WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
023 ⸻ Up and Up and Away

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

trigger warning for marijuana use

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Lux couldn't run fast enough.

The first thing she noticed when she began sprinting out of Dumbledore's office was the swarm of people, having seemingly already abandoned the Quidditch match. A match that had to have been concluded, for this amount of people to be within the halls of Hogwarts once again.

She stopped, allowing herself a moment to take everything that had happened in, to catch her breath. Part of her mind was stuck on Dumbledore, on his threats, on the shackles he'd all but shoved onto her wrists, tying her to the floor and forcing her to remain in place.

But that wasn't what was important, not when there were three letters she needed to get back before anyone else got a hold of them.

Pushing a clump of newly damp hair out of her face, Lux continued racing through the halls. Heart pounding in her chest hard enough that it hurt, she didn't stop until she was rushing through the portrait hole.

The Gryffindor common room appeared to be in an otherwise dismal mood, a few members of the Quidditch team slunk down on the various couches and chairs, dejected looks on their expressions.

"Hey, Lu—," she heard Marlene call out her name from the couch she was lounged on, legs placed onto Dorcas's lap, but she didn't bother giving her a second glance, instead searching the common room.

Fucking hell, where was Lily?

Giving up after a few seconds, she put out a silent prayer that something had caught Lily's attention, that she hadn't yet returned to the common room, or worse, her dorm. That she was snogging James Potter, or on the loo, or suddenly got a craving for sweets and snuck into Hogsmeade.

Anything. Fuck, anything but reading that bloody note.

Marlene called out her name once more, sounding a tad drunk as she slurred something related to Quidditch, but again, Lux paid her no mind as she rushed up the stairs that led to the girls dorms. Footsteps echoed the beating of her heart as she whipped over the corner, plunging into the girls dorms and stumbling to a stop.

"Fuck."

A wide eyed Lily Evans stood near her bed, head jerking towards Lux and fingers digging prints into an unfolded piece of parchment.

"Don't read that," Lux began, lunging towards the girl as reflexes possessed her body, emotions so high she thought she might physically explode if she remained in the same frozen state for more than a second.

Lily jumped backwards, holding the letter away even as Lux rushed to grab it out of her hand. "Aren't you supposed to have left?" She cried out, and all of Lux's efforts ceased.

She teetered backwards, nearly tripping over her own two feet as she rushed away from Lily at the exact same speed she'd approached her in.

"There was a change in plans," she eventually sputtered out, voice just above a whisper and a shameful redness cloaking her cheeks. "I—"

"—You can't just..." Lily interrupted, though her voice trailed off as it became obvious she hadn't a clue what to say. Several long moments of silence passed before she concluded with, "You can't just say something like this and then leave! It's not fair."

It was Lux's turn to be silent, the only sound between the two being the echoing of her own heartbeat, pounding in her ear like a fist on a wooden door, begging to be let in.

Then, just as her lips parted in preparation for an apology, did she recall the two other letters. Lily's, she'd left on her bedside table, but Remus and Sirius's were slid under the door to their dorms, not having the will to enter such a place.

There were still two letters she desperately needed to get back if she was meant to show her face in the halls of Hogwarts ever again.

"I have to go," she declared, only just a whisper, before darting out of the dorm.

Lily shouted something after her, a mixture of an accusation and a plea that she couldn't quite decipher. She shoved it into the back of her mind, knowing she could deal with it later, with a clearer mind and less panic, less urgent things to take care of.

The eyes of half the common room residents were locked onto her as she sprinted down the stairs, across the carpet, and up another set of spiraling stairs that led to the boys dorms.

She didn't allow herself to breathe until she'd reached the 7th year boys dorms, hands shaking so hard she could barely grip the doorknob, let alone push it open. It took four tries.

The moment the door was pushed open and her eyes scanned the floor for the letters, her heart sank. But when her gaze met the boy hovering in the middle of the otherwise vacant dorm, tears beading in his eyes, all she could do was frown.

"Potter?"

His head snapped up, away from the two letters he held in each hand, going back and forth between. When he spotted her, his eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring. "Don't you bloody Potter me."

"Give those back," she demanded, taking a hesitant step towards the boy. "Things changed, I can't—"

"You were going to leave?" He shouted, interrupting her attempt at an explanation. She blinked, pausing as she watched angry tears run down his tan face, glasses fogging up ever so slightly. "You know how they both feel about you, and you were going to leave?!"

"It's none of your business."

