I walked up the stairs of my apartment and I started to make my way to my study. This is where I make all of my paintings. I always tend to gain new ideas while I'm in this room, so of course this would be the first place that I go to during my day. I also go here at night, but I'm more focused on the here and now.

I walked into the room and I walked over to my daily quote calendar that Niall got me for my birthday. It's been my main source of motivation lately and this is the first thing I do before I start to paint. I walk over to my desk and flip the little paper so that it would show the next day.

"Stay away from those people who try to disparage your ambitions. Small minds will always do that, but great minds will give you a feeling that you can become great too." - Mark Twain," I read out with a faint smile on my face. The funny part of this is that this is something that Liam or Harry would say whenever I felt discouraged. When I was making paintings for others, they always had something nasty to say, but my lovers were always around the corner to give me another boost and defend me if need be. Of course that isn't happening now, but I hope that we get to that again. I don't need to defend me of course, but.... It's hot. Don't judge me either! If you had the boyfriend's that I did, then you would think the same thing.

Anyways, I need to start on this painting. I walked over to where my blank canvases were and I picked up a medium sized one. I placed it on an easel. I then grabbed a remote and pressed the play button. Relaxing music started to play and I now felt a little more at ease and my nerves were gone as I started to paint.

As I was painting, I would have moments where I would just start thinking about my former lovers. Then it just stayed like that. I was thinking about our relationship and how we are like now. Harry and I met up the other day and that reunion was definitely something that I needed. Because it gave the reassurance that I needed. That he was okay for one, and that he still finds me attractive. Also that he's defensive over the ones that he love. The fact that I still claim that spot is crazy.

Flashback
I walked up to the door that was to Harry's apartment and I knocked. As I waited, I heard another door open and I turned my head to see a random guy look right at me. "Where the hell does Harry find these men..." He mumbled, but he probably wanted me to hear him, because when I raised an eyebrow at him, he didn't say anything. "Who are you? Are you at least going to introduce yourself." "I don't share my information with strangers who obviously have something against me already," I tell him and turned to watch Harry's door.

"Is he running a business with you men? Because there was a new guy here last week and now it's you... We don't pro-" "If you're implying that Harry is some prostitute, then I highly recommend that you go back in that apartment of yours." "Or else wha-" 'Or else I'll knock you out myself," I jumped and turned to see Harry with groceries in his hands. He walked up to his door and placed his groceries on the ground. He then turned to look at his neighbor with a dark look in his eyes.

"You know, just because you see that you can't get what you want, that doesn't mean that you have to be a dick. I thought you weren't problematic, but after this, I don't want you speaking to me or anyone who comes here to see me. You don't matter to me, so leave," he demanded and of course with the tone of his voice... There was only a matter of time before he goes off and starts hitting him. He'd probably still wait for the first punch, but still.

The neighbor scoffed and walked away from us. "I apologize to each of you on his be-" "Don't be silly. It's not your fault that he's an ass and you didn't know that he was an ass until he met Louis for the first time," I interrupted, shaking my head. I was about to pick up the groceries, but he beat me to it. "Together or not, I will still not have any of you carry anything," he tells me. I smiled and shook my head before I walked into his home.

I literally waited for when he was all done putting all of the groceries up before I took my chance to hug him. I hugged him when he turned to face me. He chuckled softly before I felt his big, strong, and warm arms wrap around me. This still drives me so crazy, you have no idea. It really feels like I'm all alone when I'm  not around them. Because if you aren't able to get it now, my favorite way of feeling love is by touch. That is the main way for me to see if someone truly cares for me and loves me.

Anyways, when I started to pull away from him, he pulled away and smiled at me. "Are you really okay?" He smiled at my question and kissed my forehead before he answered. "Yes Z, I really am okay. Just need to go to my physiotherapist every now and again, but I am overall okay." "What is your limit now?" "Oh, I can carry you guys on my shoulders, but if you ask to sit on my back, then that is a bit tricky." "Well that's a good thing kinda. Especially since we are all grown and the chances for us to ask to sit on your back is pretty slim." He laughed and nodded my head. "That is true. Now, how are you Z? How is the art doing?" He asked and took a water bottle out of the fridge. 

