WILD & WICKED / © yllwjckts
005 ⸻ If The Shoe Fits

It's you and me in this world
Again come to me tie me
If you are going to save me
Just come kiss me and bite me

- "Bite Me", Enhypen (English Translation)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

September 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

"Where were you?"

Lux frowned as she took her seat across from Remus, shifting around in the chair as she struggled to find a comfortable position. The library was practically swimming with students of all different years and houses, and she prayed it would remain that way. Despite her typical apprehension to crowds, the more people nearby, the less likely Remus could do anything that her mind was reveling on.

"I got held up in Flitwick's class," she lied, biting down on her lip. During lunch, Remus and her had arranged to meet in the library at six, and it was nearly three quarters past the agreed upon hour.

The truth was, she'd been starving, and the only way to riddle the anxieties of her upcoming meeting with Remus was to feed into her most primal desires. Blood was something she'd never been proud of consuming, even when in the Coven, surrounded by other nightcrawlers. But as it disgusted her, it just as easily soothed her.

"Sure you did," Remus huffed, and her eyebrows jumped up.

"Is there a problem?"

She'd never been the type to seek out a fight, only engaging in them when she deemed necessary. In the Coven, Mathilde and Euphraxia and Adelais - the other women, walked all over her, and she allowed it. She allowed Philip to do whatever it was he desired from her. Even Fulk, she understood where power belonged in their relationship, and resorted to maintaining a general apathy regarding it.

But Remus...in the few days she'd known him, everything inside her willed her to push and push until there was nothing left for him to give. Until he broke, and revealed the true intentions she knew swam within him.

"Course not," he huffed, shifting through his bag. Eventually, he settled on a thick leather bound book, and several large, empty pieces of parchment, slamming them down onto the table in between them. Her dread increased as she eyed the book, signaling the amount of work they'd have to do together. "We should get to work then. Which side are we arguing for?"

"Whichever we deem as more powerful," Lux shrugged. "Which is obviously a vampire."

His brow furrowed together, both confusion and amusement evident in his expression. "You can't be serious."

Her head tilted to the side. "You disagree?"

"Werewolves are deadly to vampires. Surely they're far more dangerous."

She barked a laugh, loud enough that she earned a shhh from the librarian. Shooting the woman a glare, she reverted her attention to Remus with her voice low as to not get scolded further, "Werewolves can only do any real harm once a month. Vampires kill on a daily basis."

Remus let out an amused scoff, running a hand through his hair, and Lux resisted the urge to slap him. "Vampires can't even go in the daylight. They burn up."

He had a point, though she'd never admit it. Vampires had their limits, just as werewolves, but she'd surpassed them. Found a way to bypass the expectations of vampirism, just as she had done once before with the Coven. Twisting her daylight ring around her finger in a mockery he would never understand, she continued. "Werewolves can't touch silver. How do they even eat their meals when they're not in wolf form, if they're hurt by a spoon"

"Maybe they eat vampires?" Remus shrugged, and her eyes narrowed in on him. A fight was bursting within her, her desire to win inching out of her esophagus as she spoke.

"Assuming the vampire doesn't snap their neck and bleed them dry first."

His gaze darkened, hazel eyes all consuming as he observed her, preparing for a challenge. For a fight. "Why are you so passionate about this, anyways? Do you have some prejudice against werewolves?"

"Never said that," she gulped, resorting to picking at her nails to avoid looking at the brown haired boy and seeing his hunger, his prepared attack. "If anyone is prejudiced against werewolves, it's you, since you're so convinced they're dangerous. At the end of the day, werewolves are still human. Vampires aren't. They have no humanity. It's why they need blood to live - they consume what they can't create themselves."

At this, he actually appeared to be surprised, eyes growing wide as he looked her up and down. Examined her. Her skin burned. "Well, that certainly sounds prejudiced on your end."

"If the shoe fits." Lux lifted her shoulders. "I have no reason to care for vampires."

