WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
028 ⸻ Reaching Out

December 21st, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

"Stop it." Lux's head was pounding hard enough that she thought her brain might explode entirely. Part of her hoped it did, just to torture Snape with the concept of chunks of flesh flying at him. No doubt he would hate that.

He grimaced, and she knew he'd heard her violent thoughts. Even so, he didn't address them, rather saying, "Believe it or not, I'm not enjoying seeing you get assaulted much myself. This is not to my liking, but you asked me to do this. So if you want me out, you need to work on your fucking blocks."

"It shouldn't be this hard!" She whined, knowing she sounded childish as she did, and caring little for it. He'd seen her in so many awful ways, what harm would one more humiliating display of emotion do?

Snape scoffed, shaking his head. Looking down at her over his large nose, his lips were curved in a sick sort of amusement. "You think it's supposed to be easy? Occlumency is a difficult task to master. Or maybe you're just not up to the task."

Her eyes narrowed.

"Fine." Lux gulped, attempting to rearrange that brick wall she knew how to build, that grew stronger and stronger with every go, but never enough to fully keep him out. There was always a crack in the bricks, a fissure only someone like Snape could locate, and used all his strength to rip apart.

When she was fully prepared, she met his eyes, backing up slightly. "Try again."

She regretted it the moment he slammed into her mind.

"Get out!" She shouted over the rushing in her ear, briefly mistaking it for the the crashing waves of an ocean. No, it was no ocean, it was blood rushing throughout her body as Torquatus brought a makeshift whip to her back, over and over and over, the night Philip had brought her back from Elias's flat, leaving his corpse to rot until someone stumbled upon it.

Though she couldn't feel the pain this time around, her past self was screaming, sobbing, held up with chains and swinging over the ground like a rag doll. She hadn't remembered it occurring that way, had thought she'd maintained a general aura of composure during her torture. Had she truly been that pathetic?

No matter. It didn't work, her begging both then and now. It never did. The memory only faded when Snape had enough of seeing her brutalized. Maybe even he had enough of the blood — or perhaps it had something to do with her lack of a shirt in the vision.

For a long, winded moment, the pair were silent, Lux instinctively crossing her arms over her chest as if concealing herself.

Then, Snape spoke, tone indifferent in comparison to the weight of his words, something beyond the realms of an alliance and dipping toes into concept of more — a friendship. "You've really gone through hell, haven't you?"

"Maybe I'm messing with you," Lux offered with a dry, humorless laugh. "Maybe I'm making up the memories to get you out of my mind, since I'm shit at blocking you."

He shared in her lack of amusement, either not understanding the joke at all or simply glossing over it. "Considering you didn't even know I could perform Legilimency until October, I highly doubt that. Besides...you can tell when a memory is altered. It feels fuzzy. Animated, almost."

"How do I read minds?" She blurted, a question she'd wondered for a while now, but never had the courage to ask.

He shook his head. "I'm here to teach you how to block Legilimens, not to become one yourself. Besides, I wouldn't know how to begin to teach that."

"Well someone taught you, didn't they?" Lux took a step towards him as he shook his head once more, this time amusement began to paint his lips.

"I taught myself."

"Then teach me."

"No."

Her eyes narrowed in on him, fury spiking in her. "Why not?"

He turned around, inhaling a deep breath, then back at her again. "It'll drive you mad, knowing how everyone thinks about you. Knowing people's personal feelings towards you, how much they hate you, think you nasty and disgusting and weird. Trust me, Lux, by saying no, I'm doing you a favor."

"Lux."

He blinked. "What?"

"You called me Lux. Until now, I've only ever just been Erzsebet to you."

She watched as his face morphed into one of disgust, a rejection of the implications surrounding what she had proclaimed. "An accident. Slip of the tongue. Don't let it get to your head."

"Why would I? What presumptions would you assume I'd have over the usage of my first name? That you view me as human?"

