WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
024 ⸻ No Hard Feelings

The halls of Hogwarts were otherwise vacant, but Lux made a point not to make any noise just in case Filch or a wandering Professor or Prefect stumbled upon her. While dread sunk in her bones at the concept of returning to Lily, she knew she had to bite the bullet and get it over with. Besides, the redhead may very well have been asleep by that point in time.

It would've been a small mercy.

But it was not meant to be, as not only was Lily wide awake, but she'd abandoned her dorms, instead sitting in the empty Gryffindor common room, nearly sending Lux toppling over from shock as she stumbled through the portrait hole.

"Bloody hell," she murmured once she shock had lessened, eyes flickering between an expectant looking Lily and the stairs that led to their dorms.

"I had half a mind that you wouldn't come back," Lily said, folding her arms over her chest from her positions on the couch. Behind her, the fireplace crackled, sending her heart rattling in her chest as if it wished to break free. Maybe it longed to dive into the fire, and for a brief moment, she considered it, thinking meeting a fiery death once more might be better than this confrontation.

She held her ground anyways, only just resisting the tug.

"Should I not have?" Lux shot back, knowing she had no right to be defensive, yet sending missiles with her tone anyways.

"Probably not," she admitted, rising onto her feet and moving to approach Lux, who was having a quite difficult time remaining still, especially when the dorm room was so close in sight. She could so easily run away, bury herself in her blankets and push this conversation off for even longer.

"You were going to leave," Lily pressed when she was inches away from the frozen statue Lux had morphed into. A wobble had wormed its way into her tone, but her eyes remained hardened as she stared at Lux, awaiting an explanation.

She gave none. There was none to give.

Lily conceded first, the staring contest that had silently begun between the two. Inhaling a breath and pinching the bridge of her nose, she looked away, then back at Lux once more, a newfound determination in her expression. "If you thought your letter explained anything to me, you're wrong. I'm just more confused than before."

Lux couldn't help the wince that ran through her body. "I just wanted to tell you I was sorry."

She didn't acknowledge her words. "Why'd you come back, then? If you were leaving?"

"Dumbledore refused us. Fu-my father, he and I were all prepared. Packed our stuff and everything. But..." Her voice trailed off as she lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. "I suppose Dumbledore has more use for us here."

Lily frowned at her wording, but didn't question it. Instead, she asked, sounding wounded as she did, "Was it really that bad here, that you needed to leave?"

"I don't know," Lux admitted, a hand running through her blonde curls. "I thought it was bad, but...I think it was all just so fucking different. I can't explain it, but...it was different. And my father, he just wants the best for me at the end of the day, even if he fits this place like a glove."

Lily nodded, keeping her mouth shut.

"I didn't want to reject Sirius that day, you know," she explained, hating the silence that had fallen between them. "I only did because I knew I would be leaving. I thought I'd done the right thing, for the first time in my life."

"Did he get a letter too?" Lily asked, the hint of a tease in her tone.

She didn't bother masking her relief at the shift in mood, the brief lightness that overtook them both. "I stole it back before he could get to his."

Lily breathed out a laugh, soft and gentle and somehow assuring Lux that not all in her life had been lost. Now, just to wait for the acknowledgment of the worst confession written in that stupid letter, the admission of the feelings she'd harbored since the day they'd met for the first time in Diagon Alley.

But, for better or for worse, Lily didn't speak on them.

"I'll forgive you," she began after a pause, and Lux felt her heart lift, then sink once more when she continued, "But only if you start to talk to me. Really talk to me. I don't want to be dismissed by you any longer."

Lux gulped, glancing around, confirming the absence of anyone but them. Vampirism aside, she supposed Lily could know about a thing or two that had plagued her throughout her life. If it was what she had to sacrifice to keep the girl in her life, in her good graces, she'd suck it up and do it.

Half of her just wanted someone, anyone to understand her, even on a surface level. As of now, the only person her age who had a grasp of her trials was Severus Snape.

So, be it due to the remnants of the blunt still running through those dead veins of hers, or a simple desire for someone to understand her, at least in the smallest of ways, Lux nodded. "Okay."

