The afternoon sun blared an intense shade of orange, the kind that would make the onlookers shield their eyes. He had often wondered whether it was just the universe's way of affording some privacy to the most onlooked orb or was it the sun's way of announcing the time to close one's eyes for the perfect siesta? But today, the brightness of the sun only reflected to a broken-hearted Sameer Maheshwari his own loneliness. The sun of his life, his own bright-eyed beauty was never really his, and would never be. Maybe he was just meant to live on the sidelines of Naina's journal, the note in the margin and never the defining inspiration in her stories.

His love for her would always be untouched, of this he was sure. But now he was unsure of so many other things he had taken for certain; like the blush on Naina's cheeks, her darkening gaze, her sweet shy smile, and the floral earthy perfume of her hair. These things would be imprinted on his soul but he would probably lose her to someone else. Someone her family would chose: someone who would be responsible, decent, and a good man. Not a delinquent teenager like him.

The ache in his heart was unbearable almost as if he were choking. Was he having a heart attack or was his heart break so intense it hurt physically? This pain is what he got for falling for someone who was too good for him.

Sameer's deep dark sleep was broken when Ramdhari shook him awake. The intense lax in his muscles made him realise that he was probably in a fugue of fever. As Nanu worryingly asked Ramdhari to check his temperature, Sameer sighed. It had been only a few hours since he had left Naina and he was already ill. How would he live without her for the rest of his life? The grim headache grew worse as light gave way to darkness outside his window, and he realised with a pang that he could no longer call Naina for their usual late night talks.

Sunday passed with Sameer shivering from the cold that he felt both within and without. While his nanu called up the doctor and gave him some medication. They refused to have an effect on him though. How could antibiotics cure a broken heart? When this fever continued on Monday and Tuesday, his nanu grew even more anxious about his health.

On Wednesday morning Jaiprakash Maheshwari stood by the door, observing his grandson, lying far too still on the bed, with worry. He had wanted Sameer to find someone he could love so she would erase all the nightmares from his life, someone who would tie together all his broken threads, and someone who would overlook his anger to cherish the golden heart that lay beneath. But he had never wanted to see his sensitive Sameer going through so much pain. His howling sobs had showed the ardour of Sameer's love; and for the first time, Jaiprakash Maheshwari feared for his grandson's life. He didnt hesitate even for a second before picking up the ringing phone in Sameer's room.

A smooth gentle hand on his forehead startled him out of sleep. Sameer opened his heavy sleep laden eyes to the warm honey orbs of his stormy angel. Thinking it was another of his dreams, Sameer held the hand on his forehead and brought it to his gaze. Even her hand was beautiful: soft, fair, small, and fit in his like a puzzle. His thumb caressed the tip of each finger making her gasp, with a smirk on his lips he continued the exploration. The thumb caressing the sweet heat rolling off her palm till he reached her wrist. He felt her pulse quicken under his thumb: her veins throbbed like his. The soft heated skin grew tender and red under his caressing thumb, and he wondered at the marvel that they were together. His hot skin against her hectic pulse. He was the heat in her blood and she the thunder in his veins, they would mingle together to burn hot and rapid.

Her soft gasp jerked him out of his silent adventures into the dreamlike reality. Naina sat looking at him with teary eyes, and anxious lines on her forehead. "Yeh kya haal banaya hua hai tumne Sameer?" Her voice wavered as it reached him, he sat up with a jerk as she broke into sobs the next second.

"Naina..shh...I am okay..." He spoke in a sore voice, trying to relieve her anxiety in an almost trance like state. Every beat of his heart screamed to his surprised mind that his dream girl was really here. She was no longer in his fever-ridden dreams but in his reality.

"Kyun Sameer. Kyun karte Ho tum mujhse itna pyaar?" She spoke as she held his hand tighter, making him realise that their handhold had remained steady from his dream to consciousness.

"Please Naina, don't cry. Tum rogi toh mujhe bhi rona aayega. Kya tum chahti Ho mai roun?" He asked. His nose scrunched when she cutely shook her head, her lips in a pout.

A few minutes later as she calmed down, Naina got off the chair and bent to his height. His heart set off an unusual typhoon, it's thunderous beats raking up his solemn being as Naina placed her one hand on his shoulder and tried to get him to sit against the headboard. Her beautiful face loomed in front of his eyes, her cheeks red and eyes shying away. As he moved back, still under her spell, her thick plait brushed itself against his nose; assaulting his senses with the floral musk that was only Naina's and the softness of her lustrous locks. Every inch of him burned with her proximity, seared by the earthy essence of his darling. Her red cheeks made his mouth water, he would only have to move a bare inch and he could taste that blush on his wet longing mouth.

