"She had this determination in her eyes, this beautiful gleam that made me ache to hold her."

There were not many people who could say that they had seen Robyn as frustrated and upset as she was now for the girl had been raised to behave with propriety and control over herself, and yet, here she was stomping as much as any girl could as she moved through the people around her, not minding as she shot elbows carelessly at the people who got too close or got in her way.

It was the only way that she could keep herself from letting the anger that festered under her skin from seeping out in sparks that would lead her to trouble with so many different people. Fingers itched to dig into her thighs with her nails, to leave behind the crescent indents on pale skin that only her own eyes had ever seen, to dig and dig until blood drawn red and bright seeped from small little cuts. It was a very violent thing that she had never truly done before, it was only a thing of her imagination but it worked well to calm her mind enough to make it home, her brother Rodick awaiting her around the back where he worked the horses through the field to collect the harvest that was fresh and ready for picking.

His sleeves were rolled up, dirt had already stained the ends and Robyn could only imagine the labour she would need to clean that one shirt alone.

"Was father in when you went to see him?" Rodick called to her.

Nodding, she re-tied the fabric of her apron around her, tightening the knot before she bent to help him with work. "Aye, where else would he be?"

He tossed a clump of dirt at her, smiling all the while. "Just asking, sister. He is not always in when I go."

Her fingers twitch, a flash of panic running through her as she realized how careless her father was becoming if he was allowing himself to nearly be caught by her brother. As much as she cherished her relationship with Rodick, he still was not the brightest man yet there had been dumber men that had figured out much more difficult things.

"I was not aware of this. I can speak with him of it if you wish," she offered, knowing very well that she would never truly bring it up to her father, the man was more than likely off with his dark-haired beauty somewhere that they were probably more likely to be caught.

It was overwhelming, the amount of sin that Robyn found herself surrounded by daily in a constant stream from places that had never imagined she would be faced with.

Her brother shook his head and looked up to the cloudy sky with a furrow in his brow. She could see the rain that was approaching, the way that the wind picked up and the temperature dropped the longer they stood out in the field.

She had a thought, an incorrigible feeling of want to see what Alec would look like wet, standing out in the rain without a care or how soft his skin would feel under the tips of her fingers - she imagined it would be smooth, unimaginably smooth.

Forcing such thoughts away, Robyn helped Rodick work through as much of the field as she could before the first few drops hit the thick fabric of their clothes. Truthfully, Robyn was ready to head inside much sooner had Rodick not been worried over what their mother would say. The woman was incredibly harsh most times, something that the girl had associated to the distance that her father placed between them. Not finishing up in the field was almost a crime in the eyes of the woman.

Eager to save herself from the unnecessary cold, she darted inside the home with Rodick close at her back ensuring that she got inside safely. Their mother was waiting, frowning out the front window and down the small path that leads into the heart of the village, no doubt expecting the appearance of her father. Robyn knew that he would not come, not until after the rain.

"We did not have the time to finish before the weather changed, mother," Rodick said, running a hand through his fiery hair to shake away the wetness that clung to the locks.

Their mother didn't respond, attention fixed to the window, and Robyn could not bear to stand around watching the pain play across her features as guilt bubbled up in her throat with a harsh sting. She moved forward, grasping her mother's thin, frail wrist gently and guided her away and encouraged her to rest in the sturdiest chair around their humble table.

Hair tied up in a tight knot atop her head similarly to her own, covered firmly by a bonnet, was slowly, carefully undone allowing for long, greying blonde hair to tumble free, soft against the daughters awaiting fingers as she brushed through the tangles free.

Rodick paid them no mind, averting his gaze from the vulnerability of the gesture to put a pot to boil, finishing around the various jars that were stacked onto shelves for what he thought would be a soothing, comforting tea.

Her mother sighed, leaning forward and dropping her head into her hand as she breathed a shivering breath, eyes darting to the window and the rain that began to pick up to a steady pour.

"Perhaps you should rest mother," Robyn suggested as she braids the hair back loose and out of the way. "Father will be home not too late and we will prepare supper this evening."

The woman mumbled something too low for either of her children to hear, and slowly rose herself to her feet shuffling from sight and leaving the two to share a nervous glance.

It was no secret to them that their mother had been growing progressively ill over a few short months. The once strong, unmovable woman was now someone with a weak voice and shaking hands from a cold that was not there but took hold of her thin limbs nonetheless. It was worrying and gave them something to fear together as their father remained blissfully unaware, neither daring say a word upon the request of their mother.

There were no doctors to ask, the only once close being a few elderly midwives and a man who claimed to have studied medicine in the town over. Rodick had voiced on many an occasion that they ought to go out in search of help but their mother was always somehow aware of their plans and put an end to them before they have begun.

Once the door to their parents' room was firmly closed Robyn sighed heavily and felt some of the built-up tension fade from her shoulders before grabbing a multitude of vegetables for a light stew, eyeing the salted meats and bread that were going to be more than enough for the week.