"I'll be more open too," Lily added after clearly sensing the vampire's hesitancy. Not that she needed it, Lux figured. Lily seemed to be an open book, she just hadn't allowed herself to read.

A hand reached over, a bridge extended between the two, before Lily entwined her fingers with Lux's. "But I do need to say...I'm with James. It's getting serious."

Lux went red enough that even through the darkness, she was sure Lily could see the change of color on her cheeks.

"We don't need to talk about that bit any more," she promised, thumb rubbing against the top of Lux's hand, making small circles on her skin. "I just wanted to bring that part up. Maybe if I'd have known earlier, something could've come of it, but...I'm happy with James."

"I know. I'm happy for you." It didn't feel like a lie, either.

Lily gave her a silent smiled.

"I was never in love with you or anything of the likes," Lux added, avoiding Lily's eye as she did. "I just...it was just a silly crush."

"I understand," she said, squeezing down on the hand to show she meant it. "And for what it's worth, I don't think I'm better than you, or anything like that. I think we deserve each other, because no matter what, I know you're trying your best, and that's what's important. We all make mistakes, but you promised to do better, and I'm going to hold you to that."

Lux nodded.

"Is there anything else?" Lily asked, though Lux knew it wasn't just a general question. She was trying to worm out what had kept the blonde so on edge for the months they'd known each other.

It was an easy answer, really.

She'd never said those words out loud before, not even with Elias, leaving it up to him to assume the worst out of the allusions she'd given. While he'd come to the conclusion that she'd guided him to, never had she flat out said it, the weight of it always feeling too heavy to lift, let alone push onto someone else. Besides, Elias had met his end long ago. The only living people who knew for certain what had happened to her were Snape, who had invaded her mind, stolen the bit of information, and Fulk, who had assumed as much when he'd first laid eyes on her.

For the first time, Lux was in full control of the flow of information, who knew what and how they knew and what parts they knew.

She parted her lips, then closed then again, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Lux?"

"I was raped."

Lily's face fell, hand slipping out of Lux's grasp as horror eclipsed her expression. "Oh my God..."

Guilt slammed into her. "It's-"

"Don't you dare say it's okay," she interjected with a stern glare, though it lasted for little more than a second before sympathy washed over her again. How she knew her so damn well, well enough to know exactly what she was about to say, Lux wanted to ask, but kept quiet. "It was...was it before you came here, right?"

Lux nodded, forcing herself to look into those green eyes. "It's no one you would know. You don't have to worry about that. And I know it doesn't excuse how I treated you, but-"

"This isn't about me," Lily insisted, reaching over to grab Lux's hand once again. "We can deal with that later. It doesn't matter right now. Fuck, Lux, are you...Merlin, I feel so stupid asking this, but are you okay?"

She thought long and hard, before shaking her head. "No. I don't think I am."

It was a long time coming, she supposed. Fulk had been the distraction she'd needed, but all it had been was that - a distraction. Her refusal to face the issue head on, to address it as more than passing comments with Fulk about Philip's iron fist, did little to dampen the lasting effect he'd had on her.

Maybe Fulk had a point after coming to Hogwarts, where he'd tried so damn hard to get her to talk about it. Maybe he knew it was the first step in truly overcoming what twenty one years of pretended apathy hadn't.

Lily nodded in a slow motion, eyes welling with tears. "Who else knows?"

"Just my father," she lied, a pang of guilt hitting her shortly after. She didn't need to explain to Lily how Snape had known too, it would only upset her. Correcting her statement into a half truth, she continued, "I've only ever told my father. And you."

Despite it all, Lily managed a wobbly smile. "Can you...fuck, I mean, can you report it? We could get him - it's a him, right? We could get him sent away, so he can't hurt anyone else. I'll back you up, I promise, I'll make sure everyone believes you."

"It won't matter," Lux said, stomach aching at the mere thought of anyone else finding out. It felt like stripping herself bare, exposing herself to the eyes of hundreds, of thousands, letting them poke and pry at the most intimate of horrors she'd been through.

Lily frowned. "Why wouldn't it matter?"