"How can you say that?" James's voice seemed to echo off the walls, bouncing down the hallway and likely wafting down to the common room, but neither of them had a care for it. "How the hell can you say that? How can you look me in the eye — their best friend, and say this," he waved the letters in the air frantically, nails digging into the parchment, "is none of my business?"

Lux ran a hand through her hair, mouth dry. "Was your name on them? Were they addressed to you?"

"Fuck you!"

She could barely react as James stormed up to her, a fury in his eye unlike anything she'd ever seen on the boy before — on anyone, for that matter. She couldn't recall a time in recent events where someone had looked at her in the same disdainful manner that James Potter did to her, as if she was nothing but a spec on his shoe.

"Fuck you, Lux!" He repeated with more aggravation, thrusting the letters into her hands with enough vigor to nearly push her over. "Why do you do this shit? Why? Do you feel powerful because of it? Do you enjoy making people feel this way? Having them under your power?"

With the letters now in her possession, she should run, should abandon the conversation, but she didn't. Her fangs were prepared for a battle, sharpened and ready to defend herself by any means needed. "I was being honest!"

"This would've broken their fucking hearts if they'd read it, you know?" He began, before letting out a scoff. "Of course you fucking knew that."

Any fleeting fight she felt began to die down. "It was just the truth. I thought...I thought they deserved to know how I felt."

He shook his head, laughing again, this time louder. "You really were going to leave them, then? This isn't love, Lux!"

"I never claimed to love them!"

"But you do! You love them both, and they love you, and we all know they love each other too! You're all just too fucking blind to do anything about it!"

It was her turn to shake her head, releasing a scoff of her own. "Who the hell are you to say any of this? You don't know me, Potter, so quit acting like you do."

"Did you leave Lily a letter as well?" He questioned, dodging what she threw at him with a fireball of his own. When she was silent, a halfhearted smile slid onto his lips. "Of course you did. You think I don't know how you feel about her too? She's my girlfriend, I see it all, so quit playing dumb."

"I don't love Lily either. Not like that." And for the first time, it felt like she was speaking the truth.

"I know you don't love her, not like Remus and Sirius , but you still fancy her. The moment you stop lying to us — to yourself, is the day we can all finally fucking breathe in peace. It's like walking on constant eggshells around you and I know I'm not the only one who's bloody sick of it."

Lux's nose twitched, the only physical sign of hurt, of vulnerability she'd allow herself to show. "Maybe it would've been a good thing if I had left after all then, yeah? What the hell are you all mad about, that I was going to leave, if this is how you view me?"

"Because you're better than this! I know you are! You just don't want to be!"

Her eyebrows furrowed together, gaze narrowing in on him as she hugged those letters tight to her chest, as if he might rip them away from her. "You don't know a damn thing about me, so stop pretending."

James released a dejected breath. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I had my hopes up about you, thinking maybe you could be something good for them. Just...leave my friends alone, yeah?"

"Gladly."

After slamming the door in James's face and rushing back into the common room, Lux didn't return to her dorms, knowing facing Lily would ruin her. With the eyes of a dozen or so Gryffindors on her who had heard her and James's muffled shouting from upstairs, she kept her chin held high, marching out of the common room entirely.

She didn't have to return, she told herself, wiping away the flurry of angry tears that had finally broke through her. Even though it would pain her, she could abandon Fulk, take off into the night. Dumbledore wouldn't notice she'd left until the next day, maybe even two days from now, and by that point she could be on a boat, sailing to Brazil or South Africa or New Zealand. She didn't need him — she didn't need anyone or anything but her own wits. It's how she'd survived before, she could try again.

The thought dimmed just as fast as it entered her mind, shaking out of her when she turned the corner, not quite sure where she was headed to. No, Dumbledore's threat hadn't been an empty one. He'd send people after her, bring her back in chains and make her suffer more than Philip had the night he'd killed Elias. If Dumbledore let her live at all.

She could do this. She could make it. Maybe there was a spell she could use to erase Lily's memories — surely there had to be something of the sorts.

If not, it would be okay.

Lux had survived Philip, survived three hundred years of shame and abuse and fear. If she could do that, certainly she could make it through the humiliation of looking Lily Evans in the eye for the next seven months.

It would be okay.

Even so, she wasn't ready to go back quite yet, the unsettling churning of her stomach signaling if she were to return to her dorms, to Lily, she might as well make herself sick in the process.

Instead, Lux found herself in the Astronomy Tower, nuzzled into a corner near the edge of the balcony, watching through thin bars as the sun slowly began to set over the horizon. It would be nice, she thought to herself, to drift off to sleep in this position, knees held to up to her stomach and eyes fixed on the melting pot of colors in the sky.

