WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
014 ⸻ Permanent Marks

October 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogsmeade

"You're going to love it here," Sirius repeated for perhaps the tenth time as Lux trailed at his side, following the swarm of students on their way to Hogsmeade Village, which was a mile or so west of Hogwarts. "Trust me, there's about a hundred different shops. You can get anything that you can imagine. There's this sweets shop I really like, they've got the best chocolate, Remus loves it — you like candy, don't you?"

Not saying a word, she shook her head, and his jaw dropped.

"You're kidding! How can you not like candy?"

"Are you forgetting that she doesn't eat?" James jumped in from where he was behind them, Lily at his side. They'd been mid conversation regarding something Lux had been drowning out, focusing on Sirius and his rambles.

"Right," Sirius sighed. "How could I forget?"

"I eat," Lux argued lamely, shoulders stiffening when they all gave her looks. "What? I do!"

"Literally when?" James asked, an amused smile dancing on his lips.

She shook her head, but didn't answer the question.

"Right, no sweets shop then." Sirius clicked his tongue. "Anywhere else that tickles your fancy, Luxie? Today's your day."

Another shake of her head, this time more determined. "I wouldn't know where to start. I don't know shit about Hogsmeade and what they've got."

Sirius thought for a moment, long and hard as their pathway made a sharp turn that soon bled into Hogsmeade. Lux could barely contain her shock at the multitude of shops that came into view, everything appearing vastly different from the other, with their own purpose separate from whatever was next to them. Hundreds of people, be it Hogwarts students or Hogsmeade natives, swarmed the streets, all consumed with their own conversations and tasks.

"What do you think?" Lily moved away from James to nudge Lux, those green eyes alight.

"It's...a lot," she managed.

"It is," she agreed with a compassionate nod. "You'll get used to it, trust me." Her attention swerved back to James. "Do you fancy hitting up the Three Broomsticks?"

James beamed, as though she'd offered him both a million galleons and her hand in marriage. "Of course I would. What kind of man would I be if I denied you?"

She rolled her eyes, but when he extended a hand for her to take, she accepted, and Lux watched with Sirius at her side as the pair stalked off towards a cozy looking restaurant packed with people. James held open the door for her, which she grinned at, and disappeared from their view moments later.

Sirius turned, eyes scanning Lux as she frowned. "I would ask if you were hungry, but I think I know the answer."

To her surprise, she let out a gentle, breezy laugh, despite not having felt anything even akin to amusement up until his words. "Where do you usually go when you come here? I want to go wherever that is."

He lifted his eyebrows in a funny sort of look. "Are you sure you want to—" he began, but was cut off by a small child running up to them, golden hair blowing in the wind as she raced away from her mother and towards the pair, stopping only inches in front of them. Not to them, to Lux, apparently, as the little girl's eyes were fixed on her.

"Pretty!" She cried out, a fat finger jammed up at Lux.

She blinked, momentarily stunned, before the softest of smiles slid onto her lips. "You think I'm pretty?"

The little girl nodded, grinning just enough to reveal a shiny row of teeth that must've only recently fully come in. Judging by the girl's appearance, she couldn't have been older than three.

Lux's lips parted to speak, but before she could, she was interrupted.

"I'm so sorry," the girl's mother dashed up to the pair, sprouting frantic apologies as she scooped her daughter into her arms, holding her tight to her chest. "Don't run away like that ever again, Esme," she scolded the girl, who simply smiled back in response.

"It's fine," Lux said, eyes fixed on the child, as opposed to the mother. She waited, waited for the girl to somehow understand what Lux was and begin screaming and crying, but she didn't. Children were all instincts, and yet, this one seemed to find Lux something positive, her arms outstretching towards her even as her mother attempted to contain her. "I'm not opposed to being called pretty. Your daughter is gorgeous as well. Esme, is it?"

The little girl nodded, brown eyes wide as she looked up at Lux from her mother's arms.

"Well, Esme, your dress has to be the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen." She reached over, gently tapping one of the silky red bows adorned on the flouncy dress she wore. "Did your mother buy it for you?"

"I made it," the woman said with a proud smile.

"It's lovely. Just like you." She reached over, planting a finger on Esme's round button nose and emitting a loud laugh from her.

"We ought to get going now, it's nearly time for her nap," the mother said.