"He's dead," she explained. "There's no justice left to be had, not from me."

"Good."

Lux blinked. "Pardon?"

"I'm glad he's dead," Lily continued, a fire in her unlike anything Lux had ever seen before on the redhead, a new kind of anger formed from only the fiercest of loyalty. "I just wish you'd been able to be the one to do it."

Lux let out a breathy laugh, finding a hint of amusement in their otherwise bleak conversation. Only when she brought a hand to her face did she feel the wetness that had begun to stain her cheeks, the second time that day she'd cried. Though now, she felt little shame regarding it. "Yeah, that would've been nice."

"Here." Lily broke the silence with a sad smile, gently tugging on Lux's arm. "Let's go upstairs, yeah? Get some sleep?"

Lux allowed herself to be dragged into the dorms, where Mary, Marlene and Dorcas were already sound asleep in their own beds, emitting soft snores as the moments went by. Somehow, throughout the hours she'd spent up in the Astronomy Tower with her head in the clouds, her trunk had been returned to its usual spot, seated at the edge of her bed, large and unassuming.

"I love you," Lily promised with a hug, burying her face into the crook of Lux's neck, remaining there for several long seconds. When she pulled away, she kept her hands on Lux's shoulders as she said, "You don't have to say it back. But you'll always be my friend, I promise. Nothing you could ever tell me would make me think less of you."

If Lux hadn't physically bitten down on her tongue, she would've spilled the full, undivided truth. Something about Lily had worn her down in a great and terrible way, leaving little room left to struggle, to do anything but go with what she said.

Only when Lily had fully pulled away and begun to walk towards her bed, did Lux whisper back, "I love you too."

November 9th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

As the days went by, Lux couldn't seem to shake the endless glares from James Potter. While Remus and Peter had seemingly let go of the fact that she'd hurt Sirius in her rejection, James knew how deep the truth behind the matter was, and seemed unwilling to forgive her for her perceived transgressions.

For the first time in her life, Lux longed to defend herself against the allegations he'd thrown at her that day. For the first time, she'd known she'd at least attempted to do the right thing. Why couldn't James see that?

It was a Tuesday after class in which Lux buried herself in the forest once more, sucking the blood out of a raccoon before setting it free - her usual routine, when Fulk approached her.

"How are you holding up?"

No pleasantries. No flattery. Nothing but the blunt truth she'd once begged for him to give her.

"I'm managing," she said honestly, running a hand through her hair. "And you?"

"I was never the one with complaints about Hogwarts," he pointed out.

"Right."

"I see James Potter is upset with you."

She raised her eyebrows in a silent question as a rabbit rushed by her, slow enough that she could've grabbed it if she needed to. Instead, she watched as the white blob of fuzz hopped by her without a care in the world, save for darting around Fulk like the predator it likely knew he was, before vanishing back into the bushes.

"Why would James Potter be upset with me?" She eventually asked, folding her arms over her chest.

An amused smirk slid onto his lips. "You tell me."

She exhaled a breath. "I had a...momentary lapse of judgment."

This time, his eyebrows jumped up, eyes twinkling with amused intrigue. "The ever stoic Lux had a lapse in judgment? Color me shocked."

"Shut up," she moved to swat him with her hand, laughing as she did before she could truly comprehend what she was doing. It felt good to joke about with him, she realized, like a small weight had been removed from a hollowed out bit in her chest.

Fulk's smirk expanded as he leaned back against the tree, resting his head on the crook of his elbow. "Tell me about this error of yours. I won't judge, if that's what concerns you."

"You'll make fun of me," she grumbled, cheeks burning up at the mere idea of recalling what she had done. It could've been much worse, she reminded herself, but it didn't make her feel any better.

"I won't," Fulk insisted, a casual intensity to his tone. "I swear it."

Lux scratched the back of her neck. "When we were still under the impression that we could leave Hogwarts, I may have written a few letters."

"Letters?"

"Like...saying goodbye. It felt wrong to just leave them all without saying a word to explain myself."

"And you wrote one of these goodbye letters to James Potter? I wasn't aware the two of you were close."