His nose twitched, a flush of red spreading across his scarred face. "You only care about yourself, I take it?"

She didn't answer his question directly, instead she lifted her chin in an attempt to provide more of a confident aura. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it makes you a shit person, that's why."

For the first time since their conversation, began, Lux felt an upward twitch tug at the side of her lips. "I don't particularly care what kind of person it makes me."

Remus murmured something under his breath, quiet enough that even her vampire hearing couldn't pick up on.

"What was that?" She urged, leaning against the table with her elbows as annoyance spiked inside her.

"Nothing," Remus muttered, grabbing onto the book and sliding it across the table, until it was only inches away. "I found this while waiting for you. It's about dangerous creatures - vampires and werewolves included."

"I know enough without needing to read that," Lux said, eying it with disdain. "But thank you, for assuming the worst regarding my intelligence."

"What intelligence?" His head moved to the side in a cocky display of arrogance. Even so, she could tell it was an unnatural emotion on Remus, Remus who seemed studious, quiet, until Lux came around and twisted his kindness into rage. It was something about her specifically that got the boy riled up, she could tell.

And she wanted to rip him in two for it.

Nails digging into the palms of her hands, she opened her mouth to speak, but Remus beat her to it.

"We'll do it on vampires, then, since you seem to be so afraid of them."

She understood the connotations beneath his words. That he was all but calling her a coward.

Her stomach churned. Maybe she was a coward, but her fear had most certainly been earned. Remus would never have been able to fare what she had, gone through the years in the Coven and escaped with his life and half of his sanity alongside him. No, Lux Erzsebet may be a coward, but it was deserved, the things she ran from as they slowly crept up to her.

"Good," she forced a smile. "I'm right, to be afraid of vampires. And so are you."

He clicked his tongue. "If you insist."

Their essay writing went about as well as the initial debate had - full of furious bickering, to the point where it was so heated that Lux worried one of them might physically attack the other. Curfew couldn't have come close enough, the library closing up just as the clock struck ten, and the essay was halfway written, the surface full of scribbles from various words Remus had demanded she take out, and puncture marks from when she'd held her quill so hard that it tore through the parchment.

The pair were silent as they stalked back towards the direction of the Gryffindor common room, though the tension between them had all the hairs on the back of her neck rising for attention. Any moment now, she assumed he would be pouncing on her, prepared to act on that evident violence he felt towards her, and when he did, she would be prepared.

But he never did.

And when they reached the portrait hole to the common room, instead of entering inside, she realized with a release of her breath, she needed something to work out the pent up energy that had been rising in her like a fire.

"Where are you going?" Remus eyed Lux as she turned the corner, passing the portrait hole without a word.

"Somewhere," she called back with a simple response, smirking to herself when he sputtered out an a protest, listening to it as it died on his lips.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

"Remus is insufferable," Lux ranted without prompting, tossing the squirrel she'd been feeding off of to the side, watching as it scampered back onto its tiny feet and rushed into the forest.

She hadn't intended to meet up with Fulk in the Forbidden Forest, but when he showed up, she found a weight had been lifted off of her chest without realizing it had ever been there in the first place. He was someone who she didn't have to act in front of, while she desired a person to vent her frustrations to, he was the only one she reasonably could.

And he took it, nodding as he sucked on the blood of a deer - a much bigger creature than he needed. But as much as Lux felt the need to release the animals she fed on, Fulk liked the chase of larger creatures, watching as even the proudest of beasts bent to his will.

Above them, the canopy forest was only just lit by the moonlight, something Lux was beginning to resent with a burning passion, just as she once had the sun. Now that she'd experienced light, warmth, she found she wanted to lock it in a box and carry it around with her, never letting it go.

"Remus is just a boy," Fulk concluded after listening to her long winded rant. "You ought not let him get under your skin, my dear. It'll only turn out worse for you."

