WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
022 ⸻ Where We Land

November 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

"Where'd you go off to last night?"

Lux sighed, knowing there was no way out of the interrogation she was about to be met with as she entered her dorms. Lily was halfway through buttoning up her shirt, her bra still visible.

She averted her eyes.

Marlene and Dorcas were absent, likely already having departed for breakfast, while Mary was applying lipstick in the mirror, long, delicate nails guiding the tub of makeup as to not accidentally mark her skin.

"I spent the night elsewhere," she said stiffly, collecting herself before rushing to grab a spare change of clothes out of her trunk.

"With Sirius?" Mary gasped as she swiveled the lipstick shut and slid the cap on it.

Lily's green eyes widened before Lux could deny it. "Bloody hell, you spent the night with Sirius? Did the other boys know?"

"I didn't spend the night with Sirius," Lux insisted, keeping her voice low despite no one being there to overhear. Hugging her clothes to her chest, she jerked towards the bathroom to go change, before explaining, "I was with my father."

"Right." Mary clicked her tongue, averting her eyes from the mirror to turn and look at Lux. Fluffing up her dark curls with her hands, she gave her a knowing smirk. "The man you haven't been speaking to for at least a month, you suddenly spent an entire night with. Tell me why I don't believe that."

"It's far more believable than me spending the night in the boy's dorms," Lux pointed out, nose scrunching at the mental image of what their living space must look like. Remus seemed to her like a neat freak, but she doubted the other three boys cared one way or another in regards to cleaning.

She shut the door behind her before either of the girls could argue further on the matter, locking herself into the bathroom. Stripping out of her dirty clothes, she spared a glance at the mirror, glaring at the lack of reflection.

Once she was redressed, Lux emerged back into the dorms, finding Mary had already vanished. Lily was on her bed, pulling her socks over her feet, adjusting them so they were perfectly layered against her thighs.

"Were you really with Professor Ingelger?" Lily asked once she rose to her feet, Lux having moved to her own bed and grabbed her wand.

"I was," she confirmed with a nod. "Not sure why that's so unbelievable. Surely everyone fights with their parents, then makes up."

Lily shook her head, ponytail whipping around as she did. "That was no fight, whatever you two had going on. That was a bloody nuclear standoff."

"It's resolved," Lux said sharply, palm digging into the wood of the wand she clenched. The only thing preventing her from inflicting a jibe at Lily, telling her to mind her business and scolding her for her constant persistence, was a reminder that she had four days left to see the redhead, and she needn't make their final moments together unpleasant. She didn't want to leave Hogwarts with regrets.

Instead, she forced a smile, and watched as Lily seemed to relax. "We should get to Potions, yeah? Don't want Slughorn badgering us for being late."

Class was as boring as usual, with the old professor spending nearly an hour explaining the various uses of rats tails, and then showing how exactly to slice the said ingredient to extract the most blood. For some reason, Peter Pettigrew seemed particularly bothered by this display, squirming in his seat every time Slughorn brought a blade to a tail.

Snape, on the other hand, seemed to have found an interest once again in the happenings of Lux and Lily, spending the majority of class eyeing the pair of girls rather than focusing on the mundane lesson at hand. Even Lily noticed his shift in behavior, whispering about it under her breath as they exited the classroom.

"Severus has been staring at us."

Lux nodded, fingernails digging into the palms of her hands. "I'm aware."

"He used to do that a lot," Lily continued as though Lux hadn't spoken. "Right when we stopped being friends — as if he stared at me enough, I'd change my mind or something. It's bizarre. But he quit around Christmas of last year. I thought...I don't know, I saw him staring at you quite often, but he rarely gives me so much as a glance anymore."

Setting aside the remark relating to her, Lux asked, "You never did tell me what happened between you and Snape. Just that he fell in with the wrong crowd."

Lily shook her head. "Doesn't matter. I'm glad he's finally found it in himself to move on, but if you're his new target, then..." her voice trailed off, and Lux did nothing to suede her beliefs elsewhere. She knew the real reason Severus Snape had taken an interest in her, but Lily could remain ignorant. None of it would matter soon anyways.