"I didn't," she sighed. "I wrote ones to Lily and Remus and Sirius. Lily's I left on her bedside table, and the boys, I slid under the door to their dorm. He got to them before I could get them back."

Fulk barked a laugh, hanging his head backwards and tilting his face towards the canopy of trees.

"It's not funny!" Lux whined, sounding awful childlike in the process. "I was humiliated!"

He laughed harder. "So James Potter is out to get you because you wrote love letters to his best mates and his girlfriend?"

"They weren't love letters! They were just...letters."

"Just letters," Fulk repeated, a humored edge to his tone.

"That's not the worst of it, either."

"Oh Merlin," he sighed, though she didn't miss his grin.

"I...I was obviously upset, when I found out Lily had read the letter I'd left, and James had read the ones meant for Remus and Sirius."

"Obviously."

"So I went into the Astronomy Tower, just to cool down. And I ran into Regulus Black and some kid named Barty, do you know him?"

"Barty Crouch Jr." Fulk stated with a nod. "I have him in my class, a sixth year. He's a ticking time bomb, that one. Clever as the come, sure, but I'm certain you also noticed that odd glimmer in his eye."

She bit down on her lip as she recalled him, the offputting nature he harbored that she'd set aside the moment she'd begun smoking that blunt. Best friends, they'd declared themselves to be, but now, sober and clear minded, she knew she'd be better off staying as far away from him as possible.

"He was odd," Lux settled on.

Fulk snorted. "Odd, that'll certainly do it, I suppose. What happened next, then? With Black and Crouch."

"Er...they had this thing called a blunt. You smoke it-"

"I'm aware what marijuana is, my dear. I think you forget I teach teenagers for a living."

"Right," she exhaled a breath. "Well, we took turns smoking it, and...I mean, nothing awful happened. Not much happened at all, really, we just chatted. I fell asleep for most of it. But it was certainly not their first time with one of those things."

"That fails to surprise me. Someone as outwardly perfect as Regulus Black ought to have one flaw, one thing he relies on to keep himself from faltering in his perfection."

She nodded in agreement, recalling the few things he'd said, the hints towards the depths of his family troubles. She supposed, if the curiosity grew to be too much and things were different, she could've asked Sirius about it. But now, they were an ocean away in emotions, with the only bridge between them being the castle they spent their days within the walls of.

"I told Lily one more thing, after we talked," Lux began after a pensive silence between her and Fulk, shifting her position as she did. The air suddenly felt too tight around her, too heavy, too thick. "I...I told her about Philip. Not like, everything, of course, she doesn't know what we are. But just...just a bit of what he did."

Fulk gave her an understanding sort of smile, all too rare and all too comforting. "I'm proud of you."

Lux returned into the halls of Hogwarts several minutes later, replenished and oddly at peace, a tranquility absorbing her body and spirit in a way she'd never quite felt before. As she turned the corner through the empty corridor, Fulk's words echoed in her mind, this time, not as a haunting.

I'm proud of you.

She hadn't known she'd needed to hear such words, hadn't known she craved them just as dearly as she craved blood and belonging.

Smiling to herself, Lux was about to turn the corner when she heard footsteps echoing behind her, quiet enough to raise suspicion. It could very well be a shy first year, afraid of the professor's daughter, but it also could've been-

"Hello, Snape," she greeted, eyes narrowing in on the boy as he settled into view. "Tell me, do you honestly have nothing better to do than stalk the halls, waiting for me to pass by?"

"Do you have nothing better to do than suck the blood out of helpless creatures?" He challenged with the cock of his eyebrow.

"Keep your voice down!" She hissed, glancing around the halls to confirm they were alone, before stepping towards him. "Is there something you want this time?"

"No," he admitted with a shrug. "Just stumbled upon you by accident, honestly."

"Can you leave, then? I've got places to be."

A crafty smirk slid onto his lips. "Speaking of which, I see you've changed your mind on leaving Hogwarts after all. I suppose my prediction was all too correct, that you wouldn't be leaving."

"Did you somehow know Dumbledore wouldn't let us leave? Did you read his mind too or something?" She demanded, taking a large step towards him and shortening the distance between them.