She lifted her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you let him bother you, it means you care for him, in one way or another. Love, hate, it's all the same. All a weakness."

"I do not care for him," she spat. "I barely know him. It's been a few days since we've met, and I've only properly interacted with him a few times. I just...can't stand him."

"Lack of apathy is caring, no matter what form it may take," he informed her. "You know this far better than I, so I don't see why you bother."

"I don't bother," she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest as her face flushed.

If he was convinced, he didn't show it, even if his words suggested otherwise. "Good. Then forget all about Remus Lupin, and his annoying habits. You may feel that...unsettling nature around him, as I do, but at the end of the day, he cannot possibly be one of us. We'd know about him, and he'd certainly know about us. About you, anyways."

"He's weak," Lux said, more to convince herself than to Fulk. "He has nothing on us. If I was able to kill Philip, Remus is nothing."

(She'd gotten better at saying his name over the years. Maybe it was due to Fulk's prodding, urging her to speak on topics she'd rather have buried, locked away and swallowed the key. It was due to him that her confidence had spiked once more, reminding her what exactly she was. Lux had been under the assumption that power was an illusion, until she was the one wielding it).

Fulk grinned with all his teeth. "Precisely."

Shortly after, she stumbled back into the castle under the guise of darkness, Fulk remaining in the forest for some much needed relaxation. By the sounds of it, he was having a similar time teaching as she was with her peers, finding nearly every student insufferable.

Entering the Gryffindor common room, Lux shifted through the students packed into the chairs, making her way up into her dorm, notably avoiding the crackling fireplace as she did, and how it seemed to whisper her name...

The dorm was still alight with the jitters of the first day, the lights all flicked on and the girls out of their blankets despite the late hour, with Marlene and Mary in a bed together, the latter braiding the former's hair, and Dorcas seated in the middle of the floor, nose in a textbook.

"Where's Lily?" Lux blurted before she could stop herself.

"Shower," Dorcas answered, nudging her chin towards the door to the bathroom. "She'll be out soon, I reckon."

"Been in there for nearly an hour. Suppose she's going for your record, Lux," Marlene jested, before letting out a yelp as Mary tugged on her hair. "Jeez, Mary, calm down, will you? I only have one head of hair, you know?"

Lux rolled her eyes as she stepped up to her own bed, grabbing onto her pajamas and hugging them to her chest. She couldn't very well change in front of the girls, not with those gruesome scars on her back, but the bathroom was occupied.

"Is there a reason you're just standing there?" Marlene asked, eyeing her up and down with her lips curved upwards in a strange grin.

She could've died then and there. Instead, the attention was driven off of her when Lily opened the door to the bathroom, stepping out with just a towel wrapped around her naked body.

Once again, Lux felt like dying, her mind suddenly gone to goo as Lily flashed her a casual smile. How could Lily possibly be this...confident, about walking around in next to nothing in front of four other girls? Even without the scars adorned on her skin, such an action would've been worse than pulling teeth to Lux.

"You okay?" Lily seemed to notice Lux's discomfort, as she tilted her head to the side, observing her.

"Fine," Lux insisted, her throat dry. "Just need to..." she nudged her chin towards the bathroom, before following her own gaze and stalking inside it, shutting the door behind her.

"That was weird," she heard Mary's voice echo from behind the door as she exhaled a breath. "Is she like, embarrassed to change in front of us or something?"

Embarrassed. Lux wanted to scoff. She never got embarrassed. Just...frazzled. Caught off guard.

Neither of those options sounded any better in her head.

"She has seven years to catch up on," Lily refuted, her voice soft. "We weren't comfortable changing in front of each other in our first year either, remember? We only stopped being shy when it became clear that we'd spend an hour each in the lavatory otherwise."

"Maybe she has an eating disorder, and is ashamed of her body," Marlene whispered loudly. "I haven't seen her eat a single thing since she got here. Unless she's living off of the sun, like a plant or something."