"You aren't human," he reminded her, not bothering to mask the disgust in his tone at the lecture. She flinched, the only reaction she'd show at his words, though when he continued, he dropped the insults he seemed to use as both sword and shield, and spoke matter-of-factly. "You, by all means, should be dead, but you're not. That's why we're allies, as you well know. You know how to evade death, which is something I wish to do in this war."

"A lot of people have passed through my life, Severus. People smarter than you, stronger than you. Where do you think they are right now?"

She watched in a mixture of shock and awe as his lips twisted into a sick sort of smirk, the kind of amusement only someone like Snape would see in such a statement, coming from someone like Lux. "They got on your bad side. I'll play the part you wish me to."

For some reason, offense struck her. "I'm not some master you need to appease with false kindness and prettied up words."

"You've threatened to kill me more than once," he pointed out, and not without merit.

"If you're looking for an apology, you won't be getting one. You had it coming, threatening a vampire so carelessly. I had to put you in your place." Lux backed away from him, moving to sit down atop a desk. With a playful sort of grin, she kicked her feet back and forth in the air, a lightness entering her she so often found herself floating in recently. Something to do with Sirius and Remus and the newfound sort of limbo they found themselves dancing upon, maybe. Or perhaps, for the first time in her life, despite the ongoing turmoil, she was simply happy.

Happy. She found she quite enjoyed the concept of that.

Maybe she shouldn't have been, considering the memories she'd just been immersed in, or the fact that the Coven knew her location and were making a beeline for it. Maybe she should've packed her bags the moment she'd been informed of it and left, but instead, she simply allowed herself to bask in the hint of serenity she'd found.

That was, until Snape shattered it. "I heard the Coven's coming to Hogwarts, then?"

Her gaze darkened, legs ceasing their movement and brief glance at happiness evaporating into dust. "I told you to stay out of my mind."

He tilted his head to the side. "What are you going to do? Kill me? I may be biased, but I don't think that would be wise. After all, who will teach you to block Legilimens if I'm dead?"

She didn't dignify him with a response, the implication that she relied on him, needed him. "The Coven can't touch me in the castle."

"But you're going to the Potter's for Christmas."

"They live in the Cornwall suburbs. The Coven is headed towards the Scottish Highlands. Last I checked, they can't apparate, and they can't use a floo to a home unless they've been invited in, which I highly doubt the Potter's have. We'll be fine."

It was something she'd told herself over and over, battling with her internal paranoia. Only this time, she wasn't positive it was just her brain playing tricks on her. Her paranoia had kept her alive for all these years, perhaps it wasn't wise to disregard it so easily.

One thought of Sirius and the disappointment he'd surely face at her hand once more if she were to deny him had any anxieties melting away, no longer relevant. She was fed up with letting him, and in turn herself, down.

His nose twitched, but he didn't press the subject further. Instead, he too leaned against a desk, fiddling about with his wand. "Do you want to go again, then?"

She thought, considered it for a moment, then shook her head. "I'd rather leave for break with a semblance of peace in my mind."

"What, reliving your worst memories with me as a witness isn't filling you with the Christmas spirit? Color me offended."

She rolled her eyes, that lightness from before fully seeping into her now, mixing itself about inside her bones and stretching out across her lips. "You know, you're not too bad when you're alone."

"When I'm alone?"

"Away from those pricks you call friends," she elaborated. "Those bastard Slytherin friends of yours that you keep at your side, like something horrible will happen if you don't."

She watched as he rolled his eyes, not quite disputing her claim. "I don't think I've ever referred to any of my Slytherin comrades as friends."

"Maybe not, but comrades is significantly worse. Last I checked, we aren't in the Soviet Union."

He released a breath, a noticeable shift in his demeanor. Gone was the small moment of lightness between the two — Lux figured, despite her irritation, it was probably for the best. They weren't destined for anything beyond their strange alliance. Certainly nothing good would come out of a friendship between the two.

With eyes narrowed, he broke their silence, saying, "You're one to talk, hanging about with Potter and Black all day."