"Bold of you to assume someone as powerful as Dumbledore can't block Legilmens, but I'll take your ignorance as a compliment to my abilities." Snape tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, a mocking gleam in those dark eyes of his. "I was hoping to get you alone, I will admit, even if I wasn't actively seeking it out."

She lifted her eyebrows, silently urging for him to explain.

"Do you still want your lessons?"

"Lessons?"

He looked at her as though she was an idiot. "The Occlumency lessons. The ones you quite literally requested from me."

Now, she did feel stupid.

"We're allies," Snape urged when she was quiet, cheeks burning. "And the war is coming up. Have you been reading the Prophet?"

"I don't care for it," she said, biting down on her lip. In reality, she'd been far too busy with her own trials to recall the true horrors going on all around her. She'd still heard the whispers, of course, of muggles murdered in their beds and muggleborns going on the run, but had never made it a priority.

To her surprise, he snorted. "Probably for the best. The truth behind their information is spotty at best, but...they aren't wrong when they say this war is going to make or break the wizarding world. Do you want to be broken, Erzsebet?"

"Nothing breaks me."

He cracked a smirk. "Good. You'll need that confidence through the thick of it."

She considered pressing him on the matter, but kept her lips pressed together, simply eyeing him with suspicion. The trust between them was thin at best, but despite this, Lux knew he was her only shot at managing to fight a real mind reader, if she were ever to come across one.

"They're more common than you'd think," Snape said, and her eyes narrowed in anger. "It takes a lot of practice, of course, but I doubt I'm the only one at Hogwarts. In fact, I know I'm not."

"Get out of my head," Lux spat, resisting the urge to demand to know what other Legilimens were in the very halls she walked through.

"Learn to block me."

She inhaled a sharp breath. "When do we start?"

"Tomorrow," Snape answered after a completive pause. "We'll start tomorrow after class. Do you know the abandoned classroom in the dungeons?"

Lux nodded, cringing as she did. "That's a bit...sketchy, is it not? Couldn't we go somewhere less vacant?"

"What do you think I'm going to do if we're alone, Erzsebet?" Snape glared at her.

She kept quiet.

"You're more powerful than me," he said, and she knew it wasn't an attempt at flattery. It was the plain spoken truth, the only thing that she and Snape could rely on when it came to the other. Living in a world where they both had to claw their ways to the top with pleasantries and bit tongues and falsified compliments, she could tell the exact moments when Snape shifted from his forced nature to the reliance he knew he could have regarding her.

"True," she agreed.

"And humble, too," he added with the roll of his eyes, bringing out a humored grin from her, one she'd never deigned share in the presence of Severus Snape until this moment.

"I wouldn't do anything. Not just because I wouldn't be able to overpower you, but because I have no desire to," Snape assured her, voice lowered in what she thought was an attempt to sound calm, relaxing, even. His attempt failed, something about him impossible to be anything but unsettling, but the gesture was nice.

"Tomorrow," Lux agreed with the curt jerk of her chin, signaling that she needed to leave. "I'll see you then."

Even as she vanished down the corridor, she could feel Snape's gaze burning into her back. Into her scars.

She returned to find the Gryffindor common room in a state of disarray. An abundance of students were scattered across the room, red cups in their hands and obnoxious music blaring overhead. By the looks of it, sort of party had begun in the two or so hours she'd been absent for, sipping on blood and forging alliances with Snape.

She wormed her way through the crowd, skin crawling every time someone brushed up against her, the drinks they'd consumed taking over their typical inhibitions, making her way to her dorm. But halfway through her journey, a hand wrapping around her wrist cut her off.

"What the-" She began, stopping herself as she looked into Lily's green eyes. With a frown, she glanced around the common room, then back at Lily, whose lips were parted in preparation to speak. However, Lux beat her to it. "What's going on? There wasn't a Quidditch match, was there?"

Lily shook her head, then rolled her eyes. "It's Sirius's birthday. Did you not hear him going on about it in class?"

She'd thought she'd heard something of the sorts, but Lux had spent most of her time in class shrunk in her seat, trying to pretend the world around her didn't exist, Sirius Black especially.