The two girls made their way into the Great Hall, Lily rambling on about her hopes for a certain meal with Lux absentmindedly nodding along. Her own stomach ached, a need for blood that rarely found itself completely fulfilled, though any fleeting thoughts of hunger vanished from her mind the moment they stepped through the doors.

Just as her feet made contact with the stone ground, breaking through the barrier separating the Great Hall from the hallway, what had seemingly been an average lunch experience exploded.

Lily yelped, stumbling backwards as fireworks emerged from thin air, pinks and whites and yellows bursting in the air, covering the starry night ceiling with radiant colors.

"What's going on?" Lux cried over the sounds of fireworks exploding and the eruption of voices, whipping towards the redhead as if she had any more of a clue as to the sudden shift in environment.

Lily shook her head, green eyes scanning the area, though Lux observed her skin pale as they settled on something straight ahead. Though her shock wore off within a moment, replaced by an irritated scowl. "Oh, for fucks sake!"

Parting her lips, Lux moved to inquire about what it was, though the moment she followed Lily's gaze, she found it no longer necessary.

Hovering above the professor's table, in which McGonagall was already frantically attempting to remove the various bursts of colors with the wave of her wand, a collection of fireworks had stilled, only just buzzing about as they read in pink bubble letters: Lux Erzsebet, be my girlfriend!

Her throat went dry, heart stilling its beating in her chest. All eyes seemingly directed themselves at her, the Great Hall having one collective thought — who the hell was Lux Erzsebet, and why was the beloved Sirius Black asking her out?

Sirius emerged moments later, not stepping out from a shadow or rising from a seat at the table, but from behind her — behind her and above, seated atop a shiny wooden broomstick, flower petals floating down from the bristles as he passed by those he flew over. A few fell atop her head, landing in her blonde curls that Lux swiftly picked out and tossed to the ground, just as Sirius lowered himself in front of her.

She watched in a mixture of shock and horror as the boy swung his legs off of the broom, dismounting it and stepping up to her. Hovering several feet behind him on a broomstick of his own, James Potter was grinning as he continued to toss down a seemingly endless supply of petals from a basket. For a moment, she thought he'd too surrounded himself with white fireworks, but as she squinted, her heart sank. The boy was dressed as Cupid, with white wings attached to a sparkling leotard and a bow slung over his shoulder.

Averting her eyes from the sight, she momentarily settled her gaze on the Gryffindor table. Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were seated near the end of the benches, watching the scene before them with varying expressions — Peter awestruck, and Remus horrified, jaw dropped in a silent protest.

Lux diverted her attention back to Sirius just in time to see him reach into the pocket of his robe. "Black, what are you—"

"I ask that you please save any questions you may have until after I finish my proposal, Luxie," he interjected as he rummaged through his pocket, frowning for a moment before his eyes lit up. When he retracted his arm, a silver chain necklace was entwined with his fingers, which he extended towards her.

"It glows in the dark," he explained, nudging his chin towards a small sun charm dangling off of the chain. "So you'll never be afraid."

Her lips parted, then pressed together again.

"Go out with me," Sirius urged at her silence. "I'll treat you well, I swear it. Forever, I will. You'll never have to worry a day in your life. I'll let you win every argument, I'll buy you anything you want, I'll make sure you never know a day that isn't full of happiness."

Yes, Lux almost said, only just catching herself before the word could tumble out. Yes, she would go out with him, she'd be his girlfriend, she'd allow her guards to come down once again and open her heart to the idea of love again.

It was selfish to say yes, but Lux had never been known for her care for others, for putting people before her own wants and needs.

Except there would be no forever, as Sirius was promising. She couldn't give him that — she couldn't even give him a year, when she and Fulk were set to leave in three days, return to their self imposed exile and never deign face humans again.

Was it worth it, giving in, giving herself those three days, only to leave without a trace? As much as she craved those three days, part of Lux wanted to prove, if only in the smallest, most unremarkable of actions in comparison to her past, that she could be a good person. She could try, grit her teeth and push her own wants away for the wellbeing of someone else.

Saying no now might upset Sirius, might humiliate him, even, but no doubt leaving after three days of exclusivity would be exponentially worse. She could explain, she supposed, though the thought was fleeting. Doing as much would only lead to questions — why were they leaving, why so soon, where were they going, could they see each other again? Questions she knew she couldn't answer.

