Warning
Mentions of suicide
Text messages

Dazai's P.O.V.

Living with Chuuya has spoiled me bad. Home cooked meals almost every night instead of take out or convenient store meals. Access to a very nice shower instead of public baths or the ones at the Agency. A comfortable bed with the most gorgeous redhead curled up on my chest instead of a futon all by myself.

I thought it wouldn't be too bad, especially since it's only temporary. I, however, miscalculated because two days after the separation, I'm missing the two beautiful red haired chibis that gave my life meaning.

I had fallen so use to routine that it seemed wrong not to follow it. No set time for dinner, no feeding or changing the baby when she cries in the night, no waking up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. It made me feel so off.

Is this what Kunikida feels like when I mess with his schedule?

I was use to working, it was something I've had to deal with that didn't completely tie into my personal life at home. The problem now with that is-

"Dazai?"

I blinked, looking up from the papers on my desk at Haruko, who frowned at me, black hair falling off her shoulder as she tilted her head.

"Yeah, what's up?" I asked, leaning back in my chair.

Her frown deepened. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? Maybe you want to lie down for a little bit?"

I shook my head before using it to gesture at Kunikida working across from me.

"I'm not allowed to slack off at work or else mom disciples me," I teased with a smirk as I looked over at the blond man.

He glared at me for a moment before readjusting his glasses. He gave a sigh, "Honestly, I don't disagree with Haruko. You probably should rest a bit. You've been working hard on the case since you got back yesterday. You still have a concussion, you shouldn't push yourself."

"Not to mention, you miss Chuuya and the baby. All the stress will weight on you if you don't take a break," Haruko added in, concern lacing her voice.

She was sweet, wanting to help when she can as thanks for saving her. It was nice that she was worried but-

"I'll be okay, it's not the first time I've been away from Chuuya and besides, it's only the beginning of the day." I smiled at them.

"Dazai, you were here before the President was to work on the case. I can't think of a single time where you've done that in the last two years you started here."

I started flipping the through papers on my desk. "That's because I didn't have someone I loved possibly on the line." I leaned back in my chair, running my hand through my hair.

"I've gotten nothing so far. Everything is the same as the beginning of the case," I let out frustrated.

"Are you sure that what happened with your home and the case actually tie together?" Kenji asked sitting on his desk, his legs swinging from back and forth.

"It's possible that they may not be apart of same thing but as it stands right now, I can't ignore the possibility," I explained. "Not to mention, it seems too coincidental the house be wrecked while we were working on this case.

"Chuuya takes a lot of pride in securing our home and protecting us. Whoever did it must have done it to hurt his pride."

Haruko hummed. "You don't think it's the people who was apart of the kidnappings, do you?"

Kunikida shook his head. "It's hard to say. I would assume not though, since the ringleader of that was in love with Chuuya. I doubt she would want to hurt him."

"It's possible she was never in charge in the first place," I noted, picking up my pen to fidget with. "I think she was in cahoots with someone else who had another similar objective."

"A similar objective?" Kunikida questioned.

I nodded. "With Hasegawa's goal being Chuuya, his goal was the opposite."

"His? You mean know who's behind all the resurrections?" Jun'ichiro asked, coming up to stand beside Haruko and Kunikida.

"Unfortunately, but it's not going to be easy tracking him down. I've considered several locations for where he'd be hiding but all have turned up empty with not so much as a hair left behind."

"You're referring to Ota, correct?" Kunikida leaned back in his chair, hands folding one over the other in his lap. "The man that Chuuya and I had interrogated said that there was a man that had promised him protection. The description he gave fit that of Ota Shizuko."

"You're correct. Shizuko's smart and is filled with determination. Once he has an idea in his mind, he will fight for it, no matter how futile or foolish it may be."

I stopped fidgeting with my pen. "I would say I'm impressed by that, but even kings and great men have fallen because of foolish determinations."

"But how does he tie into the people coming back from the dead?" Jun'ichiro asked.

I sighed, shaking my head. "I haven't gotten that far yet, but I wouldn't put it past him figuring out a way."

I turned my head to my right, looking at the oddly empty space. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Where's Atsushi? He's supposed to work today, isn't he?"

Kunikida looked back up from his laptop, over at Atsushi's desk. "Now that you mention it, I haven't heard or seen him today."