"Only he would celebrate with something this bloody excessive," Lux murmured, glancing around the swarm of people, all there to cheer on for one person. How he'd managed to grow so popular over the years with such unflattering narcissism, she couldn't begin to fathom.

Though, she figured, she'd found herself attracted to him, so how could she blame anyone else for the same?

"They're about to start a game," Lily said, smiling at Lux's musings. Even when dating his best friend, she had to hold a similar opinion to Sirius Black - Lux supposed it was difficult not to. "Fancy joining?"

"Is it the same one as last time, on Halloween? The one with the bottles?"

Lily gave her a knowing look, as if she could read what she was thinking. "No, thankfully. James talked them out of it."

Lux released a breath of relief. The last time she'd played such a game, it had resulted in hands between her legs, a sensation she decided, while she certainly had enjoyed, she had little desire to experience again under the circumstances. Rather, she'd prefer it where there wasn't a time limit, and Remus Lupin couldn't barge in at any given moment, breaking the high she was about to crest over.

"They're playing truth or dare. Remember, we played that once."

Lux nodded.

"It's a more official version this time, not like the one in our dorms. James bought the veritaserum from a Ravenclaw girl - Pandora something." A hand was on Lux's wrist, tugging her towards the large circle, in which she spotted all four Marauders, each wearing a different expression. Though it was not the boys she found her mind stagnant on.

"Veritaserum?" Lux paused as she was dragged along, recalling the potion from a lesson Slughorn had given a month or so ago.

Lily nodded. "Everyone uses it for truth or dare. You only put a drop on your tongue if you answer truth, which only lasts about two minutes. So you can't cheat. It's technically illegal, though, so don't tell anyone. Only the seventh years are allowed to play."

Right. So she certainly couldn't pick truth.

She buried that reminder in the back of her mind, holding tight onto it just in case.

With the eyes of James Potter glued to her as though she was about to do something horribly offensive, she took a seat in between Lily and Marlene, the latter of which appearing quite drunk, absentmindedly swaying back and forth from her position on the ground.

"Hey Lily, Lux!" Dorcas greeted with a bright grin. She was the only one. The rest of the seventh years seemed unsettled by Lux's sudden arrival in the group.

The only thing keeping her from getting up and leaving was a gentle hand falling on her knee, grounding her. She gave Lily a thankful smile.

"Peter, truth or dare?" Mary asked, leaning in on her knees and eyeing the boy up and down.

He thought, then, "Truth."

James passed him the vial of what Lux presumed was the veritaserum, placing the smallest of drops on his tongue.

"Are you a virgin?"

"No."

Mary's eyes bulged, as Peter's nose twitched in a nervous motion, cheeks flaming red. "Merlin, who-"

Marlene elbowed her in the side, and even in her drunken state it was hard enough to cut her off. "Only one question per turn, remember?"

Mary hung her head.

"Who do you suppose it is, then?" Lily whispered into Lux's ear, who shrugged in response. Truthfully, she didn't care an awful lot about what Peter Pettigrew got up to in his spare time, nor with who.

"Evans, truth or dare?" Peter began, picking at his nails as he did to avoid making eye contact. The embarrassment of the question was still prominent on his cheeks, and a pang of sympathy hit Lux as she watched him.

Lily considered for a moment, then, "Dare."

"Ooooo," James and Sirius both cooed from their positions next to each other. Lux made sure to avoid glancing in their direction.

"I dare you to...chug an entire cup of firewhiskey in one go."

"You're on," she said, grabbing Marlene's newly filled up, who protested with a delayed "hey!" and a failed attempt at grabbing it out of Lily's grip.

Instead, the redhead did exactly as asked, downing the cup in one go, letting out a relieved sigh when she drained the cup. The four Marauders burst into applause, James's being the loudest.

"Potter, truth or dare."

James rolled his eyes at the usage of his last name, though he was grinning all the same. "Truth."

Peter handed him the veritaserum. The group watched in anticipation as he dabbed a bit into his mouth, before his smile expanded. "Ask away, my love."

"Who was your first love?"