Lux spared herself a second to glance at Lily, who was observing the situation with a nervous expression, eyes wide and biting down on her lip.

Then, she forced herself to look at Sirius.

He seemed to know her answer before she said it, a dejected look in his expression, something in between a plea and acceptance. "Right," he exhaled at her silence, taking a step backwards and forcing a smile. "Er...you've got a few petals in your hair."

She felt frozen in place, simply watching as the fireworks his magic had set off dimmed, and the excited whispers that had been floating around the Great Hall quieting down until there was nothing but an awkward silence.

Lux didn't realize her feet had begun to move again until she was buried within the halls of Hogwarts, far enough away from the Great Hall that no one there would be able to find her — no one but Lily Evans, who had grabbed onto her arm the moment she had walked away and had not let go since.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked when she regained consciousness beyond her body's instincts, and stopped in the middle of the corridor. There was an edge to her voice, bracing herself for impact once Lux inevitably exploded on her.

Despite the fuzziness in her brain, she knew she wouldn't do that. Not this time. Not when she'd already hurt Sirius.

"I'm fine," she murmured, sliding her arm out of Lily's grip to hug herself, gripping onto her skin as if it would fall off her bones otherwise.

"They can be a lot," Lily empathized, moving to place her hand on Lux's shoulder and gently squeezing down. "James did a similar proposal to me once, in fourth year. I gave him a proper lecture for it too — he was terrified after. I think he might have pissed himself."

Lux let out a soft laugh, the hint of a smile sliding onto her lips. "You said yes to him though, so it had to have worked. Subconsciously, anyways."

"It's more complicated than that," she insisted, but didn't elaborate. Lux didn't press. It felt like one of those grey areas in which she had no right to intrude upon.

"I'm sorry he humiliated you like that," Lily said when Lux was silent, her voice soft.

"I don't feel humiliated," Lux countered, though there wasn't an accusation in her tone. Not this time. Just tepid resignation.

"How do you feel, then?"

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I...I'm just going to go back to the dorms, wait for this all to settle. Let me know what I miss in class, yeah?"

"I'll come with you," she said, keeping her hand on Lux's shoulder even when she took a step backwards.

Another shake of her head, even as her heart skipped a beat. "Don't miss out on class for no reason. That's silly."

"It isn't silly if you need me." Her words were said with such simplicity, so matter-of-fact, even Lux found it difficult to doubt the sincerity in them.

It was no different than it had been with Sirius, the deep desire to say yes. Throw caution to the wind, be selfish, allow herself a brief moment of indulgence before vanishing from their lives.

But unlike Sirius, Lily lacked his boldness, his lack of filter, his radiating confidence. When there was room to concede, she would, and she did.

"You're probably right," she said with a wobbly smile, knowing what Lux's silence meant. "I'll see you after class, yeah?"

Lily was vanishing down the hall within moments, leaving Lux in an abysmal sort of solitude once more. One she'd have to get used to, she figured with a disgruntled release of her breath. It wasn't at all bad with Fulk, though it would take some getting used to, just as it had adjusting from a life with just him to what she lived now, surrounded by people at all times.

It was for the best. Hogwarts hadn't been of any good to her, only providing her with untamable anxiety and a ever growing mountain of guilt. Retreating back into herself, isolating with the one person who could even begin to fathom the whirlwind in her mind, was the best course of action. Not just for herself, but for the people she'd grown to care for.

"That's awful melodramatic."

Lux didn't have to turn around to know who was addressing her, though it didn't stop a jolt of shock from running through her at the initial break of silence. Closing her eyes and inhaling a sharp breath through her nose, she turned around and allowed her gaze to meet Snape's.

"Get out of my head," she snarled as he stepped through the otherwise empty hallway, until only a few feet separated them.

"Trust me, I'm out," he said with the lazy tilt of his head. Typically, she'd associate such a movement with sarcasm, but Snape was one of the few people she fully struggled to get a read on. "I have no interest in the pity party you're throwing yourself. It's embarrassing, really."

"I don't expect you to understand," she muttered just loud enough for him to hear, glaring at him as she did. "Is there something you want?"

His chin lifted, peering down at her over the bridge of his nose. "I heard you and Ingelger intend on leaving Hogwarts. As my ally, I assumed that you'd divulge anything of importance to me, yet you've been keeping this a secret. Why?"