"James Potter is not my friend," she said firmly, crossing her arms. "And Sirius isn't all that bad once you get to know him. He's just...a bit much."

Snape barked a humorless laugh. "Much. That's one way to put it."

"Why do you hate them so much anyways? Other than the obvious?"

"The obvious?" He lifted a lazy eyebrow, though she could see his anxiety lurking beneath the surface. "Pray tell."

"Your infatuation with Lily, and the fact that James has her and you don't. It drives you mad, I can see it in your face every time you look at them."

Snape's jaw shifted, a certain kind of darkness entering his gaze that she'd yet to see on him before. "You're no better, lusting after two men. At least pick ones who aren't going to die."

"Remus and Sirius won't die!"

He shook his head. "Look at the war, Erzsebet. Look at what's coming. You really think your precious boyfriends are smart enough to keep themselves alive when those around them start dropping like flies? Maybe for a bit, they'll be fine. But sooner or later, they'll be dead, and it'll just be you and me."

"Isn't that what you want? For them to die, since you hate them so much?"

"I wouldn't lose any sleep over it," he admitted with a heartless shrug and the inhale of his breath. "Those boys, the four of them...they're cruel, and they're dangerous, in ways I'm certain you don't know about."

"What are you on about?"

He bit down on his lip. "It's nothing I can say."

Lux blinked.

"Just trust me on this, yeah? They're not the kinds of people you want to hang around."

"And you are? With your blood supremacy and your foul nature, you expect me to drop them for you? Why the hell would I do that?"

If he was offended, he didn't show it. "I have little expectations regarding you."

She wasn't sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult, nor could she begin to tell how she felt regarding such words.

"Lupin wasn't in class today," he pointed out after a silence passed between them.

"And?" She lifted an eyebrow. "He's always getting sick, isn't he? I'm sure I'll see him on the train tomorrow."

"Yes, he's sick quite frequently. About once a month, actually," he said, voice emphasized, as if that was supposed to mean something to her.

Lux shrugged. "Suppose he's got a shit immune system."

"Right..." Snape looked as though he was about to speak more, elaborate on what it was he was so fruitlessly alluding to, but before he could get another word out, the door to the little classroom they so often found themselves meeting it was being pushed open.

Fulk seemed just as surprised to see the pair as Lux did him, his already pale skin going a ghostly white as he made eye contact with her. In the past month, he'd been resigned to the life she'd exiled him to — one in which she had no role in, outside of passing comments in the class she was forced to attend. He'd given up using his efforts to get her to speak to him, to believe him. None of it mattered, not anymore, and she was certain he was aware of this, which was why she knew he couldn't have found them intentionally.

Though the surprise went away as quick as it came, replaced with a smooth sort of smirk, leaning against the door frame with a hand rested just above his head. "Have either of you stumbled upon a missing cat? It seems as though our Groundskeeper Hagrid has lost his newest pet."

Lux refused to look him in the eye. "Does it look like there's a cat in here?"

"Suppose there are plenty of places a feline could hide," he said as he stepped fully into the room, leaving the door ajar behind him, creaking on unstable hinges. "Hope you two don't mind."

"We were just leaving," Snape grumbled, moving towards the door. Lux began to do the same, but one look from Fulk had her stopping, an involuntary halt of her body. Perhaps it was one final attempt to retrieve answers from the man she knew would never provide any, or perhaps she found she could dig the knife in deeper than she previously had with her promises of hatred. Whatever it may be, it held her in place like a fist, wrapped tight around her body and squeezing down just enough.

Snape lifted his eyebrows, eyeing her up and down, but didn't question it. When he'd vanished through the door, shutting it behind his fast steps, Fulk turned to Lux, wearing the same curious sort of expression. "You're spending your time with Severus Snape now?"

"Not intentionally," she lied, folding her arms over her chest. "I just happened to run into him."

"You seemed quite content with him."

