Rose

I heard the taxi driving down the gravel road towards the cabins from my spot on the porch. Still, I was hesitant to move my feet, to grab my luggage behind me and say goodbye to the faded walls of wood that had grown into my home. The taxi came to a stop in the centre of the clearing, puffs of dirt rising and clouding the clear blue sky.

I felt a soft hand on my back. "Ready?" Sebastian asked. I glanced behind my shoulder to find his dark eyes waiting for mine. His face was unreadable, the sort of mask he used to hide too much. But I saw the sadness in his eyes, they weren't dark enough to hide his pain.

Grabbing Sebastian's hand in mine, I stood up. "I guess," I said, letting loose a sigh. His mouth quirked up into the smallest of smiles as he pulled my luggage behind us, down the short road before stopping beside the taxi.

"I never got to tell you a ghost story," he said. Sebastian's eyes were trained on the trees. He looked far away, lost in another time.

I chuckled as I wrapped my arms around his waist, breathing in the scent of him, remembering the feel of him. "We lived a ghost story," I reminded him.

His head snapped back to mine quickly, eyes suddenly burning. "I don't want you to leave," he said, lips moving too quickly. "We didn't have enough time."

I ran my fingers along the scruff on his jaw. "We'll keep in touch."

Sebastian sighed. "You mean that?"

"Yes," I said too quickly. I willed my face into a mask to hide the lie. From the way Sebastian smiled, until his eyes crinkled at the corners, I knew he bought it.

I still didn't know if I would return to this inn. Or if this time away would be quickly forgotten once I returned back to my old life. Sebastian told me that he loved me, and I knew I could love him, too, if we only had more time. Now, with distance lingering between us, I doubted his love for me would remain once I got into that taxi and left this world.

It was easy to fall in love in the wild. With a sky that stretched on forever, days that turned slowly into nights and stars that shined too bright, it felt like you were sitting on the edge of the world. That anything was possible; even love.

But, unlike Sebastian, the wild wasn't my home. I was a city girl, used to lights that drowned out the sky until not a star was in sight. Trees weren't my home, buildings were. I couldn't be the wild girl Sebastian wanted. I couldn't live here until I slowly faded into the trees, another girl for him to love that felt trapped in a forest she doesn't belong in.

The taxi honked and we both jumped. Sebastian swore under his breath, rolling his eyes at me. I forced myself to laugh, to squeeze his hand a little tighter in mine.

"I'll call you," I said, reaching up to kiss his lips. I was never one for goodbyes. Caleb didn't get one. It felt wrong that Sebastian should.

Sebastian's hands grabbed my waist tightly, like he never wanted to let me go. I sighed against his mouth one last time, knotting my fingers into his hair. My heart lurched in my chest, trying to break out. I shoved it further down, locking it up somewhere where it could no longer reign free.

"I love you, Rose," he said, holding my face firmly in his hands. His eyes searched mine, burning, branding. I knew they would soon haunt my dreams.

It would have been so easy to love Sebastian, too. And that was the hardest part.

I nodded once, kissed him one last time, tried to remember what it felt like to be on the cusp of love, then pulled away. Sebastian's eyes burned into my back as I stepped into the taxi, luggage in tow. I watched him from the window. With the glass between us, it was easier to pretend this wasn't real. That he wasn't truly mine.

The car began to move and I breathed again, warm tears sliding down my cheeks and stopping at my lips. I only glanced out the window again when I heard him call my name one last time. The car slowed down into a stop, Sebastian's head appearing at the window, eyes wild.

I rolled it down slowly. "What is it?" I asked. Sebastian's eyes traveled my face, following the paths the tears had fell; the path they were still falling down.

"Rose... I just...." He reached through the space between us until his fingers found my face. "Don't forget about me," he whispered. And then I knew that my mask wasn't as great as I once thought, because Sebastian had seen right though it. He too had known this was goodbye.

I placed my hand on his, leaning into his touch. "I won't," I said.

His lips tugged into a smirk. "You're not as good as hiding secrets as you once were," he said.

I laughed, leaning my head closer to his. "I could never forget you, Sebastian," I said. "Not even if I wanted to." And that's the worst part. Satisfied, he smiled before kissing me. I pulled back too soon, gently patting his cheek. "Take care of yourself, all right? Cut your hair, please," I teased.

Sebastian nodded, laughing as the car began to drive away. I turned my head to watch him recede into the distance until he was simply a speck against the trees, blending into the wild until he became it. I looked away shortly after, focusing on the journey ahead.

____

"Mother?" I called, stepping into my house. I eyed the walls, covered in soft yellow paint instead of faded wood. The room smelt like vanilla, not the faint remains of a campfire and burning pine. I stepped through the room wearily, wondering how the space could be home but feel nothing like it.

