you think i'm the
quiet nerd in the back of the room
until i won't shut up.
i'm still a nerd to the world
except i am now both
too much and
not enough.

but when i try to include myself
it's too much
i'm too loud
too proud
too blind
to look around.

and i wish i could hurt
just to see
how it feels
to say
"yeah, i'm hurting too"
and finally mean it

but it won't
mean a thing
because it's still
them and me,
real struggle against
this farce i've put up.

i don't know a thing
about how hard
it really is
to keep on living.
and even if
i did,
how do i know
that i
care
enough to
hurt
in the first place?