"He's a pain in the arse," Lux insisted, glaring at the door in which Snape had left through as if to prove this point. "Content would be a severe overstatement."

Fulk, who was leaning over, opening various cabinets in search of this mysterious cat, let out a scoff. "You're more willing to spend time with him than with me, I take it?"

Her eyes narrowed in on him, but she took the bait like a child might anyways, grabbing at it with her fangs despite being well aware of what it was. "Severus Snape doesn't keep necessary information from me."

Fulk exhaled a breath, but unlike her, didn't jump at the opportunity to fight. "How would you know? Do you spend a significant amount of time with him?"

"Don't turn it into something dirty. He's just an ally."

"An ally?"

She shrugged, shifting against the desk she'd been leaning on. "It's none of your business."

"Maybe not," Fulk agreed, shutting the final cabinet shut. "No luck on the cat."

"Pity," Lux mused.

"I saw your name wasn't down on the registry for staying here over break. Where are you going? The Evans' household? I hear Lily is going to France."

"The Potter's, actually" she answered, before wondering if she should've. Maybe it should've remained a secret from Fulk, where it was she was spending her holidays. She doubted he had been the one to leak their information to the Coven, but he'd yet to make it up to her, yet to do anything to prove his innocence in other aspects.

He'd lied to her about something as important as the Coven, and in her eyes, that made him the greatest of sinners.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Fulk asked, running a hand through his dark hair. "The Coven knows where we are, if they somehow got a hold of that information..."

Lux lifted an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. "Why? Are you going to send Adelais to strike me down?"

"Lux, you know I didn't—"

She lifted a hand, cutting off his speech. "Spare me. I have little use for your excuses."

"They aren't excuses, it's the truth! You know it's the truth, too. If you truly believed I'd betrayed you to the Coven, wouldn't I be dead by now? Wouldn't you have killed me?"

He had a point, though it felt horrible to admit it, even to herself. He hadn't betrayed her, and thus himself in the process, to the Coven. She knew he wouldn't do as much. But facing that meant facing a much worse fact: someone else had.

"Who else would've?" She asked, genuinely wishing for an answer, because as she ran through her mind, she came up blank. Snape had no motivation to do so, not when they were allies, nor did Albus Dumbledore, but who else even knew what they were, let alone who to turn them in to?

"That's what I've been trying to figure out," Fulk said, stepping towards her.

She flinched on instinct, moving away, and then watched as hurt flashed over his eyes. It went unaddressed, though she knew he'd seen her reaction, guilt beginning in her stomach and peaking out in her own eyes. She swiftly blinked it away, reverting back into neutrality.

"I've failed to come up with anyone," he admitted. "But you need to be safe. I don't trust half of the people you spend your time with, and that's not adding Severus Snape into the equation. Remus Lupin reeks of danger, Sirius Black is as reckless as they come, and don't get me started on Potter and Pettigrew—"

"Leave them alone," Lux interjected. "They've not done anything to make me not trust them."

Fulk scoffed. "You trust them but not me? You've known them for mere months."

"I did trust you," she pointed out, not masking the irritation in her tone, the anger of having to repeat herself over and over when he knew very well what he'd done to lose the trust he so dearly craved. "I trusted you with my life, and then some. Then you withheld knowledge of the Coven from me. They'd do anything to shove a stake in my heart, and you knew as much. How can I possibly come back from that?"

He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers as sorrow riddled his expression. "You know my reasoning. I will not repeat myself, only how sorry I am."

She shook her head, pushing herself away from the desk. Stepping towards the door, she announced, "I should get packing for the Potter's."

Fulk inhaled a breath. "Lux, are you sure going to the Potter's is a good idea?"

She didn't answer him, the concern that laced his tone and shone in his eyes. Tempting as it was, there was little more to say on the topic, just further express her fury and more deeply, her hurt. Instead, she walked out the door, slamming it behind her with a muttered "Happy Christmas," as she did.