"Naina.." He groaned, his husky whisper caused her ears to redden. As if stung by their closeness, she jerked back and sat on the chair by his bed, her fingers bunching up the dupatta of her green shalwar kameez.

"Tum yahan kya kar rahi Ho? Mera matlab Kaise aayi aur kyon aayi Ho?" He asked, his words more cutting than he had intended them to be. But he couldn't control the asperity he felt, his heart was singed with longing and love which he had imposed upon her. And after he had finally felt the strength to let go of her, she was here to enchant him some more. How did she expect his heart to recover if she was constantly there to assault its beats?

She shivered at his tone but clearing her throat softly spoke "tum jab kal aur aaj school nahi aye tab mujhe fikar hone lagi. Saturday ko bhi tum itne gusse mein nikle the ki mujhse bardasht nahi hua aur Maine aaj subah tumhare Ghar call kiya. Nanaji" his heart lurched at the familiarity with which she addressed his nanu "mera matlab tumhare nanaji ne phone uthakar bataya ki tumhari tabiyat kharab hai. Waise bhi school mein garmiyon ki chuttiya hai toh mai aa gayi." She spoke, the entire time she had stolen her eyes away.

Hope arose like a hummingbird with clapping wings: tiny but rapid. It assailed his insides as he tried to take in her concern. No Sameer don't read into this please don't. She cares for you as a friend. Aaj se hum sirf masoom nirdosh dost hai. He dictated to his mind only to chuckle at his last line. Naina was the innocent one here, he had become wild the moment he had laid eyes on her and now after spending time with her his desires had just become wilder. Masoom and Nirdosh he truly wasn't. But he would try for her sake, if he couldn't have her love at least he could have her friendship.

"Naina tum kyon aayi ho?" Sameer leaned slightly towards her, pulling her chair closer to the bed with one swift pull of his hand. Her eyes immediately stole away as he continued to gaze at her. Her blushes were back and so was the storm in his heartbeats.

"Sameer mai..mujhe woh tumhare fikar ho rahi thi. Tum uss din itne gusse mein nikal gaye the mujhe darr tha ki tum kuch kar baithoge." She answered in simple plain words as sharp disappointment pierced him.

"Toh tumhe iss liye fikar thi kyonki tumhe laga mai athmatya kar lunga." His heart burned, the flames torching his insides. It wasn't love or even friendship that had brought her here, it was the humanity in her. She pitied him and felt herself morally responsible for his life. Isse acha toh masoom nirdosh dosti thi!

"sssshayad."

Her stammered word bruised his heart and jerking away from her, he got out of bed, quieting her protests with a show of his hand. Fury boiled deep in his gut, bursting through his veins. How could she?! How dare she?! Out of all the things Sameer had been subjected to in his life, Naina's pity had to be the most humiliating for him.

Grunting, he ran his hands in his hair. Why did loving her have to be so painful? It had always been Naina's humanity that had driven him crazy for her, it was the warmth in her eyes that he had fallen for at first sight. And yet, today that very humanity felt like a swallow of poison. That flowed in his blood and constricted his vein, damaging his already wilting heart.

"Sameer tum please baith jao tumhe bukhaar hai.." Naina's soft voice assailed his ears as she came to stand by his side.

Turning to look at her, he felt goosebumps bloom on his skin. Her eyes held that same gentleness ensconced in a deep layer of warmth as the day he had first seen her, the midnight black orbs glimmered with his image in them and he could feel gravity shifting from beneath his feet once again.

"Naina, yeh such hai ki mai tumhare bina shayad mar jaun. Lekin mujhe tumhari humdardi nahi chahiye. Please tum chali jao yahan se, mujhe mere haal par chod do." He spoke, his voice breaking. He couldn't take advantage of her soft heart and impose his love on her.

"Yeh kya keh rahe ho tum Sameer. Mai tumhe aise chod kar kaise ja sakti hoon. Haalat dekho apni chehra peela padd gaya, seedhe khade nahi ho pa rahe ho tum." Her soft voice choked as she spoke. Lines of worry formed on the smooth skin of her forehead as her eyes started to tear up once again.