Footsteps sounded from down the hall before my mom walked into the room. Her hair fell longer now, grey at the top. She smiled at me. "Rose," she whispered, like I was an illusion that would fade if she spoke too loud. She closed the distance between us quickly until I was in her arms. Her hug was missing its familiar chill.

"Hey Mom," I said, awkwardly patting her back. There were tears in her eyes when she pulled away. "How've you been?"

My mother nodded, crossing her arms tightly over her chest. "I..." Her voice trailed off. "How was your stay in the inn? Did you find what you were looking for?"

I felt my face stretch into a smile. "I think so," I said.

She watched me, seemingly unable to decide what to do. Time apart had made her distant, more so than usual. "I made your favourite dinner," she said suddenly, hand gesturing to the kitchen. That was when I realized that my mother knew I would be coming home today. That, maybe, a small part of her was looking forward to this.

I followed her into the kitchen, forgetting my luggage at the door. I wasn't in a rush to unpack. We sat and ate, for once it wasn't in silence. I told her about the Purple Woods Inn, leaving out the details of the man with eyes like a black hole. I spun my mother a tale of healing, one that made her smile as she chewed on her food.

I left out the details. I left out the truth. I guarded Sebastian and the time we shared close to my heart, another secret to linger behind my eyes. Another past love that never made it.

"And how are you feeling now?" she asked, eyeing me from above her glass. "About Caleb," she added.

I placed my fork on the table, folding my hands into my lap. "Better," I said, smiling. "I feel better, Mom. I miss him still, a lot. I think I always will. But the pain... it's there, but it's lighter." I paused, chewing on my lip. "I can live without him," I whispered. "It's hard, but I can."

My mother nodded as she reached across the table. Our hands met, folding into the other. "Yes you can," she said, voice stern. "That's what we do, Rose. We love, and then we move on. It happened to me when your father died. And now, it happened to you, too. I wish it hadn't," she whispered.

I watched my mother, now noticing the strength in her movements— the strength I had never saw before. She was always so cold, her distance seeming to block out the rest, the good parts, too. But now I could see her for who she was: a woman hardened by death. A woman whose heart had broken and never really healed.

I looked at my mother and for once, I understood. For once, I saw myself.

And so I sat up from the table and I closed the distance that had been between us for too long. I hugged her, tightly, until my arms began to ache. I could hear her crying and feel myself crying, I still never let go. Because people always left too soon, but my mother was here. And that had to count for something.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," I said back.

I wondered how I could say those words to her so easily. Yet with Sebastian, they seemed stuck, buried somewhere deep beneath my heart.

_____

The last item in my luggage I unpacked that night was the photo of Caleb. I held it for a moment, reminiscing. I remembered the laughs, the conversations, the kisses and everything in between. For once, I didn't cry. Instead, I smiled as I stared at his too green eyes that were still so full of life.

"It was a privilege to be loved by you," I whispered. I hugged the photo one last time before placing it on my dresser, back where it belonged.

I wearily eyed the bag resting beside my door, the edges of the frame peeking out. With a sigh, I grabbed the painting and placed it on my bed. Sebastian stared back at me, long hair and eyes that matched the night sky. He was laying on my bed, fast asleep after we had slept together.

My heart began to ache as I ran a hand over the painting. I missed him already. Memories of the wild were already beginning to fade. The trees we spent hours walking through were just a blur of green. I tried to remember the path from my cabin to the clearing but I couldn't remember when to step right, or which tree meant that I was halfway there.

But Sebastian knew. Those trees were his home, and I knew he would never trade them for anything. Not even me. Sebastian belonged in the wild. He lived there. He would die there, too, in the trees. One ghost to take the place of another.

I stared at the painting, needing to remember how it had felt to lay with him. To hold him. To kiss him. To feel his skin on mine and hear his voice in the darkness. It would have been so easy to hide between the trees with him forever, but I was not a wild girl.

Eventually, when the pain began to fade, I placed the painting on the dresser, resting next to Caleb. The two looked odd side-by-side. One alive, one dead. I turned my head away.

When the clock flashed midnight, I opened my blinds and slipped into bed. I watched the sky, hoping to see the stars that shone too brightly back in the wild. Now, all I could see was an endless stretch of black. There was too much light here, it blocked out the stars.

I feel asleep wondering what Sebastian was doing. I found comfort knowing he was staring at the same sky, but he could see all the stars.

____

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hello hello. i didn't even realize i hadn't updated this in more than a month. i'm sorry, i'm horrible. anyways, the story is coming to an end. maybe 3 chapters left or so :)

thoughts on this chapter? do you think Rose will get her happy ending? i'm still deciding.