CHAPTER TWENTY
FINLEY        BRIGGS

Even if Finn hadn't been drunk, she still would've felt completely out of it.

She kept thinking about Phineas, the stupid, fat, old, big, blind, annoying seer that he was. The entire interaction with him displaced Finn so far that Percy, Hazel, and Frank had actually noticed her despondency. It took Percy nudging her and Finn chugging the rest of her flask for Finn to even be able to resort back to her usual behavior.

Your insanity will kill even yourself. Join that alcoholic of yours in being Gaea's suffering victim, Phineas had said. I heard an interesting little fun fact about Gaea, you, and your mother—

As the boat sped down the Columbia River, Finn tried to forget. She tried to drink more. Unfortunately, the latter didn't always result in the former. To distract herself, Finn watched as Ella and Hazel made Ella a nest out of old books and magazines they'd liberated from the library's recycling bin.

They hadn't really planned on taking the harpy with them, but Ella acted like the matter was decided.

"Friends," she muttered. "'Ten seasons. 1994 to 2004.' Friends melt Phineas and give Ella jerky. Ella will go with her friends."

Now she was roosting comfortably in the stern, nibbling bits of jerky and reciting random lines from Charles Dickens and 50 Tricks to Teach Your Dog.

Percy kneeled in the bow, steering them toward the ocean with his freaky mind-over-water powers. Hazel sat next to Frank on the center bench, their shoulders touching. Finn was on the bench she shared with Percy before, but now that he wasn't sitting on it, she thankfully had a bit more of space. She never seemed to be able to get enough space. No matter how much she drank, no matter how much Finn pressed the stupid heels of her hands to her stupid temples, she always felt like she was being suffocated by the weight of her existence.

Every second of every day of every life, Gaea's voice reminded her, you are afraid. I have known you since you were born. I have known since your first breath that I am going to break you.

Finn's eyes squeezed shut, as if that would drown out the Earth Mother's words. She'd heard it all before. She didn't need to be reminded of it, nor did she want to.

Predictably, when her magical flask refilled with water, Finn turned it into wine.

She wished she wasn't so predictable. She wished she was unknown. She wished Gaea had never found her, and never knew her, and never learned—just like Gaea had said—how to break her.

The river widened into the ocean. The Pax turned north. As they sailed, Frank tried cheering Hazel from her seasickness by telling stupid jokes—Why did the Minotaur cross the road? How many fauns does it take to change a lightbulb? Finn tuned him out completely, because if she heard one more, she probably would have cursed Frank.

The sky started to darken, the sea turning the same rusty color as Ella's wings. June 21 was almost over. The Feast of Fortuna would happen in the evening, exactly seventy-two hours from now.

Finally Frank brought out some food from his pack—sodas and muffins he'd scavenged from Phineas's table. He passed them around. More than anything, though, he focused on Hazel, who was also still queasy from interacting with Phineas.

"It's okay, Hazel," he said quietly. Finn pretended not to hear. "My mom used to say you shouldn't try to carry a problem alone. But if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay."

Hazel took a shaky breath. It was hard for Finn to act like she wasn't curious. She picked at her muffin, hiding the nosy glances she sent Hazel's way.

"You were right," Hazel said, "when you guessed I came back from the Underworld. I'm... I'm an escapee. I shouldn't be alive."

Then it was like a dam had broken. Hazel's story flooded out. She explained how her mother had summoned Pluto and fallen in love with a god. She explained her mother's wish for all the riches in the earth, and how that had turned into Hazel's curse. She described her life in New Orleans. She described the Voice, and how Gaea had slowly taken over her mother's mind. She explained how they had moved to Alaska, how Hazel had helped to raise the giant Alcyoneus, and how she had died, sinking the island into Resurrection Bay.

She spoke mostly to Frank, but Finn, Percy, and Ella were listening as well. When Hazel had finished, Finn was overcome with... well, something closely relating to awe, she was pretty sure. Hazel just told them all of that—She had been holding in all of that, and here Finn was. A girl who had suffered less, and still couldn't bear the weight of anything that had happened to her. She couldn't even utter a word of it.

So, surprising or not, it was Finn who said, "You sacrificed yourself to stop the giant from waking. I could never be that brave."

Hazel flushed, like she was expecting to lose everyone's favor instead of gain it. Her hand was shaking, so Frank held it firmly.

"It wasn't bravery," she insisted. "I let my mother die. I cooperated with Gaea too long. I almost let her win."

"Hazel," said Frank. "You stood up to a goddess all by yourself. You did the right thing."