Sirius waved them goodbye as they departed further down the pathway, before his attention turned back to Lux with a curious expression. "You like kids, then?"

She paused for a moment, then shrugged, though she could feel bile biting in her throat. "I've got nothing against them. It would be weird if I didn't like kids, honestly. Wouldn't that make me a shit person, holding grudges against three year olds?"

His lips curved upwards at her long winded answer. "I like kids too."

Her stomach lurched.

"Back to what I was saying," he continued on, his gaze shifting towards a small shop halfway down the row of buildings they were standing within. A dingy sign hung over the top, reading The Scarlet Phoenix in old fashioned lettering, like a medieval textbook.

"I've been meaning to go back there for a while. I went once, on my seventeenth. Got this." He grabbed his sleeve and yanked it upwards, all the way to his shoulder. Dug into his skin with deep black ink was a dog's paw print, embedded in a way she doubted any magic could ever fully erase.

"A tattoo?"

He nodded. "Do you like it?"

"It's...an interesting choice," she admitted, staring at his shoulder even as he covered it back up, rolling his sleeve down to his elbow.

"I want another one," he proclaimed. "And I want you to come and get one with me."

She blinked, then as she processed his words, let out a scoff. "You think I'm going to get something like that," she waved a hand around the area his tattoo was on, "permanently put onto my body?"

"Why not? It'll be fun. You only live once, why not have some joy out of it?"

"You're insane," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not getting a tattoo."

"Well, will you come with me and hold my hand while I get mine?" He asked, and when she frowned, he continued, "Hey, don't give me that look! They hurt like a bitch, really!"

"I'm not doubting you." She exhaled a breath, meeting his eyes, which were wide and pleading. "How long will it take?"

"An hour, tops," he promised. "I just want something small."

Closing her eyes, she released a breath again, concluding, "Fine. But only because you're being bloody annoying about it."

Unaffected by her insult, he let out a whoop, practically jumping up and down as she allowed him to grab onto her hand and drag her towards the tattoo parlor. He only let go of her hand when they were inside, greeted by a girl with bright pink hair, covered head to toe in tattoos, who was chewing on a piece of gum loud enough that Lux wanted to rip her hair out from her scalp at the noise.

"What can I do for you?" She asked through her chomps, tossing her hair to the side with the flick of her wrist. Before Sirius could answer, she was reaching under the desk she was seated at, grabbing a massive booklet and placing it on the table. "Here's some of the tattoo designs we offer, but we can do custom ones for an extra ten galleons."

"Thanks!" Sirius grinned as he began to flip through the pages, scanning the designs. Lux peered over his shoulder as he did, observing the various tattoos.

"You should get this one," Sirius said, breaking a five minute silence between them. She followed his finger as he pointed down at a small, simple drawing — a sun, with curved rays dancing around it.

Her throat went dry as she whipped her head up to look at him. He couldn't possibly know, how could he? Had Snape said something?

"Why?"

A smile danced on his lips as he answered, "Because it looks like you."

The panic she'd felt now morphed into confusion. "What?"

"The sun. You kind of look like it."

She bit down on her lip, trying to force a casual aura as she asked, "How so?"

He shrugged, either not noticing or not acknowledging the hitch in her tone. "I can't explain it. You just look...sunny. Wouldn't you say?"

It was her turn to shrug, though her mind was elsewhere, clinging to the glimpse of a memory, the vague figure of her appearance she could scarcely recall, yet clawed desperately at to keep it from slipping entirely. "I don't know. Maybe."

"We could get matching ones," Sirius continued, jamming his finger towards the image next to the one of the sun — a cluster of stars.

"You think it's a good idea to get a matching tattoo with someone you hardly know?"

"I know you plenty well!" He argued. "What else is there about you that I could possibly need to know? Any dark secrets I need to know?"

She shook her head, forcing a passive smile despite the way her skin crawled. "Nothing. I'm an open book."

His eyes narrowed. "Now that's a lie. You're quiet as hell."

"Anyone would seem quiet when paired next to you, Padfoot" a voice said, and the pair turned around to see Remus walking through the door, gaze flickering between them, studying them with intent. "You two are getting tattoos, then?"

"Sirius is. I'm not," Lux insisted, though she couldn't stop her gaze from being drawn to that little sun drawing, stuck to it like glue. Was that really what she looked like? How was it even possible to resemble the sun?