Lux didn't need to demand how he'd found out. She knew, and was just as aware that he held no shame in his blatant breech of privacy.

"What does it matter if I told you or not?" She countered, folding her arms over her chest. "You'll pick apart my brain for the truth anyways."

"I expect transparency with us. I shouldn't have to invade your mind to know where you stand."

She said a silent curse, hoping he was reading her mind and thus knew exactly how she felt about him. "Well, I suppose it'll be of no concern to you soon. I'll be gone before next week, and you'll no longer have to worry about my lackluster communication."

To her surprise, a flicker of amusement flashed across Snape's usually stoic expression. A look she knew all too well, one of someone underestimating her, looking at her and viewing a naive child and nothing more.

Her fists clenched into balls.

But Snape said nothing further on the subject, not elaborating on what it was he found so funny in her statement. Instead, taking another step in her direction and narrowing his gaze on her, he stated, "I take it you didn't reach a conclusion with Lily."

"We did," Lux answered with a casual shrug. "It just wasn't the conclusion you wanted. She doesn't have any desire to talk to you, Snape, so I suggest you give it up."

"I bet you barely even tried. You had a month, surely she would've given in eventually, if you really pushed for it."

She didn't bother arguing with his accusation, or push back on the entitled assumption that Lily was somehow obligated to speak to him. "I warned you that she wouldn't listen to me. It isn't my fault you didn't take my words for the truth."

His nostrils flared, but his evident anger was otherwise held back. "I won't be teaching you how to block me from your mind, then."

"Why would I care?" She shot back, barely containing her own sudden amusement. "I'm leaving. I'll never see you — or any other mind reader, for that matter, again."

Once again, that hint of humor flashed over his face. "If that's what you believe."

Her eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Snape shook his head, letting out a scoff as he stepped away from her. "It means exactly what I said. You'll come crawling back to me soon enough, Erzsebet, and by that point, you'll be the one begging for help."

Her lips parted, a dozen different questions dancing on her tongue, but it was too late. Snape had already vanished down the hallway, turning the corner and disappearing from sight.

November 5th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

It was more than safe to say that Sirius Black was avoiding Lux. The next two days of class that went by were monotonous at best, and downright torture at worst, in which Sirius refused to so much as glance in her general direction.

Fair enough, she supposed through the guilt that had begun to eat her alive. She had publicly rejected him, even if she was right in doing so. The urge to explain herself to him hit her more than once, but every time, she managed to hold onto restraint. He didn't need to know her reasons behind her rejection just yet, he'd figure out all he needed to know once she and Fulk had left the school.

It wasn't only Sirius that had her on edge, however, but the treatment she was receiving from his three best friends. Remus, she was used to receiving odd looks and discomforting auras from, but James Potter and Peter Pettigrew never seemed to care one way or another regarding her, keeping her at a hopeful distance in what she presumed was them waiting for her to spark a friendship first.

That was most certainly off the table now, considering the glares directed at her every time she passed them in the hallways, the fury in which James in particular seemed to possess whenever she was within twenty feet of him. Lux was surprised that he managed to remain completely human in his anger, half expecting devil horns to form on his head every time his eyes fell upon her.

Lux supposed it didn't help that the first Quidditch match of the season was coming up, with James as captain for the first time, leading the Gryffindor team against Slytherin. This was a big deal, according to Dorcas and Marlene, who spoke about the upcoming match endlessly in the days leading up to it.

She had half a mind not to go to the game, and was prepared to say as much when Lily approached her in the late morning on Saturday, as Lux was running a brush through her hair. Dorcas and Marlene had already left the dorms to prepare for the match, while Mary had gone off somewhere with her boyfriend.

A pang of guilt ran through Lux when she realized she'd never get a chance to give her three other dormmates a proper goodbye.

"Are you going to the match?" Lily asked, sitting down on the edge of Lux's bed.

She shook her head. From her understanding, the plan was for her and Fulk to meet just before the match began, discuss their terms with Dumbledore while the rest of the school was distracted by their balls and broomsticks, and vanish before anyone could notice they were planning to leave at all.

"Why not?" The redhead tilted her head to the side.