Percy made a noise of agreement, but then looked as if he'd had an unpleasant thought. "What happened in the Underworld... I mean, after you died? You should've gone to Elysium. But if Nico brought you back—"

"I didn't go to Elysium," she said dryly. "Please don't ask..."

But Hazel trailed off, waning backward for a moment. She swayed like she was a sheet of paper without a weight to hold her down.

"Hazel?" Frank asked.

"'Slip Sliding Away,'" Ella muttered. "Number five U.S. single. Paul Simon. Frank, go with her. Simon says, Frank, go with her."

Hazel had no idea what Ella was talking about, but then Hazel blacked out again, clinging to Frank's hand.

Frank went unconscious too.

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Finn and Percy were pretty worried about their friends' unconsciousness, but Ella assured them everything was fine. Hazel and Frank were "sharing," and it was for the better that they were doing this. She wouldn't say why the two passed out, and Finn and Percy couldn't get her to say.

So now it was (besides Ella, who Finn was dutifully trying to ignore) just Finn and Percy left to themselves. In a small boat. As hours passed. With nothing to do.

"Hey," said Percy, "can I ask you a question that may piss you off?"

Finn wasn't surprised. They were both quite ADHD, so it was inevitable for one of them to try and cure the boredom. 

"All your questions piss me off," Finn muttered. Percy shrugged.

"You can say no to this one if you want," he told her.

Finn's eyes narrowed. "...What?"

Percy stared at her a little longer, still contemplating if he should ask his question, even when Finn gave him permission to do so. It made Finn nervous. Her fingers twitched with the desire to drink more wine, so that's exactly what she did.

"What really happened between you and Jason Grace?" Percy asked finally.

Finn froze. Her flask lowered down to her side. Ella's wings fluttered curiously at the question. Finn tried to ignore that and Percy's stare. She looked out at the ocean instead, even if it made her sick to her stomach.

Percy told her she could say no. Finn wanted to say no.

And yet—

"He was my best friend," Finn admitted.

She didn't know why that was the hardest part. The most embarrassing part, even. It killed her on the inside, the fact there was proof that she and Jason once shared a bond so deep not even Finn herself could comprehend it. Finn had chose the Fifth Cohort so she could be with Jason. Finn had gotten off of probatio because she was saving Jason.

But the whole friendship was a mistake, and she hated him for it, and she hated that other people knew it didn't always used to be that way. If Finn could erase all the past memories from everyone's minds, even her own, she would do it in an instant. She wanted to burn her whole past down and leave nothing behind, not even one whisper of what once was.

"Right," Percy agreed. "Reyna told me that."

Something nasty curled at Finn's heart. She let out a horrible laugh. "Reyna couldn't keep her mouth shut about me. Who's shocked?"

Percy tilted his head as he analyzed her. He sighed, almost understanding, or maybe even guilty.

"I'm not saying I believe what she says about you," he said. "I just want to know more. From your perspective."

It was at this point in the conversation that Finn was reminded Percy Jackson was probably the weirdest person she'd ever met.

"Well," Finn sat on her hands uncomfortably, "there's not that much to say. We were friends. We understood each other—I mean, I guess I thought we did."

She didn't always hate Jason. Just like how she didn't always drink alcohol.

"I don't know," she said, because this was hard to talk about. "Was there ever just—a time you wish you could go back to with Sylvie? When things were easier?"

Percy fell silent for a few beats. Finn still refused to look at him, so she didn't know what his actual reaction was. "Just being around Sylvie makes things easier. So—I mean, I'd go back to when we weren't apart."

"Sylvie," Ella nodded suddenly. "Silviana. 'Forest.' Two earths will battle, but one must fall—"

"What?" Percy asked, voice so desperate Finn looked back at him. He looked just as frantic as he sounded. "Ella, do you—Are you talking about Sylvie? Like, my Sylvie?"

"'I Don't Know,'" she muttered. "Sung by Paul McCartney. Released by Capitol Records."

"Wait, Ella, please," he begged. "That was a line from the Prophecy of Nine. Does that—It means Sylvie? What does it mean?"

Ella just repeated, "'I Don't Know.' Sung by Paul McCartney. Released by Capitol Records."

"Skipper," Finn broke in, almost empathetically. Percy seemed as if he was about to burst into tears. "I'm sure Sylvie's fine. She's not the one suffering amnesia and missing his entire past life."

It was meant to be a joke light enough to cut the tension, but it didn't land as she intended.