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked, voice chipper rather than accusatory. "I didn't know you liked tattoos."

"I don't," Remus said with a shrug. "I saw you two come in here and got...intrigued, for lack of better word. I've got nothing better to do, anyways."

"Intrigued," Sirius repeated with a grin. "Well, join us! We're getting matching ones."

"I said I'm not!" Lux insisted, earning a dismissive wave from Sirius Black, who was focused on Remus.

"You could get a moon, since you're Moony," he continued, pointing at a small moon drawing in the book. "A sun, a moon, and a star, for the three of us! How perfect!"

"I can give you all a discount, if you three all get matching ones," the pink haired woman offered through her obnoxious gum chewing.

"Now you both have to," Sirius said, before adding, "I'll pay, if you're worried about that."

"I have money," Lux lied.

"Consider it a gift, then."

"I'm not permanently altering myself with that." She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. "Nor do I want to have a matching tattoo with someone I've known for a month. That's bound to be a bad idea."

Sirius frowned. "Why? Do you think I'm hiding something?"

She blinked. "What?"

He continued, "If you don't think you know enough about me to want to permanently tie yourself to me, even if it's through something as basic and inconsequential as a tattoo, then ask me anything. I'll tell you whatever you'd like. Moony will too, won't you?"

"Don't drag me into this." He held up his hands in the air, backing away slightly. "I just wanted to stop by and say hello. I didn't sign up for marring my skin."

"Come on." Sirius gave them both his go-to puppy dog eyes, wide and pleading. "Please? It'll be such fun! It'll be a mark of our eternal friendship. And you can get it removed if we fight and never speak to each other again."

Remus exhaled a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. "Should we get James and Peter involved?"

Sirius thought for a moment, then shook his head. "I want it as something for just us three."

Remus frowned, but didn't question the logic. "Well, I suppose Mrs. Potter would kill James if he came home over Christmas break with a tattoo anyways."

"Effie? No, imagine Mrs. Pettigrew's reaction."

Remus let out a laugh.

Sirius turned to Lux, eyebrows raised. "Are you in, Luxie?"

She glanced once again at that small sun drawing, a symbol of something she apparently resembled in a way she'd never be able to confirm. Part of her wanted to tell Sirius he was being insane, to tell him to go fuck himself and storm out. And maybe the Lux of a month ago would have done as much, but now, all she could think about was that little sun and its similarity to her and how it really wasn't a big deal, right?

Sirius was correct, she'd be able to find a way to get it removed if she needed. But, deep within her, she prayed that day would never come.

Sucking in a breath and gathering all of her courage, she nodded. "I'm in."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Lux couldn't stop looking at her wrist.

Even as Sirius sipped on his tea and she pretended to take an interest in her own, stirring it with her spoon and occasionally faking sipping out of it, she found her eyes kept getting snagged by the little sun now dug into her skin. Something she'd carry for the next hundred years, two hundred, as long as she wanted until she decided to spell it away.

"I take it you're happy with your tattoo," Sirius commented as he set his teacup back on the table, which was covered with a frilly pink cloth. They'd wound up going to Madam Puttifoot's after all, while Remus left to return to the castle early, citing a migraine.

"It's not the worst decision I could've made," she admitted, forcing her eyes away from the sun that clung onto her right wrist.

It had felt odd at first, having a needle dug into her skin. But worse than the pain was the anxiety it caused. She'd never enjoyed her wrists being touched, finding a need to squirm not from pain, but from panic seizing in her chest at the sensation of someone grabbing her hand in a way where she couldn't move.

It had been worth it, in the end. Ending quicker than she'd expected, and now, she had a permanent mirror on her left wrist.

"Told you," Sirius beamed. "I like mine too. And I like that we match. Proof we'll be a part of each other's lives forever."

She sucked in a breath, bringing the teacup to her lips and pretending to take a long, exaggerated sip.

His jaw shifted, sensing her sudden discomfort. "I can stop saying things like that, if you'd like."

Her brow furrowed together, and she set the cup back down onto the table. "What?"

"I mean, chicks usually like being told that a guy will stick around forever, don't they? But I suppose girls aren't a monolith. If you don't want me to talk like that, I'll stop."

She was silent, glancing between him, her still full cup of tea, and the sun on her wrist. The easy option would be to assure him it was okay, to lie and make him feel better, but something inside her tugged at her, telling her to say as close to the truth as she could.