"Dekho Naina, tum ek bahut achi insaan ho shayad iss liye mai tumhare peeche itna pagal hoon lekin mai tumhari iss achai ka fayda nahi utha sakta. Mai nahi chahta ki mera ek tarfa pyaar tum par bojh ban jaye." Sameer spoke, turning away from her. Her dark eyes were an infinite web, constantly weaving around his heart smatterings of love. Enigmatic emotions brimmed in them, which threatened to engulf him in flames, and once burned he knew he would never return. Her eyes were his insanity, his ultimate undoing, his addiction.

"Tum yeh kaisi baatein kar rahe ho Sameer. Idhar please baitho.." when he refused again, she spoke in a firm voice "tumhe meri kasam sameer, baith jao."

Feeling like a child for the first time in his life, Sameer sat down as Naina fussed over him. Tucking him in the duvet one moment to wiping his forehead with a wet cloth the next. His heart brimmed with warmth, like the balm of a sunny day, the kind you enjoy lying on the grass, soaking up heat sliver by sliver. She was his little gulps of the sun, one moment blinding him with light the next warming his shivering body.

Sighing, she sat down next to him on the bed, her orbs peering into his, making his heart race. "Sameer tum aisa kyon behave kar rahe ho. Please batao mujhe."

"Toh aur kya karun mai Naina. Pyar karta hoon mai tumse, aur mai khudgarz hoon. Tumpe apne aap ko thopna nahi chahta mai. Tumhare bade dil ka fayda nahi uthaunga." He spoke, his eyes swimming in the immensity of her black pools. Calm one second and thunderous the next.

"Tum khudgarz nahi ho Sameer. Tum bahut ache ho. Aaj tak tumhare paas kitne mauke the mujhe choone ke lekin tumne kabhi mere vishvaas ka fayda nahi uthaya. Aur yeh kya ek tarafa pyaar thopa thopi laga rakha hai tumne?" She spoke, her voice unusually soft; like satin on skin.

"Naina tum nahi janti ho. Tumhaare aane se pehle Mai itna bura itna awara tha ki meri ma tak mujhe chod kar chali gayi. Pehle toh phone bhi karti thi ab toh teen saal hogaye hai unse baat kare. Aur kyon karengi woh mujhe phone jab bhi baat karo toh bas meri galat kaamon ki list milti thi unhe. Kabhi bike race karte hue pakda jana toh kabhi sharab toh kabhi cigarette. Mai bahar se jitna safed dikhta hoon andar se utna hi maila hoon. Pagal hoon awara hoon chote dil wala hoon aur ghatiya hoon toh tum jaisi achi ladki kyon mujhse pyaar karegi. Mai andar se khokla hoon Naina. Ekdum khokla. Mera khali bikhre bachpan ne mujhe andar se khali bana diya hai. Kuch nahi hoon mai aur na hi kuch hai mere paas jo mai tumhe de Saku." Probably it was her soft gaze or her warm voice or maybe just the fundamental essence of him belonging to her. He didn't know what magic it was but he could feel the metal around his heart corrode and melt as the words spilled out of him, lifting his sorrows to her gaze. Revealing the dark that marred his heart.

When all was done and said, his tears recklessly shed, he felt like the storm blowing inside him had stilled. It was the warm clasp of her fingers, which he found his hand in, that brought with it peace and calm. Yet, he was afraid of the baring of his soul in front of the woman he loved. Afraid she would decide once and for all that he was not worth her time.

Till now he and Naina had been in a hanging relationship, neither yes nor no. Inspite of his thoughts over the past few days, this in-between state had been his solace. His heart ached at the wait but at the same time bloomed that this wait could turn into a yes. That hope would cease if she refused him today. The truth was hearing Naina say no would put a finite stop to his desires, dreams, his breaths. Everything.

"Dil toh hai na."
Her whispered words fell on his ears like the loud chime of a temple bell. And he looked up to see her eyes brimming. With tears. With warmth. With pain.