Rodick started a fire for the larger pot, filling it with water that had been set aside to prevent needing to go to the well.

"She is not getting any better. Why is it that Father has not seen how ill she has become?" Rodick asked her quietly, staring at the flames that were beginning to lick higher and hotter.

"He is very busy, nor is he infallible. Father cannot notice all," she tells him. "It would be best to just tell him outright, Rod, he will need to know soon."

"Why should we tell him anything when he cannot see what is directly before him," her brother hisses, hands clenching tight as his sides. "Does he not share a bed with her? Does he not see the pain that he causes his wife every minute he is late, every moment she is forced to worry for him?"

She is assaulted by flashes of the dark-haired woman with her cheeks flushed a healthy rose and happiness that twinkles in her eyes. Never had her mother truly appeared so, never in a way that was caused by her father. "We cannot interfere when we were specifically asked not to. She does not want him to know."

"Well, he must know if we wish to get help for her!" Rodick shouts and Robyn jumps to her feet, hands held out before her as she whispers for him to silence himself. He takes a deep, calming breath before speaking again. "Mother is convinced that prayers will heal all but it is not the case. She must see a doctor."

Biting her lip, Robyn takes up the knife and resumes cutting the vegetables. "Father will not approve, even if it is known that medicine is the answer, he will state that this is the will of the Lord. We cannot say anything."

"Then what?"

The red-head tilts her head down, away from his prying eyes as she tries to hide the thoughts of her father and the other sorts of sins he would be able to commit in the name of love if the loss of their mother would be one he could consciously commit. "I'll write to Mary and request that they call on the doctor for us. She will do so with a haste that neither of us would be able to accomplish."

Her words seem to relax him and he settles himself down in a seat across from her, pulling out a knife and slowly, shakily cutting the rest of the vegetables until they were left with enough for her to put together the stew with swiftly, throwing in a few bits of cooked meat from their breakfast for texture - dubbing it as complete once she decided to no longer want to work on it anymore.

There was only so much she could prevent her brother from knowing, only so much she could do to hold the small threads that were their family together. Rodick was too simple, too emotional; her mother was becoming a ghost of what her heart once was, a fragment of herself that her father was too consumed otherwise to take notice, sinning as though his soul was something to offer away, to gamble with for a woman that made him feel in a way her mother never could.

Robyn truly felt as though she was going to be swept away by the force that was her family destined to perish at their hands.

Peering through the window out into the rain she felt her heart stutter in her chest at the sight of a lone figure standing on the path, the beat it played in recognition of her love was something that she could not understand as she could hardly see through the obscuring weather, yet still her body moved on its own, racing to the door and ignoring the shouts of her brother as she darted off after his retreating back, his name parting her lips in a shrill cry.

Alec continued to move away, his shoulders tensed despite the way she could see him shivering from the cold and Robyn wondered how long he had been stood under the downpour.

It was incredibly daft, running away from her home so recklessly, but there had always been this magnetic pull to Alec that made Robyn want to do ridiculous things just so she could have the opportunity to glimpse his smile, to covet it away as her own.

He stilled when she reached him, Robyn's skirt resting in a puddle at the feet and she reached a hesitant hand to touch his shoulder only for him to flinch away from her. She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, feeling very much like it was her heart that had lodged itself in the small, constrictive place.

"I just wanted to make sure that you had gotten home safe," he told her, ducking his head low, she watched as a raindrop trailed down the slope of his nose from the hair that was stuck to his forehead. "I know that you are often visiting your father throughout the day."

Robyn nods, wiping water from her face, she tilts her head up to look at him better not minding the small, cool taps against her skin. "Thank you, Alec, but I'll be worried for you and your return home now. I cannot in good conscience leave you to walk home. Please come inside, let me make you tea."

"I could never come inside, it wouldn't be proper," Alec stuttered.

"Damn propriety, Alec, I refuse to have you fall ill on my behalf," she argued hotly. "Join me inside and leave the consequences to fall upon myself."

"People will talk, Robyn, they will curse you as much as they do me."

"How could you possibly concern yourself with their opinions after all that they have done to you? Forget what they say, let me deal with their petty words."

Alec sighed, a miserable thing that made her heart ache. "Leave me this small victory of seeing you without prying eyes. I will be content with this alone."

He turned to leave then, taking swift steps away from her and it took everything to keep from grabbing him back and holding him to herself stubbornly.

"I have already made the mistake of losing you once before, Alec, I won't do so again!" Robyn called after him. "I will prove to the world that we belong together, Alec, even if it is the last thing I do, I swear it. Have faith that we'll be together in the end!"

"Her determination was this terribly dangerous thing, something capable of burning away the rain as it fell fresh - I ought to have paid closer attention to the fires around her."

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2019-01-11