"Just don't fancy it, is all," she said — not quite a lie, either. Quidditch was something she'd never had an interest in. Not until this moment, anyways, where she felt as though she was losing a final opportunity for something.

Lily pressed her lips together, clearly contemplating whether or not to push Lux on her decision. After making her own mental choice, she pushed herself back onto her feet, giving her a smile as she did. "Alright. Well, if Gryffindor wins, expect a massive party. Bigger than the one on Halloween."

"And if they don't win?" Lux asked, though she wasn't quite sure why. It wasn't like she'd be around to see it.

"Then you will have to stay up all night and comfort Dorcas and Marlene as they cry."

"Me?" She blinked. "Where will you be?"

"Comforting James, of course," she answered with a regretful sigh, as if she'd much prefer Lux's assigned job. "And, I suppose Sirius as well. Lord knows Remus and Peter would be awful at it — Peter gets nervous whenever anyone's upset, and Remus would probably just tell Sirius to suck it up."

Lux snorted. That sounded about right.

"I should probably get going," Lily said after a silence, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ear.

"Right."

She frowned, head moving to the side. "Is everything alright?"

"Of course it is," Lux lied, breath hitching as she did. Sensing Lily didn't believe her, she forced a rare smile, hating how unnatural it felt on her face, like someone had drawn it in for her.

She watched, a deep self hatred filling her gut as Lily opened her mouth, then closed it again, shaking her head. "Okay, well...see you soon."

Shutting the door after her, a glimpse of Lily's red hair flashed by before she vanished from sight entirely. She was gone before Lux had the chance to say goodbye. Truly, really, say goodbye.

Tears bit at her eyes, ugly, hideous tears that had gotten her nowhere in life before and certainly would not do her any good now. Lux had cried only days ago, allowed Fulk to wipe away her tears with his thumbs and tell her it was all going to be okay, as if she were a child. Despite it being in the presence of someone, she hadn't felt nearly as pathetic then as she did now. At least then she could rationalize her emotions, understand where they were coming from.

Now it felt like her world was crashing down, and there was nothing she could do but brace for impact.

Wiping away her tears, she collected her stuff quickly, shoving it into her trunk. Clothes, books, anything of value. Nothing was left behind, as she knew anything might be of value once they returned to the forest. Would she be able to keep her wand, she wondered to herself as she twiddled the piece of wood between her fingers. Or would Dumbledore demand it remain with him? Surely she wouldn't be allowed to keep her ring, nor would Fulk.

Lux gulped, glancing out at the window, at the bright sun reflecting off the glass. Would she ever get to feel its piercing rays again? Or was she doomed to another three hundred years of darkness?

Once again, she found her thoughts drifting to Lily, Sirius and Remus. Her entire soul ached at the concept of departing without a word, even if she knew they'd get over it. They deserved answers, she thought, and more selfishly, she wanted a small bit of closure, a spec of redemption in everything she'd fucked up.

Lily deserved better than anything she'd ever been, but that didn't stop Lux from putting her own wants first, as she so often did.

With a deep breath, she confirmed she'd gathered everything she needed, before finding a piece of parchment and a quill. Not stopping herself for even a moment to consider if she should do this, if it was a good idea, she began to write.

Lily,

By the time you read this, I won't be in your life anymore. There will be no need to worry about when my next explosion will be, when I will hurt your feelings next and how to go about repairing what I shattered for the sake of peace.

I'm leaving Hogwarts, and if all goes to plan, we will never cross paths again. Don't mourn this. You know as well as I that all I've done is cause you unnecessary headaches. I rip you to shreds and expect you to mend what had been my own creation. It's taxing on you, a burden you shouldn't feel the need to uphold.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this, why I see something good and deem it a threat. You're not the only one who I've hurt with this mindset, but I hope you are the last, that I no longer view love like a weapon. There are things that have happened before we met, things nothing to do with you, that have shaped me into something I no longer desire to be. In an effort to protect myself, I inflict the same pain I desperately try to evade.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I could write it over and over again, those two hollow words, but I know how little they mean coming from me, so I will spare myself the effort of writing them, and you the effort of reading. Just know that this time, I do mean it. I mean every word.