"People aren't permanent, Sirius. It's foolish to think a tattoo will keep someone from leaving."

"Maybe." He gave her a small shrug. "But we can hope, right? I'd like to think I'll be friends with Remus and James and Peter for as long as I live, and it makes me feel better when I tell myself that we will. Wouldn't you rather feel better about something, even if it might not necessarily be true?"

She shook her head. "I'd rather believe the truth. I'll be less disappointed by reality if I'm already aware of it."

His nose twitched. "That sounds a bit miserable."

Her stomach shifted, a knot of guilty forming deep within her gut. He deserved the truth, he deserved to know exactly what she was so he could run for the hills, so he didn't tie himself to something that wasn't even human.

But he already had. That star on his wrist symbolled as much.

She shook her head once more. "For the time being, I'm not going anywhere. I can't, even if I wanted to. But...don't get your hopes up about me, Sirius. It's not worth it."

"You sound like Remus," he said, exhaling a breath and shaking his head. "He always loses his mind, thinking we're going to leave him. Thinking he isn't worth it. Worth our love. But he's wrong, and so are you." Leaning in, he lowered his voice. "I don't know why you're like this, and it's not really my business. But I'm not going anywhere. You'll have me as long as you'd like, in whatever way you'd like."

Oh, how familiar those words were.

She shook her head. "That's not true. You'll die someday."

This time, an amused smirk slid onto his lips, his serious atmosphere vanishing. "Well, yeah, I suppose so. Everyone dies. You will too."

She should shut her mouth, quit while she was ahead. But she couldn't, any control she had on her own words lost the moment Sirius made that empty promise. "You'll die first."

Instead of being shocked at her declaration, the size of his smirk increased. "How can you be so sure?"

"I just am."

"Are you planning on killing me?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Of course not!" She exclaimed, loud enough that several people nearby turned to look at them through their own cups of tea. Wincing, she returned her voice to a lower volume, taking a deep breath. "It's not fair, to make a promise you can't keep."

"I'll try my best not to die, then. How's that?"

Her shoulders lifted in an apathetic shrug. "If you insist."

His lips parted in preparation to press further on the matter, but whatever it was he wished to say, she would never know, as something snagged his attention, gaze ripping away from her and focused on the door to the shop, just as it opened.

"Oh, bugger," he murmured, letting out a sigh as he averted his attention. Lux craned her neck to see what he had been looking at, and felt a jolt in her stomach when she saw Regulus Black walking into the shop, with a pretty brunette at his side, holding onto his hand as though her life depended on it.

Her mind flashed for a moment, recalling that awful mark she'd spotted on his forearm, then discovering what it was in Fulk's class days later. A Dark Mark. Sirius's brother had pledged support towards Voldemort in the same way she'd tied herself to Sirius and Remus — a permanent modification of one's skin.

Maybe she should've told Sirius the moment she discovered the meaning behind that damned tattoo — but it wasn't any of her business, was it? Chances were, Sirius assumed as much anyways.

Even so, holding her tongue and forcing herself to look away from Regulus Black felt like a malicious lie on her end.

"That's my brother," Sirius commented, noticing how she had followed his gaze. "He's a right piece of work."

"I know who he is," she said, then when he raised his eyebrows, she explained, "I met him at the Slug Club."

"The one Remus was poisoned at?"

"The very same."

His nose twitched, eyes following his brother as he sat down at a table with the girl, seemingly not noticing Sirius from across the shop. "Regulus follows our parents' values. Tradition and purity and all other pureblood nonsense. It's disgusting."

Lux nodded, keeping silent. She wasn't sure if he expected a response, or simply to air his frustrations into a void, but typically assuming the latter had better results.

"We should go," Sirius declared as he rose to his feet, her silence acting as a fuel for his impulses. "I don't want to be in a space with him more than I need to be."

Lux glanced down at her untouched cup of tea, then towards Regulus, before standing as well. Only when they were back onto the streets of Hogsmeade did Sirius seem to breathe again, exhaling a deep breath as he turned to look at her.

"Sorry," he muttered, eyes finding hers. "I get agitated just being in the same room as him. I wouldn't have been very fun if we stayed."

She shrugged, glancing one last time at the tea shop. "I don't mind. It was a bit...much inside there anyways."

"What, you don't like ballroom music and tea with so much sugar your teeth will rot from one sip?"