"He may have went shopping with Doctor Yosano," Kenji answered with a smile. "She left not too long ago."

"She must have caught him before he made it in the door," Jun'ichiro joked, his voice showing relief.

"Caught who before they made it in the door?" A female's voice responded.

We looked over at the door where Yosano had just come in, Kyoka following behind her.

"Is Atsushi not with you?" Naomi asked from her place beside her brother.

"He wasn't feeling well this morning so I told him to rest a little longer," Kyoka said calmly. "He already talked with the President and should be coming in shortly."

"Not feeling well? I don't think I've ever heard that kid complain about being sick once," Kunikida stated, seemingly shocked.

I shrugged. "Doesn't mean he's immune. He probably doesn't complain because of how the orphanage staff must have treated him."

"The poor boy, I hope he feels better getting a little bit extra sleep." Haruko looked down at the watch on her wrist, one that matched the new looking one that Kunikida wore.

She looked back at Kunikida with a smile. "I got to get going, I have a class in an hour, but I can come by later if you're not too busy."

He looked up at her with a nod before standing up from his chair. "I actually have business over in that area. Why don't I walk you to the university?"

He looked over at me as he closed his computer. "I would tell you not to do anything stupid in my absence, but you seem focused mainly on this case."

I gave him a mischievous smirk, replying with an amused hum before speaking. "Yeah, while I slave away, you two better behave yourselves on the train ride there."

I watched as Haruko's cheeks flushed red and Kunikida bared his teeth, clenching his jaw. I was probably going to leave here tonight dead.

Kunikida didn't say anything about it as he gestured for Haruko to walk ahead of him but I could feel his unspoken annoyance at the comment.

They left right as I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it from my pocket, screen lighting up to a received text message.

I furrowed my brows and unlocked my screen to see who it was from.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Hey, is there anyway I could drop Miya off with you for a couple hours? Boss called a meeting for something and I can't take her with me.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Plus she misses you a lot.

Not only she missed me, Chuuya probably missed more, knowing the situation and not actually being able to do anything.

It's only been two days and I already want to hold them both in my arms and not go through with any of this. Unfortunately, that wasn't an option, not yet.

But-

[Dazai]: Sure, I can do that! Bring her up when you get here.

Just because we had to be separated, didn't mean I could see them, even if it was just because Chuuya had to work. Maybe it was a good thing, I would be able to physically see how the two of them were.

Another buzz came from my phone.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Should be there about 5 minutes.

Five minutes? Our house was about a fourty-five minutes drive here, and Kouyou's was another thirty the opposite way. Was he already in the city then?

"Everything alright, Dazai?" Yosano's voice spoke, breaking me through my thoughts.

I didn't look up from my phone, eyes focused on Chuuya's last message. "Yeah, I'm fine."

When I did look away, I didn't look at anyone as I placed my phone on the desk and pushed myself back. I reached under my desk, tugging at the corner of Miya's pack-and-play before pulling it out.

"Is Chuuya bringing Miya?" Naomi asked, voice colored with confusion.

As far as everyone knew, Chuuya and I had separated due to an unfortunate argument that took place at the house. They knew about the house being destroyed and that I obviously missed Chuuya, but they didn't know the true reason for me not letting Chuuya and the baby stay in my agency dorm with me.

"Yeah, he has a meeting to go to and can't take her with him, so he's dropping her off with me for a couple of hours," I answered, setting up crib like contraption.

"Well, at least you get to see them!" Kenji chirped happily, giving the mood a positive shift from the one that had began growing.

I smiled to myself. "Yeah."

Five minutes never felt so long in life. There had been many times where time had seemed longer than how it was, the anticipation building as every few seconds is checked.

There had been countless times that I had actually believed that my life would end on those seconds, in those long minutes with a blade to my wrist or a noose around my throat. There were moments that I watched the clock, waiting for the bottle of pills or the alcohol to poison me and finish the job I had failed to complete attempt after attempt.

Yet, nothing seemed to want to do it, to complete the task of killing Dazai Osamu. Not even the man I loved back when we hated each other.

Five minutes went by, I looked through documents to try to find something within them to move forward, when the sound of the office door clicked open.

I looked up, seeing Chuuya walking in with a car seat in hand. He was wearing a causal outfit, not at all dressed for mafia work.

