"How was your day out?" Mrs Davidson asked at supper.

"Good," Evelyn said.

Nancy nodded. "We had an interesting conversation at lunch and I think Isabel has a better idea of her future prospects now."

"Definitely. I got to see my cousin today, albeit only briefly."

"Nancy seemed rather smitten by him," Evelyn teased. In response, Nancy knocked her in the shoulder but even she couldn't fight the blush rising up her cheeks.

After lunch, Sebastian had been able to step out of the kitchen when the lunch rush had died down to see us. How he found out I had been there, I didn't know, but I was happy to see him nonetheless. Uncle Matthew worked so much and in various places all over the city that we rarely got to see him or my cousins unless there had been a pre-arranged family meeting or a coincidence.

The moment he had appeared, Nancy appeared a little smitten by him and couldn't even get her words out in a cohesive fashion. She stuttered and stumbled over everything with Evelyn and me giggling away in the corner. We spent the rest of the afternoon teasing her about it and I couldn't wait until I next saw Sebastian so I could tease him too. He wasn't exactly the smooth gentleman he always thought himself to be.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon walking through the city and peering in various shop windows. I had had the smart idea to bring a small amount of money which I kept in my dress pocket and allowed me to purchase a small notebook. Usually, I never purchased something like that unless it was for school, but I thought a notebook might serve me well in the long run, especially when it came to my anger. Perhaps I could manage it better if I wrote it out.

"Nancy's got a sweetheart, Nancy's got a sweetheart!" Martha teased in a sing-song voice.

"Don't tease your sister, Martha. Your time will come soon enough," Mrs Davidson said, resulting in a glare from Nancy, who looked fed up with the constant teasing.

"It was my first meeting with him, there is nothing going on between us."

"A first meeting? That implies the possibility of a second one!" Evelyn exclaimed.

"Don't you start, Evelyn."

"Alright, that's enough. All of you."

Evelyn leaned over to me. "Please tell me you're going to tease your cousin."

"Most definitely."

I laughed and turned back to the supper in front of me, tucking into the chicken and trying to ignore Frances who had started to flick her peas across the table. The Davidson's were a perfectly normal family. They teased each other, flicked peas at each other and got on with each other rather well. It didn't seem dull in their house at all, or quiet. Something was always going on and it was a stark contrast to my life at home.

Other than that earlier sensation of anger, the feeling hadn't reappeared for the rest of the day and I had this calm sensation running through my body. Being away from home, away from my parents allowed this feeling of calm to consume and it didn't feel like I was being stretched until I snapped in two. I needed this break, far more than I realised when Evelyn had offered it to me. It gave me the chance to clear my head.

Although I had this calming sensation, I knew that the anger was only lying dormant, hiding beneath the surface until the next opportunity arose. It would never be gone permanently, not until I learned to control it and I couldn't spend all my time at the Davidson's. I would have to return home, I would have to see Grandmother and Aunt again in the future. They were all unavoidable and with the anger hiding just below the surface, I didn't know when it would next erupt.

"I enjoyed today, it was fun," Evelyn said when we returned to her bedroom that evening.

"Agreed. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun and I have an idea of what I might do beyond school."

"You'd make a good lawyer, especially after the argument you presented to Miss Reid about the handkerchief. I thought you would be in trouble for sure."

"So did I." I laughed. "Truthfully, I only stitched the frogs because I like them. There was no other reason."

Evelyn looked at me with wide eyes. "I thought you were being serious! Your arguing skills must be good if you had me convinced."

"Mother once said I could argue for the country had the opportunity presented itself."

"Now that, I would love to see."

Evelyn laughed and turned to the dresser where she pulled out her nightgown and then left the room to change. I thought back to our conversation in the restaurant and the idea that Nancy put forward about me becoming a lawyer. The thought had never crossed my mind before because I always thought it would be unattainable because I'm a woman. There were so few opportunities for women, even less so once they got married and I never considered the idea that it could happen.

Still, Nancy was right about times always moving forward and changing. For a few months, the idea of women's suffrage had erupted and people had started to push for our right to vote. The Government continued to push back, but they weren't giving in and it gave me a slight slither of hope that change would come, that there would be more opportunities for us moving forward. I wanted to be part of that, I wanted to be part of a movement that brought new freedom's forward.

Grandfather had always said that he expected me to do great things, to go far in a world that worked against me and I intended to do just that. He might not be around to witness it anymore, but that only spurred me forward to follow through with it. I had to do it for him.

Evelyn returned a little while later in her nightgown with her dress and stockings tucked under her arms. I copied her actions and took my nightgown from my suitcase into the house washroom to change. When I returned, Eva was moving some of her pillows to the bottom end of the bed for me.

"I'm not sure if I kick in the night so if I do, I apologise," she said.

"Mother once said I looked like a fish caught in a net when I sleep so if anyone should be apologising for potential violence, it's me." I tucked my dress into my suitcase.