"It has been doing well and so am I. How about you?" I asked and he shrugged his shoulders. "I was doing just fine, but I am still simmering down from that little moment that happened a minute ago," he says honestly and I sighed. "I know that he really made you upset, but I also want you to realize that a person like him does not deserve your energy or time. Thinking about it is only going to make you more upset and you shouldn't do that to yourself. Now if he tries to confront you and he makes it physical, then you have every right to protect yourself," I advised him and he nods his head while hisd hand mindlessly find its way to my waist. "I know... it's just that he really never made a big issue before..." "Maybe he just saw you have interest in other people that aren't him. He must really like you..."

"Well that is a bit disappointing for sure. The idea must be draining to even think about, you know? Chasing and falling for an already mentally taken man." "Mentally taken?" "Well I didn't want to make things uncomfortable for you and say 'an already taken man' but mentally, I'm already yours, so that's what I came up with." "Sure not physically?" I asked and looked at his hand that was still set on my waist. "Oh! I'm so sorry...." "It's not a big deal. Honestly, it's not. You already know my favorite way of showing love. I didn't say anything when you kissed me on my forehead." "I guess that's right..."

We enjoyed the rest of our time together by talking about anything that we could possibly think about. I was with him for most of that day and I ended up leaving at night. We shared a long hug before I left. I texted him later on and we progressively went into the group chat to talk about a possible hangout with all of us included.

Flashback over

I smiled at the thought of all that happened and this is just icing on the cake. When my friends brought it up, I never denied it. I know that we are going to get back together. I just think that we are now at the part where you are able to communicate with one another again and talk about what went wrong in the relationship a bit easier. We are getting to the part where we are working on our relationship. Which is a major sigh of relief.

What was also a moment that brought a smile to my face was when we graduated from college. We weren't together, but we still managed to show each other support and we made sure that we were all happy. Harry sent each of us flowers. Louis and Niall came up with the same idea and got each of us stuffed beards. Liam and I both thought alike and we got the others candy. We weren't around one another, but we still managed to think about one another. Still managed to make one another smile. Which was the start of me gaining hope.

When I blinked and looked at my art piece, I smiled and stepped back to get a better view. How is it that I always tend to finish a piece much faster when I think about them?

I took a picture of it and I sent it to the groupchat with the men that I still adore. After I sent a picture, there was an immediate response and the first one to respond was Liam, and then it was Harry, then Louis and the last one was Niall (due to him working). The positive feedback made me a bit emotional... The effect that they have on me is just crazy.

Liam: Absolutely amazing Z! So talented you are! I still look at the first piece that you gifted me you know?

Harry: This is so beautiful darling! So beyond proud of you! Words cannot express how talented and how amazing you are.

Louis: I can definitely see so much going for you Zayn. This looks so amazing!

Niall: My mom is asking if you can make one for her! That is how amazing it is. I so can't wait for there to be a day where I'll see one of your pieces in a museum.

The support from them is so amazing that it's actually making me tear up. I thanked them and of course, they each responded by saying that there was no thank you needed since they were only speaking the truth. I chuckled at this and turned my phone off. I moved the painting so that it was with my other finished works. I looked at my other pieces and I thought of the memory behind each one. Especially the first one that I made when we officially became a five way couple.

When they saw it, they were complimenting me like crazy. Sure it wasn't the five of us, but it symbolizes perfectly how I feel about the relationship and how important it was for me that I do whatever it takes to make them stay with me.

Now when I looked at my phone again, I saw that they were talking about who will be visiting who next. I wouldn't be able to make a visit for like a week, but I did promise who I was visiting next. Niall tried to tell me that he can always come to me if I was too busy, but I completely disregarded that idea.

I walked out of my studio, still texting my former lovers. Harry sent a photo of what he was going to be eating and that made me laugh a little. I really miss his meals... He would always scold us whenever we suggested doing take out and he made sure that no matter what day it was, he made sure to make a meal for us to enjoy. Especially when he knew that we didn't have a break or anything to eat. Louis would try to get him to relax, but when he says that taking care of us really does relax him, we just watch with a little smile on our faces.

When I was done talking to them, I sat on my couch and I just started to watch a show they Niall actually got me hooked on. Because of course he knows just how to make me interested in something.

They just have that effect on me...
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