"You," he answered without missing a beat, causing a blush to creep across Lily's freckled face. "My first love, and my last."

Lux rolled her eyes as the others broke out into aww's and how cute's. She couldn't blame them, it was certainly cute, but even so, her stomach ached at the display, a sick sensation she so often felt with regards to James and Lily and however it was she felt about the latter.

As if sensing her thoughts, James directed his attention towards her. "Lux, truth or dare?"

"Dare," she answered immediately, forcing herself to meet his gaze for the first time since the game begun. Do your worst, James Potter, she tried to tell him through the hardness in her eyes.

"Bold," Mary commented, more to herself than to the group.

"I dare you..." James placed a finger atop his chin in a way to show he was thinking, though Lux knew it was a fluke. He had certainly known she would pick dare, and had lined up something for her minutes ago. "To go into the closet we played seven minutes in heaven with...with Sirius and Remus."

Lux blinked, though she wasn't the one to speak on the ridiculous request. That was Remus, who whipped his head towards him at the mention of his name, eyes narrowing. "Pardon?"

"You heard me," James responded, for the first time in his life seemingly dead serious. "The three of you should get going. I reckon you've got a lot to talk about."

"This is Lux's dare, not mine! Why do I have to get involved?" Remus attempted to protest, though Sirius was already on his feet, stepping into the circle and extending out a hand for Lux to grab.

She did, refusing to look into his expression as she stumbled onto her shaking legs. There was no arguing with James Potter, she was well aware of this, but that didn't mean she had to deal with the guilt she knew would slam into her if she so much as gazed into Sirius's eyes.

"How long do we have to be in there for?" Sirius asked, shameless to all the eyes on the three, likely wondering what the hell had prompted such a request.

"At least ten minutes."

Remus exhaled a frustrated breath, though seemed to give up on fighting. Even so, he ignored the hand Sirius offered him, opting to pull himself up onto his feet. Lux allowed herself a moment to examine him as he moved, seeing the discoloring of his skin, more pale than usual. He hadn't been in class a few days prior, and while he seemed mostly back to normal, something still appeared wary in the way he moved.

Only when they were inside the closet, darkness enveloping them, did Lux allow herself to breathe. Only for a moment though, before her breath caught in her throat again.

"Alright there, Luxie?" Sirius asked, a sarcastic sort of question. She'd found herself sandwiched between the two boys, and swiftly shuffled up against the wall.

"Fine," she murmured, hugging her arms against her chest. "Bloody Potter."

Sirius snorted, though it came out dry, forced, almost. She tried to ignore the image burning in her mind of the last time they'd been in a closet together. At least Remus was there this time as a buffer.

"I've set the timer on my watch," Remus announced, fiddling with the item wrapped around his wrist until he was satisfied. "He said ten minutes, right?"

"And not a second more," Lux huffed.

"Come on, we aren't that bad," Sirius nudged her with his elbow, though the humor that typically laced his tone was absent. He seemed to notice it too, how he sounded, and shifted his position. "Well, Remus isn't. Suppose I've got to have a second nose or something."

Lux frowned. "What?"

"A second nose. Or maybe I have a secret ear growing out of the back of my head, that I don't know about. Whatever it was that made you reject me."

Lux gulped. She should've known Sirius wouldn't beat around the bush, would jump straight to the target. Even if he phrased the topic as a joke, she knew it had been eating him alive since the event occurred. No wonder his three friends had been as furious with her as they were, if he was this affected by it.

"It's not like that," she murmured. She supposed, given his attitude, James hadn't shared what he'd read in those letters with the two boys, which she figured was likely for the best. At least this time, she could control what was and wasn't told. That blessing had been absent with Lily.

"Leave it, Pads," Remus snapped. "She's not going to give you the answer you want. She won't give you an answer at all."

Shooting him a glare, Lux pressed her lips together. She had half a mind to prove Remus wrong, and perhaps her conversation with Lily had lifted the typical guards she had sheltering herself. So she spoke. "I only rejected you because I was leaving Hogwarts, and thought it would be cruel to lead you on just to leave."

Sirius frowned at the same time that Remus scoffed.

"Leaving Hogwarts? Right. Why haven't you, then?"

