We didn't bother unpacking when we got home.

Instead, we gathered what we would need for the night and the next morning, mainly hairbrushes, toothbrushes, and nightclothes and left everything packed in boxes in the living room. Unpacking could wait, we were all too hungry and tired to care about the mess it made. Mrs Smith had made supper for us at our usual time, but since we had been gone for so long and it would not keep, she had eaten it along with Mary and Helen.

Father saw the funny side in it and asked if we could have some sandwiches made up for our supper so at least we had something to eat. We ate in the dining room surrounded by boxes with me reading through my notes for the debate and Mother and Father explaining to Mrs Smith, Helen, Mary, and Marsh, how we had succeeded in our mission to save the house. We felt like one large family rather than house owners and staff.

Even Miss Smith couldn't believe what had happened, although more in response to my behaviour than anything Grandmother had done. It seemed like she believed it to be something Grandmother would do.

"It sounds like you put up a good defence, Miss Isabel," Mrs Smith said.

"Mr Dietrich helped, and if I hadn't read Uncle Christopher's books, I never would have had a clue about what I was doing."

"You did it all on your own merit, Isabel, books or no books. Even Mr Dietrich believes you did a good job and he only caught the end of it. He never would have invited you to spend some afternoons with him if he did not believe you would do a good job," Father said.

"Well, it had to have been good if you're able to keep this house," Mrs Smith said. "I cannot imagine it if this house fell into the hands of Mrs Ealing."

"I don't think any of us can."

"Thanks to Izzy, that won't happen." Mother smiled at me.

I smiled and nibbled on the corner of my sandwich, wishing everyone would stop talking about what I did at Mr Greenway's office so I could read my debate notes in peace. They all acted like I had done something really impressive in the office, but I didn't feel like I had. All I did was state the facts that we knew with the backing of Mr Dietrich, there wasn't anything special about it and I knew that Uncle Christopher, or even Mr Dietrich, could have put forward the same case and with better wording.

For the rest of the evening, I read through my notes and tried to ignore the conversations going on around the table. Father had a more relaxed and laid back attitude to everything, and even asked Mary and Helen questions about their lives as a way to get to know them. We knew them as well as we could given the time we spent with them had been limited to time due to them working for Grandfather. Still, at least keeping the house meant no one would lose their job.

After supper, I hopped up to my room to go through my notes one final time before the debate the next day. Even after what had happened in Mr Greenway's office, the idea of giving that speech terrified me to no end. In the office, I had a reason to speak and something that pushed my anger a little more and meant that what I said, mattered more than anything. At school, I wouldn't have that feeling to grasp onto and I worried that I would never be able to speak if I didn't have that motivation.

All week I had been preparing for this debate but I had the feeling something would go horribly wrong the moment I stepped up to speak. My preparation could be for nought if I couldn't find something to push me into speaking from the heart and make sure I believed in what I said. Our families future relied on that meeting with Mr Greenway, whilst I didn't even know if we were being marked for the debate.

How could I find the right motivation for this project to make sure it succeeded?

A knock came at my door and I pulled my eyes away from my debate sheet and looked towards the door. "Come in!" I called.

"Just me bringing your scheduled glass of water," Mother said, poking her head around my door.

"Excellent, although it is odd to have scheduled glasses of water."

Mother laughed. "Perhaps, but at least you are hydrated." She walked into my room and placed the glass of water on my bedside table, pausing to read the notes over my shoulder. "Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"Terrified."

"Don't be. You've spent all week preparing for this and, considering your future prospects, this should be right up your street. I'm sure it will be fine, today proved you are good at arguing and you didn't have the same amount of time to prepare."

"But what if I'm not convincing enough? Today, I had a reason for the things I was saying and they meant something because if I didn't say them, we lost the house. I don't know if we're getting marked for this debate or if it's just for fun so I don't know if there are any stakes involved. If I were to become a lawyer, there would always be stakes involved, someone's life and future in my hands, but this debate doesn't have the same feeling."

"Does it need to have a stake or a purpose?"

"Yes! If it doesn't, I can't say what I need to say with any conviction because they won't mean anything. No amount of preparation and memorising lines on a sheet of paper can give me the conviction I need to drive home what I'm saying."

"Then surely your belief is enough. You believed in the words you said today, more so than your father and I would have had we put the same argument forward. If you believe in the words, then everyone else will. That's more important than whether or not anything is at stake with your words. However, if it really does matter to you that this argument does have stakes attached to it, then create them."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Pretend this is a debate taking place in Parliament, that you are the one putting forward the argument and it is your words that will determine whether women are allowed the vote."

"Alright, I'll try."

Mother smiled warmly. "Good, now get some sleep. You don't want to be tired tomorrow and reading over these will only make things worse."