Lux almost laughed to herself as she stripped down, pulling her pajamas on over her thin frame, and stepping back out, hoping to give off the impression that she hadn't heard a thing.

The moment she was seated in her bed, Lily, who was wearing nothing but a long t-shirt that only just covered her arse, leaned on her stomach atop her own bed, eyes fixing on Lux. "Did you enjoy your first day?"

She shrugged, fingers having just wrapped around the hem of the red curtain, preparing to pull it around her bed and conceal herself from the other girls.

"It's a shame you got paired with Remus in your father's class," Lily continued after Lux was silent, unsure what to say.

At this, Lux frowned, heart skipping a beat. Was it possible she'd finally found someone else who felt the same way about the boy, picked up on the same horrible atmosphere he radiated. "You don't like Remus?"

Her jaw dropped, as though Lux had said something horribly offensive, and she found herself recoiling as Lily spoke, "No, it's nothing like that! I adore him. He has to be my favorite out of those four boys, anyways. I was just hoping we'd be paired together instead."

"Oh."

"Do you like him even more than James?" Mary teased from behind Marlene.

Lily responded by throwing a sock at her, which wound up missing and hitting Marlene instead.

"Bitch!" Marlene screeched, though she was grinning all the same.

"No, not even James," Lily confirmed with a laugh, catching her sock in her hands as Marlene tossed it back with far more skill. "Remus is sweet, trust me, Lux."

"I disagree," she said simply.

Dorcas barked a laugh from her book.

Lily gave her an amused sort of look. "He can just be a bit rough around the edges at some points, I suppose. Maybe you just...bring that side out in him. Try being a bit kinder to him, and you'll receive kindness in return. It's what I'm trying with Severus, even if he's a right jerk sometimes."

It took everything in Lux not to roll her eyes. Instead, she turned over on her bed, pulling her curtains around herself in a signal that she didn't wish to speak any further on the topic.

But she didn't go to sleep, remaining seated upwards with her eyes and ears open as she studied the curtains for any movements, and the girls for any suspicious noises. She waited for hours until the other girls finally drifted off, and only when she heard four separate snores echoing through the dorm, did she close her eyes and sleep as well.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

September 3rd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

The next day of classes was far less aggravating, likely due to Lux's initiative to avoid Remus at every given opportunity. She managed to sit as far away from him as she could in every class, even if it resulted with her near the front of the board, and thus subject to a woman called McGonagall's constant questions. Despite being a new student, it seemed the stern professor had no interest in brief accommodations.

Lux's stomach was growling as she stumbled down the stairs with the rest of the student body for dinner in the Great Hall, while of course, she was instead aiming to head into the Forbidden Forest once again.

But her quest was cut off when a hand found its place on her wrist, and she yelped, practically jumping out of her own skin as she whipped her head to look at her assailant.

"What the hell, Sirius?" She cried, tugging herself out of his grip.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he flashed her a sheepish grin that told her he wasn't sorry at all. Despite the furious glare she was shooting him, he pressed further, "I was looking for a time to talk to you all day, but you wouldn't go near me."

"That wasn't my intention," she said, managing to spit out the truth this time. It really hadn't been, Sirius was just the collateral damage resulting in her avoidance from Remus.

"Course it wasn't." He grinned. "Why would you ever want to avoid me?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Gryffindor has our Quidditch tryouts tonight, during dinner. You should totally come watch."

Her eyebrows lifted, waiting for him to elaborate further.

Seemingly at a loss for words, he continued with a rather pathetic, "Come on, Luxie, it'll be fun!"

"Luxie?"

"Yeah, it's cute, wouldn't you say?"

"No."

"Oh." His face fell, but only for a brief moment, before he was grinning just as he had been earlier. "Well...I think I'll call you it anyways. It's fun. Like a nickname."

Lux cocked an eyebrow, wanting to tell him to fuck off. But instead, the words that slipped from her lips were, "Like you with Padfoot?"

