His head hurt, every muscle in his body and his heart ached. Despite all of that, he was gaining his consciousness back, so he forced his eyes to flicker open only to come across with bright blue ones staring down at him with concern in them. "I fainted, didn't I?" Stiles managed to get out a few words and watched as his friends sigh in relief. "We are all alive." He stated the first idea popped in his head, immediately realizing his mistake as he watched the grief washing over his best friend's face.

"Yeah, we are okay."

Stiles Stilinski had never questioned his best friend's words before that moment. Scott didn't lie to him and even when he tried to lie he would turn into a stuttering mess and come clean to him. However at that moment, he had this smile that just looked sad and he had a reassuring expression on his face. Stiles couldn't bring himself to believe in him.

Surely, nothing felt okay when Ash was not even looking him in the eye, when Lydia was crying over her best friend and her former crush, when Isaac looked like the kid Stiles used to see back in freshman year (so small and in pain). He didn't feel okay either, not really.

That day (which was supposed to be their victory) they stood together, everyone grieving in their own way, being together but feeling lonely. Ash was not even looking at him and Stiles couldn't look at Scott; it felt like a spiral that was endless.

Perhaps, that was the reason why Stiles was standing at the door step of Chris Argent, just to talk to Isaac Lahey. 'Cause he did not feel strong enough to face Scott or Lydia but also he just needed some type of closure.

Stiles didn't blame the Argent's for being surprised by his presence nor he took offense at his lack of small talk. The man just let him in, gestured a room down the hall and left him be. Well, once he was this close to a one on one with Isaac, Stiles wanted to bale. Then he thought about a sweet smile and remarkable dimples, that encouraged him to push forward.

"I doubted my senses for a moment there," Isaac said the second he stepped inside her room, finding the curly headed boy sitting at the edge of the bed with a picture album in hand. "What are you doing here, Stiles?"

"Why, is it weird that I wanted to check on my buddy?" Isaac glared at him and Stiles scoffed. Right. No sarcasm when you have to be mourning. "I just wanted to check on my best bud's buddy, then. Can I come in?"

Isaac's glare turned into an impassive stare, as if he was just realizing that Stiles was still dangling by the door step. He made a head gesture to invite him in. Stiles kept his silence for a while, as he took in the boxes all around the house and the room in general. Uncharacteristically, he kept his thoughts to himself for a moment or two. It was unbearable but he wasn't able to find the will to speak in himself.

"For real, Stiles. Is everything alright?"

Isaac closed to photo album and placed it next to himself while Stiles sighed. "I heard that you're moving away? Scott will never ask you to stay 'cause he thinks it might be good for you but he does need you 'round. I don't know why I'm here either. I don't want to face Lydia or Scott and I know we never had a heart to heart before but don't you think we lost enough and you-"

"Don't do this," Isaac interfered without looking at Stiles. "I'm aware. Blame me all you want but I can't stay. I... I even thought about bailing on the ceremony. Did Ash send you? I thought he wouldn't-"

"Ash? Why would he send me?"

"He was here a few hours ago. He saw a future where I would ran away without saying goodbye and he came to talk me out of it. And it worked, if you're here because of that. I won't leave without talking to Scott, okay?"

Stiles gaped for a while with thoughts lingering inside his head, parting his lips then pressing them together. Ash and Isaac, that was an interesting duo right there. Then, his frowned at the thought ıf Isaac leaving without a word. Even he would've felt frustrated, he couldn't imagine what Scott would've felt. "I'm sorry Isaac, for not being there for you," Stiles started and he tried to ignore the confused look on Isaac's face. "You had been there for Scott and- and Allison, you were there for us but I never was there for you. I hope you don't hate me."

'Cause everyone else might hate me, after the things I've done. Maybe you won't.

"I don't. I don't think I ever did. Strongly dislike, was more likely. Like I would let you die but I wouldn't want to kill you?" Isaac said with a serious expression and Stiles snorted, shaking his head lightly. "With that being said, you weren't that bad for these past few months. At least when you weren't possessed and all. Now you're officially on my list of people that I would try to save."

Stiles felt a bit lighter, huh. Ash was a genius for pointing out his jealousy towards Isaac because honestly he hadn't even realized it before. "Lest be real though, we would've been too salty together."

"We have Scott to balance our pessimism."

"Yeah, we do," Stiles chuckled and for a brief moment they both smiled. It was odd how grief was momentarily forgotten but it was also always there. "We'd still make a good team. Maybe when you come back?"

"I'll think about it, Stilisnki."

[...]

Stiles Stilinski sat in silence, alone, and slightly cold. At least he was in his jeep, even the smell provided him a some kind of familiarity. He felt a bit safer, trying to ignore how nervous he felt. It was a hard task when it was just so quiet and his breathing sounded too loud, the tap of his own fingers on the steering wheel annoyed him, he just didn't stop either.