"Surprising, I know," Lux mused.

Just as a soothing autumn breeze flung into them, Sirius reached over, and without so much as a word of warning, grabbed onto her hand and began to drag her down the bustling streets of Hogsmeade.

"Where are we going?" She demanded, though found herself not bothering to struggle against the grip he had on her. Something in her had quelled resistance when it came to Sirius Black, and she found little desire in attempting to build it back up.

"Somewhere away from people," he said as they turned the corner, finding themselves in an alleyway, sandwiched between two large shops.

"Should I be concerned?"

"No," he answered simply, as they emerged on the opposite end of the alley. Sirius was heading into the direction of a large hill, with a few trees scattered across the grass. Their leaves had begun to turn to shades of orange, falling down onto the ground and blowing around as gusts of wind brushed against them.

Lux allowed him to bring her up the hill, and he only dropped her hand once they'd reached a small bench a few feet away from a thin, wooden fence that didn't appear to be very sturdy. She figured one rough kick would send it toppling over.

"Ta da!" Sirius exclaimed, arms shooting out to his sides as he seemed to show off the place.

Lux was silent, taking in everything, the chipper birds in the air, the breeze against her skin, the aura of autumn that seemed to rise in her, consuming every one of her senses.

There had never been an opportunity to explore nature since being gifted her daylight ring, not truly. Her life had been spent living in the shadows, clawing at the walls in a fruitless attempt to see light in any way possible. Now, she thought she might never go back indoors. She'd stay in the sun, in the leaves and the grass and never grow old, even as the world around her aged.

He frowned at her outward apathy. "Don't you like it? It's far away from people."

Saying she liked it would've been an understatement, but giving Sirius that satisfaction would've killed her, let alone explaining why the atmosphere around her had her so quietly giddy. "Why do you want to be far away from people? You reek of extrovertism."

"Extrovertism? Is that a word?"

She shrugged. "It is now."

A laugh ripped from his throat. "I do typically like people. But if we're on a date, maybe we should be alone. It's more romantic, isn't it?"

Her eyebrows lifted, dismissing him even when her heart seized. Her mind drifted back to the conversation they'd had earlier, about permanence and people leaving and how she truly wasn't worth it, before she sputtered out, "I wasn't aware this was a date."

His head tilted to the side, playful gaze narrowing in on her. "Don't play coy, Luxie. You really think people bring their friends to a place like Madam Puttifoot's?"

She kept quiet. Lux wasn't an idiot, of course she knew what Sirius's intentions were, even if he hadn't practically laid them out on her feet in the past. But something about admitting as much felt far too real, causing her skin to crawl. There was a comfort in ignorance, in pretending, in dancing around things that got too real. It had been a tranquility that Sirius had no intentions of engaging with.

"You must like me enough, since you got matching tattoos with me," Sirius continued when she kept her mouth shut.

"Remus did too," Lux pointed out, the mark on her wrist burning as she spoke. "By that logic, you and Sirius have feelings for each other too."

He let out a scoff, rolling his eyes, but kept silent on the topic. "Have you never been with a guy, then? Is that it?"

Blinking rapidly, she shook her head. "I've been with a guy!"

"Who? You were homeschooled." He put an emphasis on the word homeschooled as though it were a horrible thing she had been through, and she bit down on her lip to keep a smile from spreading across her lips.

Lux stepped back slightly, moving to lean up against a tree, resting her back against the bark and feeling it scrape through her clothes and against her skin. "I was homeschooled, not held captive."

"How many, then?"

She sighed, knowing what he was referring to, but asking a clarifying question anyways. "How many what?"

"How many blokes have you snogged?"

"That's none of your business."

"You're a snogging virgin, then?" He pressed, taking a step towards her, lips curved upwards in a smirk.

"I am not!"

His eyebrows shot up, disbelief evident in his expression. "Are you sure? Because only a snogging virgin would avoid such a basic question as the one I've presented you."

Rolling her eyes, her arms folded across her chest as she debated on what answer to give him. "I've kissed two boys."

For once, it wasn't a lie, and part of her found an ounce of comfort in the bit of truth she could share with him. After all, Philip didn't count. It was just Elias, and a boy she'd known at Hogwarts back as a human, whose appearance had become lost to time, the memory never having been something she willed to hang onto for long.