The truth is, Lily, for the longest time, you frightened me. It wasn't any fault of yours, simply my own inability to see anything but the worst in those around me. You never had any bad intentions, so I created them myself, an illusion of what you were.

You intoxicated me, too. From the moment we met, I couldn't breathe when in your presence, couldn't think outside of a craving for your undivided attention. I'm not used to such feelings, no less towards the same gender. No less towards someone so faultless, all I could think about other than my desire for you was the blatant fact that I did not deserve you.

I didn't deserve you then, and I certainly don't deserve you now. James Potter treats you with the utmost respect and kindness, where I can't handle a single moment of vulnerability without lashing out. You deserve the gentleness and understanding he has, without the massive hoard of baggage. You deserve friends like Mary and Marlene and Dorcas, nice, kind girls who don't shout at you for your best quality — your compassion.

Don't change. Please. Don't let me dissolve the care you have, that kindness you find a way to show in every situation. Maybe it's hypocritical for me to say, maybe it's a lesson I should take in myself before forcing it upon others, but the rest of the world will not hurt you like I have. And if they do, don't give them the time you have to me. I never did deserve it.

Goodbye, Lily.

— Lux

She considered just leaving it at that, allowing Lily to do whatever she wished with the letter, but something in Lux wouldn't let her move. Not without addressing Remus and Sirius as well, at giving them what she thought would be somewhat of an explanation.

If only so she could be remembered without anything but bitter hatred.

Sirius,

As you likely gathered by the point in which you're reading this, I have left Hogwarts. My father and I deemed ourselves needed elsewhere. Hogwarts was no good for either of us, which I know you can't understand, but I ask that you respect anyways. You've never not fit in with your peers, never felt like an outsider looking in.

I feel that every day here. I feel this horrible sensation that I do not belong, that I am not worthy, hence why I pushed you away so many times before. It had nothing to do with you, only my own inability to trust that your intentions were sincere.

The only reason I rejected you in the way I did in the Great Hall was because I knew I was leaving. Wouldn't it have been selfish to say yes, only to vanish three days later? Didn't I do the right thing, for the first time in my life? I don't know, I genuinely don't. But I try, Sirius, I try, and doesn't that have to be good for something?

Sorry. I'm making this about me, aren't I? This is meant to be an apology, and I'm doing a shit job at it.

I'm sorry, Sirius. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep myself from being hurt, and in response, all I did was make both of us suffer. By the time I was willing to open up to you — not entirely, but enough to accept you didn't mean me any harm, it was too late.

It's for the best. I know it is, and so do you.

Even so, even despite everything, I had a good time with you. Thank you for showing me the sun, even for a few moments in what will be an eternity. I won't forget it.

Yours,

Lux

Remus's letter took the longest, simply because she'd yet to fully dissect what it was she felt towards the boy, and thus how to put those words onto paper. While her letter to Lily had been a confession, and to Sirius had been an apology, Remus's felt more like an accusation than anything.

Remus,

I don't know why I'm writing this. I'll regret it, I know I will. I've left letters to others, and while theirs I'm certain are needed, yours I'm less sure about.

But if I don't get this out somehow, I'll scream. And maybe you deserve to know how I feel about you, even if you'll read this and crumple it up and never think on it again, you deserve the chance to hear what I have to say. Or maybe I just want an excuse, who knows? I've never been a good person, you've banished any doubts I had in that aspect of myself.

I'll begin with the obvious; we shouldn't have snogged in detention. That was wrong of us. There's something about you, Remus, that drives me mad, but I can't quite place my finger on what it is.

I think we're similar in a way that makes us both uncomfortable. We're both guarded, we're both rough around the edges, we both have secrets (and no, before you freak out, I don't know what your secret is, nor do I particularly care. But I know you have one. It's clear as day.)

I can't pretend this didn't entice me in a way. I've been attracted to you since the day we met, even despite a primal fear that would jerk at my insides, telling me you were dangerous. I think I liked the danger, sought it out, even, in a fucked up sort of way. Even when Sirius pursued me, even when enjoying his pursuit, I wanted you too.

For that, I'm sorry. Messing with your feelings, with your friends, was never something I wanted to do. I got caught up, in over my head. I'd not been used to receiving attention, let alone reciprocating it. Let alone more than one person giving me it.