"Ek chota magar ehsasast se bhara hua, bahut pyaar karne wala dil toh hai na tumhare paas mujhe dene ke liye. Ek ladki ko puri zindagi guzarne ke liye sirf woh chahiye aur kuch nahi." When he continued to gaze at her with tears staining his cheeks, she smiled looking into his eyes:

"Tumhe kya lagta hai mai kuch janti nahi hoon. Jaise tumhari nazare mujhe dekhti thi na Sameer, mujhe bahut pehle samajh aa gaya tha ki tumhare dil mein mere liye kuch hai. Uss din mandir mein maine tümse baat ki kyonki jis shiddat se tum mujhe dekhte the mujhe yaad reh gaye. Zindagi bhar maine yahi suna hai ki mai kitni badshakal hoon. Na toh mere paas surat hai aur na hi seerat, fir tum mujhe aise dekhne lage jaise mano mai koi heroine hoon.Agar mujh jaisi seedhi saadhi behenji jaisi ladki se tum hero types pyar karta hai toh iska matlab yeh hai ki tumne mujhme woh dekha jo yeh duniya wale Dekh kar bhi andekha kardete hai.Sameer pichle kuch mahino mein jitna mai tumhe samajh payi hoon mai ek cheeez pure bharose ke saath keh sakti hoon: na hi tum ghatiya ho aur na hi khokle. Jitna tumne mere liye kiya hai na utna toh Prem bhi apni Suman ke liye kabhi na kare. Aur jo insaan aise tut kar kisise pyaar kar sakta hai woh kabhi khokla nahi hosakta."

Sameer lost himself somewhere in between her words or possibly in the affection he could see glimmering in her eyes. In empty crannies of his barren being, he could feel blood gushing joyful and deep. Naina had accepted his wounds and maybe his love.

"Jahan tak tumhari buri aadaton ke baat hai toh woh tumhara ateet thi. Mujhse pehle tum kya the mujhe usse koi farak nahi padta mujhse milne ke baad tum kya ho aur kya banana chahte ho woh matter karta hai. Pata hai meri chachiji humesha kehti hai ki Chachaji unhe ek acha insaan banne ki chah dete hai aur ek humsafar mein isse zyada zaroori kuch nahi hota. Agar mai tum mein yeh ek acha insaan hone ki utsukta jagati hoon toh matlab tumhara pyaar bhagwaan ki den hai. Aur bhagwaan ki den ko seene se lagakar rakhna chahiye. Bahut izzat karti hoon mai tumhari Sameer, shayad bhagwaan jaise tumhe bhi manti hoon mai."

Sameer stirred with the awareness of her absolute faith in him. Maybe she did love him or maybe she didn't but the respect she held for him in the deep contours of her heart was enough for him to live by. No one, except his nanu, had ever trusted him to this extent to place his word next to the almighty's. This time when he felt tears slip away they were the sign of an internal downpour. A rain that would wash out the debris of his dark haunting past, solely from the warmth of this petite beauty's affection.

"Are are tum toh aur bhi rone lag gaye buddhu. Acha tumhe kuch batau?" His slight nod expanded the soft corners of her lips into a wide beaming smile "Woh uss din jo library mean book this dhumrapan par.."

"Naina yeh dhruv paan koi bahut famous paan ki shop hai kya?" He asked, scratching his head. He had been curious about the book's title for a while. For instance, why would someone write such a big book on paan? And why would Naina be so interested in reading it?

"Buddhuram, dhumrapan matlab smoking." She said gently hitting his forehead with her tiny hand.

"Toh Hindi me bolo na Naina."

An uplifting change blew inside him making him feel like a fallen leave that the spring breeze has finally picked from the ground. There was something so comforting in the moments they shared, her calling names in that affectionate tone of hers did something to him.

"Tum sachme buddhu ho Sameer. Maine woh kitaab iss liye li thi kyonki maine munna aur pandit ko smoking karte hue dekh liya tha. Mujhe chinta hoti thi ki kahin tum toh yeh sab nahi karte ho kyonki yeh sehat ke liye acha nahi hota. Toh maine socha woh kitaab padh kar tumhe ache se bithakar.."

"Nainadevi ki tarah bhashan dungi" he blurted, cutting off her. Naina's hand swatted him on the shoulder and then she burst into giggles.

Her shaking head and sweet sounding laughter made him realise that the dawn had finally broken in the long lingering night of his life. The darkness was ceasing and was giving way to a new rich day of hopeful possibilities.

"Lekin tumhe meri itni fikar kyon hai Naina? Kyon tum woh kitaab padhne lagi? Yahan aayi? Tum mujhse pyaar nahi karti fir bhi meri itni parwah kyon hai tumhe?" He asked her. Somewhere all her simple seeming gestures felt heavy with the immensity of thought behind them.

"Maine kab kaha ki mai tumse pyaar nahi karti." Naina's response was as immediate and instinctive as breathing.