Even though she couldn't see him, she knew the expression he wore, one of pure, utter exhaustion, despite the desperation seeping in him. Like the world had stopped spinning entirely, but he couldn't bring himself to move any further to fix it. Like it had been all his fault.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

December 22nd, 1977 ✦ The Hogwarts Express

"Come on, hurry, before all the spots are gone," Lily urged Lux, tugging on her wrist as she dragged her through the hall of the Hogwarts Express, yanking her towards the array of half-filled compartments. Lux obeyed, allowing herself to become akin to a ragdoll, brought wherever it was Lily willed of hers, which wound up being the only free compartment near the very back.

"Don't you have to sit with the Prefects?" Dorcas, who had followed the two with the other dormmates asked, running a hand through her dozens of tiny braids.

Lily shook her head, plopping down on the velvet booth. "Dumbledore's given us the time off. Not sure why, but I won't complain."

She took a seat next to Lily, while Dorcas, Mary and Marlene lined across from them, Marlene looking slightly ill as the train lurched moments later, bursting into movement.

Lux wasn't the only one to notice the green hues to Marlene's typically pasty white skin, as Mary commented on it shortly after. "Marls, are you feeling quite alright?"

Marlene nodded, though she didn't look convincing as she did. "Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just look a bit..."

"Sickly?" Dorcas offered when Mary trailed off.

"Don't be rude," Lily scolded, though she couldn't mask the concern shining in her expression either as she glanced at Marlene. "You do look rather unwell, hon. Are you sure you're up for France?"

Marlene had been invited to go with Lily and her family to France — she and her sister were each allowed to bring a friend. From the sounds of it, Lily was looking forward to seeing her parents after several months away, but not so much Petunia Evans. Lux hadn't pushed her when she'd noticed the irritation in the girl's tone when recounting this, though she got the idea that Lily wanted her to.

She looked horribly offended at Lily's words, holding a hand to her heart and jaw dropping. "Of course I am. You think a little stomach bug will keep me from the Eiffel Tower and all the croissants I can eat?"

"Silly me, thinking anything could come between you and your croissants." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Lux, you're going to the Potter's, right?" Mary asked Lux, a kind smile on her lips.

She nodded. "Sirius invited me. All the boys will be there. Suppose James will be awful upset Lily isn't joining."

Lily let out a giggle. "Boys, honestly. He'll have to learn to live without me for a few days without getting violently ill."

"Speaking of sick..." Dorcas grimaced. "Remus looked like a dead man walking when I saw him today. Suppose he's ill again?"

"He's always ill," Marlene shrugged. Blunt, in Lux's opinion, but certainly not wrong. "It's nothing new."

"Still, he looked awful," Dorcas emphasized, teeth gritted. "Whatever he's got, I'm glad it's evaded me thus far. Poor kid."

"He's been invited to the Potter's too, right?" Lily asked, question directed at Lux — though it took her a moment to realize she was being addressed. When she nodded, Lily smiled, more to herself than to anyone else. "Good. I think you'll have a blast, don't you?"

"I...I don't see why I wouldn't," Lux sputtered, face burning red.

She spotted the knowing look gleaming in Dorcas's eye, and understood instantly where the conversation was going — a direction she hadn't any interest in following. Her poor night's sleep followed by general confusion on what the hell was going on with her, Remus and Sirius had her head spinning enough as it was, there was no need to add an interrogation on top of it.

"I have to use the loo," she said swiftly, rising to her feet. "Er...don't wait around for me. Might be a while."

Marlene barked a laugh, sounding a bit hoarse. "Right, enough of your excuses. Go see your lover boys in their compartment, we'll be fine on our own."

"I am not going to see them," Lux protested, for once speaking the full truth. "Seriously, just...never mind. I'll be right back."

The other girls giggled to themselves, whispers flying between them as she slipped out of the compartment, headed in the direction of the lavatory. Once entered, she shot a glare at the mirror as she closed the door behind her, at the lack of blonde curls reflected, the only part of herself she was certain she wasn't imagining when she attempted to picture her features.