I stood up, stepping over and leaning against the side of Atsushi's desk as he approached, setting Miya down on the desk in front.

"Hey," he said, looking up at me. He looked tired and stressed, like he hadn't rested properly for a few days. I couldn't blame him since I shared that stress.

"Hey, you definitely look work ready," I commented, hoping to tease him at least a little bit.

He rolled his eyes. "We were out with Kouyou getting lunch when the boss called." He held out his hand, offering the straps of the diaper bag to me.

I took it, the feeling of my hand moving around his gloved one made a shiver run through us both.

"Mori does likes his unplanned meetings," I joked to hide the tremor as I set the bag down on the desk.

"Tell me about it, if not for it, I would be on my back to Kouyou's house." Kouyou's house, not home. "But I figured I would have still stopped by so you can see the shrimp."

She misses you a lot. Chuuya had said. I miss you a lot. Is the unspoken half of the statement.

"Well, how about I see her then?" I chuckled, pushing myself off the desk. Chuuya stepped back so that I could come into view of the smaller redhead.

A reflection of my brown irises looked up at me away from the little fox that she clung to. Seeing me, her little feet start kicking excitedly in the car seat, a sweet little toothless smile pulling at her lips.

I smiled at her, reaching out and running my knuckles over her cheek. "Hi, baby, did you miss me?"

I wasn't expecting a verbal response, but when I received one, my chest aches.

"I have," Chuuya said softly from behind me.

There have been many times where Chuuya have spent days away for work. We were use to having weeks apart from each other, not holding one another in our arms.

But those times weren't forcing us away. Chuuya was free to talk me and I to him without worry of someone trying to destroy our relationship. Now, it was something we couldn't control because there was no telling what or who could be listening, ready at any moment to attack or use it to their advantage.

"I mean, she has! Missed you, I mean," Chuuya stuttered out, getting quieter as he spoke, cheeks blushing red.

Unable to help myself, I threw a smirk over my shoulder at him. "You know, Chuuya, you should probably speak up. I can't hear you from down there."

His expression went blank, like he was trying to process my words. When they seemed to finally hit him, he growled.

"Did you seriously just call me short?!"

I gave a dramatic gasp of surprise. "Wow! The tiny hat rack can talk! Who would have thought?!"

The look on his face was angry and annoyed, but the gleam of sapphire showed amusement with our usual bickering.

His tsked, "Whatever. I only came to bring you Miya."

"I assume that she's already eaten since you just had lunch?"

"Yeah, she should be ready for her nap here pretty soon, though from the looks of it, she may not since she gets to see you." Chuuya shook her one of her feet, making her blow happy little raspberries.

"We'll see, I guess." I turned so I was fully facing Chuuya now. This would have been the moment that I would lean down to kiss him goodbye, to tell him that I'd see him when I got home or when he came to pick Miya and me up.

To tell him I loved him in the most embarrassing way possible while all the others in the room watched and listened.

I took a deep breath and placed my hand on his shoulder, patting it as I gave him a forced, strained smile. "Well, thanks for the baby delivery! You should probably get going before you miss Mori's meeting."

And before I do something stupid and ruin the plan.

He nodded, gently pushing my forearm so that my hand would fall off his shoulder. "If you wanted me to leave you should have just said so, jackass."

He stepped forward, bending down to brush his nose over Miya's. "I'll be back to get you from your daddy in a little bit, okay?"

Miya made a hum, smiling as she held Chuuya's face with her small hands, not even taking up most of his cheeks. He pressed a kiss to her nose and forehead before slipping his fingers under his palms to free himself.

He looked down at for a few seconds longer before turning to me, mouth already up and speaking only to catch himself in time. "I'll be back in about two or so hours to get her. I lo- appreciate you still watching her."

I gave a sympathetic smile, wishing to hear the words he meant. "I am still her father after all. I try to do the best I can where I can."

He nodded before scratching the back of his neck. "Yeah," he said quietly, before pointing to the door awkwardly. "I should probably go."

"Enjoy your boring meeting!" I singsonged, deciding to shift my attitude in hopes of breaking the tense atmosphere.

That seemed to spark something in Chuuya. He gave me a mischievous smirk. "And you enjoy trying to do your work with an overactive two month old," he challenged with a wink before walking to the door.