Desperation and anxiety were making him do things beyond reason. Like, sitting inside his car & having an imaginary chain of conversations so that he could get mentally prepared.

It was almost natural for him to cry out in joy instead of surprise when Ash Mallory stepped inside his car and sat on the passenger seat, with causal movents. "Thank fuck, you're here. I was having a bit of an internal crisis here. How did you know- oh, right. Do you know how this conversation is supposed to go 'cause I'm flying a tiny bit blind here-"

"Stiles," Ash cut in with sympathy in his eyes. He looked so cozy with his overly big black sweater and grey sweatpants, and didn't look like he was about to faint. That was a change. "I just saw the jeep parked outside, I didn't predict this, or write this. At this point, I don't even know."

Stiles sighed and tried not to cringe at his own awkwardness. He always knew the right things to say. Well, he always had something to say and half of the time he came out of rude or arrogant (probably both) but he usually had something to work with. For the past few months things had been different. Honestly, it was all different and rather strange when it came to Ash anyway.

"Are you okay?" Oh god. Stiles was a genius! Of course he is not okay, what are you thinking dumbass?

Thankfully Ash didn't point out to obvious and just shrugged. Stiles was just registering how small he looked as if he had shrunk and became one with the passenger seat. Ash was watching his own hands, finger nails were extremely short. Huh, he bites his fingers, then. "I'm going back to Eichen," said Ash, sounding sheepish. "I-I don't think I'm ready yet. Ms. Morell had been trying to cover me in my absence but my dad can sense something is weird with my sudden discharge."

Stiles' jaw clenched and he struggled to keep his façade up. "You wanna go back there?"

"Of course I don't! I don't want to return completely. I will just enroll myself into a part time program and I'll come home at weekends, I'll have a lighter schedule and all. So, no. I'm not okay, neither you are. Or Lydia or Scott or Isaac or Kira or Malia- you have been living inside this crazy story for too long, Stiles. None of you are okay. We all need a break."

"Break from what?"

"Personally I need a break from all of this! I want to process it all, I want to grief and I... I can't do this with you around. At least not now."

Stiles wanted to cry but he didn't. He just inhaled and exhaled, he blinked rapidly as he looked away. The one person who didn't see him as a monster had finally realized it all. "I get it. I remind you of him, he hurt you pretty bad."

The need of snatching his hand away from Ash's when he placed it on his was strong. A bigger part of him wanted to be closer though. "That's not it, I promise. Surely it did take a toll on me. I've things I have to accept on my own. I see that Scott hadn't told you yet and I can't bring myself to do so right now. But you are strong and you don't need me-"

"I think I do though," Stiles cut in, his voice was faint. This was all so serious for his taste. "Without you, I couldn't have survived Eichen House. But I understand, if you need time. Just don't fool yourself thinking you didn't help, 'cause you did."

They sat in silence for a while, that wasn't filled with awkwardness. Just understanding. Stiles was overwhelmed with it all, Ash was right, he had known Ash for what, a week? It felt a lot longer. And It was selfish of him to want to keep Ash around just because he made everything easier. Stiles understood as he kept on thinking, he had been depending on Ash too much ever since he had stepped inside Eichen, a place where he had no one to hold on to. Now it was odd to let go.

He eventually did.

They shared a tight hug, Stiles' stomach flipped as he registered how thin Ash was, it all felt like a goodbye and Stiles hated it.

"I should get back, before my dad realizes my absence."

"Okay."

"They all need you. I can almost hear your thoughts- they still need you. Probably always will," Ash had grabbed the door handle while speaking. They weren't looking at each other. "Like, they would lose their shit if you'd happen to vanish."

Stiles chuckled at Ash's lame attempt to brighten the mood, and then they held eye contact. Ash was smiling faintly. "Take care of yourself for them. And me."

Ash pressed a kiss to his cheeck, it was so sweet that Stiles thought about his favorite ice cream all of a sudden. And like that ice cream, it was gone too soon, it was not enough, Stiles desired more and was left with a delightful feeling inside.

[...]

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

was this too dramatic? i don't know. they just lost one of their best friends and also lost an ally, kinda a friend?( i love aiden lol) in my opinion, the worst thing about teen wolf, especially besides season 1 & 2 that it doesn't acknowledge the fact that they are just kids?? and they just fought against an evil spirit. they just lost people they loved. they had been tourmented for weeks.

ugh, anyways!! what a long author note... im just feeling overwhelmed after writing this.

also, can you see how much i love isaac though??

if you are still reading this, i love you and i hope you are having a great day.

let me know what you think xx

also; dedicated to @tarxntino you're lovely!!