It is said that when in flight, the hummingbird's wings form the symbol of infinity and the roar of its small wings could be an omen of an earthquake descending.
From where Sameer sat looking at the auburn shine of her hair, the crimson bloom of her cheeks, and the shadow of her long lashes on her cheekbones: he was sure that somewhere in his heart sat a hummingbird roaring it's wings wildly because Sameer could feel his being shake with Naina's words.

This time when he leaned in and held her hand, he could feel the determined intensity in his own eyes, he could feel the quiver of his heart as he asked her the question that had come to define his universe since he first saw her:

"Toh kya tum mujhse pyaar karti ho?"

"Maine aisa bhi toh nahi kaha. Chodo na Sameer please." Her voice lilted as her hand squirmed in his grasp.

" toh kya kaha tumne Naina. Batao please. Yeh intezaar mujhe maar dalega." His voice bore the brunt of the anguish inside him.

"Sameer dekho Ramdhaari bhaiya aa gaye hai mera haath chod do."

"Kyon chod doon, itni mushkil se tum meri pakad mein aayi ho. Ab Mai apna jawab jane bagair tumhe jane nahi dunga. Kya tum mujhse pyar karti ho?" He asked leaning further in, his nose nuzzling the seductive rose scent of her hair.

"Sameer bhaiya..hum...Woh.."  Ramdhari's voice broke the trance that Naina's hair had sent him in, Sameer jerked back.

He could hear Naina's smirk and feel the warmth on his cheeks. Sameer Maheshwari was blushing! The boy who could make a thousand girls blush with his one wink was getting crimson now. Kya kar raha hai Sameer? Naina ke saamne sharmayega toh woh khilli udayegi teri! He mentally reprimanded himself.

"Thank you bhaiya. Sameer yeh lo garam garam kadha piyo tum." Naina said, extending a cup of steaming hot strange coloured liquid to him.

Sameer had only had kadha once in life. It was when he was five and the last year his mother and father  had been with him. He had been sick for days on end, his mother had been by his side all along taking care of him. On the eighth day of his illness she had tricked him into drinking a bitter liquid claiming it to be caramel soup. Of course he had been too young to know there was no such things. The taste had been vile and he had cried from the sheer bitterness, only to have recovered completely by the evening. Over the years, when he had fallen ill, the memory of that bitter tasting kadha had sweetened to overwhelm that of caramel. As he had laid in bed, suffering alone, shivering from the cold; he had constantly missed the warmth that small cup of  kadha had provided.

"Sameer dekho mai janti hoon yeh bahut kadhwa hota hai lekin mai isse specially ghar se banakar lai hoon tumhare liye. Pehli baar banaya hai toh pata nahi kaisa ho par please peelo." Naina said looking at him, her hands around the cup, holding it with the utmost care.

If he had anymore tears to give, Sameer was sure they would have spilled down his cheeks. To know that she had not only come here to see him but had also gone to the trouble of preparing kadha for him nourished his soul to abysmal levels.

Naina gingerly blew on the kadha, trying to cool it down, but for Sameer she had just sweetened it with her essence, her taste adding to the flavour of her toil. He grasped her hand, which held the cup. Her warm touch mixing with the hot steam of kadha elicited goosebumps.

Looking deep into her dazed and darkened gaze he leaned forward to sip the liquid she had so painstakingly concocted for him. He didn't know what it should have tasted like because for him it tasted akin to how love felt. Warm, spicy, slightly bitter, but most importantly profound with several flavours. He was drinking pure liquid love, untouched and untainted by any artificial sweeteners or outside impurities.

For years to come, Sameer was sure he would remember this day as the one he had come to learn an important lesson about love: you can't chose who you fall for. Love is a divine emotion, something you shouldn't regret if you never get the one you love. Rather thank god for blessing you with the purest and truest sentiment he had to give. It took a special heart to love soulfully and profoundly, cherish its pain like you would savour the memory of your beloved.

There was, of course, another thing which had occurred that day but he learned years later from his wife Mrs Naina Maheshwari. The moment he had held her hand and drank from the cup gazing into her deep eyes: that was the first time she had felt her soul shiver. His touch had not just set her heart quivering but also stirred her soul: because that was when she knew she had found her soulmate.

Long update but that's all for today folks. Hope you all felt this was worth the wait. Please note that I will try to give weekly updates from now. So now look for the next update next Sunday.

Another important announcement for you all: if you have symptoms like Sameer know that you are not lovesick but rather have the coronavirus.

Marked symptoms: choking sensation, coughing, fever. If this is you please call and get help asap so you are cured early.

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