"Exactly!"

"Where'd that stem from, anyways?"

He barked a laugh, sounding almost doglike as he did. "Well, I was very drunk, and there were some women's feminine products nearby-"

She held up a hand, cutting him off mid sentence. "Right, I think I've got it."

"We've all got nicknames," Sirius explained, and when he began to walk, she couldn't help but follow, despite her brain telling her that getting close to Sirius Black in any capacity was doomed to fail. "All from different things. Remus is Moony, because of the same night. He got drunk and..."

She gagged, the thought of Remus's bare arse sending bile into her throat. "You boys are disgusting."

"Just wait until you hear about Peter's origin story."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," he admitted, but carried on anyways. "It has something to do with the size of his cock."

Her face went a brighter shade of red than ever before. "I don't need to know this."

"Course you do, if you're going to be an honorary Marauder."

"What is a Marauder, and why am I becoming an honorary one?" She exhaled a breath as they turned the corner, giving up on the idea of arguing. It was evident that Sirius Black was a boy who had never been told no in his life. Half of Lux found amusement in this, but a darker part of her was dreading finding out what his reaction to a flat out no would be, to a refusal. Would Sirius Black take it well, or like Philip, would he simply not accept it? Was he, like Philip, deaf to the consequences of others?

"That's what we are. James, Remus, Peter and I. The four Marauders. A gang of thieves. A group of mischief. A quadrant of-"

"I get it," she cut him off.

"Course you do," he repeated. "You're a smart cookie, which is why you obviously belong in the Marauders - not an official one, of course, but an honorary one. Like how Evans is. I've already brought it up with them, and they're all down, except for Remus."

"Remus is against it?"

He shrugged. "He's been off the past few days. I wouldn't take it personally."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"Good."

They'd reached the doors that led outside of Hogwarts castle, and now walked down the pathway that would bring them to the Quidditch pitch. Despite the sun slowly setting in the distance, warmth still radiated from somewhere within the world, clinging to Lux's skin as she absorbed it into her lungs with a deep breath.

The Quidditch pitch stood proud, its presence almost strong in style as they approached it. A couple dozen students were scattered amongst the stands, as Sirius parted from her, motioning for where she should go.

"Enjoy the show," he said, flashing her a wink.

"Did Sirius Black just wink at you?" was the first thing Lux heard as she rushed up to the stands, finding a seat next to Mary and Lily, the former sandwiched in between the latter.

Lux was silent, fumbling for a response. What was she supposed to say? What did they want her answer to be?

Lily leaned over from where she sat, peering around Mary to meet Lux's eye. "Did he really?"

"He did!" Mary insisted before Lux could speak. "I saw it."

"Well, that's no surprise." Lily tossed her fiery red hair over her shoulder, reverting back to her original position. "You're drop dead gorgeous, Lux. Of course Sirius is all over you."

"Thank you," Lux said, gulping. Was she supposed to compliment Lily back? Lily was pretty, and she supposed she ought to, since she'd complimented her first. Was it even true, though? Lux had nothing to go on, no memory of her own appearance. For all she knew, Lily was lying straight to her face.

"He and I used to date," Mary jumped in, causing Lux to sigh in relief that she was no longer on the spot. "He's a shit boyfriend, so I wouldn't recommend getting serious with him. But if you do, I'm not miffed. It was a few years ago now, when he and I went out. No big deal, really."

"Getting serious..." Lux repeated, frowning. When her eyes traveled to meet Lily, she watched as the girl's eyebrows also furrowed together, green eyes riddled with an emotion Lux couldn't decipher. So, she spoke the truth. "I'm not going to get into a relationship with Sirius Black."

"Fair enough." Lily cracked a grin. "And I'm never getting into one with James Potter, so we're in the same boat."

Something about that statement made Lux's heart skip a beat.

"He is handsome, I'll give him that," Mary sighed as the tryouts began, resting her hand in her chin. "Someone as insufferable as him has no right to look that gorgeous."

