"Alright, I'll be right back. Are you sure you aren't going to need anything while I'm already out?" I asked my friends as they were just watching over their daughter who was in the middle of doing tummy time. I have been at their place for a couple of days now and I'm planning on heading home a day after tomorrow. I missed England. I also needed to pay my mother and brother a visit, so I needed to get back. Especially since I'm still working on my makeup business.

Yeah, I have been making a few moves lately.

"Yeah we're sure," Gabe tells me and coos at his baby girl. I smiled at that and walked out of the house. I walked to my car and once I got in, I started to make my way to the mall. There were some clothes that I wanted to get and this was like my last chance to get it. I got my paycheck from Dave's Bar yesterday, so I have enough money to spoil myself. My tips were going to my savings, so I was definitely being more than responsible with my money.

I drove up to the big building and I started to look for a parking spot. As I was doing so, I had a flashback of all of the times where the boys would come here with me and they would be the ones who would spoil me. I couldn't spoil myself because what they would get me would be more than enough. I would spoil them right back and it always made them chuckle, because I would always do it with so much determination that I guess the look that I gave off was cute.

They are the cute ones...

I smiled at myself and got out of my car. I locked it twice and walked to the entry of the building. I looked at my outfit for the day and I saw it as my true self. What was so weird is that after my breakup, I went back to my scared self. Like that time frame from when I was in a really toxic relationship. I was so scared to express my true self. I love to wear clothes like these.

The ex that I had made me feel really insecure about that. However the former lovers that I still love made me feel so confident about myself. When we decided to end things, I felt myself go back to that small place. Where I was scared to even wear jean shorts. You know what it took? It literally took for them to say that I looked good in fucking pajamas! Now, I'm walking around in the clothes that I actually enjoy being in. Instead of hiding all of the skin, I'm enjoying showing off my thighs.

"Now this is something that I know Harry would like to see me in. I think all of them would like to see me in this actually," I said to myself as I was looking at an outfit inside of one of my favorite stores.

"They always love it whenever I wear crop tops with my skirts..." I then said as I was walking to one of the dressing rooms. I got into the pretty clothes and as I admired myself in the mirror, I just knew that I had to buy it. Just in case I meet them again. Huh... I always find it silly whenever someone tries to impress someone that isn't theirs anymore, but here I am... Doing that exact thing. I mean sure, I am wearing this for me, myself, and I. However, if I bump into them, then there would be another reason right there.

I walked up to the check out desk and I smiled at the sweet lady as she was ringing me up. She complimented my outfit and we talked for a good while about fashion. We both exchanged tips and when we were done, she smiled and waved farewell my way.

I walked out of the store and I took a selfie of myself (with my shopping bag) and posted it to my stories on Instagram with the caption reading 'Always tend to think of getting some people to want me once again😘'. Which just made all of this funny. Each of us have no problem talking about the other on social media, but when it's face to face, it's a different story. I guess it's just cause we haven't been around each other to say such things in person, but I really hope that changes soon. I really miss running my fingers through their hair whenever we relax together. I also miss them checking me out with no hesitation. Sure they try to make it not weird for everyone else, but they fail each time. That sexual tension just grows more and more whenever we are around each other. Not all of the time though. Just when the moment feels right.

There are just things that the two of us do together that I miss the most. I hope what everyone says is correct. I really hope that we will be back together so that we can have those moments again....

I was walking through the mall and there were a few stores that had me think about my former lovers, so I went in and bought some things that I just knew that they were going to like. I took a mental note to mail them as soon as I get back home. Yeah, it isn't anyone's birthday, but I still want to do something kind for them. Random gifts are the best gifts. There were times where it was our anniversary and I literally thought that they had forgotten, but they would surprise me with a big bouquet of flowers waiting for me in the managers office. We didn't mind working on our anniversary. We always tended to request that weekend off and we would celebrate then.

I really do hope that we go back to that.