For the rest, I don't know what to say, other than ask you questions I know you will never be able to answer. Why did you scare me so much? Why did you entice me, even through the fear you struck in my body? Why did you despise me in my feelings for more than one person, when you were the one to initially start the spark between us? Why am I always the only one to blame?

So many questions, never enough time. Not from you, anyways. Merlin knows I have more than enough time to spare.

It's certainly a good thing I'm leaving. We'd tear each other to bits if I didn't, a ridiculous cycle of snogging and shouting and fucking and fighting that I haven't got the will to participate in. It's better for everyone that I do, for you and for Sirius and for myself.

I truly hope I never see you again, Remus. I don't think either of us will be able to manage it.

- Lux

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Fulk and Albus had been waiting for nearly twenty minutes before Lux finally stumbled through the doors to the Headmaster's office, spouting apologies through heavy breathing as she did.

"Sorry, sorry, fuck, I'm sorry," she exhaled, sweat beading down her face. Her trunk was at her heals, dragging it alongside her, and Fulk found himself frowning.

"Did you not use an enchantment on your items?"

She paused halfway through worming her trunk through the heavy door, then paled. "For fucks sake."

"It's understandable that she may have forgotten," Albus began, jumping to her defense with a soft smile. "If this meeting is as urgent as you claim it to be, then I imagine her mind is ripe with concerns far bigger than magic."

Lux said nothing, finally dropping her trunk and making her way over towards the desk. Fulk considered asking her what had taken her so long, but the red hue in her eyes had him shutting his mouth, answering the question for him.

"Please, sit," Albus said, motioning towards the available chair.

She did, Fulk noticing a tremble run through her as she did. Her thumb twisted around that ruby gemstone of hers, spinning it around her finger over and over in an almost hypnotic movement.

"We'd like to discuss our departure," Fulk began at the following silence. Best get it over with as fast as possible, before Lux lost her mind entirely. His stomach twisted into knots at the nerves she was displaying, her cold exterior cracked just enough to let him see the depths of her emotions.

Lily Evans, he figured, was the cause of it. Sirius Black as well — especially given that display in the Great Hall, of which he had not been witness to personally, but the gossip amongst the staff members had been impossible to avoid. Even Minerva McGonagall had appeared interested in it, questioning Fulk on the topic when they had a moment alone in the hallway.

He hadn't yet had the chance to speak to Lux on her own about it, though judging by the dismal expression she was trying to hard to conceal, she felt the aftereffects down to her bones.

"Your departure?" Albus raised an eyebrow, those awful blue eyes sparkling as they slid between the two. A study of them. "Do elaborate, Fulk. What do you mean by your departure?"

"Lux and I wish to leave," he said simply, though he regretted his plain spoken words the moment they came out. Fulk knew he couldn't speak his full truth, not in front of Lux. Not when she hadn't a clue that the Coven grew closer and closer to their location at every passing moment, with an expected arrival by the new year. But Albus did, and Fulk was sure to look the Headmaster in the eye as he continued, "We've served enough of a purpose as it is, Albus. There's no use in keeping us around — you surely know by now that we will not ever bend the knee to Voldemort."

Albus blinked, and if Fulk had been any more foolish, he would've assumed the man was caught off guard. But no, the tranquility on his face did not fade, a sort of placid smile remaining just as present.

"You've yet to prove your loyalty to me," was what he eventually settled on.

From next to Fulk, Lux stiffened her posture, her skin paling more than it already was.

"How can I trust that you leaving isn't just to join Voldemort?" He continued when neither vampire spoke. "How do I know you won't immediately run to his side?"

Fulk's lips parted, but Lux was the first to answer his question, voice tight as she did. "If we wished to join him, why would we approach you first? We could've just left. We have our rings, we could leave the country before you caught up to us, and then where would you land?"

For the first time, his demeanor shifted, a small smirk twitching at the corner of Albus's lips. "I assure you, Lux, I am of far greater talents than the Coven. You know this as well — there is no running from me. I will find you."

"We could kill you," Lux snarled, leaning towards him, those blue eyes of hers sparkling as well, a fury in them he'd only seen a few times before. "We could kill you right now. You'd be a fool to think you can overpower both of us, Headmaster."