"Two?" His eyes grew wide, and when he decided she was telling the truth, he continued with, "Names. Now."

"Why?" Lux frowned, shifting her position against the tree.

"So I can fight them, of course."

A bitter sort of laugh built in her as she nearly spilled the full truth to the boy in front of her, that they were both dead, had been for longer than Sirius had been alive.

Forcing a strained smile, she shook her head. "There's no need for that."

"What, because they don't have a fighting chance anymore, since you've met me?"

"If you insist."

Sirius took another step towards her, until his body was barely inches from hers, heat radiating off of his skin as he leaned against the tree with one hand, glancing down at her.

For a small, fleeting, hopeful moment, Lux was under the impression that he was going to lean down and kiss her. She waited, heart pounding with anticipation as her gaze met his stormy grey eyes, every inch of her screaming for his touch in a way she hadn't noticed until the threat of it was looming over her.

But he was still, the only movements being the subtle curve of his lips. Fury inflicted in her when she realized what he was doing, how he was messing with her, flaunting himself in front of her just to pull away. No, Sirius Black hadn't a single intention of kissing her, not now. He just wished to test to see how far he could push her.

Elias had been the same at some points, presenting her an opportunity and waiting for her to make the first move. It had both enticed and infuriated her, the autonomy entirely foreign and impossible to begin navigating.

And now...just like as she had been with Elias, she was numb to consequence, too eager to experience and too hopeful to listen to the nagging voice in the back of her head, that sounded an awful lot like Fulk.

Naive, he would've called her if he saw what she was doing, what she was thinking. Naive for thinking for a moment that anything of substance could occur between her and Sirius Black, that a flirtation could blossom into more, that she could kiss him once and expect a hundred more after.

Lux shoved him away, back into the shadows. She was too busy dancing in the sun.

"Arsehole."

Sirius frowned. "What did I—"

She cut him off by moving away from the tree in favor of finding his lips and placing her own on them.

Against her touch, Lux could feel him smile as he melted into her, murmuring something that seemed like finally as he did. It wasn't long, in the grand scheme of things, but to Lux it felt like an eternity that she never wished to cut off, a beginning of something never ending, a spark in a fuse that would burn everything that stood around them down.

When Sirius did pull away, retracting his lips from hers and using the hand he had pressed against the tree to push himself back into an upright position, he grinned. "About time, wouldn't you say?"

She opened her mouth, fumbling for a suitable response, but Sirius's lips were on hers once more before she could get a word out. His body was fully pressed against hers, keeping her shoved against the tree as his hand snaked into her hair, fingers combing through it as if it was the softest of silk.

"Bloody perfect," he murmured against her, only just a whisper.

Her dead heart jumped at the praise.

"We should get back," she began the moment his lips had left hers, glancing towards the vague outline of Hogwarts castle visible through the slowly setting sun. It was a struggle to keep her tone dull through all the excitement rushing through her, but she managed to as she added, "We don't want to be late. McGonagall will...Sirius!"

He had cut her off by moving to kiss her neck, brushing her hair to the side with his hand as he did.

"You'll leave a mark!" She scolded, pushing him off of her. He stumbled a few steps backwards, grinning ear to ear as he did.

"That was the point. Everyone's got to know their place now."

"Their place?" She lifted an eyebrow. "Do elaborate."

She watched as his jaw shifted, observing her from where he stood. "Well, that they'll never live up to me. You can snog a hundred other boys, but none will be as good as I am."

Part of her wanted to press on his words, question if he meant what he had said about snogging other boys. The implication it held was that he didn't care if she did, a held aura of ambivalence.

"That's presumptuous of you."

"That's my middle name," Sirius stated as he reached over to take her hand, slowly beginning their journey back to the castle. "Sirius Presumptuous Black. My parents were all about the personality descriptor names."

Lux rolled her eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

"How was your day with Sirius?" Lily asked as Lux emerged from the shower, pajamas draped over her still damp body. She'd spent less time than usual in the frigid water, scrubbing down her body a normal amount, as opposed to the hours that would go by, leaving red, almost flayed skin in the aftermath.

Moving to sit on her bed, Lux shrugged, hoping Lily didn't notice the subtle smile she wore, or the new tattoo branded on her wrist. "It was fine. How was your day with James?"

This time, Lily grinned, though she noticed a waver in it as she did. "It was good. We went to the Three Broomsticks, then went shopping in a few places. He bought me a bracelet."