She took the notes from me and walked around to my dress where she placed them lightly on top. If I wanted them, I would have to cross the room on my crutches and I had already resigned myself to staying on my bed until the morning, just to give my hands a break from the crutches. Mother waved a little at me as she left the room, switching the light off and plunging me into darkness.

I sighed and crawled back across my bed and shuffled under the blankets, staring into the darkness. The words of my speech bounced through my mind and I knew that sleep would be a next to impossible feat, no matter how tired I felt. I could never turn my mind off when I had a big event the next day such as exams, and although the debate wasn't classified as an exam, it sure felt like one. All I could think about was how much could go wrong.

Everything.

Despite Mother's reassurance that I would be able to succeed, that night fear consumed me and I knew I didn't sleep for even a second. Instead, I stared up at the canopy and tried to turn my brain off, but I knew I stood no chance when the sunlight started to stream in through the window and the birds started to chirp in the trees.

When the sunlight started to stream in, I gave up all attempts of sleep and instead pushed the blankets off, grabbed my crutches and hopped over to my speech. I sat down at the writing desk and tried to recite the whole thing by memory. Although I had the speech down the night before, this time the words failed to come and I found myself checking the sheet every few seconds because I couldn't remember my lines.

The debate would be a disaster.

That knotting sensation built up in my stomach to the point it made me feel sick. The rope around my chest returned and although it wasn't as tight, I still struggled to catch my breath. My hands shook, my heart rate sped up and the room lurched to the side as I fought to calm down and keep my breathing steady. I stood up from the desk despite the spinning room and changed into my school dress, stuffing the sheet into my satchel and leaving my bedroom.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Mother asked when I hopped into the dining room after sliding down the stairs on my bottom.

I shook my head. "Too nervous."

"You need to get some food into you, that will help."

"Or it will just mean I have something in my stomach to vomit all over people when I get up to speak."

"What's this about vomit?" Father asked, pulling a face when he entered the room. "You're going to be fine, Izzy. Have some toast, it should help settle your stomach and, if it doesn't, Miss Smith has some ginger in the kitchen that will work."

"I don't think anything is going to help me."

"At least try it."

Even though I didn't think it would work, I nibbled on the corner of some toast until Father declared it time to leave. The toast did not help to settle my stomach and I only felt worse when we all filed into the car for the drive into the city. Marsh looked like he was about to make some sort of comment but a quick shake of Father's head stopped him from saying anything. In truth, I wished he had just so I had something else to think about.

The ride into the city felt like it took no time at all compared to previous days. It felt like we arrived before I even had time to blink and the closer we got to the gates, the worse I somehow felt. The rope got tighter, my hands shook that little more and I knew I wouldn't make it through the speech without vomiting.

Maybe Evelyn could give the speech. She had helped me to write it, she knew what we wanted to say and she would be better at it than me. All I had to do was ask. Surely she would take the reins from me if she saw how much I hated the idea of giving this speech.

At least with Mr Greenway's office, I didn't have to think about it since it all happened so fast and Grandmother's stare and the thought of her gaining possession of Grandfather's house spurred me on. This time, I had had all the preparation in the world and I still didn't feel ready. I didn't have Mr Dietrich off to the side who could back me up when I needed him and I didn't have Grandmother to push me that much further.

I would be on my own and the thought terrified me.

"Are you ready for today?" Evelyn said as I removed my things from my satchel and hopped over to my seat. Mother and Father had gone to speak to Miss Reid and the other parents who had been invited to watch, including Evelyn's mother. They were all going to watch me make a fool of myself.

"No. I'm terrified," I said.

"You'll be fine, you've practised for this."

"But practice stands for nothing if I get up there and make a fool of myself." I dug my nails into the wood of the desk.

"Izzy, calm down. It's going to be fine."

I shook my head. "But what if it's not? What if I get up there and forget what I want to say or fall over on my way to speak or no one believes in what I'm saying. This is going to be a disaster."

The rope pulled tighter.

"Wait here."

Where else was I supposed to go?

I sat at the desk and tried to focus on my breathing, but that became harder the more I tried to slow it down. My heart thumped away and I could have sworn everyone else in the room could hear it too. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and calm down but nothing worked, not even the grounding technique I had tried before.

It felt like I was spinning out of control.

Footsteps approached me but I didn't open my eyes or even acknowledge them. Someone placed a hand on my shoulder and I could hear someone speaking, but they sounded further away, like they weren't in the same room as me or were yelling through water.

"Izzy? What's going on?" Father's voice washed over me, concern lacing his words.

"I-" I fought to catch my breath. "I can't do this. I can't breathe."

"Right, let's get you outside and get you some fresh air. Everything's going to be fine."

How could it be fine?

~~~

A/N - We are back with Chapter Thirty-Three and only 2 chapters away from the end! News of the sequel will be coming when I've worked out the kinks and everything so keep an eye out!

Questions! Do you think Izzy will be able to take part in the debate? 

Comment below!

First Published - December 7th, 2021