I blinked in confusion as he exited the office with a laugh. Overactive? What is that supposed to mean?

I looked at the baby sitting on the desk, her attention now on the plush fox. She didn't seem all that hyper. Maybe Chuuya was trying to throw me through the loop with some false pretense.

*****

Chuuya was not lying when he said she was an overactive two month old. I was use to her infantile attention seeking after naps-

But not when she's supposed to be taking those naps.

I tried laying her down so I can do my work and she could rest, but everytime I laid her in the pack-and-play she'd cry and fuss, whine until I picked her up again. It's already been an hour and she still refuses to lay down.

"If this is how you are as a two month old, I feel bad for future Chuuya and I when you're two years old," I said, resting my head on my hand that was leaned on the desk, her back supported against my shoulder and side of my head.

She was sitting on my desk, playing with her fox as she hummed her made up tune.

I wasn't going to get much done while she's here, maybe I should take a nap, then maybe she'll finally take me.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I reached down to pull it from my pocket as best I could with moving the shoulder that Miya was currently using as a head and back rest.

I unlocked my phone to read the message.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: How is Miyako?

I glared at the phone screen, knowing that he was probably laughing on the other side of it.

[Dazai]: You set me up! You did something to make her not take her nap!

The reply came immediately.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: You accuse me of something even though all I did was bring you the baby? For shame.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: I didn't give her anything, I promise. She just missed you and is excited to see you.

It would make sense, she hasn't been able to see me for two days now and she probably misses seeing me in the mornings when I get her up.

The only problem with that is that she is literally ignoring me to play with that damn fox plush Kouyou had gotten her! The only attention she's giving me is to use me as a comfort tool!

[Dazai]: I haven't been able to get anything done because she cries when I try to lay her down.

I exited out of the message app and opened the camera. I angled it so it showed how Miya was leaning against me, her attention solely on her toy as I gave a tired smile before taking the picture.

I went back to my messages with Chuuya.

[Dazai]: File Attachment.

[Dazai]: Look at what your daughter is doing to me! It's like I'm not even here!

Chuuya replied with a few laugh emojis and some hearts.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: I mean, you do make a comfortable pillow.

I rolled my eyes, unable to fight a small smile. So much for keeping this away from flirting.

[Dazai]: Of course the pillow prince would say that.🙄

[Dazai]: Also, shouldn't you be in a meeting?

[My Lovely Slug<3]: First off, I wasn't always on my back, I liked to go for rides too.😉

[My Lovely Slug<3]: Secondly, we're taking a break so boss could take care of something.

[My Lovely Slug<3]: We just got called back. I'll message you when I get done.

[Dazai]: I'll just suffer, I guess.

I turned off my phone screen and set it face down on the desk before looking at Miya, who happened to look much sleepier a sluggish than she was.

I smiled, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek. "Finally, wearing down, huh?"

I went to pick her up, hopefully to lay her down for a nap. She didn't seem all that happy that I was moving her from her comfortable spot, kicking and whining.

She threw her toy in her little fit, knocking over a pen holder I had on the desk and slinging some of the papers from the case file over the desk, some slipping to the floor.

"Okay, okay, baby girl. Time to calm down," I turned her and held her against my chest, doing what I could to calm her tiny self.

Once she was quiet and her breathing was even, I lowered her down into the mat of the pack-and-play. Her eyes were closed and she was still, finally asleep.

I pulled her blanket over her. I reached up and grabbed her fox where she thrown it, placing it next to her for her to find when she wakes up.

Now that that was done, I had to clean up her mess. I looked at the papers and pens on the floor and desk, sighing at as started the clean up.

I got the ones in the floor first, setting them to the side as I reached for the ones on my desk, only to stop.

There on the desk was the file for the case, the one I had gone through over and over again for the last two days with nothing new.

Yet, it took one tired tantrum from a two month old for me to see it. It took a toy knocking over pens and leaking ink for me to see a clue that has been in front of me for two days.

It's only been two days-

And I had a lead.

I am here, semi-alive, but here.

To be honest, I haven't really had much motivation to write as of late (because writer's block is a bitch and I didn't know how to move forwards with the story.)

I've also been sick so that's another thing, but now I'm not... just distracted😅.

But anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed and I hope you all have a wonderful morning, noon, and night! Bye!!