Then, just as she was about to do as much, eyes slowly closing and head resting on her own shoulder, did a banging sound jolt her back into reality.

"Bloody hell, be careful!" A male voice whispered loudly from the entrance, followed by a wafting laugh. "Filch will be lurking about at this hour, we don't want him to catch us, do we?"

"Suppose not," a second male voice responded — this one Lux recognized instantly. She'd been in nearly the exact same spot as before when she'd had her first conversation with Regulus Black, but this time, he wasn't alone. This time, he had an appearance to maintain.

She shoved herself backwards, using a blanket covered telescope to fully conceal her body as the sounds of two footsteps grew closer. In the process of hiding herself, her shoulder brushed against a hidden part of the telescope, hard. With the sinking of her heart, she cringed as it wobbled once, twice, before toppling over entirely, landing on the stone floor with a clang loud enough to have her jumping.

"Fuck," she murmured, pivoting her head to look at the two boys. Their wide eyes and open mouths gave away the fact that they were as surprised as she was, especially the boy she didn't know the name of. He ran a hand through his light brown hair, brown eyes flickering between her and Regulus, who was frowning. Both boys wore Slytherin robes, and for a moment, Lux wondered why they weren't celebrating their Quidditch victory with their house.

"Erzsebet?" He said after a silence, and the other boy's shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. "What the hell are you doing up here?"

"I could ask you the same question," she spat back, before adding a childish, "I got here first."

"You know her, then?" The other boy confirmed with the scrunch of his nose, speaking about Lux as if she wasn't there.

"She's Professor Ingelger's daughter," Regulus explained, waving his hand in a dismissive motion.

Something akin to amusement danced in the boy's eyes. "Ingelger's pretty tough, I must say. First time I've actually enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"I'll be sure to let him know," Lux deadpanned.

"Mind if we sit here for a bit?" Regulus nudged his chin towards the open space in front of her. "Since, you know, you got here first?"

Ignoring the mocking gleam in his eye, she nodded. "Go ahead."

The pair of boys sat down, the brown haired one leaning his back against the railing. He was only seated for a second before he reached into his pocket, pulling out an odd sort of stick, a cigarette but not quite. Little bits of substance seemed to fall out from between the rolled up paper that created the stick-like thing, and with the wave of his hand, the end was lit on fire.

Lux scrunched her nose when a poignant smell entered the air, and the boy took a long drag from the not-cigarette. "What is that?"

She regretted her question the moment the boy turned to look at her, eyebrows raised in amusement. Even the stoic Regulus seemed to have difficulty in masking the humor he found in her lack of knowledge, which had her cheeks burning red.

"It's a blunt," the boy explained, words slow, like explaining something to a stupid person.

Lux blinked. Regulus let out a snort.

"You smoke it and you feel..."

"Like you're floating?" Regulus offered when the boy couldn't come up with the proper word.

"Perfect!" He grinned at his friend, before turning back to Lux, handing her the so called blunt. "Wanna try it?"

She should've said no, the smell and the lack of knowledge on the item both being a deterrent. Yet for some reason, she nodded, fingers wrapping around the paper as she brought it up to her lips in the same way the boy had.

Inhaling a deep breath, she paused, then began to cough. "Fuck," she spat, gagging and hacking. "This is disgusting!"

"It takes some getting used to," the boy laughed. "I'm Barty, by the way."

"Lux," she responded, voice raspy. Even so, she took another drag of the blunt, eyes watering as she did. "Merlin, this is disgusting."

"It'll kick in soon," Barty said, reaching over and taking the blunt from her, passing it to Regulus. "Then, you won't mind the taste."

He was right. Only a minute or so went by before Lux began to feel it; an almost hazy sensation, a gentle, relaxing lightness she'd never experienced before. As if a dozen bricks had been lifted off of her, resulting in a simply relaxing aura, a daze she'd never known until this moment.

"Oh, it's hit her for sure," Barty commented with a laugh, though his words barely registered to her.

She grinned at him, a smile that felt so oddly genuine considering the situation at hand, the people she'd ruined things with, the mess she'd have to put back together once she was no longer floating.

But for now, she could do just that; float. Float off the ground, away from all the people demanding things from her, to explain her feelings, to be a better person, to communicate, to fight in their wars. In the sky, hidden amongst the clouds, things were lighter. No one could bother her there.

"What are you doing up here anyways, Erzsebet?" Regulus asked after taking a long drag of the blunt, blowing out smoke through his lips.