I was soon in the food court and I went to my favorite food place and went to a more distant place for me to be able to hear what I wanted to watch. Which was basically my ex boyfriends social media. I always catch myself watching that so much throughout my whole day and I honestly don't regret it. Like Harry posted a selfie and he was smiling. The caption read: 'I'm finally able to say I love me with no one's help.' Then the next story made me chuckle because it was just a message saying 'Well after so much therapy... I'm also able to tell everyone the time when I received another shot at life. I'm going to tell it later on today. #Worklife.'

"Wow. I never thought that I would see you again," I heard someone say and I thought it was a friend seeing another, but I did look up to see what was going on.

It was me...

The person standing in front of me was my freaking toxic ass ex and he was saying that to me. It made my nose scrunch up and I frowned at him. He then proceeded to take the seat in front of me without even asking.

How was I attracted to an impolite ass mother fucker?

"How has life treated you Niall?" He asked. What the fuck? He's so not acting like this, is he? He isn't acting like we are the best of friends now, is he? Not after all of the shit that he put me through back then... I was asking all of these questions in my head, but I just sighed and looked at my phone again. "Not good, huh?" He then assumed and I rolled my eyes and put my phone down. "I mean, I can only guess that when you separate from the ones that you saw as you 'oh true love'. Such a hopeless romantic you are... What made them break things off with you anyway?"

"Oh wouldn't you like to know, stalker. How the fuck did you even get that information? The only way that you heard of that is if you are still following me on social media. Which is weird since I blocked you on everything. Did you create a second account?" I asked with a curious look on my face. He didn't say anything and I just smiled. "Oh my God, you did! Just to follow little ole me. Quite a desperate little shit you are, huh? For the record, they didn't break up with me. I didn't break up with them. It was a mutual split. Something that you have never done in your life. Hell, the pioek that you got with after me were probably trashy too, huh?" I asked and he glared at me.

"Well I'm not going around buying clothes for them. You aren't with them anymore sweetheart. They don't want to get with you again either, so stop trying." "First off: Ew. Never call me that again. That seriously nearly made me want to puke. Secondly: That's most definitely something that a douche like you would want for me to do, isn't it? Just crumble and give up when there is something good that could possibly come out of this. Because while your stalking my socials and being a total creep, I have my other former lovers who still hope for us to become something again. They do want me darling- sorry can't say that either..." I said and gagged a little.

"Anyways, why don't you just turn around and go back to that shabby place of yours that you call a home and leave me and my love life alone. Because at the end of the day, I'm living while you're sulking. Oh and no, I'm definitely not even going to think about settling down with a below averaged man who doesn't even know how to please a man with even an inch of his life. A man who just satisfies himself and have me to my own pleasures on my own." "You are so-" "Full of the truth. You know how good these men are with me? They have me see stars by the end of each round. Oh yeah buddy, there were rounds. Now while you treated me like shit and ended things because I'm "too clingy" I have these men who love my clinginess, and they too attach themselves to me. Which is a whole lot better than you think. Grow up prick. It's time to grow up," I tell him lastly before I get up.

I walk away with a little smile and I looked at my phone again. It was not a lot for me to look at, but I did get a text from my friends. It was a photo of their daughter holding the plushie I bought her for her first birthday. I bought her a orange pig. Since Sarah told me that she has been gravitating to that color a lot lately.

You know what is so cute? When it was her first birthday, the boys actually sent dolls to my house and I sent them to my friends. They recorded a video of their daughter playing with them and I posted it to my social media with a massage saying 'She loves it! Hope that she knows that the gifters are lovely spoilers😝' They liked the post and left a heart in the comments.

Yeah, they really wanted to stay in my life in some way. I of course want to be in their life too, so I am always in contact with those that they trust and who actually cared for them. Anne did tell me that there was something that needed to be said, but she only said that her son is the one who needs to say it. Which always made me feel really anxious...

Was it about the big message that he sent us? Was he trying to tell us something that I actually didn't catch on to? I was thinking deeply about this and when I got into my car, I shook my head and went to my messages. I saw the group chat that was not touched in some time. With Harry's message being the last thing that was said in the chat. I looked up and I took a few deep breaths.

Was this a good idea? I thought to myself as I was staring at his message that made my heart flutter once again as I read it for the third time now.

What do I even say after that? I then thought and placed my forehead on my steering wheel.

I need to say something...
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