After swiftly reliving herself and scrubbing down her hands in the basin with as much soap as she could reasonably use, considering the unpleasant state of the loo, she stepped out and nearly collided face first with Regulus Black.

"Black, you are aware that this is the girls— wait, what the fuck happened to your face?"

Her eyes narrowed in on him, or more so, the fresh blood flowing out of of his nose, with purple bruises dotting the outskirts of where the crimson liquid began.

He shook his head, a sort of glazed over look in his eye. "I'm fine, Erzsebet."

When he made an attempt to push past her, she grabbed his shoulders, finding she didn't need to exude much strength to keep him locked firmly in place. "Again, this is the girl's lavatory."

"I'll just be a second," he said, a bit petulantly. The blood dripped down to his chin, and Lux tried her best not to stare as her stomach began to ache. Her opting to avoid Fulk whenever possible, and thus avoid getting the blood that sustained her, was coming back to bite her in the arse.

"I just need to clean all this," he waved a hand around in front of his face, at the bloodied mess that stained his skin, "up, if you don't mind."

"Who did this?" Lux demanded, making way for him to move. He positioned himself in front of the mirror she'd been shooting daggers with her eyes at, splashing water on his face.

"No one you'd know."

"I'm not as much of a social recluse as you may think I am."

"Evan Rosier?"

She shrunk in a silent yield, and through the reflection in the mirror, she could see his lips curve upwards in a half triumphant sort of smirk.

"He got pissed at me. Thought I was trying to get it on with his sister," Regulus explained as he wiped away the blood, that look in his eye not fading. As she moved to position herself so she could not be spotted — or not spotted when she should be, in the mirror — she realized it reminded her of the time they'd all smoked that blunt. He'd had the same faraway, glossy look in his eye, that had Lux wondering if he'd been smoking again.

Her eyebrows lifted curiously. "Were you?"

"Of course not," he spat, somehow able to muster such irritation even through the pain. "I've got no interest in Pandora, she just gives me stuff I need."

"Stuff you need?" Lux frowned.

"Blunts. Potions. Anything of the sorts. Anything to get me away from this fucking place." He extended a hand, gesturing wildly around, undignified and uncoordinated in his movements that suggested to Lux he couldn't possibly be sober. He was behaving for more like Sirius than himself, with that added aggression she'd yet to see from him.

"I'm sorry," she said, because she wasn't sure what else to say.

She watched as those eyes, a burning sort of anger beneath them, melted into an expression of sadness, a flicker in a moment, before it was gone again. Stiffening his posture and splashing one final bit of water over his face, he drained the sink and turned to look at her.

"Don't be," he said, smoothing his hair with his hands. "There's nothing you have to be sorry for."

"If you need to talk," Lux began, finding she sounded an awful lot like Lily as she did. "You can talk to me. I won't...I won't tell anyone what you say."

"I know you mean Sirius."

"Yes, but it felt a bit rude to single him out."

Regulus rolled those stunning grey eyes of his. "You can say his name. It's not a dirty word."

"Right." Lux folded her hands in her lap. "You can talk to me. I won't tell Sirius."

"He'd be upset with you."

"Which is why we wouldn't tell him." It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Sirius can't blame me for attempting to be kind. Can't hold that against me, not after everything."

Regulus lifted an eyebrow. "Attempting to be kind? Do you deem yourself generally unkind?"

She nearly took the bait, only just stopping when she realized what it was he was doing. "Don't turn this into a dissection of me, you're the one who's bloodied up and acting a mess."

"Clever," Regulus scoffed, though it came out dry, airy, almost. "I should be getting back to my compartment now. Can't have someone walking in thinking I'm spending my time with a Gryffindor."

"Pity." She folded her arms over her chest, though as he slipped out of the lavatory, she couldn't help but notice that odd sort of look on his face. Like guilt, eating him in slow, slow bites, all while he was still alive to endure it.