"Dumbledore needed my father in his teaching position. We were ready to leave - you can ask Lily." Or James, she thought with a grimace, but didn't trust him to withhold the rest of the information he'd dug his nose into.

"Why didn't you tell me, then?" Sirius shot at her.

She gulped, shrugging. "You were upset with me. Would it have made any difference?"

"It might've, yes," he mumbled.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't believe you. That's all."

Her walls of defense began to build. "Like it or not, Lupin, I'm not completely cruel. I wouldn't just...lead someone on and reject them for the sake of it. I'm not that heartless, contrary to popular belief."

"Sure."

Her eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You snogged both of us. Surely that means you're leading one of us on."

"Moony-" Sirius began to protest, though it fell on deaf ears.

Avoiding the heat that burst across her face at the plain mention of their time in Fulk's office together, she spat, "That's rich, coming from you of all people. You hate me, you've made that as clear as day over the months I've known you, and yet you snogged me first. What does that say about you?"

Remus was silent.

"Can you two quit it?" Sirius groaned, a hand running through his hair. "I'm sick as hell of you always fighting. It can't be that hard to get along."

"I tried to," Lux offered, though when Sirius shook his head, she knew he was right. She hadn't, not in the way he wanted her to. Perhaps James Potter was right, she wasn't quite sure how to love.

"Actions speak louder than words. Both of you need to learn that." Sirius paused, then said, "Now, hug and make up."

Remus frowned, as Lux blinked. "What?"

"Did I stutter?" Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "You're lucky I'm not making you kiss and make up. Just hug. Come on, it's not that hard."

"I'm not hugging her," Remus insisted, sending a glare her way, one she returned with the same angry enthusiasm. "There's no way in hell."

"Oi, if I can forgive Luxie for publicly embarrassing me the other day with her rejection, so can you. Now come on, am I going to have to hex you into it? Because I will."

Sucking in a breath, Lux turned to Remus, meeting his gaze. She'd not properly, truly looked at him in a long time, nor allowed him to look back at her with that strange look she only ever saw on him. It was desperate, a fury with need. Desire. Hunger.

When he stepped through the cramped cupboard, headed towards her, she could scarcely breathe. Then, when his arms were wrapped around her body, her ability to inhale oxygen vanished entirely.

"You have to hug him back, Luxie. It's only fair," Sirius scolded her, that playfulness returning.

That was the only thing able to claw her conscious back into reality enough for her to embrace him. He was just tall enough to place his chin atop her head, and though she wasn't quite sure why he'd done such a thing, it felt nice. More intimate, even, than their snogging a month prior had been. She could feel Remus's heart beating against hers, smell the coffee he preferred over tea on his jumper, the heaviness of every breath he took sending a jolt through her.

Even more so, she could feel his walls of defense melting away. He wasn't much different than her, she figured, just a boy with scars too large for him, just a boy struggling to tread water in a world that seemed to want nothing more than for him to sink.

She could do this. She could make up with him, find that common ground, if not for Sirius's sake, but for her own. She wasn't sure her heart would be able to take it if a life without Remus was led.

She went to pull away after a few seconds passed, but Sirius chose that moment to wrap his arms around the pair from behind Lux, joining in on the embrace. "Can we please all just get along," he murmured, his face smushed into Lux's hair. "I don't want to have to pick between the two of you."

She had a feeling he referred to more than a friendship.

Careful not to move in a way that would result in his nose breaking, she nodded. "'Course we can."

She didn't want to pick either. Wasn't sure she could, even if she had to.

"Moony?" He asked over her head, the other piece of bread in the Lux sandwich they had made. She decided she didn't mind being in between them, an unfounded sort of comfort at the warmth both of their bodies pressed against her provided. A security.

"Fine."

That seemed to be enough for Sirius, as he released the pair from his tight grip. Lux mentally sighed in resignation at having to let go as well, returning back against the wall.

"See," Sirius began with a satisfied grin. "All better, yeah? No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings," Lux agreed, finding that she meant it. Even towards Remus, who was looking at her with that hunger, a sign she decided meant he too forgave her.