Mary was right. Sirius was handsome, perfect in every way, between his silky black hair to his chiseled jawline, it seemed as though he was hand carved by the Gods themselves. Even Lux, who'd only ever had eyes for one man, had to admit as much.

Elias wasn't as handsome, not in the conventional way, anyways. He was more awkward, with flaming red hair and a smile that had a nervous twitch when she would go too long without speaking. Lux, who had always adored the sound of silence, had fallen in love with the one man who couldn't seem to bare it.

"Remus, Peter!" Mary cried out suddenly, waving her hand in the air.

Lux felt her stomach plummet to the floor as she follows Mary and Lily's gazes towards the pathway, in which the two boys were rushing up to the stands.

"Sorry," Remus panted as he climbed up the stairs, brow beaded with sweat. Peter was in even worse shape, hands on his knees as he inhaled light, sharp breaths. His skin had gone a glossy pale, and Lux twinged with a rare pang of sympathy.

"We got...caught up...at dinner..." Peter explained through heavy pants, taking a seat next to Lux.

Remus did the same, sitting down on Peter's other side, eyes avoiding looking at Lux as he peered around her to meet Lily's gaze. "What did we miss?"

"Not much," Lily said, waving a dismissive hand. "They just started."

"Sirius winked at Lux, though," Mary added without an evident purpose.

Lux felt her posture stiffen.

"Of course he did," Remus scoffed, his voice so low that Lux wondered if the other girls heard. Peter certainly hadn't, preoccupied by his quest for air.

She managed to keep quiet, restraining herself from retaliating. Even if inside her mind, a bell was ringing, telling her that she could go for Sirius after all. If not to spite Remus, he could be a distraction, a way to help her move on from both Elias and Philip and the imprints they had left on her. Different in shape, yes, but they both scarred the same.

Remus too had scars, though, and a softer part of her urged to learn where he'd acquired his. Surely not from the same way hers had come about, from mistakes she'd never be able to undo, but perhaps he too had dealt with an abusive hand. Maybe that was why he was so rough around the edges, as Lily had put it.

Love or hate, it's all the same, Fulk had said the night prior, his smooth voice echoing in the back of her mind. All a weakness.

And Lux didn't care.

Reverting her attention, she watched as Sirius seemingly made the Quidditch team, succeeding in his task of flying through a few hoops and hitting a bludger around with a bat. During her first excursion at Hogwarts, she'd had little care for the sport, and it seemed as though her mentality had remained the same this time around.

But Sirius did well from what she could understand. and when tryouts were over, he was pumping his fist in the air with triumph. Marlene and Dorcas had also made the team, though were much more modest about it, simply talking to themselves with bright, accomplished grins spread across their faces.

"Did you enjoy the show?" Sirius asked Lux, approaching her as she stepped down from the stands. She nearly tripped over her own two feet as she went fast enough to put a significant distance between her and Remus, who was lingering behind her.

"It was fascinating," she lied through her teeth, voice sped up as she continued her trek onto the pathway.

"Fascinating, that's a new one." Sirius chirped, though when he noticed her not stopping her brisk pace, he tossed his broom to the side and rushed through the grass to catch up with her. "Oi, Luxie, where are you going?"

"Luxie? What kind of name is that?" She heard Remus question from behind them. Too close, he was too fucking close.

A realization slammed into her. She could say she didn't care as much as she wanted, but the beating of her dead heart would always prove otherwise. She couldn't stop herself from fearing Remus Lupin any more than she could've stopped Philip from murdering Elias that night.

Sirius retorted something in response, but Lux was already too far away for them to hear, racing through the grass in something just short of a run, not stopping even when Lily called out her name.

She rushed up to the Gryffindor common room, not so much as slowing down until she was in her dorm, wrapped within the comfort of her own blankets.

Her dreams, when she finally met them, were consumed with flames.

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