It didn't occur to her who she was speaking to — that she probably shouldn't divulge a word towards him, not with the mark she'd seen branded on his wrist, a display of loyalties too foul to fathom. She wondered for a moment if Barty had one too, even glanced over at his arm, seeing if it was covered by the sleeve of his robe, or if he had nothing to hide. It was.

"Avoiding people," she murmured, reaching over to grab the blunt from Regulus, taking another deep breath the moment it sat between her barely parted lips.

"My brother?" Regulus raised his eyebrows.

"Hold on," Barty interjected, a lazy smirk sliding onto his lips. "Are you the girl Reg's brother did that massive proposal for in the Great Hall earlier this week?"

"Don't call me that," Regulus hissed, though a dismissive wave of Barty's hand had his protest dying.

"The very same," Lux grumbled, hating how his words lowered her descent from those clouds she'd been basking atop, bathing in the sun. "Don't wanna talk about it."

"You're in Gryffindor, then?" Barty pressed, nose twitching.

She nodded.

"Lucky. My father wanted me in Gryffindor, or Ravenclaw. Even Hufflepuff would've appeased him, I reckon. Bastard was right pissed when I got put in Slytherin."

"We could trade," Lux offered, fully serious. Sure, she'd have to put up with Snape and his endless riddles, but he was nothing compared to Lily and Sirius and Remus and James on top of each other.

"I wish," Barty sighed, leaning back against the railing, a hand behind his head. "You're fun, for a Gryffindor."

"You're not an arsehole, for a Slytherin," she responded, not sure if her words made any sense, and not caring either.

"What about me?" Regulus interjected, though the tone of his voice suggested he wouldn't be upset with any answer.

"I think the three of us should be best friends!" Barty declared, slamming a hand down on the stone floor for emphasis.

Regulus frowned. "Aren't we already?"

"Izzybert isn't." He pointed at her with his foot. "D'you wanna be our best friend for the rest of our lives?"

"Erzsebet," Lux corrected.

Barty scrunched his nose. "What kinda name is that?"

"It's Hungarian. A first name too, I think," she laughed, recalling for the first time in so many years, her father explaining the meaning behind their family. Behind himself. He'd moved to England from Hungary shortly before he'd met Mary Erzsebet — then Mary Snell, and the rest had become history. Lux had always thought it romantic, but now, she just ached for her parents in a way she hadn't before.

"Fuck, Izzybert, are you crying?"

Lux didn't have the energy to correct him again, instead focusing her attention on wiping away the tears that had emerged without a single warning beforehand. "Sorry," she murmured, then without thinking, continued, "I'm just having a hard time."

"Aren't we all," Regulus groaned, leaning his head back and staring up at the dimly lit sky. "I should be in the common room celebrating my Quidditch victory, but I'm here, with you two losers."

"Don't be rude!" Barty exclaimed, holding a hand to his heart as though greatly offended. "We're supposed to be your very best friends."

"Right," he let out a laugh. "Best friends. With my arsehole of a brother's girlfriend and the weird kid whose dad wants me in prison."

"Sirius isn't my boyfriend," Lux argued, though she found herself more curious as to why Barty's father would want Regulus arrested.

Perhaps it had something to do with the Dark Mark on his forearm, though she wasn't quite sure why he would allude to such a thing in front of her. Maybe it was the odd substances coursing through their bodies, breaking down the barriers they all maintained. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to release the array of pent up emotions, and this was his only opportunity.

"Good," Regulus said, pressing his lips together. "Like I told you before, you'd do well to stay away from him. He'll just leave you in the end, that's all he knows how to do. Leave people. Hurt people."

Funny enough, she was the one who was going to leave, not Sirius.

"He promised me that he wouldn't," she attempted to argue for a reason she couldn't fathom, a sudden flinch of defensiveness rushing into her. "We went to Hogsmeade once and he promised he'd never leave me."

"You believed him?"

Lux was silent.

Regulus barked a laugh, sounding so much like his brother. "Of course you did. Bloody fool. You can't trust that boy as far as you can throw him."

"What about you?" Barty asked, nudging his friend with his elbow. "Can we trust you, Reg, or do the Black genes run pure in your veins as well?"

He rolled his grey eyes, but kept his mouth shut.

"They can't run too far, since you're getting stoned with a blood traitor's son and a Gryffindor," Barty continued at his silence, eyeing Lux up and down. "She's also a blood traitor. No offense, of course."

"The day you all stop caring about blood status is the day the world can finally breathe," Lux murmured, reaching towards Regulus, who held the smoking blunt, and taking one final hit from it. "I take it your parents would have a fit if they knew who you kept as company?"