Lux watched as Lily showed off a gold chain dangling from her wrist, glimmering in the gentle light from the candle she had lit on her nightstand.

"Oh my God, it's beautiful!" Mary exclaimed before Lux could make a fool out of herself by not speaking for too long, struggling to find the right words.

Lily and the feelings she'd been burying hadn't so much as crossed her mind throughout her time with Sirius. Had she passed them entirely? Was she over Lily, considering she'd snogged Sirius without so much as a second thought regarding the other people tugging about at her heartstrings?

Even so, she found herself unreasonably upset as she looked at the bracelet, then mentally kicked herself for it. She'd kissed Sirius, she'd enjoyed kissing Sirius, so what right did she have to be upset that Lily had spent the day with someone else? Lily deserved someone like James, someone fun and kind and human, someone who wouldn't cause them to get stared at, someone who didn't juggle between the people she fancied.

Collecting her emotions and forcing a bland, if not pleasantly impressed expression, Lux nodded. "I agree. It's lovely."

Lily smiled as she rolled the bracelet off and placed it on her nightstand. "Marlene isn't back yet," she commented without need — the other girls had already observed as much. "Do any of you know who she went to Hogsmeade with?"

All eyes went to Dorcas, who shook her head the moment she noticed the attention on her. "No, she wouldn't tell me. I looked all over for her after I was done with Benjy and couldn't find her."

"Hopefully she's back soon," Mary grimaced, before asking, "How was Benjy, anyways?"

This spiraled into a long, drawn out conversation between Mary, Dorcas and Lily about Dorcas's fairytale date with Benjy Fenwick, in which Lux pulled the curtains around her bed, closing herself off from the other three girls.

She didn't allow herself to drift off to sleep, not while they were still awake. Instead, she zoned out, laying on her back with her hands on her chest, drowning out their conversation with her own thoughts regarding the day.

Elias had been the last boy she'd kissed, twenty one years ago, hidden away in his flat as they evaded the rest of the world. Since then, she'd resided herself to an eternal life with Fulk, a man whom had just as little romantic interest in her as she did him. It had never occurred to her that she'd get another chance at romance, even if it was destined to be short lived.

Even if it meant keeping secrets, even if it meant Sirius would one day die, and she would live centuries more.

Her eyes flickered towards her wrist, staring at the sun, observing how it morphed with her skin in a perfect design. While she was smiling to herself, a subconscious happiness jolting through her, another side wanted to scream with frustration.

The only thing that would quell the irritation spinning in her would've been the ability to look in the mirror.

Dorcas, Mary and Lily's voices all died down after an hour or so passed of their giggling gossip, the room slowly but surely growing to be filled with the sounds of their gentle snores.

Lux too was about to drift off to sleep on her own when she heard the door creak open, and moved the drapes hung around her bed to the side just in time to see Marlene sneaking inside the dorm, eyes wide as they flickered through the beds to confirm the girls were asleep. When they settled on Lux, she swore.

"Did I wake you?" Marlene winced.

Lux shook her head. "I wasn't asleep yet, don't worry."

Giving her a wobbly smile, Marlene went to her own bed, but Lux cut her off. She wasn't sure what had come over her, a curious bug inside her, jittering for answers she'd never before desired. Maybe Sirius's kiss had resulted in a contagion of personalities — he was a nosy bastard, after all.

"Where were you? The girls were worried."

Marlene smirked. "Just the girls were worried, right? Not you?"

"They're worriers." Lux shrugged. "I know you can take care of yourself."

At this, she let out a little laugh, turning towards a mirror and running a brush through her messy blonde locks, only just visible through the moonlight shining through the window. "I was on a date. It ran late. No big deal, really."

"Who was the date with?"

"Since when do you care?" Marlene asked. It wasn't cruelty in her voice, but a genuine question, to which Lux hadn't an answer to. She'd never bothered much with the lives of the girls she shared a dorm with, girls who weren't quite friends, but had certainly passed the stage of simple dorm mates with.

She pressed her lips together, shame building in her. "Sorry."

"Make a better effort to actually be my friend, then we can gossip," Marlene promised, moving towards the bathroom. Swinging the door open, she pivoted her head to get one final look at the vampire, a small smile on her ruby red lips. "Goodnight, Lux."

"Goodnight..."

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