"We'll both wake up covered in bruises if we're not careful. Maybe we need some sort of wall."

"I already have one bruise, what's another?" I smiled.

"Where'd you get the first bruise?" Evelyn tilted her head to the side, almost surprised that I hadn't mentioned it before. I hadn't felt the need to and I wished I hadn't said anything about it; that was not an avenue I wished to go down.

"It was stupid really. My aunt stopped by last night when Mother and Father weren't home. She wanted to go into Grandfather's room but I wouldn't let her. Apparently, she didn't like the idea of me getting in her way."

"She hit you?"

I shook my head. "Pushed me into a door handle. I have a lovely bruise now."

"That's ... extreme."

"Mother said she always had a prominent mean streak so I suppose I should have been more careful or just let her into his room," I lied.

Although I never wanted to lay another hand on a person, including someone who had hurt me, I would do it all again if it meant she stayed out of Grandfather's room. That was his private space full of his things and no one, especially not her, had any right to touch it. I knew we would have to clean out his room eventually but I wanted to hold onto it for a little while longer.

It had been almost two weeks since the sinking and yet I still didn't fully comprehend or understand that Grandfather was gone and would not be coming back. I still expected him to walk through the door at any second; I half expected him to be there when I returned from Evelyn's. It was a stupid belief and one I wanted to shake but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get rid of that feeling that I would see him again.

Evelyn didn't mention the bruise again or how I got it, but she did construct a sort of wall between us so that we wouldn't kick each other in the night. Even if I never said it, I was somewhat glad she had done it since I didn't want her to accidentally kick me in the back and I certainly didn't want to kick her in the face. I hadn't been lying when Mother said I looked a little like a fish out of water.

We settled down to sleep with me at the bottom of the bed and Evelyn at the top. I laid there, my hands resting on my stomach, and stared up at the ceiling above me. The curtains were thin and a small slip of moonlight lit up a spot above me that I just couldn't take my eyes off of. I knew I would have trouble sleeping in a new place, even if it was for one night.

A soft knock came from the door and someone lightly pushed it open, a small face appearing in the crack.

"Frances? What are you doing? Mother said you're to stay out of my room," Evelyn said. She sat up on her elbows and stared at the door.

"I couldn't sleep, can you tell me a story?" Frances asked.

"I can't. We don't have the room for you to sleep in here tonight."

"Please?"

"She can stay, I don't mind. Maybe she can be the barrier between us rather than the blankets," I said, smiling slightly.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Positive."

"Alright, come here."

Evelyn and I dismantled the pillow and blankets that acted as the wall and allowed Frances to crawl across the top of the bed. She buried herself into the blankets beside Evelyn who sighed loudly, but she didn't appear all that surprised by Frances' arrival. It appeared to me to be a pretty common occurrence.

I settled back down in bed, rolling onto my side so I could face the window. Outside, a bird cawed and leaves rustled when a gust of wind passed through the branches on a tree. The wind hit the window pain and I heard Frances whimper followed by the slight shushing sound of Evelyn. She mumbled something about the strip of moonlight on the ceiling and I could feel Frances shuffling around so she could look at it.

A little while later, Evelyn started to mumble a story to her younger sister. She spoke of gallant knights riding into battle against a monstrous dragon in order to save his one true love from the beast. I had never heard this story before and assumed that Evelyn had been making it up as she went along, something that I thought to be rather frequent since she never stuttered or paused whilst telling the story.

Deep down, something ached. Just hearing Evelyn tell that story awoke something in me, something that I had pushed down and hoped to forget about. The grief I felt towards Grandfather's death bubbled up inside me, that feeling of sadness that I would never see him again and hopelessness that I didn't feel like I had anyone to share it with. Mother and Father had appeared to move on, they would never understand.

Soon enough, that anger reappeared. I could feel the two emotions battling within me, one wanting to come out on top more than the other. The grief got pushed back down, buried deep in a place where I would never reach it and the anger settled itself on top. The anger about Mother and Father forgetting Grandfather as quickly as they had. Anger about Grandmother and Aunt Matilda. Anger at whoever allowed the Titanic to launch without the right amount of lifeboats.

Most importantly. Anger towards Grandfather for getting on that ship in the first place. He didn't have to go. He could have stayed behind, but I knew why he got on that ship. Grandfather didn't want to, he had said himself that he thought the trip to be stupid, but he went on it anyway.

Why?

Because Father has pushed him too. It was Father who had convinced him to take the trip to America. Father who had told him that nothing would happen, that the ship would never sink because it had been built so well. He had pushed him, forced him to do something he never wanted to and now Grandfather was gone and I would never see him again.

Grandfather died and it was all his fault.

~~~

A/N - Chapter Fifteen! We have finally hit the section of the story that I really enjoyed writing, not that I didn't enjoy writing all of it. I'm so excited for what's to come and I hope you are too!

Questions! What do you think about the reveal at the end? Do you think Izzy's anger is justified? 

Comment below!

First Published - August 18th, 2021