"But I haven't forgotten her," Percy emphasized, and—yes. Finn knew that already. "She doesn't know that. But she has to. She can't be forgotten. I promised," and those last two words made his voice crack.

Finn sighed. She couldn't "act like an uncaring hater" her way out of this one.

"Well, you haven't broken your promise," Finn shrugged. "And you can tell her that when you see her again."

Percy's hands shook as he played with the ring around his necklace. "She gave me this ring, you know," he blurted shakily. "I remember now. It was—It was going to be passed down to her, but... she gave it to me instead."

Finn finally understood. That's why he was so desperately clinging onto the piece of jewelry. It was the only physical connection he had with Sylvie anymore.

"You really love her, huh?"

Percy nodded. "And I miss her," he added, sounding so miserable.

Finn copied his act of nodding, because she was feeling so awkward and didn't know what else to do. If Percy wanted words and comfort and wisdom, Finn really wasn't the right person to look at. Well—no one really looked at her. So Finn didn't really look at them. She turned her gaze back towards the surrounding sea, thinking.

"I met Jason my first ever day at camp," Finn divulged. Maybe Percy would feel better if Finn actually answered his question. "I was getting a tour of Camp Jupiter, and someone's curious ass was not-so-discreetly following me the whole time."

Finn thought recalling her introduction to Jason would make her feel lighter, but it only made the heavy pit in her stomach grow. It reminded her that, when Percy had mentioned missing Sylvie, Finn's first thought was Jason Grace.

"Anyways," Finn swallowed the shakiness of her voice, "we became friends after I caught him. He was... nice to me. And I guess I was nice to him. Neither of us were really used to that."

Her hands were shaking again, something she only realized because they instinctively removed themselves from under Finn's legs. Instead they reached for her flask of alcohol, drinking more so as to loosen her tongue.

"I learned how to turn liquids into wine when I was twelve," Finn said. It didn't sound very relevant at first—just a sad fact put into perspective of how long Finn had been like this, and how young—but it really, really was. "That's... I mean, that's how all of this started."

This meant the tragic downfall of Finley Briggs.

"It didn't start out bad," Finn promised. Percy was so quiet that she felt the need to defend herself. "I mean, I was just trying it out, really. But I learned that—Well, being drunk is easy. It helps you ignore... shit you want to ignore."

The deafening silence on Percy's end put Finn so much on edge that she looked over at him. She couldn't read his expression, but she could tell he was listening. Very intently, at that. It almost shocked her.

"Stuff like..." Percy seemed timid to continue, "about what Phineas said—?"

"Don't," she interrupted. Her eyes fell shut. This wasn't even anger, just exhaustion and pure desperation. "I can't... talk about that. One vulnerable story at a time, please."

Percy let out a huff of air that made Finn feel a little better. Her poor attempt at deflecting the question had somehow worked. She found herself once again being grateful for Percy Jackson (which, ew—she could never say that aloud).

"Right. I'll wait 'till level four of friendship to ask about that."

Finn opened her eyes, the corner of her mouth curling up slightly. "Nah, that's at least a level ten."

"And what level am I at?" Percy asked.

"Negative three, probably."

Percy's grin grew more amused. "Of course. Continue, please."

It took a second for Finn to remember where she left off. "Um—Oh, well... Yeah. I mean, once I started, I—I couldn't stop. I wasn't even trying to. It got to a point where the rest of camp started noticing. They hated me before, but this was... different."

"Wait," Percy interjected, contemplative. "Reyna said you stopped being friends three years ago. You would've been thirteen. Not twelve."

Finn stiffened. She didn't think she was going to have to go into detail about every piece of information right now, but somehow Percy knew a lot more than she believed.

"Thank the gods, you can subtract," Finn commented, though she really wanted to curse them. "Fine. J—" it hurt too much to say his name right now, "Grace tried... helping me stop. I guess. And he'd defend me to the other campers, but everyone was wondering why a guy like him was wasting his time on a girl like me."

Finn felt teleported back to when she was twelve years old. She could almost hear everyone's judgment in her ears. She could remember how bad of a headspace it put her in.

"It started getting to our heads," she continued. "That last year we were... pretty tense. Jason preferred becoming what all the other Romans wanted him to. I didn't want anything to change. One argument led to another. Suddenly he's telling me I'm too far gone to be worth any more of his time."

The memories rushed in. Heels of hands found temples. Finn wished she was the one with stolen memories, not Percy.

"He said that?" Percy asked, like he genuinely couldn't believe it.