"I know," he admitted with a gentle nod. "But not before you have the Ministry and my select followers after you as well. Maybe you can overpower an old man, but I doubt the two of you would stand a chance in a battle with a dozen Aurors. My death would be heavily investigated, of course, being such a high official. After even the smallest bit of digging, all fingers would point to you."

"We have no desire to join Voldemort," Fulk interjected before Lux could say another word, dig themselves into an even deeper hole with threats lacking the sugar he always laced his own words with.

"How can I believe you, Fulk? After everything?"

Lux pivoted her head, a silent question in her eyes as she glanced up at him.

His stomach twisted, not at the words, but at the knowledge that Lux was certain to question him about it, which he could not provide answers to. The trust between the two had only just begun to build back up, and this was doing to desecrate it once more — which, Fulk realized as he thought, was exactly what Albus Dumbledore wanted.

"We needn't discuss my past," Fulk said simply, folding his hands in his lap.

Not when I could bring up yours, he thought as he did, but kept his mouth shut. Lux, to his surprise, did as well.

"We'll give back our rings," he continued, twisting the gem around his finger. Lux shrunk ever so slightly. "As proof that we remain loyal to you."

"Voldemort could likely replicate it."

"Do you want us to join him?" Fulk asked, words coming out more snappy than he intended. "Albus, I have no clue how to convince you we do not desire it. All we want is to return to the life we used to live. Hogwarts has provided more challenges than we initially thought."

Though he hadn't even hinted at his words involving Lux, Albus's eyes slid over to the girl anyways, scanning her as though she kept a deep secret buried within her that he could somehow pry out through his gaze alone. "You're facing challenges, Miss Erzsebet?"

She was silent.

"What sort of challenges?" He pressed at her lack of response.

"It matters little what they are," Lux eventually answered, twisting her hands together. "The life we lived before was more calming for me. Here I feel...anxious."

Albus lifted an eyebrow, a mocking glint in his gaze. "You wish to abandon your freedom due to a spout of anxiety?"

Once again, she was silent, though this time, Fulk fully understood why. It was not out of lack of words to respond with, but a protest of sorts, a refusal to give in to the demands of the man in front of her.

"You haven't earned the rights to her private thoughts and emotions, Albus," Fulk reminded the man with a glare. "And how can you possibly call this place freedom, if we are not permitted to leave?"

"If you believe this place to be a prison, so be it." Albus shrugged, though he didn't so much as glance in Fulk's direction as he did, attention still remained focused on Lux. She'd always been of more interest to the Headmaster than Fulk ever had been, even with the history the two held between them.

He wanted to shove her to the side, physically place his body in between the two, if only to just get Albus to stop looking at her like a threat he was prepared to take down.

And while she still kept quiet, Fulk knew exactly what she was thinking. The Coven had been no worse of a prison, she was determining. While no one had yet to violate her bodily autonomy, she was preparing for the worst, if she was truly to be locked in a place like this. The Coven had made the same promise, the same claim that she was free under their reign, yet kept a tight leash on her anyways.

It was impossible for Fulk to play that game of mental chess with Albus when Lux was here, a sweeping need to protect her at all costs taking over what would usually be a match of wits, of intelligence. Now, it was primal.

Then, she looked up at Fulk, and though she was silent, he knew exactly what question lingered on her tongue. What were they supposed to do next?

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he attempted to ignore the gut punch sensation in his stomach. He'd have been content remaining at Hogwarts if it was just him, but Lux...

She had said she didn't know if she'd survive it. If she could manage it, the new twists and turns she had to learn, the social norms she had to abide by. The feelings she couldn't restrain, teenage impulses that consumed her day and night, without any blockers there that had been before.

"Please, Albus."

He hadn't told himself to speak, not given his tongue permission to move. But the words slipped out anyways, sending a wince through him a moment after.

Albus shook his head. "I will not risk it."

Fulk opened his mouth, but Lux had already jumped back onto her feet, eyes wide in a newfound panic.

"Fuck," she swore under her breath, more to herself than to either of the men.

She didn't bother grabbing the trunk she'd dragged to the office. Whatever it was that had struck such urgency in her was important enough that she didn't need her belongings, rushing out of the classroom without so much as a word.

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─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

the final chapter of 2024! hope you all enjoyed <3

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───