sumaiya's place was quite the opposite.

"Who's coming tonight, Ma?" Tabasum asked and Sumaiya smiled.

"I thought Asif could use a change in routine."

"I don't understand."

"It's been a difficult period for him, Tabbo, with Bilal gone, he seems to have lost his charm."

"They were best friends, mom."

"I understand, and I'm not complaining. It has affected him in a way we can't imagine. In fact, Bilal's death has affected all of us. How's Dina?"

Tabasum smiled and replied, "Two days back she fell unconscious and Aunty took her to the hospital. She found out she's pregnant, Subhan Allah, alhamdulilah."

Sumaiya brought her hand to her mouth, stunned by the information.

"She what?" Asif asked, as he got back home from office, not sure he had heard his sister.

"She's ten weeks pregnant, Subhan Allah. She's carrying Bilal's child."

Tabasum wasn't sure if he was surprised or his eyes glistened over, because he hurried to his room.

"Asif?" His mother called before he could just take the last step and he stopped mid way.

"Yeah?"

"We're having guests for dinner."

"I'm not-"

"And you will be meeting them," Sumaiya replied with an air of finality and not in the mood to argue, he sighed in defeat and headed in.

"Alhamdulilah, Allah really plans in the most unexpected way, doesn't He? Who would have thought?" She wondered aloud thinking about Dina.

"Alhamdulilah," Tabasum agreed. "Mum, you didn't tell me who's coming over tonight."

Sumaiya lowered her voice a few notches and said, "It's been more than a year since Asif broke the engagement with Sofia and I think it's about time he takes his marriage seriously. I know Bilal's death has had a huge impact on him so I assure you I didn't voluntarily go looking for propasals. However, I didn't want to deny when one came without me looking for it."

Tabasum stated at her blankly and said, "Asif will be mad if he finds out the guests are not guests per se."

"Remember I had once asked Fareeda if she was interested in getting her daughter married to Asif?" She asked instead.

"Are you referring to Simran?" Tabasum all but shrieked.

OMG WHAT EXACTLY WAS HAPPENING?

"Yes, I am."

"Ok so what about her?" Tabasum questioned, unable to contain her excitement.

"Fareeda had refused back then but she called me yesterday asking if I was still up for it."

Omg.

OH MY GODDDDDD.

Tabasum shot up from her chair, and rushed to her mum, her cheeks flushed with happiness.

"Why did she change her mind?"

"I don't know, but I'm glad she did. Simran is a beautiful girl."

"That she is. But why didn't you tell Asif?"

Sumaiya gave her a knowing smile, and said, "I'm not sure how he'll react. For one, he's not over Bilal's death and secondly, after everything that happened in the past, I'm honestly scared to tell him about any proposals. I know he's going to refuse. Calling them for dinner seemed like a better option."

OH SHE HAD NO IDEA OF ASIF'S REACTION.

LIKE NO IDEA AT ALL.

Ya Allah Tabasum felt like she would die listening to such amazing news.

"This is wonderful, I'm surprised Simran didn't tell me anything."

"Unlike me, I hope Fareeda has informed her. It would be awkward to have the two of them unaware about our idea to get them married. They'd go mad if they don't like what we've planned," Sumaiya laughed and although she didn't think it was too funny, she didn't know why Tabasum broke into a fit of giggles.

They'd go mad if they don't like what we've planned...?

THE TWO WERE GOING TO FREAKING LOVE THE PLAN!

BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!

Before Tabasum could blurt that out, she turned to take a look at the boiling curry and once everything was in control, she hopped to Asif's room.

"Hey big brother," she called excitedly.

"Go away, Tabbo," he mumbled.

"Come on Asif, cheer up," she said and when all she received was a pointed look, the smile slipped off her face.

"Home to work, back to home from office. You've stopped meeting your friends, you've stopped going out, you've stopped smiling, you've stopped being you."

"Nothing's the same anymore. He was my brother, more than a brother."

At the heartbreaking look he sported, Tabasum swallowed the lump in her throat and said, "I always saw him as an elder brother, Asif. He was amazing, but honestly, Allah honoured him with such a high status, who are we to complain?"

"I know," he sighed, "But we're only humans."

"Stay happy for his sake, Asif. Live like he'd want you to live."

When he didn't reply and just stared ahead with a distant look in his eyes, Tabasum said, "Umm... so mum wants you to ugh... wear better clothes when you come to meet the guests."

"I'm not changing if that's what you mean."

"You can't exactly wear track pants and this t shirt when you come in front of them, Asif!"

"Why not?"

"Because we don't want them to think bad things about us," she laughed nervously at her lame excuse.

She wanted to keep this as a surprise. She really did.

Probably why she was trying a little too hard.

When Asif only gave her an I don't care look, she sighed, "They're guests, Asif!"

"Excuse me? They're coming to my house at night, I'm not obliged to look presentable for them."

"Fine! Don't say I didn't warn you!" She huffed waving her hands in annoyance.

"Whatever," came his reply as she stomped out.

When Simran's family arrived, Tabasum felt like she was happiest of them all. She hugged her so tight that Simran almost thought she'd cut off her oxygen supply.

"Hey sister," Tabasum grinned and surprisingly, Simran blushed.

"Does he know?" She asked.

And when she shook her head, Simran couldn,t help but smile. "I'd love to see his reaction."

"I can't wait," Tabasum replied and they walked inside, the two families exchanging pleasantries and mildly brushing on the topic of interest.

Half an hour into the conversation and when Asif still hadn't made an appearance, Sumaiya urged them to start dinner and sent Tabasum to fetch him.

It was a good thing Tabasum opened the door slowly or it would have hit him in the face.

"What the heck, Asif?" She asked as she looked at him standing near the passageway and glaring at her furiously.

"Why exactly were they hinting on my marriage?"

"Why exactly were you eves dropping?"

"Eves dropping? Excuse me? Answer my question, Tabbo. Who are they and why are they here?"

He really had no idea Simran was sitting outside, did he?

"They want you to get married to their daughter."

"Over my dead body!" He bellowed and Tabasum had to literally shove her hand on his face.

"Keep quiet, what if they hear you!"

"That would be great!"

"Asif, just calm down!"

"What kind of of a stupid trick is this? How could mum do this to me! How could YOU do this to me?"

Tabasum sighed at his antics and turned towards the door.

"You have one minute to calm down and come to them before mom drags you out."

And with that she walked out.

As she sat beside Simran, her phone in hand, an angry looking Asif finally walked out, not exactly dressed for the occasion.

He was furious but the minute he laid eyes on the person sitting in front, he stopped in his tracks. Simran's face was flushed as he came into view, a shy smile on her face as her heart beat a mile per minute.

And Asif?

Let's just say that night a very interesting picture was posted on Tabbo's snapchat. Messy hair and eyes wide, Asif's mouth was hung open. Despite the look, it was plain as the day that he was surprised in a fabulous way. Those wide eyes were practically shining. The caption on the picture read,

My brother was a goner when he saw his future wife.