"It's whatever," Finn brushed it off, because she couldn't answer him directly. "He's just a dick. At least I know that now. I wish I didn't waste my time, either. But... I mean, it's kind of hard for you to be so angry when you're seven."

Finn heard Percy let out a considerate hum. "Angry," he echoed.

"Huh?" her brows pulled together, but it made her feel like Jason, so she had to stop. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You never said you were angry at Jason before," Percy worked together. Finn was just about to protest when: "But you are. You don't hate him—you're angry at him."

Finn stared at him. For a long time, at that.

"You're at friendship level negative four, by the way."

Percy gaped in offense. "Oh, come on—"

"I hate him," Finn insisted, because saying it was easy. "Trust me, I hate him. And I'm angry at him. And I think he's a selfish, uptight dick who should jump off the top of the principia."

The hatred came easily to her. It was always easy for her. She remembered those three years at Camp Jupiter all the time—the deep trench of bitterness that had grown so volatile between Finn and Jason that they could barely stand to breathe near each other.

"I could run you through with my spear," Jason threatened. "I should."

Finn grinned madly, even if the tip of Jason's spear was pressing into her neck. Even if the look in Jason's eyes was deadly and insane. She was probably drawing the madness out of him, on accident of course, but she certainly wasn't upset about it.

"My blood get you going, Grace?" Suddenly her gun was against his temple. "I should lodge a bullet in your brain."

They stood like that, silent and unmoving. Jason panted angrily, keeping his spear threatening Finn, right where he wanted it. Finn was alive with ecstasy, imagining what Jason's brains would look blown out on the grass beneath them.

They were the closest they'd been in a while, but only in a physical sense. This way, Finn could spot the sweat dripping down Jason's skin. She could focus on the scar dragging through his lip. His eyes dripped down too, and—

"Centurion Grace!" a voice shouted.

Both of them stumbled apart, mostly by Jason shoving her away with a startled jolt. When Finn gained her footing again, she saw it was their current praetor, who did not look happy at the little spat.

"I get Briggs can't be controlled, but you?" Their praetor glared. "I expected better behavior from you!"

Jason looked chastised, and Finn was glad to see it. She hoped he was embarrassed and guilty and shameful. He should be.

"I—Sorry," Jason apologized hastily. He tried consoling himself, adjusting his armor and turning his spear back into its coin. "I apologize, I... shouldn't have done that."

But the apology was thrown towards their praetor, not to Finn. Never to Finn.

"No," their praetor agreed. "You shouldn't have. Now get back to your duties so I don't have to report this."

Finn laughed humorlessly. "Yeah, Centurion Grace. Go back to being Rome's good little soldier."

"Shut up, Briggs," Jason growled, under his breath for only her to hear.

Finn only smirked at him, wider.

Just as quiet, she teased, "Make me."

"Are you sure?" Percy asked. The vision dissipated. Finn was back on a dingy boat in the middle of California's ocean.

"What?"

"You keep doing that hand thing," he analyzed. For a second, he copied the notion of putting the heels of his hands to his temples. "Like, I play with my necklace. And you try bashing your head in."

A sharpness overtook Finn—it made her shoulders tense and her mouth curl into a scowl. "Because the thought of Jason Grace makes me want to bash my head in. Quit trying to be deep about it. Not all of us are hopeless idiots missing the stupid loves of their stupid lives."

So, Percy might have touched a nerve there.

"Sylvie's not stupid," Percy said, like the defense was automatic.

"Negative five."

"I've got to at least be a two," he argued. "You even called me Percy earlier."

Which, Finn absolutely did not believe happened. Her confusion must've shown on her face, because Percy smiled, and she'd never seen the fond gesture of his directed towards her.

"Right after I drank the gorgon's blood. You called me Percy."

Finn would like to argue, but she thought, horrifyingly, that Percy might've been right.

She didn't say so, of course. That would've ruined her entire careless front.

"I don't know what you're talking about, skipper. Negative six."

Percy just laughed, and Finn couldn't tell whether to throw him off the boat or return his grin.

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BAILEY YAPS...

Aka Jesus duo solos your favs and they're the only thing getting me through this act in my time of missing Sylvie Duvall

New fav chapter of mine? Maybe

So naturally every time Percy talks about missing her it's actually me living vicariously through him. But everyone's asking for a Sylvie return and guys be careful what you wish for because. Well. You will SEE!💜

Also Finley and Jason's relationship is the most complex thing to me like every time I go more into it I'm just like wow. Not even Finley herself understands them. Do I even understand them? Does anyone even understand them?

HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND THAT WAS THE WORST PART!!!