The corners of his lips curved upwards in the vague outline of a smile. "The weed itself would have them sending me to an early grave, trust me."

For some reason, Lux laughed, handing the blunt over towards Barty as she did.

"It's his one vice," Barty explained to her. "Otherwise, he's pureblood royalty. Ideal child, ideal student, ideal everything."

She didn't miss the hint of jealousy in his tone, though it seemed as though Regulus did, rolling his eyes and smirking to himself in an almost proud sort of gesture. Maybe sober, Lux would've found discomfort in his position on blood purity, but all she wanted was a laugh, and this, this certainly amused her.

Lux Erzsebet, a mudblood vampire, smoking weed with pureblood royalty and his trusted sidekick.

"What's so funny?" Barty asked as she let out a howl of laughter, head falling backwards as her lips parted.

"Your mum," Regulus answered for her. This only caused her to laugh harder.

At some point, Lux had fallen asleep, listening to the two boys banter. Her best friends, she remembered they'd declared themselves as when she woke up. While still in a general daze, her mind felt somewhat clearer than it had before, the sensation of being off the ground having lifted, resulting in her feet back firmly on the ground and her mind in reality.

Barty was snoring too, the sound echoing off the walls in a loud enough noise that she wondered how no one had found them. Regulus, on the other hand, was seated with his knees hugged up to his chest, gazing off at the starry sky with an almost lost expression.

"'morning," he muttered to her, not looking in her direction.

Lux moved to stand up, but nearly tripped as she did.

"You're seriously not sobered up yet?" Regulus frowned, this time glancing at her for the briefest of seconds.

"I feel a bit better," she countered. "How long was I asleep for?"

"Four hours, I'd say. Enough to get all that out of your system — you barely had any, anyways. Though since you're new to it all..." He shrugged, words trailing off.

"How long have you been smoking for?"

A small, sad sort of smile slid onto his lips. "Third year. You remember Thomas Mulciber, don't you?"

She gulped, nodding as her hands instinctively reached towards her throat.

"He got me onto it. Was my dealer for a long enough time, actually. But after he got expelled, I had to find someone else."

"Who?"

"Why? Trying to get into the wide world of drugs? Trust me, Erzsebet, someone like you wouldn't last a day with those kinds of people."

This time, the laugh she let out had nothing to do with the substances in her body. "You'd be surprised how well I'd get by."

He scoffed.

"Why do you smoke, anyways? Isn't that shit bad for you?"

A challenge danced in those stormy grey eyes of his, but he didn't bite the bait, not yet. Instead, he shook his head, returning his gaze back to the stars. "You see that bright one there?"

With an extended finger, he pointed towards a specific star, one emitting far more light than any of the others.

Lux nodded.

"That one's Sirius. Brightest in the sky."

She pressed her lips together.

"I was never destined to be better than him. Be where I am now, heir to everything," Regulus continued, tilting his head to the side. "He was supposed to be the star of House Black. I was just...the spare. It's a lot of pressure, Erzsebet. More than you'd think. One mistake and I'd..." He shook his head again, this time more rough. "If I've got to get high or drunk every once in a while to keep myself from imploding like Sirius did, becoming a bloody cosmic supernova, so be it."

"You don't want any of it, do you?" Lux asked before thinking, before realizing just how easily those words could be thrown right back at her.

"It's duty," he shrugged as Barty emitted a rather loud snore. "Sirius evaded it, and as per usual, I have to clean up his mess. Nothing I'm not used to."

"He sure does have a way of messing things up," she said, exhaling a breath as she did. "But so do I, so who am I to judge?"

"You wouldn't go our of your way to publicly humiliate someone. You wouldn't..." he trailed off again, running a hand through his hair as he bit down on his lip.

"Sirius didn't—"

"I don't mean that stunt in the Great Hall," he interrupted, a dark shadow eclipsing his expression. "My brother is a right bully, just like his best mate Potter. Just ask Severus Snape."

"Whatever he did to Snape, I'm sure that greaseball had it coming."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Defend my brother all you want, I don't care. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"I'm not defending Sirius," Lux lied. "I just...I don't think Snape's the kind of person we should go to bat for."

"And you are? The kind of person someone should defend, I mean."

She stiffened, inhaling a sharp breath. "What are you on about?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "Just have a hunch."

"Right." Lux exhaled a breath, stepping away from Regulus. "I best be off. Sure my dormmates are wondering where I've gone off to."

He didn't acknowledge her, simply staring off at the sky, at that star called Sirius, as if willing for it to go away. As if willing for it to come closer.

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─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

happy new year! hopefully you guys have an amazing 2025!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───